Alexithymia

Hours passed as Oliver lay motionless, head on Julie’s lap. She had somehow managed to drag him further into the alley, away from Talbot and Parnell; in case they were to wake. She wondered if anyone from her home noticed her absence. How long had she been gone? She wasn’t sure.

She looked down at Oliver, at his blissful face. Her fingers brushed the inky hair off his forehead. All that remained of his wounds were small bruises that were barely noticeable. She trailed her fingertips along his jaw. His skin was chilled, and smooth. In his stillness, Oliver reminded Julie of stone; a statue.

His eyes fluttered, lashes brushing against his cheek. She smiled slowly at him as he looked up. He reached up and held her fingers.

“Julie,” his voice sounded as though there was gravel in his throat.

“Hush,” she told him, giving his hand a squeeze.

Jade eyes continued to lock onto Oliver’s pale face still veiled in grogginess. Visions of his carnal state flashed behind her lids when she blinked.

“What are you?” she whispered, her voice cracking away on the last word.

“The worst person for you to be with,” he answers, eyes closing tight. His usually arrogant voice was barely inaudible; mere truth fuelling it. “Why didn’t you tell me to leave?”

“I did not wish you to,” she said slowly, glancing away from Oliver’s face. Oliver sighed, closing his eyes once more. She felt his body tense as he tried to sit up. Julie attempted to help, placing a steadying hand on his back.

“You should be careful.”

“I’m fine,” he said, flexing his shoulder in its rotator. “You shouldn’t be with me,” he said, fixing the full force of his eyes on her.

“I know, but I cannot help it,” she said, placing a hand on his. “There is just something about you.”

She leaned slightly towards him, only to have him lean away. Shame burned slightly in her face, and she looked towards the ground. Oliver’s fingers weaved around her chin, lifting it upward. He pressed a kiss to her cheek.

“Let me explain,” he said slowly, looking her more fully in the eyes. “I’m infected.” Julie tried to process his words, to find some kind of meaning in them, but she found nothing. Only confusion.

“What?” she asked.

“Infected.” he took a deep breath, “I’m not even sure what the disease is. But I do know that it wants to spread itself. It’s in my blood, my saliva. And when it does spread, the victim begins acting strange, and then loses their sanity altogether. That’s when we make them disappear. We only bring them back when they can act like normal citizens. Everyone we infect, which we try to avoid doing, has the serpent tattoo on their chest and bright red eyes. It’s the infection running through their body. And that’s why we can‘t be together. I don’t want- can’t -infect you.”

By the time Oliver had finished speaking, his eyes had drifted to the floor. Julie, on the other hand, had her eyes locked onto his pale face. She felt as though she was suffering from alexithymia; there were no words that could describe how she felt at that moment. Her mind searched and searched but found nothing. And so, she simply stared at Oliver until he looked up at her.

“Sorry,” he sighed, “I know that is a lot to process, but you need to know because others will come looking for Talbot and Parnell. And they’ll say you’re involved.”

“But they don’t know who I am,” Julie stammered.

“They can figure it out.”

The menacing note in his words hung in the air for several seconds. Julie’s heart beat against her chest; the only sound in the alley. Oliver, realizing what he’d said, stammered for an appropriate response, “Not that I’ll let them hurt you.” Julie smiled weakly and rose to her feet. Oliver followed suit.