The Inbetween
Chapter Sixteen
Jimmy smiled softly as he looked down to Earth to see Leana walking out of his parents’ house with a smile on his face. He was excited about the fact that she’d gone to see them, and that they were happy about the baby.
He hadn’t expected her to be this excited about having the baby after she’d nearly aborted her. After all, she’d been in a depressed state of mind, and he realized just how close she had come to almost committing suicide. It scared him to know that she may have prematurely ended her life, and ended the only chance he had at being a parent.
He watched as Fae gurgled in his arms before she wrapped her hand tightly around one of his fingers. She had taken a liking to doing that, and it was something that only made Jimmy realize just how connected he was always going to be to her. Even if she didn’t remember this time that she had with him here in the Inbetween, he knew that he’d still have these moments that he’d had with her.
He knew that even if she didn’t remember them, he’d always remember the way she held on to his finger and the way her wide eyes would look up at his, surprised and full of love as he took care of her in this place. He didn’t need to feed her or change her diapers since she wasn’t technically alive just yet, but he knew that he’d still have the memory of taking care of her and holding her in his arms. That was something no one was ever going to be able to take away from him.
“Oh, Hope,” he murmured as he looked down at the small infant. He smiled and couldn’t help but feel a few tears dribbling down his chin as he looked down at her. She was so innocent and small in his arms, and he felt almost like he shouldn’t be holding her for fear that he was going to drop her and damage her soul somehow.
“I love you so much,” he whispered in continuance before he leaned over to press his lips against her forehead. “So, so much. You don’t even know it, but you’re the most important part of my life,” he told her softly before he tickled her tiny stomach, making her giggle and squirm, pulling her out of the short nap she’d been taking.
She didn’t reply of course, but that didn’t mean anything to him. He didn’t need her to respond to his words for him to know that she loved him and depended on him…that she was happy and content here in this place with him.
She just giggled and then blinked before letting out a loud yawn, making Jimmy laugh and shake his head as he ran his free hand softly over the soft dark hair that grew on her head. She seemed like such an innocent thing, and he had no idea how he’d had a hand in creating her and bringing her to life. He didn’t know how he had earned the right to be a parent, especially since he’d never exactly been God’s Best Friend when he’d been alive.
He knew that when he’d been down on Earth, living out his life with Leana and their friends and family, he’d been more of a sinner than he had been a saint. He had partaken in every drug from pot to cocaine, though he was proud to say that he’d never gotten too addicted to anything, and that drugs had never ruled his life or changed the way he treated his family and friends.
He knew that he’d never been a bad person, but he’d never thought he’d done something that would earn him the right to be a parent. He was being given a gift that some people were never able to have, and though he wasn’t alive to experience it alongside Leana, he knew that it was still a gift that he wasn’t going to take advantage of.
He felt Hope tugging on his finger and looked down to see her giggling again as she looked up at him. She was obviously thrilled about being here with him, and he loved knowing that he was able to make his daughter smile, even though she wasn’t any more than a baby.
He knew that he’d do everything he possibly could to make sure that she had an amazing life and that she got whatever she wanted, if he was able to do that. He wanted to make sure his daughter didn’t need to struggle and that she was happy. He knew that eventually when she got older, she’d feel an absence in her heart because he wasn’t there. When it came time for her to graduate high school, she’d miss him there. When she walked down the aisle, it wouldn’t be him that walked her down the aisle and gave her away, it would probably be one of her grandfathers or perhaps a close friend. But he also knew that he was going to do his damndest to make sure that she was happy.
“I love you,” he told Hope, knowing that he’d said it just a few minutes before but not caring. He wanted to make sure that she heard him say it as often as he was possibly capable of saying. He wanted it to somehow stick with him, even though he wasn’t sure whether or not that would happen.
He sighed and then looked back down at Earth, watching as Leana made her way back to the house that they’d shared with one another. He knew that she’d been toying with the idea of whether or not she was going to sell the house. All he could hope for was that she didn’t sell the place. He wanted the house that they’d lived in to be the place that she raised their daughter. Of course, he could understand if living there was too personal for her, and that it hurt too much. But he was still hoping that she stayed there.
Leana sighed as she walked into the house before she closed the door behind herself, making sure to lock the door before she looked around the place, a small, sad smile forming on her face when she looked around and saw that even now, so long after Jimmy had left her here, the memory of him still filled these walls.
She remembered the times that he’d come home from tour and she’d be sitting on the couch watching the nightly news, or the times he’d kissed her and held her while they had been on the couch. She remembered the times that they had been in the kitchen, making dinners to eat with one another, or when they’d played in the backyard with each other, always ending up in the bedroom upstairs tangled in the sheets.
It hurt her knowing that he wouldn’t be here to make new memories with her. She loved him so much, and yet he was no longer here with her. She was no longer able to see him walk through the front door after being gone for four to six months. She was no longer able to cook his favorite meals for him after a long day at the recording studio, and she was no longer able to sleep with him in their bed, holding on to him tightly.
She knew that with this baby though, things were going to get better. She loved the baby, and she knew that she’d love it even more now, knowing that it was Jimmy’s. She could imagine turning the guest bedroom upstairs into a nursery and painting it in either pretty shades of light, rose petal pink or periwinkle blue, depending on whether or not the baby was a girl or a boy.
She knew that motherhood was going to be a challenge for her. She’d never been a parent before, and she knew that it was going to come with trials. She’d need to take a few classes, of course. She’d need to learn when to punish, how, and why. She’d need to learn all about how to help with schoolwork and how to draw the line between best friend and mother. But she also knew that it was a journey that she was more than excited to be taking. She wanted to be there for her daughter, and she knew that she could do it. All it would take was some hard work and some love.
He hadn’t expected her to be this excited about having the baby after she’d nearly aborted her. After all, she’d been in a depressed state of mind, and he realized just how close she had come to almost committing suicide. It scared him to know that she may have prematurely ended her life, and ended the only chance he had at being a parent.
He watched as Fae gurgled in his arms before she wrapped her hand tightly around one of his fingers. She had taken a liking to doing that, and it was something that only made Jimmy realize just how connected he was always going to be to her. Even if she didn’t remember this time that she had with him here in the Inbetween, he knew that he’d still have these moments that he’d had with her.
He knew that even if she didn’t remember them, he’d always remember the way she held on to his finger and the way her wide eyes would look up at his, surprised and full of love as he took care of her in this place. He didn’t need to feed her or change her diapers since she wasn’t technically alive just yet, but he knew that he’d still have the memory of taking care of her and holding her in his arms. That was something no one was ever going to be able to take away from him.
“Oh, Hope,” he murmured as he looked down at the small infant. He smiled and couldn’t help but feel a few tears dribbling down his chin as he looked down at her. She was so innocent and small in his arms, and he felt almost like he shouldn’t be holding her for fear that he was going to drop her and damage her soul somehow.
“I love you so much,” he whispered in continuance before he leaned over to press his lips against her forehead. “So, so much. You don’t even know it, but you’re the most important part of my life,” he told her softly before he tickled her tiny stomach, making her giggle and squirm, pulling her out of the short nap she’d been taking.
She didn’t reply of course, but that didn’t mean anything to him. He didn’t need her to respond to his words for him to know that she loved him and depended on him…that she was happy and content here in this place with him.
She just giggled and then blinked before letting out a loud yawn, making Jimmy laugh and shake his head as he ran his free hand softly over the soft dark hair that grew on her head. She seemed like such an innocent thing, and he had no idea how he’d had a hand in creating her and bringing her to life. He didn’t know how he had earned the right to be a parent, especially since he’d never exactly been God’s Best Friend when he’d been alive.
He knew that when he’d been down on Earth, living out his life with Leana and their friends and family, he’d been more of a sinner than he had been a saint. He had partaken in every drug from pot to cocaine, though he was proud to say that he’d never gotten too addicted to anything, and that drugs had never ruled his life or changed the way he treated his family and friends.
He knew that he’d never been a bad person, but he’d never thought he’d done something that would earn him the right to be a parent. He was being given a gift that some people were never able to have, and though he wasn’t alive to experience it alongside Leana, he knew that it was still a gift that he wasn’t going to take advantage of.
He felt Hope tugging on his finger and looked down to see her giggling again as she looked up at him. She was obviously thrilled about being here with him, and he loved knowing that he was able to make his daughter smile, even though she wasn’t any more than a baby.
He knew that he’d do everything he possibly could to make sure that she had an amazing life and that she got whatever she wanted, if he was able to do that. He wanted to make sure his daughter didn’t need to struggle and that she was happy. He knew that eventually when she got older, she’d feel an absence in her heart because he wasn’t there. When it came time for her to graduate high school, she’d miss him there. When she walked down the aisle, it wouldn’t be him that walked her down the aisle and gave her away, it would probably be one of her grandfathers or perhaps a close friend. But he also knew that he was going to do his damndest to make sure that she was happy.
“I love you,” he told Hope, knowing that he’d said it just a few minutes before but not caring. He wanted to make sure that she heard him say it as often as he was possibly capable of saying. He wanted it to somehow stick with him, even though he wasn’t sure whether or not that would happen.
He sighed and then looked back down at Earth, watching as Leana made her way back to the house that they’d shared with one another. He knew that she’d been toying with the idea of whether or not she was going to sell the house. All he could hope for was that she didn’t sell the place. He wanted the house that they’d lived in to be the place that she raised their daughter. Of course, he could understand if living there was too personal for her, and that it hurt too much. But he was still hoping that she stayed there.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Leana sighed as she walked into the house before she closed the door behind herself, making sure to lock the door before she looked around the place, a small, sad smile forming on her face when she looked around and saw that even now, so long after Jimmy had left her here, the memory of him still filled these walls.
She remembered the times that he’d come home from tour and she’d be sitting on the couch watching the nightly news, or the times he’d kissed her and held her while they had been on the couch. She remembered the times that they had been in the kitchen, making dinners to eat with one another, or when they’d played in the backyard with each other, always ending up in the bedroom upstairs tangled in the sheets.
It hurt her knowing that he wouldn’t be here to make new memories with her. She loved him so much, and yet he was no longer here with her. She was no longer able to see him walk through the front door after being gone for four to six months. She was no longer able to cook his favorite meals for him after a long day at the recording studio, and she was no longer able to sleep with him in their bed, holding on to him tightly.
She knew that with this baby though, things were going to get better. She loved the baby, and she knew that she’d love it even more now, knowing that it was Jimmy’s. She could imagine turning the guest bedroom upstairs into a nursery and painting it in either pretty shades of light, rose petal pink or periwinkle blue, depending on whether or not the baby was a girl or a boy.
She knew that motherhood was going to be a challenge for her. She’d never been a parent before, and she knew that it was going to come with trials. She’d need to take a few classes, of course. She’d need to learn when to punish, how, and why. She’d need to learn all about how to help with schoolwork and how to draw the line between best friend and mother. But she also knew that it was a journey that she was more than excited to be taking. She wanted to be there for her daughter, and she knew that she could do it. All it would take was some hard work and some love.