The Inbetween

Jimmy felt content with the fact that Faith was staying with him for at least a little while. It was something that gave him a little bit of peace in his mind, especially when he was so worried and stressed about what was going to happen once Hope was born. He still didn’t know if he was going to end up here in the Inbetween forever, or if he’d somehow find his way to Heaven.

He still hadn’t figured out how to let go of those he’d left behind. He knew that he wanted them back, but that wasn’t possible. He was dead and they were alive, and he needed to get that through his head. There was no going back, and there was no way he wanted to bring them to him. He wouldn’t wish that on anyone.

He pushed his hand back through his hair and decided that today was going to have to be the first day of moving on. He wasn’t going to look in to Leana’s life and see how she was doing, no matter how much he wanted to. He needed to trust in her inner strength to get her by and help her get through the coming days.

The thought of her moving on in life was somewhat bittersweet for Jimmy. On the one hand, he definitely wanted her to move on. She couldn’t live her life wanting to be with someone who was dead and couldn’t come back and comfort her in life. But the thought of her being with another man somewhat saddened him. She had, after all, been the woman he’d spent the majority of his time with when he’d been alive.

He had truly believed that he and Leana were going to be together forever. Even if they hadn’t been married according to California state law, he’d loved her and she’d loved him. They’d loved each other enough so that they didn’t need to prove it by having some huge marriage ceremony. He’d trusted her and likewise, she had trusted him. Neither of them had ever had any thought that they’d cheat, and that had been the driving force behind their relationship.

He could envision the two of them raising Hope together. If he was still there, he knew they’d have a happy little family with one another. They’d be content with each other and that they’d be peaceful with each other.

“Thinking about that life won’t make moving on any easier, Jimmy,” Faith’s voice said from beside him, softly pulling him out of his thoughts. He blinked and then looked down at her, wondering what she was talking about before he nodded, stretching out his legs.

“I know it won’t,” he muttered before he pushed his hair back off of his face.

He didn’t know what else he was supposed to think about, though. He had spent the majority of his time here since Hope had been delivered to him thinking about the life his daughter would lead and the things he wanted her to have and accomplish during her life. It only made him sad to think about that because he knew he wouldn’t be there with her. He wouldn’t walk her down the aisle, see her high school graduation, or see her off to college, if she decided to take that path in life.

“Thinking about anything doesn’t help much,” she whispered. Jimmy lifted his head and looked over at Faith and he could tell that she was speaking from experience. It was only then that he realized she’d gone through the exact same thing he was going through now.

“I’m sorry,” he said blankly before he stretched his arms out above his head. “I can’t stop thinking about it though. I have all these thoughts running through my head.”

“You’re wondering how her life is going to be without you in it,” Faith said softly. “You’re wondering if she’s going to hate you, and you’re wondering what she’s going to think about the fact that her father isn’t there to guide her through life, right?”

“Yeah,” he muttered, shaking his head. “That’s exactly what I’m thinking about, Faith.”

She gave him a small smile before moving closer to him, touching her hand lightly to the side of his arm. She traced her fingers along several of his colorful tattoos before she raised her hand to touch the side of his face.

“Her life is going to be wonderful,” she whispered as she looked into his eyes before she pecked the side of his mouth lightly with her lips. “She won’t hate you; you’re her father, and even if you’re not there, she’s going to love you. And she’ll understand that sometimes, a parent doesn’t need to be physically present in order to guide their child.”

Jimmy shivered, the feel of Faith’s lips on his skin almost too much for him to handle. It had been awhile since he’d felt those feelings going through his body and he was glad that she wasn’t afraid to be here with him.

Neither of the two of them said a word before they sat down underneath the tree, Jimmy’s arm wrapped around her neck, her head resting on his shoulder. He was glad to have her here to comfort him right now, and especially when there was no one else here to comfort him.



“I think this one is adorable. It’s going to be such a cute outfit for her,” Leana heard her mother tell her softly before she pushed her hand back through her hair. The outfit that her mother was holding up was a little pink onesie, and although it was cute, it wasn’t what she was looking out.

She wanted a little boy, even if she’d love a little girl just the same. She knew that either way, this child was Jimmy’s and that it was something she’d always have of him, but she wanted a little boy so that he could carry the Sullivan name. She wasn’t sure if that was what her parents would want, since Jimmy wasn’t here, but it was what she was going to do. This child was Jimmy’s last gift to her, and she wanted him or her to bear his name.

“Sweetheart, you need to show a bit more enthusiasm,” her mother murmured when she saw the downcast look on Leana’s face.

She just gave the older woman a small nod, even though she didn’t quite feel like smiling or really even participating. She was wondering what she was doing here right now; if it was too soon in her opinion.

She didn’t feel right baby shopping right now, especially when it was still five months before the baby was going to be born. She wanted to find out what she’d be having first, so that she didn’t waste any money on clothes she wouldn’t use on the child, and she wanted to wait and make sure everything went according to plan with the pregnancy as well.

“Mom, it’s just a little…”

“Don’t say soon, Le,” her mother cut her off with a small frown. “It’s been three months. He’s gone, and as regrettable as it is, there’s nothing you can do about it. You need to move on.”

“Trust me, Mom, I know,” she muttered before she pushed her hand back through her hair. She thought about it for a minute before she shook her head, putting the outfit back on the rack. “I can’t do this right now. I need to breathe.”

She didn’t say another word as she walked out of the shop and towards the car that she’d driven in. Her mother had driven here in her own car as well, so she didn’t have to worry about how she was going to get back to her own house.

She didn’t understand why her mother couldn’t wrap her head around the fact that it was so hard for her to move on. Jimmy had been such a huge part of her life for so long that no one should expect her to be over it in just a few months, even if she was slowly picking up the pieces of her shattered heart and putting them back together.

She knew that she had to move on. She wasn’t stupid and she wasn’t naïve. She couldn’t live her life for a dead man who couldn’t give her the physical comfort that she needed. She would eventually find another man and love him, of that she was sure. She knew they’d never be Jimmy, but then again, she knew that wasn’t what she wanted. She just wanted someone who could love her even if she was a little bit damaged.

But for right now, she wasn’t thinking about moving on. Right now, all she wanted was to go home and think about Jimmy and the life they’d shared together. She’d curl up on the couch, put in a home video of the two of them, and let herself reminisce. Just for tonight, she thought to herself, she was going to think about Jimmy and what they’d had with one another.