The Inbetween

“I need to go back, Jimmy,” Faith murmured a day or two later as they sat underneath the tree. She was holding Hope in her arms, and Jimmy’s head was rested on her shoulder. It was something that made him feel comfortable, having her here. He didn’t know how to say that he didn’t want her to go, but he knew that she needed to. She’d already moved on from the Inbetween; it was time for her to return to her new home in Heaven, where hopefully Jimmy would join her after Hope’s birth.

“I know.”

Just because you know doesn’t make it easier, Jimmy told himself mentally before he pushed his hand back through his hair as he stood up.

Faith gave him a soft smile; a smile that told him that she didn’t want to go, either. Both of them had fallen into a familiar sort of lull again. They enjoyed being able to spend their time with one another. They enjoyed being able to touch one another and have each other near.

“I’ll come back and visit you here again,” Faith told him with a serious look in her eyes. “I know that it helps you and if that’ll help get you to Heaven, I want to be able to help.”

Jimmy nodded and allowed her to hand him his daughter before he pressed his lips against the corner of her mouth. It wasn’t so sexual as it was endearing. He wanted her to know that he cared about her, even if they would never be able to have a consummated relationship like most people could.

“I’d appreciate that, Faith,” he murmured before he hugged her tightly.

Faith smiled and then started walking towards the small spot that would take her back to Heaven. Jimmy didn’t want to get any closer to her than he was right now because it was going to be hard to see her leave.

As soon as she was gone, he felt Hope squirm in his arms and he looked down at her with a small smile on his face. He was happy that even if Faith had needed to leave, his daughter was still here. It felt so strange being able to think that to himself.

He was going to be a father in five months. Granted, he wouldn’t be there in all the ways most fathers were. But he would be a parent nonetheless and that was something he was proud of. He knew that being a father was changing him, even if he only got a chance to be a father for a few months.

He smiled when he looked down at Hope. He knew she had a wonderful, amazing life ahead of her. She would grow up to be a beautiful young woman and if he could, he’d make damn sure she got everything she wanted out of life. He wanted her to have it all because he knew he wouldn’t be able to give her the one thing she’d want most someday—a father who was there for her and there to talk to.

He could only hope that she’d know he hadn’t done anything on purpose. He hadn’t died because he’d wanted to; he would never have done that to Leana or to their friends and his parents. He would never have wanted to put them through that kind of pain. And he especially never would have committed suicide if he’d had even a small inkling that he was going to be a father.

He was just hoping that the next five months passed by with no major incidents. He didn’t want his daughter to get hurt and he didn’t want to risk losing her. He knew that Leana was being careful throughout the pregnancy and as long as Jimmy could make sure her soul didn’t get damaged, between the two of them, Hope would be born happy and healthy.

“I want you to know how much I love you, Hope,” he murmured as he looked down at his little girl. The infant was sleeping soundly in his arms, her hand wrapped around one of his fingers and he enjoyed being able to hold her like this.

She gurgled in response to his words, but didn’t open her eyes as she continued sleeping. Jimmy laughed quietly to himself, just glad that she was getting a chance to spend this time with him. He knew it was just as important to her as it was to him, even if she wouldn’t remember these five months before she was born.



“Hey, Leana! Look over here! Look at this, baby!”

Leana’s eyes welled up with tears as she watched one of the many home videos she’d forgotten that she had. It was one of her and Jimmy in their senior year of high school and he was acting like an idiot, like he always had back then. But more than that, the love he had for her was clearly evident in his eyes; even back when they’d only been seventeen and eighteen-year-old kids who didn’t really have the first clue of what love really was.

This was the worst part of Jimmy not being here anymore. She wanted to be able to turn and see him on the couch, laughing with her at their old memories, but she knew that would never happen again. Jimmy wasn’t here and he would never be here again.

“I see you,” she whispered in response to him as she watched the video playing on the television screen. He was climbing a light pole on the corner of the block his parents’ house was located on and he looked absolutely ridiculous doing it in cut off shorts, a bright orange tie, and dyed blonde hair. But she didn’t care what he looked like; she never had, if she was honest with herself. She loved Jimmy for Jimmy, even back then. Nothing about the way Jimmy had dressed or looked had any impact on the emotions she felt for him. She still felt so strongly for Jimmy that it was hard to imagine herself ever moving on and finding someone else to love in. Jimmy was her soul mate; what was she supposed to do now that he was gone?

“Watch out, you idiot! You’re gonna—”

Leana let out a laugh as Matt’s voice was cut off by a large crash, coming from Jimmy as he fell off of the light pole with a sickening loud crunch on the concrete. She remembered that day. He’d managed to somehow not break any bones except for one of his fingers. It had made everyone laugh and it was just another little thing that made Jimmy who he was. He’d seemed indestructible then; hell, she’d never thought he’d die before she did. So what had gone so wrong in the last few months? Why was he gone and she was still here? It wasn’t right; even after so long since he’d left, she didn’t think it was right.

Leana knew it was going to take a long time to fully get over Jimmy’s death. She would probably never get completely over it; he had, after all, been the only man she’d truly ever loved in life. She’d thought they’d be together and she’d never thought it could end the way it had. So no, she didn’t think she’d ever completely forget the way he made her feel. But she knew that eventually, life would have to go on.

Eventually, she’d need to find someone else to give her love. She’d find someone that could fill the void, even if it was a falsified filling. She’d find someone who could make her feel less lonely; someone who would be there with her through the long nights that she just wanted to curl up into a ball and cry. And those were the times she needed to look forward to. Those were the moments that would eventually help to pull her through life without Jimmy.

But that didn’t make it any easier for her to accept and it sure as hell didn’t make it any easier for her to understand. Looking up at the screen again, more tears started to form in her eyes when she saw the camera focused in on her and Jimmy. He was holding her off the ground, her body flung over his shoulder. He had a huge, shit-eating grin on his face and happiness in his eyes that she missed. She just wanted those days back. If she could go back, she wouldn’t take one minute with him for granted. But she knew that she couldn’t get those days back and that was what saddened her. She just wanted him back, but she couldn’t. But at least she had the baby to look forward to, she thought to herself. At least she could look forward to having his child with her for the rest of her life.