The Inbetween

"She's only a little while away from being born, Jimmy. You need to start letting go of her now," Jimmy heard Jared tell him a few weeks later as the two of them sat in the Inbetween. Jimmy just bit his bottom lip, wondering which her the younger boy was talking about.

Was he supposed to start letting go of Hope, or was the boy suggesting that he needed to start letting go of Leana? Because he already knew that he was never going to be fully able to let go of his daughter. He loved her too much; he'd gotten too attached to her in the last seven months that he'd had her in his arms.

Today, she was slowly crawling on the grass in front of the two of them, a happy smile on her face and nonsensical sounds leaving her mouth whenever she saw something that fascinated her. Jimmy felt his eyes water just a little when he realized that he wasn't going to have these moments with her in just eight short weeks, if not a little bit earlier.

"Who?"

He didn't bother to put any more into his sentence, not really wanting to hear an answer. He was devastated by the fact that he was going to have to leave his little girl. She was going to spend her whole life with her mother and whichever lucky son of a bitch she chose to allow to be Hope's father figure. He wouldn't be there with him. His eyes widened when he realized just how bitter that had made him sound.

He'd thought he was over his death and the fact that he wouldn't be able to raise his family with Leana. He'd thought that he was over the fact that she'd have to go on with their daughter alone. He bit his bottom lip when he realized that he was still just as torn up about it as he always had been.

"Both of them," Jared told him with a soft smile on his face before he pushed his hand back through his hair. "Hope can't be born properly if she's got someone holding on to her from this side. It could hurt her, Jimmy. And Leana can't be the mother she needs to be for Hope if you're holding her back. It's time to move on."

Jimmy wanted to lash out at the younger boy. He wanted to tell Jared that he had no idea what he was talking about. After all, the younger boy was only fourteen; about half of Jimmy's age. He hadn't lived nearly the kind of life that Jimmy had when he'd been alive. Sure, the boy had faced hardships, but nothing like Jimmy had.

He knew that wasn't fair of him to think and just as soon as the thought formed in his head, it was gone. He didn't understand why he was going back and forth between being bitter and angry over this to going to calm and almost comatose. It didn't make sense to him.

"They're my family, kid," he muttered under his breath, not saying anything else.

Jared nodded and then looked up at Jimmy before he looked back down at Hope, who was slowly starting to crawl further and further away from Jimmy. It was obvious to him that the little girl was getting more comfortable out of her father's arms. She was starting to explore for herself. She'd started to pull away like she knew she needed to.

"Look at her," Jared told Jimmy, hoping that maybe this would be a good example. He didn't want to see anything bad happen to Jimmy and he knew that the older man's chance to find his peace in Heaven was drawing to a close.

He wasn't allowed to tell Jimmy that if he couldn't let go of his earthly life, he'd be damned to purgatory. And that was more of a Hell than that of the real hell. Jimmy would never be able to see Faith again; he'd never be able to see his family again once they entered Heaven. He'd never get a chance to redeem himself to the Inbetween and he wouldn't get a chance to live peacefully like he deserved to.

Jimmy lifted his head and looked down at his daughter, a smile creeping on his face when he saw the little girl crawling around on the grass, occasionally stopping to grab at dandelions or tall pieces of grass. She was having so much fun and she looked so happy where she was.

It was then that Jimmy realized she was happy right where she was; standing away from him and on her own. Even Hope knew she needed to let go of him to be born, and that was something that hit him a little bit.

He didn't want to cause his daughter to be born in any manner that might hurt her. He wanted to see his daughter be born healthy and happy, just the same as he wanted her to live a life full of sunshine and love. He knew she'd have the support system she needed down on Earth. His parents would always be there for her, and she'd have one hell of a mother. And the guys; they'd be there for her too, Jimmy knew that. They might not be extremely close to Leana but Jimmy knew that they'd be there for Hope if she ever needed them. That was when he realized that Jared was right .

Holding on to Hope and Leana was the selfish thing to do. It was him that still needed time to heal; Leana had already started getting over his death completely and Hope...Well, as much as she'd depended on him up until this point, it was clear to Jimmy that she was ready and alright with the fact that she'd have to live the rest of her life without him there to guide her.

"Do you see it now?" Jared's voice asked softly.

Jimmy just bit his bottom lip, unsure of how he was supposed to answer the boy.

He did see it and he knew that it was true that ne needed to let go of them. But how was he supposed to do that now that she was so embedded in his soul? Would he still be able to see them from Heaven? He sure as hell hoped so, he thought to himself.

"You can," Jared answered his unspoken question. "You'll be able to see them if you really want to, Jimmy. And when they need you, you'll be able to be there for them. But you can't do that if you don't let go of them now."

Jimmy groaned inwardly, knowing that he needed to let go of his family. He had to; there was no choice. He pushed his hand back through his hair and then closed his eyes after taking one final look at his little girl.

Let go, he told himself silently, the two words like a mantra as he told them to himself over and over again. With each time that he spoke the set of words, he felt his heart becoming a little bit less heavy; he felt the burden he'd felt on his shoulders starting to chip away, leaving him feeling just a little bit more relieved.

Let go, Jimmy. It'll be alright. They'll be okay without you, he told himself finally, tears starting to fall out of his eyes when he thought that to himself. He didn't want them to be okay without him, as selfish as that sounded. But he knew that they would be and he knew that for both of their sakes, he needed to let go.

And then, right in the middle of his silent chant, he felt it happen. His heart felt complete again and his shoulders felt light, like he had no worries in the world. He opened his eyes and looked down at his daughter, seeing her sitting there looking at him with a small smile. Even she seemed to realize what had just happened.

Jared smiled proudly. Jimmy had done it, he told himself happily. Jimmy had found peace with the fact that he was dead; he'd found peace with the fact that he wouldn't be there to raise his daughter. Jared was more than happy for the older man. He'd known that this was what Jimmy needed and he was just happy he'd found it.

All he could hope for was that Jimmy didn't regress now. Now that he'd let go and found peace, he needed to keep that peace and hold on to it tight until it was time for Hope to be born so that she could be born happily and healthily, and Jimmy could join everyone in Heaven.