The Inbetween

"Jimmy, it's time. You have to let go of her now," Faith said to Jimmy a few days later as he stood beneath the tree, holding Hope in his arms. The baby girl was struggling to pull free and Jimmy knew that it meant that she was ready to be born. For the last few days, she'd been acting quite antsy, pulling away from Jimmy and going further and further away from his watchful eye. Yes, he thought to himself. He knew it was time.

But that didn't mean he was ready to let go.

"I can't let her go, Faith," he whispered as he looked down at the little girl in his arms, tears starting to form in his eyes as he touched the baby's soft face with his hand before he looked up at Faith. "She's..."

"Her mother needs her," Faith murmured as she hugged Jimmy. "And she needs the chance to grow, Jimmy. You're strong enough to let her go. I know you are."

He felt tears starting to slip out of his eyes as he looked one more time down at Hope before he lifted her to his shoulder so he could give her a firm hug.

"I love you, baby girl," he whispered in a cracked voice as he touched the side of her face before he bit his bottom lip. "I love you so fucking much and I'm going to miss you. But someday we'll see each other again, okay?" He murmured before he pressed his lips against her cheek.

She just gurgled in response and then touched his hand with hers before she started trying to pull away from him again.

Jimmy just choked out another sob before he carefully set her down on the grass. He didn't know how he was going to be able to function without her. He loved her so much and he knew that his heart was going to feel empty without his daughter there with him.

But he also knew that he couldn't let her be stillborn just because of his selfishness. He needed to let her go because Leana needed her now. Hope and her mother needed one another and he knew that. It didn't make it any easier letting go, but he knew it was something that he needed to do.

"Jimmy, it's going to be okay," Faith murmured as she sat beside him before she leaned her head onto Jimmy's shoulder. "It's going to be fine. She's going to grow and be a very happy, strong little girl and it's all because of you."

He just let out another sob before tears started clouding his eyes. He was devastated at letting go of his daughter. He watched her as she wandered around the grass, looking happy as could be.

He wondered if she knew this was the last time he was going to see her until she died. It was heartbreaking to think of it that way, but he couldn't help it. Would she even remember the nine months she'd spent with him since she'd come here?

"Goddamn it," he whispered before he turned to face Faith. "Why does it have to be so hard? Why can't...Why can't it be different?"

Faith gave him a sympathetic look before she wrapped her arms around Jimmy, knowing that he needed to be held right now. She pressed her lips against his forehead before she touched the side of his face.

"Because this is how you needed to get into Heaven," she told him in a soft voice. "This was a growing process for you, Jimmy. You're ready now. You've let go of everything that was holding you back."

He lifted his head to watch Hope again, knowing he didn't have too long before she would be heading down to Earth in order to be born. She seemed to realize that he was watching her and lifted her head to look up at him. When he saw her eyes, he couldn't help but feel his own mist over all over again.

She understood. She had tears beginning to well up in her eyes, but she didn't say a word or make any move to get closer to him as she reached her hand towards him. She was going to miss him, Jimmy realized. She knew that this was her last few moments with him.

"I love you," he told her before he reached out his own hand towards hers. Before he could say another word, he watched as Gabriel, the angel he'd had an earlier conversation with some months before, appeared.

"You've done well with her, Jimmy," Gabriel told him with a proud smile as he picked the little girl up in his arms. "She'll have a happy, peaceful life because of how you took care of her."

Jimmy just brushed the tears out of his eyes before he stood up. "Will she make it to Heaven?" He asked, knowing that he probably wouldn't be given that answer.

Gabriel sighed and gave Jimmy a sympathetic look before he looked down at the little girl, who was still crying. "It's up to her, Jimmy, just like it was up to you. If she wants to be here, she will be," he told her before he disappeared.

Jimmy didn't know how to feel when he watched Gabriel disappear with his daughter. In one single moment; one split second, his daughter was gone and he knew it would be years before he ever saw her again, if she decided to come here. It broke his heart and he didn't know anymore if it had been worth it.

"Come on, Jimmy," Faith's voice said from beside him before she touched the side of Jimmy's face. "It's time to go now."

He nodded and then turned one more time to look at the tree. He couldn't believe he was finally getting out of the Inbetween. He was finally getting a chance to go to Heaven; where he'd wanted to go in the beginning of all this.

It had been a harder journey than he'd thought it would be. He hadn't thought he'd miss home so much; hadn't thought he'd face so many difficulties and so much pain. He hadn't realized that being here in the Inbetween was going to both heal him and break his heart at the same time.

He took a deep breath and then lifted his head to look up at Faith before he nodded, letting her grab his hand as she started leading him towards the same place she and Jared always appeared from whenever they came to visit him from Heaven.

He had no idea what was awaiting him when he got there. Would his loved family and friends that he'd lost while he'd been alive be waiting there for him? Would he be able to meet some of his heroes? Or would it just be full of old people in hospital gowns playing pinochle and eating pistachio pudding.

"It's nothing like that, Jimmy," Faith giggled from beside him before she turned to face him with a bright smile on her face. "Heaven is whatever you decide it is. It....Can have me, if you want it to."

Jimmy's eyes widened at her words and he immediately understood everything that had just happened and everything that had been happening since the beginning. He hadn't realized until this moment just how much he cared about Faith; how much he loved her, even if his love for her was different than his love for Leana was.

He nodded and then took her hand in his before he closed his eyes as Faith did so too. He took a deep breath, wondering what awaited him on the other side. He had no idea what was going to happen or if he would enjoy it. All he knew was that things were changing and as much as it broke his heart, he was ready for it.