The Inbetween

Loss of hope rather than loss of life is what decides the issues of war.

Faith wasn’t quite sure she could relate to the ‘war’ part of that quote, but it was how she felt right now, she thought to herself. With each day that was passing by in the Inbetween, she felt life—and hope—slipping through her fingers, and she didn’t think that she could stop it from happening. She didn’t know what she was doing here anymore. She didn’t even know if she belonged here anymore.

Jimmy had taken away a little of the loneliness and hopelessness that she’d been consumed by when he had arrived, but he hadn’t completely erased it. Now that the two of them were used to one another’s company, it almost became a ritual for the two of them to sit in their own corners of the Inbetween. She would sometimes watch him from the corners of her eyes and wish that she could be like what he was.

Jimmy seemed to thrive on his own thoughts. He was the kind of man who could sit by himself for days, perhaps even years, and be perfectly content with himself. He was another breed of sanity that was borderline insanity, but she found that she wished she held that kind of personality. He was a genius in his own rights, and he had a sense of calmness and serenity that seemed to radiate off of him in the midst of the coldness that was the world they lived in. Faith wished she had that.

She hadn’t ever known someone like him, and that was what had immediately drawn her to him in the first place when he’d been placed here with her to help take care of the lost and the oppressed souls on Earth that needed them. He cared so much about people, even people he’d never met before. He had so much love inside of his heart that it was almost too much to be around sometimes.

She knew that her days here were limited. Even if she wasn’t hopeless right now, she only had a certain amount of time in the Inbetween. Heaven was waiting for her, and even if she didn’t want to leave Jimmy here alone, she was close to that point. It wasn’t a choice she made, it was made for her. And she could tell that her time with him was coming to a close. She didn’t know how to break it to him, because she knew that he had become attached to her.

In a lot of ways, Jimmy was like a stray pet to Faith. He had been lost, alone, and scared when he’d arrived in the Inbetween, even if he had never admitted that to her. He had no idea what was going on; if he was dead or alive, or if he was going to hell. He had no idea what was going to happen to him, and Faith had come along and helped him out of that rut. She had shown him how to survive here; she had shown him what their ‘job’ was, and she had shown him a whole other world of opportunity and emotion. And she didn’t want that to end. She didn’t want to leave him here. Like with stray pets, he had become someone she cared about. She was just as attached as he was, and her heart ached at the thought that he would be here alone not so long from now.

“Faith?”

She looked up when she heard someone say her name, and she felt a swelling in her heart when she saw Jared standing there. He looked just as he would have if he were in the Inbetween instead of in Heaven, though he had a light glow around his edges, as if he were an angel of some sort. She supposed he was. They all were, in a way.

“Jared, what are you doing here?” She asked him softly before she pushed her hand back through her hair. She knew that he only could have gotten here if he was sent, so she wanted to know what his message was. Though, a part of her already knew. And it made her heart feel heavy with sadness.

“It’s time, Faith,” he said softly with a small smile, putting his hand on her shoulder lightly. His touch felt warm to her skin, and it almost seemed like he was taking a weight off of her shoulders. “You’re ready to leave now.”

She sighed, and then looked over at Jimmy. He was watching her carefully with his large blue eyes, and when she saw the look of recognition pass over his face, she had a feeling that he had figured out part of what was going to happen to her. He got up and slowly walked into her half of the Inbetween before looking at Jared with a soft smile.

“Hi, Jared,” he told the younger boy, who just looked up at him with a small smile before he cleared his throat as he looked back down at Faith. Jared’s eyes had some sadness in them as well, and she could tell that it wasn’t easy for him to pull her out of the Inbetween, either.

“Hello, Jimmy,” he told him before looking back down at Faith. “You’ve still got some time. I’ll come back when you’re ready,” he murmured before he started walking away. Faith watched as Jimmy followed him with his eyes, obviously wondering where in the hell the young boy was going.

“What was that all about?” He asked her, sitting down on the lush grass beside her before he let his hand pass back through his dark hair. He gave her a small smile before he leaned over to give her a hug. Somehow, Faith felt like his hug was a little more than friendship. She felt like it was a little romantic, and that made leaving even more painful.

“Jimmy…” She murmured before looking down at the grass, feeling a few tears in her eyes. Dying had been easier than this, she thought to herself. When she had died, she didn’t have a chance to say goodbye, and though she had often thought that she would regret that, she now realized how much of a blessing it had been. When you knew that you were saying goodbye forever, it was the hardest thing in the world. And though she knew that this wasn’t a forever kind of goodbye, it would be long enough. She didn’t want to leave Jimmy, and she didn’t want him to be here alone. She cared too much about him, but she knew that the rules wouldn’t be changed just because she had gotten attached. In life, you had to learn to say goodbye. In death, you still had to say goodbye. And she hated that.

As if he could tell that something was wrong, Jimmy wrapped his arms tighter around her before he pressed his lips against her forehead in what she thought was probably meant to be a friendly kiss. “You can tell me what’s wrong, Faith. You know I’ll be here to listen,” he murmured quietly.

But she couldn’t. She just cried, and he held her. His shoulder became wet with her tears as she clung tightly to him, somehow hoping that maybe if she held on to him tightly enough, she wouldn’t have to leave him. He could tell that something was seriously wrong, but he didn’t want to push her. He had learned that people always cleared their chests in their own time; Faith would tell him what was on her mind and what was hurting her heart when it was right for her.

“Jimmy, I’m…” She started again, knowing that she only had a few minutes left to talk. “I don’t have much longer here in the Inbetween. I haven’t explained some things to you yet,” she murmured softly as she pulled away from him, pushing a hand back through her hair before a shaky breath left her lungs.

“What…What haven’t you explained?” He asked her, worry in his eyes. He seemed to have forgotten the fact that she was already dead, and thus couldn’t die again. She saw the aching feeling in his heart, and it stabbed her. She wanted to take that pain away from him, even though she didn’t know how.

“When we’re assigned to the Inbetween, it’s only for a certain amount of time,” she whispered, looking up at his blue eyes. “And then, when our time is up, we’re taken up to Heaven. We stay there for good, and we don’t come down here. I was brought here to show you what this place is about, and how to do what it is that we do. I was brought here to be a guide dog, if you will. But now, you’ve learned what you need to know and I need to go,” she whispered.

She saw the hurt in Jimmy’s eyes, and it made her look away. She was already tearing up, and she didn’t want to see him start crying too. It would be too much for her to handle. She was already standing on a cracked foundation as it was; she didn’t want to shatter.

“But you said that we were a team,” he told her quickly, forgetting all about the fact that he had always known all along that something like this had to happen. “You said our souls are compatible. Why do you have to leave if that’s true?”

Just like that, Faith realized, Jimmy had turned into that lost little puppy she had adopted. She pushed her hand back through her hair and moved to hug him tightly. “I don’t want to leave, Jimmy. It’s not a choice, it’s a given. I have to leave,” she whispered, leaning her face into his neck before she let out a strangled sob.

Jimmy didn’t know how to comprehend what she had told him. Earlier, he had no idea that this was going to happen, and now, it seemed his world was crashing down around him. Faith was someone who had been his rock while he’d been here. He did things on his own, but like a little kid who wanted his mother’s praise, he had always made sure that he did the right thing by asking Faith if he’d done what needed to be done the correct way. He didn’t understand how he could do this job if she wasn’t there by him. he didn’t know if he was strong enough to face the Inbetween without her there with him.

“What if I’m not ready?” He asked her weakly, reaching up to brush some tears out of his eyes. He was desperate to find a loophole in the goddamn rule that was taking her away from him, and he could tell that his words hurt her. But he needed a way. He needed her.

“You are ready though, Jimmy. You’ve been ready for awhile now,” she murmured softly before touching her hand to the side of his face with a small smile. “You can do this. I know you can. I have faith in you,” she chuckled softly before she leaned in carefully to brush her lips over his. He wasn’t sure what it was supposed to mean, but he knew that he liked it. Her kiss made him feel alive like he hadn’t ever felt, even when he had actually been alive.

“No, I’m not,” he whispered, shaking his head desperately before he tried to cling to her arm as she stood up. “Faith, don’t leave me,” he told her, trying to grab onto her. She just gave him a sad smile and leaned down to hug him once more before she started walking towards Jared, who was standing at the edge of the Inbetween. As she left, Faith couldn’t help but feel tears forming in her eyes.

She had thought dying was the hardest thing she had ever done. But now, she knew that saying goodbye to Jimmy was far harder.