The Inbetween

For the first time in his life, Jimmy was completely alone. He had no friends here to keep him company, and Faith was no longer sitting next to him watching the people on Earth. He was truly, one-hundred-percent alone, and he hated it. Jimmy had always been a very social soul; he’d always had people around him, and to be here alone in this place made him wish he was in a more permanent state of death. He hadn’t minded the Inbetween so much when Faith had been here with him; she had helped him to learn everything that he needed to know, and she had been a shoulder to cry on when he was depressed. But now, he was here by himself. And he didn’t know how he was supposed to deal with that.

Since she had left, he would admit that he had somewhat shirked his responsibilities on Earth. He hadn’t paid as much attention to lost souls as he should, and he felt guilty for that on top of everything else. He imagined that if he was alive, this kind of feeling would make him suicidal, but that was the ironic part of all this—no matter how depressed he got, no matter how much he wanted to end it all…he couldn’t. He couldn’t die because he was already dead. So how was he supposed to get over these horrible feelings that had started to build up in his heart?

Ever since she had left, Jared had come to visit him a few times. Every time Jimmy would ask about how Faith was doing, he would change the conversation, which was his way of letting her know that he didn’t want to talk to him about it. Sometimes, Jimmy wondered if it was better for him. All his life, he’d always thought that talking less about something meant that it would be less painful, and that was all he wanted.

Today, though, was a painful day all around. His friend Jason’s wife had been pregnant, and the baby had died seven hours after it had been born. Jimmy hated to see his friend so shattered, to see that look of pain on his face as he listened to the news that his child was gone, and wouldn’t be going home with him and his wife. And when he watched his friend’s heart break, he couldn’t help but feel his own shatter as well. Everything was piling up: the fact that the baby had died, the fact that he himself had died, and the fact that Faith was in Heaven now, leaving him alone with only his thoughts to keep him company. He didn’t know what he was supposed to do about any of this anymore.

“I just don’t know what to do anymore,” he murmured to himself, feeling tears starting to fall out of his eyes before he looked down through the clouds again. It was the first time he’d allowed himself to cry since Faith had left him, and it was the first time he’d ever cried alone. There was no shoulder for him to cry on right now; no arms willing to pull him in for a much-needed hug. All he had was his own to hands, and those would only brush the tears away.

“Jimmy.”

The voice was small, almost a whisper, but it was still there. His head spun around and he smiled when he saw Jared standing there. He’d developed a somewhat-friendship with the young boy ever since the day he’d seen him die, and he was grateful that he was here now. Even if he wasn’t Faith, he knew where Faith was and how she was doing, and that was important to him.

“You’ve got to let the pain go, Jimmy,” Jared told him quietly before walking closer to him. “It’s only going to hurt one person in the end, and it’s you. You already know she can’t die again; your existence here is only temporary.”

Jimmy sighed, knowing that the younger boy didn’t understand. Though he was an angel now, in a way, he was still only a child; he still only had the mind of a child, and he didn’t understand things like this. Jimmy didn’t blame him, but he didn’t know how to explain to Jared that when you loved someone, you couldn’t stop the hurt even if you knew it wasn’t good for you.

“It’s not that easy,” was all he muttered, looking at Jared before he pushed his hand back through his hair, letting the pads of his thumbs wipe the tears out of his eyes. “When you care about someone…when you love someone, it’s not as easy as just telling yourself to stop feeling it.”

Jared blinked, unsure of what he was supposed to say before he nodded, clearing his throat. “I’m just trying to help you make this easier on yourself, Jimmy. She can’t come back to the Inbetween after being pulled out; it’s one of the rules that we have to follow. And you can’t leave the Inbetween until your time is up. It’s just how things are done,” he murmured, obviously not liking what he was saying.

Jimmy sighed and nodded, though he wasn’t happy with what had been said either. “Can you do me one favor?" He asked the young boy, who nodded. Jared owed a lot to Jimmy; even if the tall man hadn’t saved his life, he had tried, and that meant a hell of a lot to him. When Jimmy saw that Jared had agreed, he cleared his throat before continuing to speak. “Will you see if there’s anything you can do to make sure my friend’s baby is okay?” He asked softly, pushing his hand back through his hair.

Jared sighed, knowing that what Jimmy was asking a lot. “I’ll see what I can do,” he agreed before he turned to walk away. Jimmy didn’t understand why the young boy could just vanish like it was a refilming of the movie Ghost, and he wished that he could do it, too. He wished he could just disappear and go to Heaven, but he knew it was a little less simple than that.

He took a deep breath and then looked down at Earth again, seeing his friends gathered in the hospital. It reminded him of the way they had been the day he had died; all of them were there, and all of them had tears in their eyes. Some of them were angry because the baby had died, others blamed the doctors, but in the end, it was the same scene on a different day.

He knew that he needed to return his attention to making sure that people on Earth had a guardian here in the Inbetween. Those lost souls considering suicide had no one else looking out for them; they needed someone that was on their side, someone to be there for them, and Jimmy was the only person that could be there for them. Faith couldn’t help them anymore; Faith was gone. It was all on Jimmy’s shoulders now.

He didn’t want to let them die just because he was depressed, so he pushed his hand back through his hair, closed his eyes, and allowed the ‘magic’ to happen. It didn’t take him long to feel someone’s need for him, and he allowed his body to stand and start walking towards the tree that Faith had first introduced him to.

When he got to the place that had been calling him, he couldn’t help but feel the cold, clammy feeling of despair, desperation, and anger brushing over his body like an icy hand. Standing in front of him, tears running down her face, knees pulled up to her chest, and a razor sitting on the floor beside her, was Leana.

“I c-can’t do this anymore, Jimmy,” she whimpered before she before she reached down to grab the razor. Jimmy didn’t know if she could physically see him or not; hell, he didn’t even know if he was supposed to be here because of how close he was to her. But he was here, and he wasn’t leaving now; not until he was certain she was going to be fine and that she wasn’t going to take her life.

“Baby, you can’t do this,” he murmured into her ear, dropping to his knees and wrapping his arms tightly around her. He wanted to make her feel that shroud of warmth and protection that she used to feel when he was alive, and holding her was the only way he knew how to do that. “You’re strong, Le. You’re so strong; you’ve got to get through this,” he added in an almost desperate tone.

Leana was far too choked up and emotional to say anything ,and he groaned before he started to push his hands back through his hair. She just continued to sob, mumbling about how much she missed him and how broken she felt like her heart was. Jimmy knew better than anyone else how heartbroken she was; how bad it was for her to even hear his voice on an old voice recording or see an old home video of him.

“Leana, you’re strong,” he urged her again, holding onto her shoulders and looking into her wide eyes even if she couldn’t see him. “You can get through this, baby. I know you can. Just forget about me, okay? Forget I was ever in your life,” he whispered, his heart aching as he spoke the words but knowing that perhaps it would be the best way to get her over his death.

Before he knew what happened, Leana lost control of her temper. “How could this fucking happen to me?” She asked angrily, screaming as she slid her hand over the mantle of the fireplace, sending everything flying off of the wood and crashing onto the floor, breaking all over the place.

“Leana, please baby, just—” Jimmy started, feeling himself cut off again when she sent another vase flying. He recognized it as something his mother had gotten for the two of them when they’d first started dating; she’d said that Leana was a flower in his life, and she’d gotten the vase as a symbol of that.

“It’s bad enough that you just…left me here!” She screamed, her sobs starting to wrack through her body again before she collapsed on the couch, pulling a pillow tight against her chest. “You left me here to rot, Jimmy! How could you do this to me? To us?”

Jimmy felt hot tears burning his eyes, knowing that everything she said was true. Even if he hadn’t tried to break her heart; even if he hadn’t meant to die, he had definitely left her alone, and it was heartbreaking to see her here like this. She screamed and pushed her hand back through her hair.

“And now this!” She yelled at the top of her lungs, sending more breakable items throughout the house before she kicked her feet at the couch. “I can’t fucking believe this! How could this happen to me now, of all times? Why are you letting this happen to me, Jimmy?” She whispered, sounding more broken than she had before.

Jimmy’s eyes dropped to a small piece of paper she had sitting on the coffee table, and he leaned over to look at it. His eyes widened when he saw the words written on the paper. Most of it was a bunch of medical mumbo jumbo that he didn’t understand, with big, complicated words that made no sense to his brain. But what he could definitely understand were the words written at the bottom of the paper in clear, large black ink.

You are approximately four months pregnant.