Little Devotional

With his eyes closed, James could hear all of sounds of the city below them. Engines revved, horns blared, and if he listened more closely, he could hear a couple arguing in the adjacent apartment. All of the noise around them was washed out by their own little inaudible melodies: her giggles, his own laughter, the labored breathing between them, the sound of her phone vibrating on the nightstand, unanswered.

He had the biggest urge to peek, just to see what Autum’s face looked like against his, but he couldn’t pull himself from the sensation of her lips against his, couldn’t bring himself back to reality. James felt like he was falling, but instead of being overwhelmed by fear, he was clinging to every second of the moment, relishing the feeling of losing himself.

When she pulled away, he opened his eyes to find her staring at him, trying to soak in every feature of his face, a half-smile playing across her lips. Her stare was met equally with his own as he tried to decipher the various shades of brown in her eyes.

As much as James wanted to savor the moment, he couldn’t shake the nagging thought at the back of his mind, and he couldn’t ignore the way that Autum’s muscles tensed at his touch. He knew that she was trying to keep her distance, but he wanted her so badly that her hesitance only pushed him even more.

He was determined to win her over, determined to make her feel for him in the same way that he ached for her. The way that her eyes melted when they met his let him know that there was something there, something she was trying to bury down deep inside of herself, and he just wanted to bring it up towards the surface.

She didn’t want to have feelings for him, but she did, and he knew it.

The soft tug of her fingers in his hair edged him on as his lips brushed against her neck. He almost wished her roommate Kandi would yank open the door and catch them there, listless and naked against her oatmeal-colored sheets. Everything would be so much easier if everything was out in the open. Autum wouldn’t have any excuses then, they could just be together.

That was all he wanted, just to be with her, just to grasp her hand in his as they walked together through the streets of Los Angeles, just to be able to hold her in his arms at night instead of having to go back to his apartment alone. He didn’t think he was asking for much, but things with Autum were complicated. Normally, he wouldn’t have bothered with the head games and all of the sneaking around, but something about her made all of his pain and desire seem worth it. He would play along if it meant he had a shot at winning her when it was all said and done.

James’s hands rested on her hips as his kisses grazed her stomach, the act his own personal devotional. She was the only thing he believed in anymore, the only thing in this city that felt real to him.

Autum was the first girl that didn’t automatically throw herself at him; she wasn’t intoxicated by his fame or his gorgeous features. She was the only one since his newfound fame that had been able to see past the flashing lights and want him for who he really was, and, in a way, he was able to reciprocate.

Even though Autum put up this front, built all of these walls to keep people away from her, he could still feel who she really was inside, scared and vulnerable. She wanted something real but didn’t want to risk losing herself in the process.

As he hovered about her, James couldn’t comprehend how she could deny the chemistry between them. As his hips rocked into hers, her nails dug deeper into his shoulders, and he knew that things would never go back to the way they were before.

With his name echoing through the tiny apartment, all the other sounds seemed to fade away into oblivion.