I've Got to Stop Calling Those 1-800 Numbers

Sahina-Lydia was just an average sixteen year old girl living an average life in an average, small suburban neighborhood .. or so she thought. Lonely and bored on a Friday night with no hot date and her parents out in El Salvador renewing their wedding vows, she heads to the basement with a bag of Cheetos, a bottle of Sprite and the house phone. Turning on the television to begin her routine of channel surfurfing she pauses on a home shopping channel. Bored out of her mind (plus with the nagging fact there was nothing else on) she watches to see if there was anything interesting to buy.

Her brown eyes widened when she saw what was for sale. A person. But, not just any person: William Beckett. Sahina slowly picked up the phone, mostly out of the shock that she's actually buying another human being (plus that it's fucking William Beckett) and dials the number.

Little did she know that this particular 1-800 number would be the start of the first day of her life.

"My life reads like the classifieds
Pages of what's for sale, what's on the auction block
Attention bidders, it's lot 45
he's got a decent voice, he's got that crooked smile
Hold on, you haven't heard the best yet:
He writes good storylines, he's got those honest eyes
So take him up for just $9.95
he'll sing the songs you like
he'll keep you warm at night."
Classifieds - The Academy Is...