Even If No One Believes Us

ten.

I was entirely confused. As I lay in bed, thinking about the day before and how Ryan looked so sick but seemed so willing to be in a relationship with me, I grew more and more impatient and needed to know what was wrong.

I walked downstairs, running into my mom on the way down and ignored her comments about where I was going. Walking across the yard, my heart pounded in my chest. I didn't know if Ryan was home or not, or if anyone was there quite honestly. Knocking on the door, I shifted back and forth between my feet waiting for an answer.

While I was staring at the ground, the door opened. Ryan's mom was standing in front of me. "Hello, dear. Ryan isn't home right now." She said. Her voice had a hint of sadness but her smile never fell from her lips.

"I was actually wanting to talk to you..." I knew it was a bold move. I had never really talked to his mom and I didn't really know how much she knew about me. I didn't know how close Ryan and his mom were but I needed to know.

She sighed and nodded, letting me into their home. "Would you like something to drink?"

"No, that's okay."

Together, we sat at the kitchen table. Her fingers tied her hands together in worry and she smiled sadly at me. "I'm sure I already know why you're here. Ryan isn't one for telling people much."

"I just care about him. I don't understand. I don't know how much you know but I do know that he looked so awful yesterday. I don't get why he changed so quickly." My heart started to pound. It didn't seem like a sickness that was going to go away. His mother sighed.

"When he was 10 he was diagnosed with cancer. He managed to beat it but it recently came back, right before you guys moved here. The doctors are saying it's more aggressive this time. We don't know how much longer he has."

Silence filled the air like a hot air balloon filled to the brink of exploding. I had just met Ryan and I didn't want to lose him just yet. I didn't want to attend his funeral three days after I kissed him. A good few minutes passed and Ryan's mom had her hand on my arm and only then did I realize that I was crying.

"It's ok, sweetie. I have faith that he will beat this again...he's so strong. And you know, he really---"

"Mom." A voice interrupted her thoughts. We both looked over and Ryan stood in the door way with a small bag of groceries.

"Ryan." I answered him, cutting in before his mom had a chance to speak. I watched him sigh as he put down the groceries. His entire demeanor changed in front of my eyes and he walked past us, brushing his hand across his mom's shoulder and motioned for me to follow him.

I felt like it was the longest walk I have ever been on. I followed him up the stairs into his room and once we were behind closed doors, he faced me.

"I didn't want you to know." He whispered.

I took a step toward him and touched his arm, he pulled back. "I'm sorry." I mumbled under my breath.

He sighed again and stepped to hug me. "I can't be with you, Lily."

"I don't care if you have cancer. Don't you just want to be happy while you're here? You beat it before, didn't you?"

"You don't get it!" He snapped, "I'm going to the hospital tomorrow to start chemo. I'm going to lose all my hair and I'm going to be sleeping all day and I don't know if I can fight it this time, Lily! I don't want to lose you while I'm already losing myself."

I didn't know how to respond so I stepped toward him and he allowed me to push him back so he was sitting on his bed with me next to him, my arms wrapped around him. "I'll be there."

"Where?" He asked, puzzled.

"Tomorrow, at the hospital."

"Lily..." he sighed again and looked at me, his face close to mine.

"Don't do this Ryan. You can't push me away, it's just not happening."

He laughed and shook his head, defeated. "You're too strong for your own good."

I nodded and he leaned forward to kiss me and a feeling of relief ran through my veins straight to my heart.
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Finally updated....years later...Sorry, just coming back people. Tell me what you think.