Even If No One Believes Us
two.
I finally got the room that I wanted. It was the only room that was warm in the house when I went on my room search. Of course, it was the attic, but it was still pretty sweet. It was pretty big too and even though I totally had to wrestle my brother for it I was glad I got it.
I only won the wrestling match after I hit Adam over the head with a lamp and he fell unconscious.
No, I would never do that. I just hit him over the head with a near by stuffed cat that we for some reason just had laying around. Except you would have thought it was a lamp by the way he responded, yelling and whining about how I hit him over the head and it hurt and he started whining like the huge baby that he is.
Then I just yelled after him asking him where his big bad muscles were now and he turned around and flicked me off but mom walked by at the same time and had a fit about how he was corrupting my innocence.
Mom, you’re a bit late for that, I wanted to tell her. My boyfriend back home already corrupted my innocence, if you know what I mean.
My mom also gave me this diary and told me to write all my feelings in it and it would be my friend until I found some when school started.
What the hell are feelings?
No one shares there feelings anymore. They just go to some doctor, act all crazy and shit and get pills to make them all, “wee” again and their perfectly fine and dandy like a baby on crack.
Then, to make matters worse the vent to my room is right above Adam’s work out space and the way he was breathing you would have thought that monkeys were having sex. Then, he totally farts and it smells like dead squirrel and I have to vacate my room for the rest of my life because I feel like I’m going to puke up everything I’ve eaten in the past sixteen years of my life.
While I was waiting for my room to be de-fumigated by my father, who had to wear a gas mask to practically just spray some nasty smelling shit in there to wash out the smell of my brothers deathly fart, my mom was trying to get me to help her make a Instant Aim thing so she could talk to me like we were cool like that.
No mom, we are definitely not cool like that.
I abandoned my mother and left her on her own to figure out to make an Instant Aim account and wondered outside only to be practically attacked by this beady-eyed rat snake dinosaur looking girl who insisted that I come over to her house and do god knows what with her dog and her.
After I told her I was new here you would have thought I was her new best friend because I had to stand there and stood glare at her as she talked to me like she was on some major crack drugs I decided to tell her to go take her medicine which resulted in her asking me which medicine I wanted her to take then continue on with talking to me. Her words were all smashed together which made it almost impossible to hear anything she was saying to me.
I decided I absolutely could not take anymore of this and so I just told her that I felt like I needed to go take a shit which made her back off a bit but she still decided to tell me to come sit with her and her friends at lunch which made me scared because god knows what issues her friends had.
While I was outside, Adam decided to leave the house after farting a bit more in the living room which totally make my parents and I gag
Then when he came back into the house he wondered why we all had our nose plugged and I looked at him like he was totally oblivious to the fact that our faces were practically green.
“That guy across the street is named Ryan,” he said while taking a bite of an apple he pulled from the refrigerator. “thank god you guys went shopping. Make some beans and rice for dinner tonight, mom.” he retreated up to his room to get on his computer and do god knows what.
My mom and I looked at each other with this horrified look on our faces like, “he does not need any beans because we do really not feel like dying this young’ or old in my moms case. Seriously, she was like a dinosaur, but not like that beady-eyed- rat snake dinosaur.
I also can’t believe that the guy next stores name is Ryan. I mean it kind of sounds like Rye Bread if you think about it. Rye-an. Rye-bran?
Well, okay, maybe it doesn’t but it’s still kind of funny.
There was a knock on the door and I excused myself so I could go answer it. It was probably another neighbor, hopefully not like rat snake dinosaur girl, to give us some sort of cookies or some shit like that and be all, “welcome to the neighborhood!” then get up in our grill about how they have a daughter Adam’s age and they should totally go make babies.
But then I opened it and it was Rye Bread standing there like a total dork but this time he had these sunglasses on like he was cool. He also had on these really cute jeans that I had the desire to steal and his hair was all wet. I assumed that he had just taken a shower and didn’t bother drying it.
Didn’t he know you could get a cold from having your hair wet outside?
News flash, Rye Bread, your not cool.
“Did you just insult my girlfriend?”
I racked my brain hard to figure out who I insulted in the past twenty four hours that was a girl and realized that rat-snake-dinosaur girl was the only girl who I could think of that was Rye Breads age and started giggling a bit because I seriously was starting to frown on Rye Breads distaste in girls now as well as how he treats them. Especially his new neighbor.
I smiled at him a bit and leaned against my door frame, “No, she was freaking out on me so I just told her I needed to use the restroom. Is there anything really wrong with that?”
“Nothing at all,” his voice sounded frightful, like if I had insulted her he came to warn me because she was some evil ninja who was going to attack me if I did it again. He eyed my clothes questioningly and I laughed at him, realizing I had on my purple sweatshirt that read “OHIO” in big letters on the front I guess now he knows where I live “Your from Ohio?”
“Do you have A.D.D, because you totally just changed the conversation”
I smiled up at him as he glared down at me. He was at least 6 feet and practically a giant compared to me Five foot five inch frame. I may be tiny, but so is bacon and bacon is sizzling just like me.
I decided to go with the famous quote, keep your friends close and keep your enemies further when I met him.
Wait, isn’t it keep your enemies closer?
Well, I didn’t want rye-bread anywhere near me so I think I’m going to re-write history and change it to keep your enemies further.
“No, I do not have A.D.D. but I do have SPD,” a grin came across his lips as he stared me down like prey.
“What the hell is SPD? Sexual Poop Disease? Does that mean you poop during sex? That‘s really nasty you know.”
His cheeks turned bright red and I knew I had won this battle. He turned around and stormed off back into his house but not before yelling that SPD was stupid person disorder and his stupid-dar was going off when he was near me.
Whatever, Rye Bread go fulfill your SPD.
I only won the wrestling match after I hit Adam over the head with a lamp and he fell unconscious.
No, I would never do that. I just hit him over the head with a near by stuffed cat that we for some reason just had laying around. Except you would have thought it was a lamp by the way he responded, yelling and whining about how I hit him over the head and it hurt and he started whining like the huge baby that he is.
Then I just yelled after him asking him where his big bad muscles were now and he turned around and flicked me off but mom walked by at the same time and had a fit about how he was corrupting my innocence.
Mom, you’re a bit late for that, I wanted to tell her. My boyfriend back home already corrupted my innocence, if you know what I mean.
My mom also gave me this diary and told me to write all my feelings in it and it would be my friend until I found some when school started.
What the hell are feelings?
No one shares there feelings anymore. They just go to some doctor, act all crazy and shit and get pills to make them all, “wee” again and their perfectly fine and dandy like a baby on crack.
Then, to make matters worse the vent to my room is right above Adam’s work out space and the way he was breathing you would have thought that monkeys were having sex. Then, he totally farts and it smells like dead squirrel and I have to vacate my room for the rest of my life because I feel like I’m going to puke up everything I’ve eaten in the past sixteen years of my life.
While I was waiting for my room to be de-fumigated by my father, who had to wear a gas mask to practically just spray some nasty smelling shit in there to wash out the smell of my brothers deathly fart, my mom was trying to get me to help her make a Instant Aim thing so she could talk to me like we were cool like that.
No mom, we are definitely not cool like that.
I abandoned my mother and left her on her own to figure out to make an Instant Aim account and wondered outside only to be practically attacked by this beady-eyed rat snake dinosaur looking girl who insisted that I come over to her house and do god knows what with her dog and her.
After I told her I was new here you would have thought I was her new best friend because I had to stand there and stood glare at her as she talked to me like she was on some major crack drugs I decided to tell her to go take her medicine which resulted in her asking me which medicine I wanted her to take then continue on with talking to me. Her words were all smashed together which made it almost impossible to hear anything she was saying to me.
I decided I absolutely could not take anymore of this and so I just told her that I felt like I needed to go take a shit which made her back off a bit but she still decided to tell me to come sit with her and her friends at lunch which made me scared because god knows what issues her friends had.
While I was outside, Adam decided to leave the house after farting a bit more in the living room which totally make my parents and I gag
Then when he came back into the house he wondered why we all had our nose plugged and I looked at him like he was totally oblivious to the fact that our faces were practically green.
“That guy across the street is named Ryan,” he said while taking a bite of an apple he pulled from the refrigerator. “thank god you guys went shopping. Make some beans and rice for dinner tonight, mom.” he retreated up to his room to get on his computer and do god knows what.
My mom and I looked at each other with this horrified look on our faces like, “he does not need any beans because we do really not feel like dying this young’ or old in my moms case. Seriously, she was like a dinosaur, but not like that beady-eyed- rat snake dinosaur.
I also can’t believe that the guy next stores name is Ryan. I mean it kind of sounds like Rye Bread if you think about it. Rye-an. Rye-bran?
Well, okay, maybe it doesn’t but it’s still kind of funny.
There was a knock on the door and I excused myself so I could go answer it. It was probably another neighbor, hopefully not like rat snake dinosaur girl, to give us some sort of cookies or some shit like that and be all, “welcome to the neighborhood!” then get up in our grill about how they have a daughter Adam’s age and they should totally go make babies.
But then I opened it and it was Rye Bread standing there like a total dork but this time he had these sunglasses on like he was cool. He also had on these really cute jeans that I had the desire to steal and his hair was all wet. I assumed that he had just taken a shower and didn’t bother drying it.
Didn’t he know you could get a cold from having your hair wet outside?
News flash, Rye Bread, your not cool.
“Did you just insult my girlfriend?”
I racked my brain hard to figure out who I insulted in the past twenty four hours that was a girl and realized that rat-snake-dinosaur girl was the only girl who I could think of that was Rye Breads age and started giggling a bit because I seriously was starting to frown on Rye Breads distaste in girls now as well as how he treats them. Especially his new neighbor.
I smiled at him a bit and leaned against my door frame, “No, she was freaking out on me so I just told her I needed to use the restroom. Is there anything really wrong with that?”
“Nothing at all,” his voice sounded frightful, like if I had insulted her he came to warn me because she was some evil ninja who was going to attack me if I did it again. He eyed my clothes questioningly and I laughed at him, realizing I had on my purple sweatshirt that read “OHIO” in big letters on the front I guess now he knows where I live “Your from Ohio?”
“Do you have A.D.D, because you totally just changed the conversation”
I smiled up at him as he glared down at me. He was at least 6 feet and practically a giant compared to me Five foot five inch frame. I may be tiny, but so is bacon and bacon is sizzling just like me.
I decided to go with the famous quote, keep your friends close and keep your enemies further when I met him.
Wait, isn’t it keep your enemies closer?
Well, I didn’t want rye-bread anywhere near me so I think I’m going to re-write history and change it to keep your enemies further.
“No, I do not have A.D.D. but I do have SPD,” a grin came across his lips as he stared me down like prey.
“What the hell is SPD? Sexual Poop Disease? Does that mean you poop during sex? That‘s really nasty you know.”
His cheeks turned bright red and I knew I had won this battle. He turned around and stormed off back into his house but not before yelling that SPD was stupid person disorder and his stupid-dar was going off when he was near me.
Whatever, Rye Bread go fulfill your SPD.