Secret Love Affair

I'm on a plane in first class...of course. Maybe Arabella would like me more if I told her I drank fancy wine in first class? I played with the radio button on the side of the arm rest.

One, two, three, four

One, two, three, four

One, two, three, four

It feels like I'm saying "ONE two three four" in a dance class.

ONE two three four

Its late at night right now. I don't know the exact time though. First class is pretty much empty except for the two business men a couple seats up front. I sigh and lean back in my chair. I had this feeling of loss in my gut right now. Lost this. Lost that. Lost my favorite bracelet while going through security.

Lost.

"I bet Arabella threw all my things in the hallway and kicked me out." I mutter to myself. I buckled my seat belt as the captain prepared for takeoff.

I'm leaving and not coming back.

Bye bye London...

I feel depressed.

And bloated too.

I looked out the window as we took off. I could feel the vibrations of the plane beneath me as I saw Big Ben and the Thames and the whole city. And somewhere down there was Dougie Poynter.
Probably sucking Megan's face...

I stopped looking at London, the place I have grown to love more than ever, and closed my eyes. I'm leaving...

I woke up with a start. Turbulence had awoken me again. Or was it my hunger? Well both sound the same so who cares really. And while I slept in my germ-city seat, under an itchy blue blanket, I had a dream. Well it was more of a nightmare. I was the bridesMAID at a wedding. Tom, Danny and Harry were best men. And Dougie? Dougie was the groom...in boxers and etnies. And Megan was the bride! And here I am, in a fat, ugly itchy pink dress, watching Dougie say his vows. And did I object when the judge dude asked if anybody objects? Hell yeah I did! But nothing came out.

oi...

Terrible nightmare.

I look around first class. We should be half way to New York. I'm sitting in seat A5 on flight #1108.
1108?

The number looked familiar. So did A5.

Now I know that I'm being totally stupid and loony but I'm going to check the arm rest for a scribbled-

"STAR?!" I burst out quietly.

OH EM GEE! OMG!

Heart Attack!

This is the same exact plane. Same exact seat where I met Dougie. We almost kissed in this seat! And after this brief moment of excitement, I am once again depressed.

Mood shifts...

Same plane. Same seat...

Then I lose it. All of it. I can't keep it in anymore. I thought I could be strong by myself but I was wrong. I shut my iPod off, turned out my light and threw on my hoodie.

And then...

I cried.

Hard.

Even hiccupped.

I cried hard but silently. I felt regret and sorrow and heartbreak and hunger and depression and all that crap all in one. This wasn't supposed to end like this. I started with crying when I got myself into this and I ended with crying as I got out.

I dragged my feet through the hallway to my apartment. I'm trying to get to my door very slowly. Its nearing the end of the morning in US time and I'm practically dead from jetlag. And I'm all out of tears.

August in New York is warm and sometimes humid but it’s getting cooler now since September is approaching. My eye lids are heavy and I crave a bed. My bed. That is- if Arabella didn't throw it out. I bet she's sleeping right now even if its day light outside. It feels so weird being in New York. The air and smells are different. I look in my messenger bag for my dust covered house key. I hadn't used it in months! And it feels weird being home. Well...IF this is still home. I unlocked the door and slowly open it. As I walk in, the familiar scent of the apartment greets me.

"Lara!" I am engulfed in a huge hug made by Lena and Mina.

"Oh my god Lara you're here! I-you-we" Lena says.

"We've missed you." Mina finishes.

"You're hugging me?" I ask quietly looking and Lena and Mina. Lena's hair is longer and Mina's hair is silkier. Plus she wore less makeup. Mina gives me another hug, "Of course. We still love you." She whispers in my ear. I hear a cough and see Arabella with this dark look on her face in the kitchen.
Her arms are folded. Not at all welcoming.

"Mina I need help with my wardrobe." And Lena pulls Mina along out of the apartment.

And they say they love me?

I look to the ground. The carpet is pure white clean. Everything is clean. Except myself. I feel like dirt.

"You still have the guts to come here?" Arabella’s voice is icy.

I look at her, "I live here." I sounded bold. But I'm really not.

"Really?" Arabella sounds like she's testing me and questioning my existence in front her wonderful presence.

"Arabella we both know that I payed most for most of the apartment when we first moved in. And we split the bills."

Arabella was silent.

"Okay I didn't come here to fight about money. I left London early to say that I'm sorry." I look at Arabella. She didn't change her cold expression.

"Arabella I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! Look at me!" I scream at her as Arabella avoids eye contact. She moves her head to gaze at me.

I walk up to her, "I'm sorry for breaking our promise! I was stupid and didn't listen! I should've listened to you when you said he was no good!" I was shaking now and Arabella looked at the ground again.

"But now I know how he is bad news okay?"

Arabella shifted a bit.

"But it wasn't fair." I said slowly. "It wasn't fair that you FORBIDDEN me to date him. I can choose whoever I want and I don't need another parent to tell me what to do! I know I should've told you the moment I messed up but I was scared! Anybody would be lucky to have you as best friend. And I didn't want to lose that." And now I am crying. "I'm so sorry. Nothing can describe how much guilt I have. I was stupid and naive and now I know that Dougie never cared for me even if I loved him and I-"

"You loved him?" She asks me.

I cover my mouth with my hand. I didn't mean to say that.

I regain my posture, "Like I said: I'm sorry for being a stupid a-"

"No I'm sorry!"

"-asshole and being naive. I'm sorry for- what?" I look at her. What did she just say?

"Lara I'm the one who should be sorry. If I wasn't so hard about not letting Dougie date you then things wouldn't be so messed up."

I'm in shock.

She said she was sorry.

Because I didn't clean my ears out last night. Did she just say that she was sorry?!

"You're not stupid. Yes naive but not an asshole either. I'm sorry." She walks up to me and smiles softly. My tears are frozen on my face. Probably turning to crystals since she had the AC yanked down to a freaking sixty-five degrees.

"No! You shouldn't say-"

"Lara we both messed up. And I hate seeing my best friend cry."

I try to smile and she hugs me tightly. I can hear her crying with me.

We're two girls crying to together.
....
how cheesy is that?

I sat on the couch with Arabella watching The Devil Wears Prada and eating boxes of chocolate.

Boxes!

Both of our eyes are still puffy from all that crying. We both were crying for hours! I cried over all that crap that happened. I don't know why Arabella had the ability to cry for no reason. And I never asked her.

My cell phone rings and Arabella pauses the movie. I look at the ID.

Dougie.

I stuff the phone between the cushions.

"Who was that?" Arabella asks. She rubs her eyes. I wouldn't blame her. It was pretty damn late and our makeup was smeared. Haha...her eyes look like raccoon eyes with the black eyeliner smudged.
"uh...Dougie." I play with my fingers. "So what happened after I left the concert?" I had to ask. The lights are dimmed and Arabella was cuddled in a little ball, not looking at me. I stared at her as she looked at the coffee table. I waited for her answer.

"Nothing. I just swore at him and he just did nothing."

"Nothing?" I ask quietly. I was half hoping Dougie did something to redeem himself in my eyes. "he...didn't- you know - mention me in any way?" I play with my nail polish.

"No Lara." Arabella looks at me like I'm a poor child.

"Oh." My heart sort of falls and I couldn't stop getting one tear out. He didn't do anything! Nothing! Never cared…

"Lara no! Please don't cry. He's bad news and never cared about anyone except his music." Arabella says quietly.

I try to laugh but I only end up crying as Arabella watches.

"You were so right about him." I said, smiling at her.

'Well Lara you see-"

"And you're such a wonderful friend. It's Dougie's fault for all this." Arabella was right. "Thank you." I smile at her. Arabella opens her mouth to say something but then shuts it and smiles. And she cries!

"Why are you crying?" I put an arm around her.

Gosh we are such little teen girls. This is so high school!

Arabella shakes her head, "I'm just so sorry! Dougie and I-he said- I was screaming at him- and then he said that he lo- oh how could I let my cousin almost ruin our lives?!"

"Hey it is all going to be okay!" I feel like I'm going to cry too. I hug her and she wipes her eyes.

"I'm going to forget about him and move on. New life okay? Forget Dougie Poynter."

After that very emotional scene I just went through with Arabella, I couldn't help but feel relieved. There's like this light up ahead in my mind. Not heaven if that is what you're thinking!

I lay in bed and smiled. I got my best friend back. I rolled around with SpongeBob squeaking on the side of my bed. I looked at the glow in the dark stars on my ceiling and I listened to the honking cabs outside.

"I'm home." I whispered. Things will be better now. Happy times lay ahead.

Don't I sound like a fortune cookie eh?

"CAT PILE!" my door bangs open and in rushes three screaming girls. They jump on my bed and I'm covered with laughing girls- clearly hyper.

"Cat pile?" I laugh as someone puts their finger in my belly button.

"Ow Lena don't punch me!" Arabella laughs.

"Yes cat pile. I like cats better than dogs." Mina says proudly taking all the sheets.

"Aw you guys are going sleep in here?" I whine and lay next to Arabella.

"YES!" they all say.

"Brilliant." I reply.

"Oi! No British words!" Arabella smiles.

I laugh and settle back into my bed. Thirty minutes later, everyone is sleeping.

I listen to the silence and everyone's steady breathing. I hear distant noise from the city. And I feel restless. My stomach kept churning. My phone kept ringing on silent mode too.
Of course it was Dougie.

And I won't answer. He made out with another girl and did nothing about it. That is what Arabella said.

She would never lie.

Dougie was a small chapter and now I must move on...Try to at least.

I took the stairs up to the rooftop. Arabella, Lena, and Mina were still asleep. It was three AM.
Secretly my favorite part of morning. Well...it WAS.

I looked at the sky.

Maybe Dougie is looking up at the sky too?

No! No Lara! Forget him!

I took a deep breath.

I had enjoyed Dougie's company at three in the morning. But I have to move on. I may be heartbroken but time will mend it together. And soon enough, I'll find another cute boy.

But now- It is just me and my friends.

No Dougie Poynter.

I smile and think of the future.

Should I start to party hard again?

I take out a picture of Dougie and I. A tear does fall on it but only one. I take it and bury it beneath the dirt of my neighbor’s roof garden and walk back to my apartment.

Time for a new beginning.