Secret Love Affair

Words can't describe how I was feeling at this moment. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't think. My body went numb. My skin had Goosebumps. I couldn't hear a word or think a thought. Every bodily function I possessed shut down. He...was here, in this very room, looking right at me, straight in the eyes.

I snapped out of my numb state of shock and blinked my eyes then looked at the teacher. He was greeting them like they were his sons or something.

"Class, this is McFLY. I have known them every since they were new to the music industry and now they are one of the biggest bands in the UK." Kippler observes the now awake class and smiles, "And you all thought I was boring."

Kippler whispers something to Tom Fletcher and I snatched my notes back from that dude named David.

"Leave. Me. Alone." I whisper to him.

"This is Tom, Danny, Dougie and Harry. And they are on break from having finished tour. They'll be here for a couple weeks for those of you who are interested." Kippler looks at me.

Why is he looking at me? I'm not interested at all! Not at all!

...how long again?...

Oh how I longed to get out of this class. Out of all the places in the world- why New York City? Why this class? I was slowly and peacefully recovering from the incident and then HE had to come and mess it up! I refuse to look at him! I refuse to think of him! And I refuse to lose it!

Damn Dougie Poynter...

***

Dougie Poynter walked cool and confident down the hallway with Danny, Tom and Harry. He was still in shock after finding out hours ago that one of McFLY's old friends is Lara Keating's teacher.

He remembers the scene clearly:

"Harry go crack open the mini bar!" Danny said as Andre Kippler greeted McFLY in their hotel room in New York City.

"How are you Andre?" Tom asks as Dougie lies on a bed.

"Fine. Fine. How was your tour?" He asked.

"It was awesome! We love touring." Dougie smiled. He looked out of the window. Lara was somewhere in the city.

"You don't mind if I grade some papers while we talk?" Andre asks.

"No not at all." Harry said.

"So when do you plan on retiring?" Tom laughs.

"Tom I may be a dinosaur but I love teaching. I get a wide range of students interested in music." Andre laughs.

"What kind of students?" Danny asked.

"All kinds! I get strugglers, naturals, poor, rich, slackers, workers, oh and I got an heiress in my class! Paparazzi begging for information on the girl."

"Whose the heiress?" Tom asks.

"Probably some spoiled snobby rich girl." Dougie mumbled. Danny threw a pillow at him.

"Lara Keating! I get to teach the heiress to your boss's record company and she is also the daughter of Donna Karan!" Andre said excitedly. Dougie spit out his drink on Danny.

"Come again?"

"Lara Keating! She's devoted to her work." Andre replied. Dougie stared at Andre in shock. Then he looked at the others.

"Dude..." Tom looked back at Dougie.

***

Dougie followed Harry, Danny and Tom to the classroom Andre and Lara were in.

"Nervous?" Danny smiles at Dougie.

"No." Dougie shakes his head. Harry raises his eyebrows at him, "Okay a little."

Tom laughed and opened the door. Dougie heard Andre Kippler lecture to his students. The four of them all filed into the classroom and Dougie immediately looked up at the huge room full of students. It wasn't hard to find Lara. She sat five rows back, writing on some paper and never looking up.

She was breath-taking... beautiful like the last time he saw her. Dougie watched her for the first time in months as she bickered with a guy next to her, and how she played with her pen, as her hair fell in front of her eyes, how she bit her lip as a habit. She never looked up and never noticed them.

Lara finally looks up and her eyes met his and Dougie's stomach did back-flips. The air around her seemed to change. She stopped playing with her pen and she didn't fidget around. He watched her as she didn't blink for the longest time. Her eyes didn't have excitement. They weren't bright. He felt bad vibes sent from her. And Dougie was determined to talk to her.

***

I observed the rest of McFLY. They all looked the same. Except for Harry. Harry had less hair. I smiled at this.

Wait until the girls find out.

Arabella.

My stomach turned. Arabella would be pissed off by dinner time. Hopefully her Pilates will calm her down.

"Lara?"

"Yes?" I ask faintly and looked at Kippler.

"Could you please help the boys with the equipment out of their van?" He asks me.

Wonderful.

I bet he did that on purpose.

I swallow my gum, "Sure."

I slowly get up and walk towards the front of the class. I didn't want to go but my feet were in control. It took FOREVER. As I loomed closer to McFLY, flashes of anger, heart-break and guilt pulsed through me. I was angry at myself for being stupid enough to believe Dougie and hurt Arabella.

Oh god why do they have to come here?

I smiled at Tom once I reached them and we headed back out silently.

The hallway was colder than the classroom. I walked beside Danny while Harry was in the front and Tom and Dougie in the back.

I felt all eyes on me.

"So...how've you been?" Danny asked me.

Icebreaker, he is.

It took awhile for me to answer. How was I really? Fine? Good? Bad? Lost? Blah?

"Good. You guys?" I didn't look at them. I looked straight ahead.

"We're fine." Harry said. "We're more known here than before.

"Awesome!" I look at Harry. I felt aware of myself and what I said and how I felt now that Dougie was near me again. He's supposed to be an ocean away. Not five feet!

Why me?

It was awkward silent outside. The city was loud but it just felt weird. Tom noticed this.

"We missed you." Tom sings. I laugh and look at them but not at Dougie.

"Group hug!" Tom, Danny, and Harry all surround and hug me. I noticed Dougie standing there all awkward as I got squeezed.

"You guys smell like pizza" I giggle.

"Than you Oh quiet one!" Tom smiles.

I am not quiet!

Okay maybe I am right now but thats because of Dougie!

"Okay Tom and Danny will carry the guitars. I'll carry my precious drums and Dougie- You help Lara with the amps."

Oh how surprising Harry

They quickly grabbed their equipment and left Dougie and I alone.

Completely alone.

***Uh....

As I gathered cords and worked on the amps, Dougie kept his eyes on me. Then he walked up next to me and just when I think he's going to make a move, he grabs some cords and untangles them as he "accidently" brushes his arm against mine.

And I had let the tension of my body go...until I felt his skin briefly touch mine. It was soft and warm...

"Hey." he said.

"Hey."

"How are you?" He talked lightly as we untangled cords.

"Good." I feel like crying.

"Can't you talk to me Lara?" I stop fidgeting with cords.

"We are talking." I say dully. I begin to walk away.

"Lara look at me!" Dougie grabs my hand. Electric pulses run through my body.

I look into his eyes. This ache in my heart had developed over the past five minutes and it hurt...bad. His eyes were a like a blue-gray and they stared deep into my eyes. Dougie was dangerously close to me. His lips less than three inches from mine and his thumb caressed my hand as he held onto me. It was too close for comfort.

"Why did you leave?" He whispers. I began to shiver from his touch and his warm breath on my cheek. I hadn't felt it in months.

"We both messed up." I whisper and with that, I get out of Dougie's grasp and I walk back quickly to class.

***

I looked at the clock on the wall for the third time in ten minutes. McFLY was still in the same room as me. They played a couple songs, taught a couple strings, talked about life in a band. The good, the bad, and the fabulous.
Dougie kept looking at me and when I looked at him, he wouldn't look away which made my heart fly. And I wasn't happy about that. Memories came flooding back. I thought of how his lips felt on mine. His touch on my skin. His voice. His gaze. Everything about him I remember loving.

I thought about this for the whole class period.

Then the bell rang.

Finally!

I got up and walked out without saying goodbye to anyone...especially McFLY. I had to get out of here. Head home where it was safe. Tears were threatening to spill at any moment.

"Hey Lara!" Lena smiled as I walked towards her, "What the matter?" She saw my frown and watery eyes. I looked at her then looked back at my classroom door. She followed my eyes and out came McFLY.

"That is what the matter is." I say as she drops her books in shock.

"Oh my god."

I swear she's about to faint too.

"Hey its Lena, Danny!" Tom points out.

"I got to get out of here." And I run out, leaving Lena to deal with our old "friends".

No one was home as I threw my books on the couch and charged into my room. Tears were already falling and I felt like suffocating.

My heart twisted around as I cried, screamed and threw everything at my wall. Dougie had hurt me so much that I can't take it anymore. I ripped posters in my room and threw glass at the wall. I threw junk from my dresser at the walls and all picture frames fell. Everything fell. I did all this as I cried over the thought of having hid my feelings for months. I was still in love with Dougie and no one knew it.

No one.

Nothing could stop now how I felt right now. Rage, heart-broken, confused, twisted, I don't know anymore.

How could he ask how I was or why I left when "He doesn't even fucking care!"