Secret Love Affair

I tried not slipping as I ran down the stairs of the fire escape. It was raining hard still and I was cold and wet to the bone. I bet I look like a mess. A poor, messy crying chick that can't even walk straight. You probably hate me for running right.

Yes.

I know.

I hate myself too for wearing these shoes which are making me slip right now. Ugh! Everybody is against me. I'm against myself. My shoes. The weather.

Flashbacks of London lay in my mind continuously as I blindly ran down the stairs. The Big Ben, The Thames, the people. Fashion. Food. Those guards with the huge hats. Everything. As I thought of these things, I partially wished that Dougie would run after me...but I screwed that up and ran away from him after he said he loved me. Wow I'm a screwer-upper.

Three stories down, I tripped and fell.

OW!

And I'm immediately brought back to once upon a time when we were together.
****

"Yes Dougie. He talked about himself the whole time and all I thought of was you."
"I'm that special eh?" He kisses the top of my head.
I rearrange myself so that I'm resting on top of him.
Thank God I'm light.
"You're special enough to the point where I call myself yours." I whisper. I lay my head on his stomach and I looked at a tea cup painted bright yellow.
Dougie looks at me for the longest time. I didn't look back for two minutes.
Shhh! I was thinking.
Well...actually- I looked like I was thinking. I was really waiting for his response.

"Sorry- I can't leave the sight of Arabella's eye. She's been jumpy and cranky lately. We leave tomorrow so..." I say, "I wish though."
"No thats alright..." He sighs, "I have the rest of the summer with you."
I laugh, "Alright then," I see Lena coming over, "Listen I got to go. Lena's coming."
"Okay...bye."
"Bye-"
"Hey Lara?" Dougie pipes up.
"Yeah?" he better hurry up.
"...Nevermind. See you tomorrow."

"You know you should get a taste of what I feel when you kiss me someday." Dougie looks at me with a twinkle in his eye.
I smile and kiss him, "Maybe I already feel it. And you just don't know it."

"Perfect plan." He kisses me again.
"Okay no more kisses. I got to go!" I smile and hug him tightly, "See you in two days."
"Alright...be safe...Uh yeah I'll miss you." He hugs me tightly again and I turn to leave.
As I'm walking down the stairs, I crave another kiss and run back to Dougie.
"Just one more kiss."

Dougie comes up on his skateboard and smiles friendly, "No I'll help." He smiles, "Last time I refused to help Jazzie's friends she jumped me while going down the stairs. I don't fancy a sprained ankle again." He looks into my eyes for a brief second.
Yay! Makeout time! Where shall it be this time? Kitchen? Couch? The usual closet?
"Oh so Dougie IS a gentleman." Tom laughs.
He rolls his eyes and we walk up to my flat. We're quiet like complete strangers on the way to the flat. And I'm itching to kiss him.
Take deep breaths Lara...time will come...
Only twenty more feet to go...
Dougie keeps playing eye tag with me.
Ten feet
His hand brushes against my arm.
"God I can't take it anymore." I mumble, pull Dougie's arm and run to the door.
I bump into the hard counter, feeling a bruise form, still kissing him.
"Impatient are we?" Dougie asks in the kiss.
"Very." I say letting him wrap his arms around my waste.

"Lets go. We've been gone long enough." ugh. I'm tired of keeping track of time!
"Oh and Lara?" Dougie adds.
"Yes?" I ask smiling.
He looks at me.
Yes?
You know, usually when someone calls you and they reply yes, It would be your turn to answer back.
"...uh...one more kiss." He laughs. I smile and give him a kiss.

We laid next to each other in the snow a little ways away from the hotel. It was late at night but the stars were bright. And I love finding shooting stars.
"mmm...peaceful." I smile looking up at the moon.
Dougie played with my fingers, "I love spending late nights with you."
I look at him. He kisses my fingers softly and looks into my eyes (I feel all jellyioish inside). I feel those weird butterfly things in my tummy.

"Just sleep. I'll be here." Dougie whispers kissing my lips.
Too tired to respond...
"Lara."
Your voices echo in the distance dougie...sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep....
"Lara I-"
"Dougie don't stop playing with my hair..." I say practically asleep now.
I may be sleep drunk.
I feel Dougie's chest rise up and down steadily as I hear his steady heart beat.
"...Sweet dreams lara."
"uh huh. Sweat dreams Dougie."
This is when my mind then shuts down and anything I hear turns to mush so I only remember it later. Weird I know.
Dougie whispers something sweet in my ear and I nod, sleep drunk.

I laid in Dougie's arms, letting him kiss my shoulder softly, "I feel like I'm the luckiest guy on earth."
Why of course you are! In a famous band, lots of money, great music! Duh!
"Why is that?" I ask.
"Because my girlfriend is the most amazing person ever." He kisses me on the lips, " You are the most amazing person ever."
He called me his girlfriend!
squeal! shriek! Sigh!
I'm sighing inside, heart being whisked away to the land of romance.
"More amazing than Tom DeLonge?" I whisper dreamily.

Dougie kisses my hand and I feel like I'm in a romantic hallmark card moment.
"Like that?" I giggle in a dorky way. Dougie nods and kisses me again.
"Lara." Dougie says in the kiss.
"What?" I reply still managing to keep the kiss going.
"I should tell-" and at that moment, Tom calls.

"Why are you so calm and relaxed about this?" I said exasperated, close to tears.
Dougie pulls over on the side of the road. We were halfway back to my flat, clear of cameras by now. I had totally forgotten about the French movie scene I was creating.
"Do you want to date me?" He asked.
"I - of course!" I say. And why is he being random?
"Good because I want to date you too. And paparazzi are just a road block along with the record company and Arabella." He takes my hand. "Lara you're worth it. All of those road blocks. I'm willing to go through that to be with you."

"Lara?" he said.
" Yeah?" I asked as he kissed me again. He slipped my tank top off.
"You're beautiful and...perfect. I think I-"
"Dougie shut up!" I laugh and he kissed me more.

I kept biting my nails.
"Oh this is nerve wrecking!" I scream into my pillow.
Its that flying feeling.
It was foreign yet special. I liked it but feared it.
I've ignored it for the past week or so but it screams, happily rejoicing.
And then I thought about what Danny said. How Dougie changed...
"Shut up!" I scream to the clicking clock.
And now I am going mad...
I look up at my ceiling and put the covers close. They smelled like Dougie.
I smile like a normal person, my craziness briefly going away.
Dougie makes me happy and silly and excited and nervous and safe and open to the world and all giggly like I'm flying...
I open my eyes and sit up. If there was a camera man waiting overhead I would've smacked right into the lens!
I'm not going crazy!
Like I'm flying
"Oh god." I mumble.
I have those "special feelings" for him....

I wanted to cry so much. I wanted to scream. To hug something. To break something. I just wanted to do something that would stop me from thinking what was slowly slipping into my mind.
I had this overwhelming feeling I've been trying to ignore for weeks.
This feeling...this emotion...
"Oh God..." I whisper to myself.
I think I'm in love with Dougie Poynter.
I've been in love with him from the very beginning and now I admit it to myself?! When everything falls apart?!
Dougie doesn't love me but I'm in love with him?
In love with Dougie Poynter...

I stopped laughing and looked at Dougie. He was dangerously close to my face. I could feel his breath on my face. And then I noticed our position on the floor.
"I like you." he whispered.
"I know. Its kind of obvious." I smiled and kissed him.
I was sort of half sitting half laying down. It kind of hurt my back but I didn't care. I completely forgot about Arabella and everything else.
As I kissed him, I playfully bit his lip and it seemed like he wanted more for he slipped his tongue in my mouth and got more passionate. He was an unbelievably good kisser. I wrapped my arms around him, completely enjoying the moment. It would've been weird if a flight attendant came along and dropped a steaming hot cup of coffee all over us and I had to go back to my seat and explain what happened.
More turbulence came along and I ended up on top of him. Dougie hit his head on some metal strip on the floor.
"Ow!" he laughed, still trying to kiss me.
"Shhh..." I giggled still kissing him more. It a miracle that no one caught us.

"I thought I was out of the picture for a second..." he said, his face getting close to mine.
"You're not." I said with a breathy voice. He lightly kisses me. I forget about everything. It was a soft, nice kiss. Not rough-passionate. But passionate enough to make me want more.
"I want to be with you..." he says about to kiss me again.

"Dougie, I mean it. I'm putting my friendship on the line here! You know how hurt Arabella would be if she knew I lied?"
"Do you know how hurt you and I would be if we forget about all of this and just call it a day?"
"Please Dougie. We can't." I say actually wanting to cry.
"No. Lara, listen- I want to be with you. Date you. alright? I don't care what other people say..." he said grabbing my hands.
"Please Dougie." I shake my head. He wouldn’t give up though!
"I don't know how to say this. I -uh...crap...I'm poetically mental at the moment..."
I laugh lightly.
"But lara- please. Please. Be with me. We can keep it a secret..."
"Dougie..."
"Lara." he kisses my passionately. I tremble. This really is getting pretty dramatic. Turning down someone I really like.

"Oi! you better sleep with one eye open tonight!" Dougie called out to Jazzie.
"Bite me!" she said.
I giggled and watched Arabella swim to the side of pool to get out. She was too preoccupied with trying to see if her clothes were ruined to notice Dougie and I looking at each other in a certain way.
I loved his eyes.
He looked good all wet. I hope my eyeliner is water proof.
"You're all wet." he said.
"What a shame." I smiled. I could read his mind right now.
"I guess we'll have to take off our clothes." he whispered smirking.
"In your dreams." I smiled swimming away to Arabella.

I'm observing the rest of my features just when the door bangs open then shut quickly with Dougie in the bathroom.
"Dougie? What are you doing in here?" I asked shocked.
"Loads of paparazzi just chased me!" He said laughing.
"Well why'd you go in here?" I asked pushing the soap dispenser button a thousand times because it was running low.
Don't you hate it when that happens? I give up and get out my hand wipes I carry with me everywhere.
"Cos I knew they wouldn't look in here." He smiled dorky.
I snorted and sat on the dry part of the counter.
"Whats so funny?" Dougie asked coming over to me.
"Dougie, you're in McFly. You're a boy. You're Dougie Poynter. This is the first place they'll look!" I laughed.
"Shit." Dougie mumbled.
"Yup." I briefly kissed him, "And you better leave."
"Do I have to?" He asked smiling. His eyes twinkled.
"In a bathroom? Dougie no way!" I said smiling.
"Fine fine." Dougie kissed me again, "I'm going to head out through the window."
"Okay." I laughed as I watched Dougie try climbing through the window.
I watched in amusement as I saw his boxers that had stars on it.
"Cute boxers." I said looking out the window as Dougie fell in the bushes cursing. It took awhile for him to get up.
I slouched, leaning over the side, laughing.
"Dork."
He kissed me and ran off.

"Dougie, you know I didn't have a choice." I said.
"Yes you did." he said not looking at me but at some picture of a guitar.
Okay I know you (dougie) liked guitars way longer than you have me but come on now!
I turn to face him.
"I'm sorry. But people are getting suspicious."
"I know that. Tom is catching on quickly." He said casually putting his hand in his pocket. I grab it and lock his hand in mine.
"Dougie you know how I feel about you." I said, "And one date with some guy thats really Arabella's type won't change my mind."
And don't you dare tell me to describe my feelings because words can't describe it.
Dougie still wouldn't look at me. This was when I realized that I wouldn't care if I'm beheaded by my best friend, Dougie Poynter is worth it.
"Okay. I won't go on the date if you don't want me to. Its your call." I said softly.
I wait patiently for Dougie to respond as let go of his hand.
I'll just tell that others that I wasn't feeling good. That would shut them up about my absence from the recording room for a while.
Dougie sighs and grabs my hand, "I may not like Arabella but I have to respect that she's your best friend and you need to be a best friend."
"What are you saying?" I ask. Dougie squeezed my hand.
"You can go on that...'date'." he says looking at me.
I smile and kiss him, "You know I don't want to." I say kissing him more.
"I know. I'll have time alone with you afterwards?"
"Of course." I smile.
Dougie nods and hugs me. I hug him back. His cologne made me melt. His hugs kept me warm in the AC'd room and I loved every moment of it.

I snapped back to reality.

"Oh my gosh..." I whisper, "I'm so stupid!"

How could I not see the signs? The hints? Everytime he tried telling me he always got interrupted!
And that time in the snow!

He...

I remember...

Well I didn't hear him then because I was sleep drunk but I always remember later. He said he loved me.

A huge clap of thunder and lightning came and made me jump. I look up at the sky as rain hit my skin. It felt refreshing. I haven't a clue on what caused my heart to burst in fireworks and trigger my mind to love Dougie out in the open again.

Um...bi-polar?

That feeling I felt for Dougie. I no longer hated. I love it.

After this brief period of enlightenment and realization, I slap myslef...very hard.

Bi-polar again?

"Fuck! I'm so stupid!" I literally slapped my forehead to the point where it stung. "I love him."

Ha!

I trip and run and scramble back up the stairs. I was so busy acting depressed and gray that I never felt that good feeling when a person is in love with someone and wants to marry them.

Marry them...spend the rest of their life with them...etc.

I took a small rest briefly though. I had hurt my ankle when I tripped down the stairs. I laughed at how stupid I've been.

Go ahead...laugh at me!

"I hope Dougie is still up there..." I mumble.

I finally reach the roof top. I practically fly into the nearby shed, unable to control my feet. I look around for Dougie. I can't see him. Partially because my eyes are blinded by rain.

"Dougie!" I screamed and walked around the roof, "Where are you? "

I sound drunk.

I make my way across the HUGE rooftop and I finally spot Dougie walking towards the exit door. He looked exactly like he did in the music video of "The heart never lies." I had just recently finished watching it in Lena's apartment. He was all wet!

"Dougie Poynter!" I walk towards him. He turns around at the sound of his name. He looks me straight in the eye as I walked up to him. His eyes showed his feelings for me which mirrored mine for his. Longing. Desire.

"Can I help you?" He seemed like he was restraining himself from touching me. I look at him. Didn't he say that once upon a time in a situation like this?

"Yeah you can." I get closer to him, "Tell me why I always need to trip in order to see something for what it really is."

"Did you trip while running down those stairs?" He asks. He searches my eyes for a hint of what I'm doing.

"Yeah."

"Well...what do you want me to do?" He asks. I come closer to him. Three inches away from his face. Everything is silent.

"I love you." I say softly.

Dougie seems taken aback by my response. He doesn't say a thing. I think he stopped breathing.

"...and I know I'm so stupid for running away. I hate myself for doing that. But...Dougie, I'm…In…Love…With…YOU. I've been in love with you from the very beginning and-"

I'm cut off by Dougie taking me by the waist and crashing his lips on mine. I'm shocked at first but I recover moments later. He's kissing me. KISSING ME! wow. I kissed him back like I haven't kissed him in the longest time. Oh wait...I havent!

Oh how I loved his lips on mine! His body pressed against mine. He hands on my waist and my face. And I just wanted to stay like this forever. Every hormonial feeling I had for him came flooding back and the power was unbelievable! We finally end our kiss and my eyes are still closed.

"Uh..." I bit my lip and inhaled deeply to calm down.

"I'm sorry for everything that happened. I wish I could take it all back," Dougie kissed me again, "Lara I love you." He whispers, cupping my face in his hands. I held onto his jacket tightly so he was so close to me.
Still dazed I say, "You still didn't help me."

"What do you want me to do?"

I let the last of my butterflies tickly my heart and I look at him...and then his lips.
ha! Screw my hurt ankle!

"I want you to kiss me one more time like that again."