When It All Falls Apart

I lay in bed after looking over the space Andy used. It was empty. He somehow cleaned it out without me knowing.

I opened my eyes after felling the bed move, it was Thomas. He didn’t have a shirt on and he just wore his PJ bottoms. I tried not to look at toned chest but he laid so I got a full view of it.

“What’s wron’ mum?” Thomas breathed against my face.

“Yer me son.” That was all I said.

“Yeh were dad’s daughta.” He said making my breathing go heavy. Then we kissed.

I bolted up in bed; a thin layer of sweat covered my body making me feel icky. I looked at the clock it read 6:29, one minute before my alarm went off. 6:30 struck a buzz rung through my room; I hit the off button before it could wake Thomas.

I always get up this early; have been for the past fifteen years. I got out of bed and slipped on my robe over my t-shirt and panties. I know your thinking, thirty year old wearing panties?

But I only had Thomas before I got my tubes tied, so I worked out until I could fit my clothes again. I walked down stairs to see Thomas sitting on the couch in front of the big screen watching early morning cartoons.

It is was what he always did on the weekends growing up, never out with friends always home in front of the TV.

I walked over to him and kissed the side of his head and whispered ‘good morning’ to him. I thought about the dream I had. I don’t understand why I would be dreaming about my son that way. I mean he is my son for good riddance!

I sat down next to Thomas and curled my feet under me. He leaned over and forced myself into his side with his arm still around me. I looked at him like he went on a killing spree.

“Wha’ yeh looked cold.” He said with his half British half American accent.

“Yeh look different wiff ou’ yer makeup.” I told him. I think Thomas is the only boy I know that wears face makeup, no scratch that Jayden does too. If you look closely at Thomas when he is not wearing his makeup you can see his cute little freckles.

“I can say tha same for yeh.” Thomas said not taking his eyes off his cartoons. I know he has seen me without my eyebrows before so I don’t know what he is talking about.

“‘E mum yeh ‘ave to work today?” Thomas asks looked at me. I nod in response. I was a model a naked model to be exact.

“Wha’ do yeh want fer breakfast?” I asked uncurling myself from his side. He mumbled something that sounded like ‘you’ but I shook it off.

“Uh panclocks please?” I laughed when he said ‘panclocks’ because that was from the move 50 First Dates.

It was now around 10:30 and I had to get ready to leave for a shoot. I wasn’t being photographed I had to train a newbie.

I turned on the tab for the shower first the hot then the cold. I took off my robe leaving me in my shirt and panties. I didn’t hear the door opening but I did feel someone breathing on the back of my neck. I turned around to see Thomas standing over me.

“Wha’ yeh doing Thomas?” Have you ever got the feeling of déjà-vu? Like this has happened before?

He placed his hands on my hips and pulled me taut against his chest. His thumbs stroked the skin that didn’t get covered.

He leaned down a placed a small kiss on my cheek then at the corner of my mouth, I stopped him before he went too far.

“Thomas yeh can’t yer me son.” Why was he doing this? Was I leading him on? He looked at me with a hurt face and I thought he was going to leave the bathroom, but he crashed his lips onto mine.

And I found myself doing something I would never thought I would do…

I was kissing my son, and I liked it.

“I’m starting ta get feelings fer my mum.” Thomas said pulling away from my lips.

“Well yer goin’ ta hold off on them feelin’s till yer absoluteleh sure.” I told him, he nodded letting me know he understood me.

“But why?” He asks looking down into my eye. I looked at the clock on the counter it read 11:15 I had to be at the shoot to help out at twelve.

“Uh I ‘ave ta get readeh ta go. I promise as soon as I get ‘ome I will explain why.” I told him, looking up into his eye to make sure he knew I was not lying. I hate being short I really do, I was 5’4 and Thomas was 6 foot.

“Mum, did I eva tell yeh that I love yer Swedish accent more.” He said nuzzling the side of my face, just like his father used to do.

After he left the bathroom, I thought about it.

Fifteen years ago my dad, fifteen years later my son?

What has gotten into me?