The Return of Avery Harper

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I woke up with a groan, the same way I’d been waking for over a week now. Nick soothed me gently, calming me from the nightmare that plagued me every time I closed my eyes.

“It was only a dream,” Nick muttered as he kissed my temple and held me tightly. I sagged with relief as I snuggled deeper into Nick’s chest.

“When can I go home?” I asked in a whisper. Nick sighed as he gently rubbed my back in comfort. It was weird the way things work. Men scared the crap out of me…I didn’t want to be around my dad, Aiden, Mr. Jonas, or even Joe and Kevin, but somehow Nick wasn’t included in my fears. I didn’t understand it; he didn’t even make me flinch. But in a way, I’m glad that I don’t fear Nick. He’s been nothing but supportive. Doctors have been pushing me for the last week over what I wanted to do about being pregnant, but Nick always put an end to it. He assured the doctors that I was thinking of my choices and that when I felt ready I would make up my mind. According to Nick I had at least two more weeks to decide if I wanted to remain pregnant, because doctors won’t abort a fetus after twelve weeks.

I was honestly confused over what I wanted to do. The thought of aborting an innocent child sickened me, but the thought of going through this pregnancy worried me even more. I mean, could I even love a child conceived by rape. I shuddered. Nick pulled me closer and just kissed my temple.

“Soon,” he whispered in what seemed to be a repeat. As if he knew I hadn’t been listening to him before. I turned around, still wrapped in Nick’s arms, to face him.

“If I kept the baby, you’d really raise it with me?” I asked carefully. Nick smiled and kissed my forehead gently. In the week I’ve been awake, he hasn’t kissed my lips once. I wasn’t sure why, but I assumed that Nick didn’t know if I would shove him away or not.

“I would,” he assured. “Avery, I promise you, what ever you decide, I will support,” he whispered. I nodded.

“All I know at this point is I don’t want an abortion,” I stated. “I’m not going to kill a child just because I wasn’t ready for one. I will have this baby, and along the way we can decide what we want to do,” I added. Nick looked down at me carefully. My eyes lowered to his lips and I gently cupped his face as I lowered him down to kiss me. Nick breathed deeply as he allowed me to control the kiss. “I love you,” I whispered just before nodding off.

“I love you too,” I heard him say in my dreams.

The next morning a woman doctor entered my room. She offered a kind smile.

“Morning Dr. Morison,” Nick greeted. I looked at him in surprise. Doctor Morison nodded and then faced me.

“Avery, I’m Dr. Morison, the hospital’s OY-GBM Specialist. I was in charge of your care while you were in a coma. We need to do a few ultrasounds today. I thought you might like a chance to see your baby,” she explained. I looked over at Nick and he just smiled.

“What ever you want to do,” he assured. “If you’re not ready, Dr. Morison can turn the screen away. But by now she should have tiny hands and her face should be visible,” Nick grinned.

“She?” I asked with a frown.

“It’s just this feeling I have,” Nick shrugged. “When I first saw the ultrasound, a vision of a little girl, who looks just like you, danced through my head. I’ve just thought of her as a girl ever since,” Nick explained. I was shocked. He’s been thinking about the baby, dreaming about it probably. Then another thought came to mind.

“You saw it…her?” I asked in a whisper. Nick nodded with a smile.

“Do you want to see her?” He asked gently. I nodded. I really did, maybe if I saw the baby, tried to see her through Nick’s eyes, then maybe I could make a final decision. I turned back to Dr. Morison.

“I’d like to see her,” I whispered. Dr. Morison nodded in understanding.

“I will have a nurse bring in the machine,” Dr. Morison said as she exited the room. I turned back to Nick my eyes filled with concern.

“What if I don’t feel anything toward her?” I asked voicing my fear. Nick moved closer to the bed and gently sat down in front of me. He took my hand and laced it together with his.

“Then you don’t feel anything,” Nick replied. “But you’ll never know if you don’t do what you feel is right. If you don’t want to see her, if seeing the baby makes the whole thing too much for you, then no one will think any less of you.” He gently kissed my forehead. “This pregnancy is probably going to be one of the hardest things you have to go through. I have no doubts that you’d be an amazing mom, but if you’re not ready, then I don’t want you forcing yourself to do this. If you go through this pregnancy, it has to be because you want to do it…not because you believe I…or even your family…want you to do it,” Nick’s voice was kind yet firm as he spoke to me. I looked up at Nick before nodding.

“If seeing her, makes her more real, then I need to do this,” I whispered. “I don’t know how I’m feeling right now,” I admitted honestly. Nick smiled before leaning down and placing a light soft kiss on my lips.

“You don’t have to figure it out just yet,” Nick assured. I nodded before leaning my head into Nick’s chest.

Doctor Morison stepped back into the room with a nurse right behind her.

“Are we ready to do this?” Doctor Morison asked with a kind smile. I nodded.

“Will we be able to see the sex today?” I asked nervously as my fingers fiddled with the blanket covering the lower half of my body. Doctor Morison gave a kind smile.

“No dear, I’m afraid not. You are only ten weeks pregnant. We will know more in about another ten weeks,” she explained. I just nodded. “All right, Avery, this is going to be very uncomfortable,” I frowned.

“Why?” I asked my voice full of nerves.

“Since you were raped,” I flinched at the word, “we have to do an internal exam and ultrasound, to ensure that your tearing is healing nicely. With most rape victims they can’t stand anyone being near their lower area. You will probably be very uncomfortable, and it might bring back memories you’d rather forget,” she explained. I looked over at Nick.

“You’re not leaving right?” I asked. Nick nodded.

“I’ll be here the entire time,” he assured. I nodded as I grasped Nick’s hand tightly.

“Okay what do we do?” I asked as I looked back over at the doctor. She smiled.

“Just lie back, and put your knees up against your bottom. If you need to have someone hold them still, let me know,” she stated. I sighed as I lay back against the bed and moved my legs, allowing my heels to glide against my bare bottom. I closed my eyes and turned toward Nick.

“Talk to me, make sure I know it’s you next to me,” I practically begged. Nick seemed to be shuffling before he leaned close and brushed his lips against my ear.

“I’m here,” Nick whispered as he gripped my hand and focused his eyes on mine.

“All right, Avery, I’m going to insert the device, please remain very still,” Doctor Morison said gently. I nodded as I continued to look into Nick’s eyes. Nick whispered to me gently. I didn’t understand what he was saying, but I found comfort in his voice. I winced as the unfamiliar object entered my private area. Nick squeezed my hand and just nodded. Several minutes later, Doctor Morison was done.

“You did really well,” Nick whispered as the nurse tugged my legs back onto the bed. “Now you’re going to see your baby,” Nick whispered. I looked up and smiled.

“Are you ready for your first look at your baby?” Doctor Morison asked gently. I nodded. Doctor Morison turned the screen toward me and Nick and I tugged Nick close as she placed a sheet on my lower body. She then tugged the hospital gown up my body and revealed my bare stomach.

“This gel might be a little cold, but don’t worry, it will get warm as I move it around on your stomach,” Doctor Morison assured. I nodded as I looked at the blank screen. I was hoping that seeing this child would help me make up my mind.

I felt the cold gel, making my stomach jump slightly. I looked up at Nick and he offered a teasing smile. I smiled back and sighed. Nick pointed and I looked at the screen.

“There she is,” Nick whispered gently as we stared at the baby on the screen.

“Oh, it really is a tiny baby,” I whispered in awe. I studied everything about that child, her head, and her tiny fingers that seemed to be waving at me. Looking at her, I lost it. Tears began rolling down my cheeks as I realized that there was no way I could whole-heartedly give this child up. I looked up at Nick and nodded.

“I want her,” I whispered. Nick looked down at me and nodded.

“Okay, then we’ll have her,” Nick assured. I nodded in relief as I leaned back against the hospital bed.

“Where’s your mom? I want her to see this,” I whispered. Nick grinned as he looked up at the doctor before nodding. Nick kissed me lightly before leaving the room for a second. When he came back into the room, Mrs. Jonas was right behind him. I smiled at her as she came to the bed and took my hand into hers.

“How are you dear?” she asked kindly.

“I’m having a baby,” I whispered as I pointed to the screen. Mrs. Jonas grinned and looked up at my beautiful miracle baby.

“Babies are precious,” Mrs. Jonas stated. I grinned.

“Nick’s sure that it’s a girl,” I replied. Mrs. Jonas looked up at her son with a grin.

“Maybe he’s a baby whisperer,” Mrs. Jonas teased. Nick blushed but laughed good-naturedly. “So what is our plan?” Mrs. Jonas asked once the laughing ended. I sighed.

“I can’t, in honest faith, kill an innocent child. I thought for a moment about adoption, but after seeing her, I just don’t think I could give her up.” I looked up. “I want to raise her, but I’m going to need help. Nick wants to be a father to this baby, and I want that more then anything. But I also know that we’ll need the support of our family. Mrs. Jonas, I don’t believe I could go through with this if you didn’t agree,” I whispered, voicing my fears.

“Dear you know Paul and I will support you no matter what. We can all sit down together later and discuss some planning. I think your first plan needs to be college,” Mrs. Jonas suggested. I looked at Nick with slight worry. I didn’t want to put off my college plans, but could Nick and I seriously go to school full time and raise a baby?

“I don’t want to put off college,” I finally said. Mrs. Jonas nodded in understanding. “What if I started in the summer, instead of the fall? Since this baby will be born around Christmas that might allow me a couple months break without falling behind,” I questioned as I looked between Nick and Mrs. Jonas. Nick nodded.

“That could work, and I’ll start with you,” he assured as he grasped my hand gently kissed my temple. I sighed with relief. I could do this, and I knew Nick would be by my side the entire time.

“All right, Avery, your doctor is going to come in today, he’ll give you one last look, and then your family can start the discharge process,” Doctor Morison turned to Nick and Mrs. Jonas. “If I understand correctly, Avery lives with you?” she asked. Mrs. Jonas nodded. “All right, for the next month I’d like her to maintain complete bed rest. She may get up for no more then two hours a day, but not all at once. She can have a regular diet, but the bed rest is important,” she explained. I frowned.

“Why do I need to be on complete bed rest?” I asked nervously. Was there something wrong with my baby? She gave me a reassuring smile.

“You see, you have a lot of internal tearing, and while it’s healing the way we want it to, I’m concerned about the tearing that happened near the outer wall of your uterus. Standing on your feet for too long could cause some major bleeding, which could then cause you to miscarry. So to prevent that, I’d rather keep you on bed rest for a while,” she explained. I nodded and looked over at Nick. He grinned.

“I guess this means we’ll need to hook a game system to my TV doesn’t it?” he asked in a teasing grin. I smiled.

“The Wii, so I can watch Netflix’s too,” I nodded. Nick laughed.

Finally I was allowed to go home. I was excited to get back to New Jersey for at least the next month or so. A nurse was pushing me out of the hospital were Mr. Jonas was waiting with the rental car they’ve been using since they got here. Mr. Jonas smiled kindly at me.

“Ready to go home, Avery?” he asked gently. I smiled shyly and nodded. Nick lifted me from the chair. My outfit was something that Mrs. Jonas picked up from the store, since my clothes were no longer wearable, something I tried hard not to think about. Nick helped me into the car and I was shocked to see that there was no one else waiting inside. I turned to Nick with a frown and he smiled.

“Everyone else went home last week,” he explained. “Mom didn’t want Frankie staying with the neighbors for much longer, so she had Joe, Kevin, and Dani go home to him.” I nodded and slid over to allow Nick to sit next to me.

After the long plane ride I was finally home. Nick carried me up the stairs and into the room. We both stopped when we noticed that his twin beds had been replaced. Mr. Jonas stepped up behind us.

“Your mother and I made the decision to get you a bigger bed, because we know Avery has been having issues sleeping. We are not inviting you two to break the rules, but we do believe that Avery has been through enough,” he explained. Nick carefully placed me on the queen sized bed and turned to his dad.

“Thank you,” I whispered as I looked up at him. Mr. Jonas smiled at me.

“You’ve always been like a daughter to Denise and I, Avery, we’re always willing to be there for you. We love you,” he said gently. I stood slowly, my legs wobbly from lack of use. Nick quickly caught me and silently helped me over to his dad. I hugged Mr. Jonas tightly. He was gentle with his touch, but he hugged me back.

“Everyone has been so kind to me and I know I’ve been a little wary around the men, but I promise I’m going to work on it,” I whispered. Mr. Jonas chuckled.

“Just work on healing and taking care of your baby,” he whispered. He then said a quiet goodbye. Nick led me back into the bed and helped me under the covers. I sighed as I leaned back against the pillows. I studied Nick carefully as he silently put all of our clothes away.

“Nick,” I whispered gently. Nick turned to me and smiled. I patted the space next me. “Sit,” I requested softly. Nick nodded and sat down by carefully beside me. “I want to talk to you about our plans,” then said as Nick watched me silently.

“Okay, what about them?” he asked kindly. I smiled.

“Well first I guess I just need to know that you really want this. I know you keep saying you do, but I worry that I’m forcing you into this,” I admitted. Nick grinned and leaned forward slowly. He placed his hand on my covered stomach and looked up at me.

“I want this,” he whispered his eyes never flinching. “I want this baby, I want you, and I want all there is to a family – married or not,” he stated. “This baby will never know that I am not her biological father, she will never lack for love,” Nick assured me. I smiled.

“And you’re sure about coming with me to California?” I asked. Nick nodded.

“Mom and Dad have been talking about moving,” Nick whispered. “Mom is worried about leaving you alone, and I think she wants to be able to help you once the baby is born. Honey, my entire family is here for you,” Nick stated softly. Tears rolled down my eyes and Nick gently wiped them away.

“You’re family is the best,” I whispered. Nick laughed.

“Yeah, they are,” he stated as he leaned down, kissing me gently. “I love you,” he then whispered. I smiled.

“I love you too,” I whispered back.