Confessions of a Famous Teenage Actress

I sat in silence as we proceeded in a large, black truck towards the studio, both Nick and I in the back seat while Joe sat on Nick's left whereas I was on his right. Joe was still mad at me. Their dad was in the front passenger seat while Big Rob drove.

“Why is it so quiet today?” he asked, looking at us through the rear-view mirror for a moment before returning his attention to the road.

“Nothing”, Nick replied nervously.

I rolled my eyes as Joe shot me another look.

“Uh huh. Sure”, Big Rob replied in disbelief.

I kept my mouth shut for the rest of the ride.

…

Once we arrived to some studio, Joe rushed out of the truck and into the building. I bit my lip.

“What's his problem?” I asked Nick in a quiet tone.

“He's been talking to Camilla lately and they've been on the rocks. She's been hanging out with Robert Pattinson a lot lately and he thinks that Camilla might be having an affair”, Nick replied just as quietly.

My mouth stood ajar. Why didn't he tell me?

“Let's just get the song recorded”, I said in a sad tone.

…

Joe acted stupid all day. He ignored me and even irritated me on purpose a few times. Nick and I were trying to decide on a title for the song, but to no avail (especially with no help from Joe).

“Let's go through it again”, he began, but I groaned.

“We've been through it ten times already. I'm tired. Can we at least eat?” I asked.

Nick pursed his lips, but chuckled lightly.

“Sure”, he replied, pulling out his Blackberry to call Big Rob.

“I'll be outside”, I whispered.

He nodded in return as I exited the room.

My mind had been racing since I heard about Joe. I wasn't 100% sure about anything and now Joe's falling apart? I felt bad for him.

I leaned over the railing as the sun beamed down on my tan (practically yellow) skin. I wanted to be with Skandar, that was for sure, but Nick and I had this connection, a connection which seemed to transcend the level of friendship, but I knew we could never work. Or at least, that's what I wanted to think. Suddenly, paparazzi appeared out of nowhere and bombarded me with questions, blocking the door.

“Samantha! Samantha! Why are you back here in L.A.? Are you here with Nick? Is Skandar here with you?”

“Can you please get out of my way? I cannot answer any of your questions”, I said in an agitated tone, trying to move some of the people out of my way, failing miserably.

“Why aren't you answering our questions? Are you here to record a new song? A new album? Why are you here? Samantha! Samantha!” they said, flashing their cameras as they took picture after picture.

“Move out of the way!” Big Rob said with a few security guards with him as he spotted me, grabbing me as he ushered me inside.

“Thanks”, I said gratefully. Nick was standing there with his arms open, embracing me in a hug.

“I heard you say something about not being able to answer their questions, so I called Big Rob. I figured it would only create more buzz if I went outside and got you, but either way, they know we're both here”, he said in an apologetic tone.

“It's OK”, I lied, forcing a smile on my lips.

Nick gave me a questioning look but shrugged, releasing me from my hug. Suddenly, I had an epiphany.

“I think I know how the song should go!” I exclaimed excitedly, grabbing his hand as he laughed, following me to the studio.

…

“Like I did befoooore the storm”, Nick and I sung in unison, an applause sounding from outside of the recording booth.

“That was-I can't even begin to describe how that was!” Joe said speechless. I guess he was out of his mopey phase.

I wiped the tear that escaped from my eye. They were happy tears, reflecting on the memories Nick and I shared.

“Thanks”, we said in unison. Nick gave me a side hug, rubbing my right arm, sighing quietly.

“That's a wrap, guys!” Mr. Jonas said in a cheerful tone.

We smiled, then walked out of the booth, grabbing our things. We'd sung the song three times, the first two times, Nick and I messing up on the lyrics, but the third time, we got it down pact. I was so happy. Now, I have to wait for two months before singing it again, but it'll be in front of about 5 thousand people.

What if I said I'm not like the others?
What if I said I'm not just another one,
your place, you're the pretender,
what if I said I'll never surrender?-

“Hey, Skandar!” I said in a cheerful tone.

“Samantha! Are you alright?” he asked frantically.

A laugh escaped me.

“Yeah, I'm fine. Why?” I asked, slightly perplexed. He sighed in relief before answering me.

“I heard you got bombarded with the paparazzi. Are you sure you're alright?” he asked in a concerned tone.

“Yes, I'm fine. Nick called Big Rob, his security guard and told him everything and they got me out of there. I didn't think stepping out of the building would cause a complete bombardment, you know?” I rambled.

I was happy to hear his voice.

“That's good. I'm glad to hear that. Will found out through Andrew who found out through Jeff which eventually came back to me”, he explained.

“Oh”, I said with another laugh, “I can't wait to start rehearsals”, I said in a shy tone.

“Neither can I”, he replied sheepishly.

I realized I was still in the room with everyone watching me.

“U-Um, Skan, can I call you back? I forgot I was still in the studio”, I stammered.

“Oh! Uh, sure!” he said more alert now.

“Bye”, I said, hanging up, not even waiting for a reply.

“Someone got bit by the love bug”, Joe sung, walking past me.

Nick's eyes met my own and I could see the sadness and jealousy in them.

“N-Nick, I-”, I began, but he cut across me.

“It's fine, Sam. Let's get something to eat, OK?” he said, grabbing his phone as he, too left the room.

Shit.

…

“What the hell do you mean you're friends with Nick again??!!” Kat yelled incredulously.

I pulled the phone away from my ear as she continued to yell at me.

“Samantha Arianna Parker, if you stay friends with him, I'll find a way to come up there to LA myself and deal with Nicholas!” she threatened.

I rolled my eyes even though I knew she couldn't see me.

“Kat, please. We're just friends”, I tried as I paced the Jonas' living room.

“Friends my ass. You know he wrote that song about you, too! Don't deny it! Plus, it's obvious that he wants you back! He wouldn't have tried so hard to be friends with you again!” she countered.

Damn it. She was right. Nick never tries that hard to get someone's attention unless he's interested in them. That was one thing I learned in the 8 months he and I were together.

I sighed, running a hand through my hair.

“Kat, please, just.... help me. I want to be with Skandar, but I don't know how to tell Nick”, I said in a sad tone.

“When the hell have you started caring about his feelings? I thought you weren't going to do this again, Sam. Honestly, that boy has you wrapped around his finger”, she said in a knowing tone.

“You know that Nick and I-”, I began, but she cut across me.

“Yes, I do know you guys did that, but still. He has no right to make you feel bad by giving you those puppy dog eyes and everything. If he meant what he said, he wouldn't have even told you how he felt or feels about you”, she retorted.

“Yeah... but it's not that simple, Kat”, I said uncertainly.

“Have you even told Skandar that you chose him yet?” she asked. I didn't speak. She sighed already knowing from my silence.

“I take that as a no”, she said angrily. “Look, Sam, if you want things to be simpler, then make them simple. Stop letting things get complicated”, she said in a gentler tone.

Again, I didn't say anything as I thought about her words. That's easier said than done with the media in your face every five seconds.

“Look, I gotta go. But like Taylor said, think things through before making any decisions. And one more thing, don't think about anyone else's happiness because regardless, someone is going to get hurt and it doesn't need to be you”, she concluded before hanging up on me.

That was another problem of mine. I cared too much about everyone else. I loved Nick and he loves me, but he didn't let love be enough. I didn't screw things up, it was him. As I thought about that song, though, I wanted, more than anything for things to go back to the way they used to be. Back to when the world was simple.

A tear slid down my face. I knew I had to tell both Nick and Skandar even though it'll hurt me more than it'll hurt either of them.

…

I knocked on Nick's door, hearing him say “Come in” before I entered.

He smiled brightly at the sight of me. I returned it with a small smile.

“Hey, Sam Anne. What's up?” he asked with his guitar and a couple sheets of paper on his bed.

“Writing a new song?” I asked, biting my lip.

“Yeah. It's for the show. You will watch it next year, right?” he asked with a hint of hope in his voice.

“Y-yeah”, I said, gulping afterward.

He strummed a few chords before speaking.

“Just listen to it, OK?” he asked. “I want your honest opinion”, he added. I nodded, biting my lip harder this time.

On the edge of somethin' real,
I have a choice, but I don't know what to feel.
Getting tired of all this fear,
before I choose let me know that you'll be here,
let me know that you'll be here.

'Cause I'm not afraid to fall if you're the one who
catches me.
Tell me that you'll be there when I'm
about to lose it all,
'cause you're the one who helps me see that sometimes
it's OK to fall

When I'm about to lose it all,
you're the one who helps me see
that sometimes it's OK,
that it will be OK,
that sometimes it's OK to fall

Oh, I'm gonna faaall!

“So, what did you think? Sam?” he asked in a concerned tone.

I was sniffing, I had broken down to tears. How the hell was I supposed to tell him that I chose Skandar?

“I-I'm O-ok”, I got out.

“Wh-what's wrong? W-was it the song? Did I do something wrong?” he asked frantically.

“No, it's just”, I began, sniffing once again, “the song is beautiful and whoever you wrote it for deserves you.”

He looked at me with a confused expression.

“N-Nick, I love you and I always will love you. I'm glad I met you a-and as much as I love spending time with you, I can't keep doing that. I-I don't want to hurt you anymore. I don't want to cause you any pain. I-I want you to move on”, I got out.

“S-Sam, y-you're not causing me any pain. J-just calm down, please. Wh-what's wrong?” he asked, still confused.

“Nick, I'm going to choose Skandar”, I blurted, a tear sliding down my cheek.

His mouth stood ajar as he looked at me, then looked away.

“H-how do you expect me to handle that? How do you expect me to just move on? We-we wrote a song together, we started over, I-I can't just let you go”, he choked, turning away from me entirely.

“I'm sorry”, I got out, putting a hand on his shoulder, but he flinched, moving away from me.

“Get out”, he said in a low tone.

“N-Nick, I-”, I began, but he cut across me.

“GET OUT, SAM! YOU WANTED ME TO MOVE ON, SO THIS IS ME MOVING ON! GET OUT OF MY FACE! I HATE YOU!” he bellowed, causing me to break down entirely.

I got up, grabbed my things, throwing them into my suitcase and ran out of his room, the tears falling down my face, running into Joe just as I got into the hallway.

“What the hell is going on? Why is Nick yelling? S-Sam, why are you crying?” Joe asked.

“J-Just leave me alone”, I got out, rushing past him, ignoring his calls. I hailed a taxi, climbing into the back seat, telling the driver to take me to LAX before sobbing the rest of the way to the airport.

I couldn't take it. Nick officially hated me. That was what I didn't want. I knew singing with him again would cause drama and once again, I was right. I'm so stupid.