Are You Questioning My Badassness?

“Ladies and gentleman…Vocal Adrenaline!” I heard Jesse exclaim as he stared out into the audience and gestured to the rest of his club. I was so disappointed that Ashlyn couldn’t come with us to Sectionals this time. I was sure she’d get a kick out of seeing Jesse on the opposing team. She still hadn’t told him off yet, and it seemed like she was just trying to put it off. But I knew she’d be the first one to flip at him if she actually saw how cocky and obnoxious he was acting in front of a crowd.

The intro to one of the songs they were doing began to play, and I rolled my eyes as they glided around the stage, the guys holding the girls, Jesse holding some skank. Like I said, Ash would absolutely love this. /sarcasm. All of the boys were dressed in over-stylized douchey-looking tuxedos, and wore clown makeup. The girls wore black dresses with white polka-dots. Their hair was curled and tied back into a bun, and they wore too much red lipstick. The girls stood back and danced while the guys took over the front of the stage. I kind of wanted to puke. But instead, being the “nice” competition, I smiled and listened, pretending to enjoy it.

“She paints her fingers with a close precision.
He starts to notice empty bottles of gin,
and takes a moment to assess the sin she's paid for.”

“A lonely speaker in a conversation.
Her words are swimming through his ears again.
There's nothing wrong with just a taste of what you paid for.”

“Say what you mean, tell me I'm riiight.
And let the sun rain down on me.
Give me a sign.
I wanna belieeeeeeeeve.”

“Whoa-oa-ooooah , Mona Lisa!
You're guaranteed to run this town.
Whoa-oa-oooaah, Mona Lisa!
I'd pay to see you froooowwn!”

“He senses something, call it desperation.
Another dollar, another day.
And if she has the proper words to say, she would tell.
But she'd have nothing left to sell him.”

“Say what you mean, tell me I'm riiiight.
And let the sun rain down on me.
Give me a sign.
I wanna belieeeeeeeeeve.”

“Whoa-oa-ooooah , Mona Lisa!
You're guaranteed to run this town.
Whoa-oa-oooaah, Mona Lisa!
I'd pay to see you froooowwn!”

“Mona Lisa, wear me out.
Pleased to please ya.
Mona Lisa, wear me out.”

“Say what you mean, tell me I'm riiiight.
And let the sun rain down on me.
Give me a sign.
I wanna belieeeeeeeeeve.”

“Whoa-oa-ooooah , Mona Lisa!
You're guaranteed to run this town.
Whoa-oa-oooaah, Mona Lisa!
I'd pay to see you froooowwn!”

“Say what you mean, tell me I'm right.
And let the sun rain down on meee.
Give me a sign.
I wanna belieeeeeeeeeve.”

“There's nothing wrong with just a taste of what you paid for.”

The song ended as a big poster of Mona Lisa unfolded from the side of the room. The audience seemed to like this number, which made me a little nervous. And I thought it was cool how they did an all-boys number, which gave almost everyone in the club a shot. I assumed that the next number would be sung by only the girls. Everyone (including our group) stood up and clapped, before my assumptions came true. The boys stepped back behind the girls, who linked hands at the front of the room. A slow tune began to play, and the girls turned around and began to sing dramatically and depressingly to the boys.

“I heard…
That you're settled down,
That you found a girl,
And you're married now…
I heard…
That your dreams came true.
Guess she gave you things,
I didn't give to you…”

“Old friend,
Why are you so shy?
It ain't like you to hold back,
Or hide from the light.”

“I hate to turn up out of the blue,
Uninvited,
But I couldn't stay away.
I couldn't fight it.
I'd hoped you'd see my face,
And that you'd be reminded,
That for me,
It isn't over…”

“Never mind, I'll find…
Someone like yooooou.
I wish nothing but the best for you, too.
Don't forget me,
I beg.
I remember you say.
Sometimes it lasts in love,
But sometimes it hurts instead.
Sometimes it lasts in love,
But sometimes it hurts instead.
Yeah.”

“You'd know,
How the time flies.
Only yesterday,
Was the time of our lives.
We were born and raised,
In a summer haze,
Bound by the surprise,
Of our glory days.”

“I hate to turn up out of the blue,
Uninvited,
But I couldn't stay away.
I couldn't fight it.
I'd hoped you'd see my face,
And that you'd be reminded,
That for me,
It isn't over…”

“Never mind, I'll find…
Someone like yoooou.
I wish nothing but the best for you, too.
Don't forget me,
I beg.
I remember you say.
Sometimes it lasts in love,
But sometimes it hurts instead.”

“Nothing compares.
No worries, or cares.
Regrets and mistakes.
They're memories made.
Who would have known how…
Bittersweet this would taste.”

“Never mind, I'll find…
Someone like yoooou.
I wish nothing but the best for yooooou.
Don't forget me,
I beg.
I remember you say.
Sometimes it lasts in love,
But sometimes it hurts instead.”

“Never mind, I'll find…
Someone like yoooou.
I wish nothing but the best for you, too.
Don't forget me,
I beg.
I remember you say.
Sometimes it lasts in love,
But sometimes it hurts instead.
Sometimes it lasts in love,
But sometimes it hurts instead.”

The song ended on a seriously depressing note. It took me a little effort not to cry, but that’s just because Adele really knows how to let an inner girl loose. Vocal Adrenaline all stood up in a line and bowed before exiting the stage, and the New Directions went backstage for some finishing touches as the host (which unfortunately wasn’t Ryan Seacrest) stalled with some lame ass jokes. I’m talkin’ “Why did the chicken cross the road?” lame.

-------------------------------------------------------

“Alright, kids. Here we go! Second try!” Mr. Schue called out to us as the New Directions positioned themselves on the stage. I peeked out behind the curtain to see the audience staring at the stage with hungry eyes, waiting for the show to begin. This is it, I told myself. Our second chance…It’s now or never.

The curtains opened, and we stood in our positions, waiting for the music to begin. When it did, we took one another’s hand and stared lovingly into each other’s eyes. Of course, I was Puck’s partner again, which just filled me with joy. Note the sarcasm.

Rachel:
“Blue jean baby, LA lady, seamstress for the band.
Pretty eyed, pirate smile, you'll marry a music man.
Ballerina, you must've seen her dancin' in the sand.”

Mike and Brittany:
“Now she's in me,
always with me.
Tiny dancer in my hand.”

Tina:
“But oh, it feels so real, lyin' here with no one near…
Only you, and you can hear me,
when i say softly…slowly…”

Puck:
“Hold me closer, tiny dancer.
Count the headlights on the highway.
Lay me down in sheets of linen.
You had a busy day today.”

That part of our “medley” ended, and went straight into another hit from one of the most musically talented men…ever. We began to stomp around the stage to the beat, and we kind of looked like robots. In the coolest way possible, of course.

Mason:
“Hey kids, shake it loose together.
The spotlight's hitting something,
That's been known to change the weather.
We'll kill the fatted calf tonight, so stick around.
You're gonna hear electric music, solid walls of sound.”

Quinn:
“Say, Candy and Ronnie, have you seen them yet?
Oh, but they're so spaced out.
B-b-b-bennie and the Jetsssss.”

Mercedes:
“Oh, but they're weird and they're wonderful.
Oh, Bennie, she's really keen.
She's got electric boots, a mohair suit!
You know I read it in a magazine, ohhh!
B-b-b-bennie and the Jetsssss.”

As the song faded out, one of my all time favorites began, and I got extremely excited while we kept dancing, except a little more slowly this time.

Kurt:
“She packed my bags last night, preflight.
Zero hour, nine AM.
And I'm gonna be hiiiiiiggghh,
As a kite by then.”

Matt and Santana:
“I miss the earth so much…
I miss my wife.
It's lonely out in space,
On such a timeless flight.”

Finn:
“And I think it's gonna be a long, long, time,
'Til touchdown brings me 'round again to find.
I'm not the man they think I am at home.
Oh, no no no...
I'm a rocket man.
Rocket man…
Burnin' out his fuse,
Up there alone.”

When that song ended, we all stood in a straight line across the stage. We linked hands and belted out the lyrics to the last song of our performance.

Me:
“When are you gonna come down?
When are you going to land?
I should have stayed on the farm…
I should have listened to my old man.”

Artie:
“You know you can't hold me forever.
I didn't sign up with you.
I'm not a present for your friends to open.
This boy's too young to be singing the blues.”

Everyone:
So, goodbye yellow brick road,
Where the dogs of society howl.
You can't plant me in your penthouse.
I'm going back to my plough.
Back to the howling old owl in the woods,
Hunting the horny back toad.
Oh, I've finally decided my future lies…
Beyond the yellow brick road!”

We concluded the performance with a small piano outro, and then we began to back away, still holding hands. The curtain slowly began to fall in front of us as we waved to the audience, which were on their feet and cheering. I guessed that there were quite a few Elton John fans watching us.

-------------------------------------------------------------

“Great job, guys!” Mr. Schue exclaimed once we were back in the green room. “You put your heart and soul into that!”

“And this time, Jesse wasn’t here to ruin it,” Rachel grinned.

“Right! You know, I have a feeling you guys are going to take 1st place,” he stated. “I mean, Vocal Adrenaline’s numbers were ‘cute’, but that’s just it. Elton John has so much more experience and meaning than the new artists they used. I think the judges will have a much more deeper connection with you guys.”

“But we thought the same thing last time, and we got third place,” Mike informed him.

“You also have to remember the situation we were in last time,” Mr. Schue said. “Just believe in yourselves. You did amazing out there.” He stopped speaking for a moment, and then began again. “And who cares if we don’t win? I know it means a lot to you guys, but I also know that if winning is all you care about, it doesn’t matter whether we win or lose…we’ll still be losers. So, put a smile on your face and remember how much fun you all had performing Elton’s amazing music and how happy the audience looked.”

I couldn’t help but smile at Mr. Schue’s cheesy pep talks. They were so full of shit, but at the same time, kind of inspiring.

Suddenly, we were called out to the stage, where the winner would be announced. We all forgot what Mr. Schue had just said and looked even more nervous than the last time. Why wouldn’t we? This was our second chance, and if we blew It, I’d never be able to sleep again.

Before we knew it, we were standing on stage next to Vocal Adrenaline, waiting anxiously for the results. Our host introduced the judges, which I frankly did not give a shit about, considering none of them were Slash, Cher, Diana Ross or John Travolta.

The host was about to announce the winner, and my heart was beating out of my chest. Puck looked down at me and squeezed my hand again, just like last time. He whispered “Bi-winning” in my ear, and I laughed a little, thinking of how exactly he could make a Charlie Sheen reference at a time as serious as this.

“And the winner is…” I almost went over to the host and choked her when she paused. I hated it when people did that! Nobody cares about dramatic effect, just get on with the results already, you bitch! After what seemed like forever, the host looked up from the card and smiled. “The New Directions!”

I immediately fell to the floor in joyful tears, only to be picked up a few seconds later by Puck. I stared around the room, taking in everything. Through blurry eyes, I noticed that everyone was hugging everyone else. I also noticed that the audience were on their feet once again, smiling at the true winners. And before we’d accepted our first place trophy and exited the stage, I caught a glimpse of Vocal Adrenaline. Some of them hung their heads, others were crying, and when I saw Jesse’s face, my smile grew wider than it had the whole day. I looked up towards the ceiling. Thank you, Elton John. Thank you.