Hey There, Delilah

"Matt," I whispered, untangling my limbs from his, "This is wrong." He pulled away and the way he looked at me reminded me of the dream I had before.

"Delilah..."

"It is, Matt. Your my best friend's boyfriend."

It had been two weeks since we first kissed, and I basked in the glory of every tutoring session we've had since then...even though we get even less work done than before. I mean, all we've done is kissed, but kissing Matt was so intoxicating, it was as if I was House and Matt was my Vicodin.

I needed him, I thrived because him.

But it was wrong, like a Vicodin addiction, and it needed to end now, no matter how hard that may be.

He trailed his lips down my jaw and goosebumps rose all over my body. I sighed and closed my eyes as his lips met mine gently again. Meghan's face popped up behind my eyes and I groaned, pushing Matt off of me and standing up.

"I can't."

"Can't or don't want to?" Matt countered.

I lean against my closed bedroom door and roll my eyes, taking in his rumpled clothes and messy dark hair. My heart thudded against my chest because I knew that blush on his cheeks was because of me, that that glimmer in his eye, that permanent smile was because of me.

"You know I want to," I whisper, "But I can't."

"Why not?"

"Because Meghan is practically my sister!" I yell, knowing my parents were still at work. Did Matt really not understand this? "You don't steal your best friend's boyfriend! And - and, I owe her. She saved my life."

Matt raises an eyebrow, "How did she save your life?"

I groan, not wanting to get into this entire situation right now. "That's not the point, Matt."

He takes a couple steps toward me, so his chest if merely inches away from mine. "Then what it?"

His breath wafts over my face and I attempt to keep my knees from going weak beneath me. "The - the point is...is no matter how much I like you, you're Meghan's. And I'd never hurt her like that."

My hand trembles as I reach for the door knob and I leave the room, slipping out before Matt could reach out and pull me back. If I gave him a chance to make his case, if I game myself a chance to see his pained expression I knew he would have, my will would crumble.

"Delilah!" Matt called after me and I sighed, taking a seat on the steps leading downstairs.

He saw me and sat down on the same step, his arm brushing against mine. Electric shocks exploded in my arm and I scooted away as far away from him as possible, but he just moved closer toward me.

"How can you just walk away?" I pick at the carpet and shrug, not trusting myself to speak. "How can you not consider what I feel for you, too? You and Meghan aren't the only people involved with this, Del, and you know that. If you want to stay away from me, go right ahead. But just make sure you're aware that I will come after you. I will not let the girl I'm head over heels for walk away from me and not chase her."

I turn to him, my eyes glistening with tears and he's looking at me so intensely, I feel as if I could be a puddle at his feet. "Why would you do that for me? I'm just...no one, at least compared to Meghan."

Matt scoffs, "Are you kidding? Delilah, you're -- you're so...you don't even..." He sighs, a small smile pulling at his lips. "I can't even put how amazing you are into words. We were practically kindergarten lovers, we have so many things in common...Del, isn't it obvious we're supposed to be together?"

"Don't do this, Matt..." I plead, closing my eyes and leaning my head against the railing. "I'm not backing down from my decision."

"And on top of how amazing you are, you're the most stubborn girl I have ever - and will ever - meet." He sighs and his lips meet my cheek, "Can I still have at least one more day with you?"

Opening my eyes, I study his expectant face and wonder how I could ever say no to such a question - especially when he was the one asking it. "Alright..."

Matt grins the biggest smile and doesn't waste any time before his lips meet mine. I bring him closer to me, his arms circling my waist before he picks me up. His kisses were exhilarating and it wasn't long until I was completely lost in his touch.

We ended up in my room again, and even though his hands stayed around the hem of my shirt, we never went further than kissing. His legs were wrapped around mine, my hands entangled in his hair before wrapping my arms around his neck.

I was going to miss this. Well, I wasn't going to miss secretly hooking up like some filthy prostitute, but I was going to miss the way Matt felt against me, how he was gentle but so full of...I don't even know. There aren't words for this.

I was going to miss him, the most though.

<<>>

Finally, some time around six, after my parents had come home and the smell of pasta leaked under my bedroom door, I ushered Matt toward the front door, practically having to drag him.

"So this is it?" he whispers and I roll my eyes, grabbing my sweatshirt and closing the front door behind me in the cold December weather.

"Yeah," I respond, once we're in the safety of my parents not eavesdropping on our conversation. "This is...it."

"I'm going to miss you," Matt says, taking my hands and brushing his lips across my knuckles.

I laugh, but it sounds forced even to my ears. "Matt, it's been two weeks of this."

"I know...it's just..."

"I understand," I whisper, going up on my tip-toes and kissing his cheek longingly before pulling away. "I'm sorry it had to be like this, Matt."

"Me too, Del."

He walks over to his car, pausing slightly halfway down the driveway before turning around and saying, "And just so you know, I still don't regret anything. This ending, yeah, but not anything else."

I smile sadly and nod, "I know. Same here."

Matt nods slowly and continues walking to his car, getting in and revving the engine. I hadn't noticed I was crying until his tail lights disappeared down the street.

When I walked in, I quickly wiped them away with my sweatshirt sleeve and my mother came in from the kitchen, drying her hands on a dish towel with a serious expression on her face. "Del...is what I think going on, going on?"

I raise an eyebrow, "What?"

Mom takes me over to the alcove near the door and says, "Are you and Matt together? Behind Meghan's back?"

"No!" I say quickly, but the disapproving expression on my mother's face made me rethink my answer. "We were. I just ended it because no matter how much I felt for him, I couldn't do this to Meghan."

Mom sighed, obviously relieved and patted my shoulder, "It wouldn't have ended well, anyway. Things would have gotten messy and it wouldn't have been worth it."

I nod and walk upstairs, thinking over what she said. Somehow, I found it hard to believe that anything relating Matt couldn't be worth it.

Because it always was.

<<>>

The next weeks were painful. I watched Matt act like the perfect boyfriend for Meghan, and she finally told him those three words. She said them and he said them back "without a second's hesitation."

Or that's what Meghan said happened.

Maybe he finally realized what we had was just some fling and that I could never replace the Greek goddess named Meghan that he was currently dating.

But then there would be times when I was talking to Ben at lunch, sitting across from Matt and Meghan, and I would see Matt looking us, as if making sure we weren't back together or anything. And then, as if that wasn't enough, his foot would move toward mine under the table, as if claiming territory.

I'd stand up and throw my trash away, my heart pounding in my chest and my brain all fuzzy, remembering what it felt like to kiss him.

"You alright, Delilah? Meghan wanted me to check on you," someone says behind me as I dump my trash out fifteen minutes early during lunch for the fourth day straight.

I whip around and see Matt standing there innocently. Rolling my eyes, I whisper, "I'm fine."

"Del..."

I hold up a hand in a 'just leave it' fashion, before he catches quickly, brushing his fingers tips across my palm so fast no one could possibly have noticed. A contented sigh escapes my lips and Matt gives me a small smile, mouthing, "I miss you."

"I miss you, too."