Hey There, Delilah

When Meghan and Matt started dating, I guess I shouldn't have been surprised. Nevertheless, when he finally asked her out, sometime just before school started, I still felt that pang in my stomach, reminding me of who I wasn't.

I was just the go-to girl for everyone, the "do you have a pencil?" and "my boyfriend's being an ass, can I just vent?" kind of person. I had been all my life, so why had I expected to change?

Maybe it was because I was done being that girl. I wanted...I wanted to make a true name for myself in high school.

I thought of this when Meghan drove me to school, with Matt of course sitting in the passenger seat. I was stuck in the back, wishing I had taken the old Camry that had been sitting stagnant in the garage for the past two months.

Matt makes another flirtatious comment and Meghan giggles again and I try not to notice.

But...I do anyway.

We pull into the school parking lot and someone taps my knee, perfectly manicured nails wiggling themselves at me. My gaze shoots up toward the person and I smile at Meghan.

"You've been quiet," she says, Matt looking back at me in the rear view mirror like I'm not worth her time. "You all right?"

I nod, getting out of the car, "I'm perfect."

But really, I was so far from it, I didn't even know what 'perfect' felt like.

<<>>

The hallways were full of squealing when the three of us walked in, a sea of tan, newly-died haired girls. The guys stood around, doing that awkward half-handshake, half-hug thing, looking like they couldn't care less about being here again.

Meghan and Matt were almost instantly enveloped in the crowd, leaving me on the outskirts. Introductions were made for Matt, and the other girls' jealous when Meg informed them they were an item was almost as tangible as the humidity in the air.

"You look so thrilled to be here," a voice says, a voice trailing the words easily. I glance to my right and, seeing who it is, a smile spreads across my face.

"Do you see what school does to me?" I respond, "I'm already emotionally drained."

Ben laughs, "The first day tends to do that to you." He wraps me into a hug, and it's then I realize how he must have grown another three inches during the summer and that he bought some sort of new cologne.

I missed him.

Even though Meghan's my best friend and no one could replace her, Ben is one of my best friend's too. He moved here in fifth grade from California, and to be honest, he was that one nerdy kid. You know the one: Star Wars t-shirts, glasses, reading as a favorite hobby...

Meghan and I 'adopted' him, as we like to call it, when no one else would, and ever since that first day when we introduced each other, it's just been the three of us.

Now, we were all seventeen, Ben finally got contacts and ditched the t-shirts, Meghan had a boyfriend, and me? I was same ol' Delilah.

I don't know what the Plain White Tee's were thinking when they wrote that song.

"I haven't seen you all summer," Ben goes on to say after he releases me from his grip. "But...you've changed." I raise an eyebrow at him defensively before he quickly adds, "You look...great. Radiating." He smiles, "But you've kept your freckles."

I groan. He knows how much I hate them. "What? I didn't look great before? What are you trying to say, Ben?" I laugh and make my way toward my locker, the same small, cramped space I've had the joy of renting for the past four years.

Fortunately, Ben's locker was in the boonies of the school, too. Right next to mine.

We both turn our combinations and open the clunky metal doors at the same time, dumping our new binders into them. "Mine still smells like the Sweet Pea from gym last year," I say, smiling and taking a sniff. I loved the smell of that perfume. Bath & Body Works is my personal savior for creating it.

"Yeah? Mine smells like that week old carton of milk I spilled in here on the last day of school."
I would have laughed, but the twisted, disgusted expression Ben was wearing, I realized he wasn't kidding.

I grab my bottle of Sweet Pea from the top shelf and spray half the bottle in his locker. "All fixed. Femininity smells better than rotten dairy."

Ben sticks his entire head into the small space and takes a deep breath, "Ahh...the impending feeling of tossing the cookies I had for breakfast this morning has dissipated."

Meghan hops over to us then, Matt trailing behind her with an amused expression gracing that model-like face of his. "Is he looking for something?" Matt asks, gesturing toward Ben with his and Meghan's entwined hands.

"No," I mumble, looking away and attempting to focus on which binders I'll need. "Meg, what's your schedule look like?"

"Well, it's paper and it has a list of all these classes and teachers that --."

I roll my eyes and bite back a laugh, "You're a pain in my butt."

"That's not the only thing in your butt," Ben says behind me, his laughter reverberating in the locker.

Matt laughs loudly and Ben pulls out, giving him an approving nod for understanding his humor. Meghan and I sigh, but not before I wink at Ben and say, "Only you would know, honey bunches."

His smiles broadly, "That was a good one."

Last year, we had a never-ending contest of how many "that's what she/he said" jokes we could cram into one day. Ever since, my mind has never been as innocent and clean. The damage all that in-the-gutter thinking has made my brain irreparable in that aspect.

Ben rests his head on my shoulder as the homeroom bell announces it's time to go and I pat his head, "Time to get outta here. Chem AP third, right?"

"See ya then," he replies, waving obnoxiously before disappearing in the mad rush toward homeroom.

"You have Campbell for homeroom, right?" Meghan questions, although I'm not sure if it's toward me or Matt.

"No," we both say at the same time.

I groan. God, I swear if you put us in the same homeroom...

"Mr. Nelson," Matt says and my soul breaks into five million pieces knowing that Mr. Nelson's name is printed in black ink on the top of my senior year schedule.

What have I done to you, God? This can't possibly be fate - heck, it can't even be karma - that we got put in the same homeroom. So I just want to know, why why why why why why?

"Awesome," I mumble.

"Don't tell me..." Matt says in response to my overly enthusiastic comment. I nod and he groans. At least it was good to know this distaste for each other was completely mutual.

Meghan laughs, "Oh, it'll be good for you guys to get to know each other. That way, I can actually have a boyfriend who likes my best friend and vice versa." She pauses and gives me a quick hug, "Now get your lazy ass off to class. See ya at lunch."

She sets off down the opposite end of the hallway, after giving Matt a kiss on the cheek of course, and I drag my feet toward room 274 as slow as humanly possible. I didn't even care if I was late at this point.

Alright, maybe I was and that would explain why it was as if rockets had been attached to my flip flops and Matt was clambering down the hallway after me.

We reached 274 a couple minutes later, and I slipped in while Mr. Nelson was taking attendance. He saw me, but since I've been in his homeroom for the past three years and he coached the school softball team I played on, he's more lenient with me and my tardies.

After attendance, Matt sat next to me all nonchalantly and asked, "So who's that guy you were talking to at lockers?"

"Ben," I reply, not intending on elaborating.

Matt snorts, "You're in a pleasant mood. And unlike you, I'm planning on doing what my girlfriend asked me to do, and actually try to be friends with you."

"Friends? That may be taking it too fast for me," I turn my head toward him and smile.

He attempts to keep a smirk from forming those dimples, but he doesn't succeed. "Your humor entertains me. You make jokes at everything."

I think of the reason I'm constantly trying to stay happy. The memories that bound against the wall I've so carefully constructed and succeeded in keeping strong every single day. "Why shouldn't you? Positivity may be contagious, but so is negativity. If every single person in the world is negative, well, that wouldn't be a very fun place, now would it?"

"Not at all," Matt responds thoughtfully. "So, who was that dude?"

"My other best friend, Ben. We're almost as close as Meg and I are. Almost."

Were Matt and I really having a civil conversation? My eyes widen slightly in internal disbelief. Surprising.

"So you guys aren't like, together together?"

"Us?' I giggle, but not that he's mentioned it, I can't stop thinking about how Ben called me radiant. "Nah."

"I don't know," Matt smirks, but when I look at him, I feel as if it's not as taunting and arrogant as it usually is. "He seemed pretty into you."

I tip my head to the side as I consider this. Was it possible? I'm not necessarily asking if it was it possible for two best friends to fall for each other, because I've seen it happen, but was it possible one of the friends to be me and not Meghan?

I glance at Matt again and he looks away, shuffling around in his folder for something even though there's about only three papers in it, and for some reason, the one question that came to mind at this moment was for him.

I wanted to know...I wanted to be able to understand why there was a crease in between his eyebrows.

What are you thinking right now? I wanted to ask.

But I didn't.