Here's Everything I've Always Meant to Say

We only got to make out and heavy pet for a few minutes before the phone had gone off warning us that it was time to suck it up and head out to the little meeting place that the officers had set up. They had let my father go told him if he wasn’t careful that they would pick him back up. I had texted him immediately telling him I needed to talk to him. The game was on and I was absolutely terrified of what was about to unfold.

I glanced to Eli who was sitting in the driver’s seat as we sat in the parks parking lot and awaited my father’s silver SUV to show up. I was fidgeting. My stomach was in not, I was sure I was going to throw up but I had to put up a front. If I looked even slightly sick Eli would refuse to let me out of the car and I was the one wearing the microphone and camera. The microphone was in my bra and the camera was laced with in my ear ring on the left side. Eli though was also fitted with a camera it was disguised as a button on his vest.

“He’s pulling up.” I looked to Eli tears ready to spill over. He smiled gently taking my hand and lacing his fingers with mine. I chewed my lip as my father’s car came to a stop and he climbed out. Eli and I climbed out as well looking my father in the eye.

“You little bitch…” were the first words to leave my father’s mouth. I could feel my throat start to close up as he began to near me. “I kill your mother and I was just going to leave! Just let you be but NO you had to rat on me!” He screamed.

“Leave her alone!” Eli jumped to try and get in my father’s way. My father was having none of it. His fist collided with the side of Eli’s face; a sickening noise was made when it happened. Eli fell back onto the ground and I feared he might be dead.

“Fine! I’ll kill you first!” He screamed toward the crumpled boy that was my boyfriend. He went to stomp on Eli’s stomach but I threw myself over Eli my back receiving the brunt of the stomp.

“Leave him alone please!” I begged as I rolled over to look at my father. He grabbed me by the hair throwing me against the picnic table that was only a few feet away from us. My head collided with the corner of the table my arms and legs hitting different edges of the table.

“Why would I do that? He knows to much! So do you! It’s a matter of who I kill first” He growled standing over Eli. I mustered up all the strength I could find even though I had no idea how I could even stand up at this point.

“Because! You don’t want him dead. You want me! Because I’m the one that knows the truth! I have proof, he has nothing!” I shouted. My father whipped around to face me his body turning away from Eli’s helpless one on the ground.

“You have a point…” He trailed off walking back toward me grabbing me by my hair. “Your bloods on my hands just like your mothers was.” He hissed into my ear pulling something out of his pocket. I couldn’t really see straight any further. My head was pounding I could feel blood running down the back of my neck. Yet all I could really think about how Eli was laying on the ground possibly dead from the impact of my father’s fist.

“Just get it over with.” I hissed as I felt him jerk me around slamming me back against the table for a moment and pulling something out of his pocket. He flashed it in front of my face. It was a pocket knife a small, already bloodied pocket knife.

“I made the first cut to your mom’s throat with this.” He growled into my ear and I could feel the metal push against my neck.

“DROP THE KNIFE OR WE’LL SHOOT!” Great, the people that should have responded as soon as Eli was hit were finally here. Police lined up, I could hear the sirens but everything was going in and out and I could have sworn I saw Eli being dragged away from my father’s reach.

“Come any closer and I’ll cut her throat.” Patrick warned pressing the knife into my skin enough to draw blood and make a point. He then pulled it out holding it at an angel to make it seem more dramatic.

“We can talk about this! You don’t need to kill her!” an officer tried to reason. It all sounded pretty pathetic. Dying right now didn’t seem like such a bad idea, except for I had no idea where Eli was and I couldn’t leave peacefully until I knew he was fine.

“I’m going to jail any way! Why not kill her!” He growled in return. I glared toward the ground looking for Eli but my brain was starting to become clouded with images of Eli holding me tightly in his arms. The images in my head were much better than the ones before me, Eli whispering sweet things to me while my mom was baking cookies in the other room, three little mini Eli’s running around the kitchen, and wedding rings on our fingers.

I was jolted from my thoughts of pleasantness when my father and I hit the ground. His pocket knife embedding its self in my arm. I let out a sheer scream of pain, more afraid that I was dead because I couldn’t really relate where the pain was coming from any more. I didn’t know the knife had gone into my arm. I didn’t know that lying behind me was my unconscious father.

“Move him before he wakes up!” I heard an officer shout and suddenly the pressure on my body had been moved and my father was no longer behind me. I rolled over onto my back looking around spotting Bullfrog holding a bat. He quickly dropped it and fell down next to me touching my face gently.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry Kylie.” He was apologizing but I couldn’t understand why. I couldn’t even fully understand what was going on. “I meant to hit him at an angel so the knife would drop but I had no idea it would drop into your arm.”

“Bullfrog, its ok I highly doubt she’s angry right now, we need to get her to a hospital. They already took Eli.”At the mention of his name I turned my head to look towards the sirens that I could hear. “It’s ok Baby girl, Eli’s at the hospital already, He was conscious when they took him just had a cut they thought he needed stitches for and he probably has a concussion. He’ll be ok.” CeCe reassured me kissing my forehead lightly before the paramedics rushed in.

“What’s your name sweetheart?” The voice was a male, I assumed it was one of the paramedics trying to get me to interact with him but I just looked at him opening my mouth for a moment before closing it.

“Eli…I need…Eli” I choked out attempting to swallow but it felt like I was swallowing nails. I felt some one’s hand take mine and I knew it wasn’t Eli’s but it was one of his parents.

“Sweetheart, Eli’s already at the hospital. He’s ok, I know he’s ok, He needs you to be ok right now Ky.” I whimpered slightly as I felt them slide something under my body. I turned to look towards CeCe and I could see the blurred look of concern and shock on her face.

“Oh my god, her head is bleeding!” Everything was faint; I had no idea who was screaming about what any more. I couldn’t pick out voices but I could feel Cece’s hand against mine. I could hear her voice but I couldn’t pick out words that she was saying. I felt CeCe being slowly torn away from me.

“I..I love you Eli.” I mumbled out slowly before letting my heavy eye lids fall shut. Hearing something about losing too much blood or possible brain injury, everything went dead silent after that.


“Honey” It was my mom’s sweet voice. It was like honey melting through me I turned my head and I could see her un-deformed face smiling back at me. She had fiery red hair and blue eyes that put the ocean water to shame. She was a slim woman with a heavy set chest and a beautiful figure, she could walk into the street and stop traffic, and she was that pretty.

“Mom?” I stood up reaching out to touch her face. My fingers made contact with her gentle baby smooth skin. She let out a small laugh and took my hand off her face lacing it with her hand. There was no wedding ring on her finger any more instead her skin was pale and she was wearing a silver bracelet that I never remembered her having in her life.

“Yes, it’s me Kylie.” Her voice was so happy; I hadn’t heard it in so long. Even before she died I’d never heard it happy. It had always been stressed or worried but never happy.

“Where…Where am I? Am I dead?” I became concerned. I couldn’t die I needed to get to Eli I needed to make sure he wasn’t dead! I can’t be dead! This isn’t the way this is supposed to go.

“Well, I’m not quite sure yet honey. I’m not sure you’re going to recover from what your father did to you…” those were NOT the words I wanted to hear. I couldn’t even fathom it, I couldn’t be dead I’d just gotten happy with Eli. I’d just started to help him recover.

“NO!” I screamed at her wanting to cry but no tears fell. “I can’t be dead Mom! I need to be there for Eli! I can’t let him get hurt anymore! He put his life on the line for me! I refuse to die!” she fell to her knees with me grabbing my face in her hands.

“Honey, breath, will you?” She laughed and I glared at her. How could she be so happy at a time like this? Her daughter was possibly dead and the boy that her daughter was in love with was going to have to live without her.

“It’s not funny! I need him! He needs me! I won’t leave him!” I screamed at her. She rolled her eyes and helped me off the ground gently tucking my hair behind my ear.

“You don’t HAVE to leave him. You have to make a choice Kylie. You have to decide if you’re willing to fight all the struggle and pain that’s going to come your way or if you want to stay here with me where you won’t have any pain and you can watch on Eli.” The way she put it almost made it sound like there was no reason for a choice but I knew better. If I stayed here with Eli, He’d kill himself to be with me. I couldn’t do that to CeCe and bullfrog. But it was so tempting to just look at her and curl up against her soft body and stay.

“But, I don’t know Mom. I love you; I want to stay with you but Eli…” I trailed off and I swear I saw a small tear form in her eye as she smiled at me. She touched my face again kissing my forehead.

“You need to be with him. You are meant to be with him. I will always be up here watching on you. I’ll never leave your side. You need to go be with him.” She repeated as she wrapped her small arms around my body holding me close. It felt so good to have her hold me again, once again it had been much to long since I’d felt her touch.

“I…how do I get out…how do I go back?” I stuttered slightly. I looked at her not even ready to say good bye to her. Not again, I’d watch them put her in the ground not too long ago and I’d been reunited and I was going to have to say good bye all over again.

“Open the door.” She pointed towards a grey shaded door at the corner of the little area we were in. I looked at her slowly opening the door and looking at the scene below. “You have to walk through it if you want to live Kylie.”

I was suddenly second guessing living. I looked down and all I could see were people crying. CeCe and Bullfrog curled up in the corner of the room holding each other. On the bed laid me, Ivy’s in my arms and blood being pumped back into my body a large bandage on my right arm where I’d been stabbed. There was an ace bandage on my foot and I just looked like I was in a lot of pain. I looked through the room to see if I could find Eli.

Eli walked into the room a rather large black, blue, and red mark expanding about three inches from his eye. A small cut next to his eye that had required stitches. He looked worn and like he had spent a lot of time crying. He walked over and took my head kissing every knuckle on my hand pressing the hand to his face.

“You need to go to him Kylie, You won’t be happy here. You have things there you need. You can’t let everything go…” She trailed off and I knew she was right but it was so hard to take the step from this loving little place I’d found to the place that pain and threat was all such a reality. What the hell was I supposed to do? I turned back towards her and she shook her head.