Status: A work in progress
Here's Everything I've Always Meant to Say
Playful
That kiss had been enough to snap me out of the trance I’d been in, just enough so that I could change my close and I hadn’t hyperventilated. Though that had been the worst pain I’d ever felt, having his lips touch mine was the best feeling I’d ever have. So the two conflicting feelings snapped me out of the ‘it’s my fault she’s dead’ long enough to get myself dressed in something else and curled up in Eli’s bed.
It’d been almost a week since I’d found my mom dead and I hadn’t really moved much from Eli’s bed. I ate a little bit whenever CC brought me some food that she’d made for dinner. She didn’t expect much from me. I hadn’t gone back to school yet either and it took a few days to convince Eli that I would be alright on my own in his room.
The cuts they’d seen on my wrists still hadn’t been addressed and I was waiting for one of them to freak out about it still but it was becoming less likely every day. I wasn’t allowed to do much by myself though, Eli didn’t want to leave my side at all, he even made me leave the door cracked when I went to the bathroom and then checked my arms after I came out. He cared and that was all that really mattered to me right now.
I rolled over on his bed staring at the wall for a moment letting out a heavy sigh as I heard a car pull up in the drive way. I glanced to the clock by his bed and smiled It was 2:10 which meant that Eli was home. I had to admit I missed him while he was at school even though we still weren’t an official couple; he was pretty much my life line right now.
“Come on, She might be asleep just be quiet and don’t bother her and you can come in and play video games.” I heard Eli’s voice as he pushed his bed room door open. I leaned over the bed side and pulled his hoodie on to my body and zipped it up not wanting whoever else was here to see the cuts on my arms.
“Holly and Spinner are getting on my nerves though about seeing her Eli, You can’t keep her hoarded in your room forever and not let Holly see her. I’m afraid she might try and kill you if you don’t let her see her soon.” I heard Adam’s voice now. I couldn’t help but smile slightly at the mention of Holly. She was a good friend she’d flown in with her fiancée for the next few months for some kind of business thing.
“Eh. I’ll let them see her when I want to Adam you know that.” Eli pushed his bed room door all the way open and glanced to the bed where I was sitting up my hair probably was standing up all over the place and I knew I had bags under my eyes because I wasn’t sleeping to well. I wore Eli’s tank top under his hoodie, and a pair of his pajama pants on.
“Hi guys.” I mumbled gently feeling a small blush creep onto my face at the fact that they were both staring at me. I moved so that I could set my feet down on his carpeted floor. Eli walked over and set his hands on my waist gently.
“Hey, I wasn’t expecting you to be up yet.” He spoke softly as he reached his hand up and set it against my chin tilting my face up to look at him. His eyes held the compassion and love that I had never seen him look at Jen with and I had to admit it made my heart flutter.
“Yeah well, I woke up because I smell your mother cooking something and I heard Adam.” I looked over to where Adam was standing awkwardly at the door a crooked grin on his face. I smiled slightly. “Plus, I think it’s time I get out of your bed.” I added that last part in softly so that only Eli would hear me.
“Well, Adam’s here to play some video games with me, Mom is in the kitchen cooking…well I’m not sure what it is why don’t you investigate it?” He teased gently touching my cheek again as his hands slowly left my body and he turned to face his best friend.
“I think I just might…” I smiled gently. I walked towards the door looking at Adam oddly as he stood in the door just kind of staring at me. “Adam…is there a reason you’re staring at me?” Adam seemed to choke on his words as he looked at me a small blush forming on his cheeks.
“Uh...no, no I’m sorry.” He stepped aside kind of tripping over his own feet. I shook my head after a moment and moved out into the hallway following my nose and the warm scent of hot coco and cookies.
“CC what is that I smell?” I sang as I walked into the kitchen. She glanced up from the hot pan she’d just set down on the counter with a small laugh falling from her lips.
“Cookies and hot coco for you guys. It’s pretty cold today and I thought you might like something to eat that’s a little sweet.” She smiled gently as she looked at me cautiously glancing from me to my arms.
“Thanks’” I smiled gently as I snuck past her and grabbed one of the hot, fresh out of the oven, chocolate chip cookies. CC let out a laugh as I ran out of the kitchen trying to stuff the hot cookie into my mouth as I ran back to Eli’s bed room.
“Dude why the hell were you staring at her?” The voice was Eli’s but Adam didn’t have time to answer as I came dancing into the room the cookie a mess in my hands and now on my lips. I’m not going to lie that cookie burned my mouth but it was worth it.
“Hot! The cookie is hot!” I squeaked as I danced into the room looking towards the boys. They both turned to me; Adam wore a confused expression while Eli’s was amused. “It’s not funny! I burned my mouth!” I pouted throwing my arms across my chest and pouting towards Eli who was desperately trying to suppress a giggle.
“Aw! You are wearing cookie all over your face though.” Adam hadn’t noticed the look he was now receiving from Eli who seemed to be struggling even more with giggling now.
“I am aware! But I wanted the damn cookie!” I threw my arms up glaring at the two boys now. Adam let out a small laugh before mumbling something I couldn’t hear under his breath. Eli rolled his eyes before standing up and walking over to me.
“And what exactly would you like me to do about your mouth burning?” He continued to move towards me. Adam stood up as well playing along with Eli.
“Yes, dear Kylie what would you like us to do about your mouth hmm?” He teased. AS soon as he’d stood up Eli’s eyes had gone from playful and light hearted to something I couldn’t quite read. I looked to Adam whose eyes were still playful and light hearted but held a little bit of something else in them as well.
“I’m going to go get more cookies?” I touched Eli’s lips for a moment with my index finger and his eyes returned to playful. He let out a laugh as I took off back out the door and started down the hallway both boys chasing me into the kitchen.
“What are you doing!?” CC laughed as We all three toppled into the kitchen kind of collapsing onto each other. I looked at her innocently from the bottom of the three of us. Eli had landed on the upper part of my body gently enough that he didn’t crush me and Adam had landed on my lower half both boys blushing rather hardly at the position we were in.
“I wanted more cookies because the first one burnt my mouth!” I explained wiggling my legs from under Adam. That feeling of being trapped started to creep up into my chest. “Ok off now. Both of you!” I growled as soon as I’d made any noise Eli jumped off pulling Adam with him. “Ok now would someone like to help me off the floor?” Two hands were immediately thrown towards me.
“Well look at that.” His mom teased as she watched me grab both the hands held out to me and I was helped off the floor. “Alright all of you head back to your room I’ll be there in just a second with the cookies and coco ok?” She urged and I couldn’t help but jump up and grab a cookie sticking it in my mouth before she could stop me.
“You are a cookie monster Kylie.” Adam laughed as he slung his arm over my shoulders and started to lead me back to Eli’s room. I was confused by his behavior towards me I mean I’d spent time with Eli and Adam before, well not a whole lot of time because Adam was good friends with Jen and Well I still didn’t like her.
“Yeah, Eli’s told me that a few times…” I trailed off as we reached Eli’s room I peeled Adam’s arm off me looking to Eli with the most confused expression on my face. I didn’t get why Adam was all the sudden trying to be buddy, buddy with me. Then it clicked, the whole school must have heard about my mom’s murder and he probably pitied me and was acting like this because he felt bad. I let out a sigh.
“Alright Eli! Get over here I get to kick your ass in these games!” Adam flopped himself down in front of the TV in Eli’s room. Eli was still looking at me even though I had sat back down on his bed pulling out a note book. “Eli!” He called again. Eli snapped to attention and sat down slowly next to his best friend.
I sprawled myself across the bed as I listened to them play video games just like I expected to male best friends to do. I let my eyes close for a few moments just listening to the sounds of the boys playing even though they weren’t quiet per say it was nice just to listen to some one enjoying themselves. CC had brought in the cookies while my eyes were closed and I really didn’t feel like opening my eyes just to climb out of Eli’s nice warm bed and get cookies.
“Hey Ky here cookie for you, I know you’re not completely asleep yet.” Eli’s voice met my ears as I grunted and pushed his hand away.
“I’m tired Eli.” I mumbled. “Just save me some please?” I opened my eyes and looked at him slightly through sleepy eyes. He smiled gently and set his hand on my cheek for a moment rubbing it back and forth for a moment before nodding.
“Alright love get some sleep ok?” He smiled gently pressing a kiss to my cheek before climbing of the bed to play with Adam. “I’ll wake you up when Mom has dinner ready ok or in an hour or something, so you don’t end up awake all night ok?” He ran his fingers through my hair before standing up off the bed.
I smiled well at least I think I smiled. I nestled my face in to his comforter as the sounds of the boys started to feel more and more distant as I fell asleep on his bed. It was nice knowing that he was right there but it was going to be hard when I had to go home…I couldn’t stay here forever I wouldn’t want to cramp Eli’s dating life or even bother his parents but I couldn’t imagine going home. But for now I just needed to focus on sleeping.
It’d been almost a week since I’d found my mom dead and I hadn’t really moved much from Eli’s bed. I ate a little bit whenever CC brought me some food that she’d made for dinner. She didn’t expect much from me. I hadn’t gone back to school yet either and it took a few days to convince Eli that I would be alright on my own in his room.
The cuts they’d seen on my wrists still hadn’t been addressed and I was waiting for one of them to freak out about it still but it was becoming less likely every day. I wasn’t allowed to do much by myself though, Eli didn’t want to leave my side at all, he even made me leave the door cracked when I went to the bathroom and then checked my arms after I came out. He cared and that was all that really mattered to me right now.
I rolled over on his bed staring at the wall for a moment letting out a heavy sigh as I heard a car pull up in the drive way. I glanced to the clock by his bed and smiled It was 2:10 which meant that Eli was home. I had to admit I missed him while he was at school even though we still weren’t an official couple; he was pretty much my life line right now.
“Come on, She might be asleep just be quiet and don’t bother her and you can come in and play video games.” I heard Eli’s voice as he pushed his bed room door open. I leaned over the bed side and pulled his hoodie on to my body and zipped it up not wanting whoever else was here to see the cuts on my arms.
“Holly and Spinner are getting on my nerves though about seeing her Eli, You can’t keep her hoarded in your room forever and not let Holly see her. I’m afraid she might try and kill you if you don’t let her see her soon.” I heard Adam’s voice now. I couldn’t help but smile slightly at the mention of Holly. She was a good friend she’d flown in with her fiancée for the next few months for some kind of business thing.
“Eh. I’ll let them see her when I want to Adam you know that.” Eli pushed his bed room door all the way open and glanced to the bed where I was sitting up my hair probably was standing up all over the place and I knew I had bags under my eyes because I wasn’t sleeping to well. I wore Eli’s tank top under his hoodie, and a pair of his pajama pants on.
“Hi guys.” I mumbled gently feeling a small blush creep onto my face at the fact that they were both staring at me. I moved so that I could set my feet down on his carpeted floor. Eli walked over and set his hands on my waist gently.
“Hey, I wasn’t expecting you to be up yet.” He spoke softly as he reached his hand up and set it against my chin tilting my face up to look at him. His eyes held the compassion and love that I had never seen him look at Jen with and I had to admit it made my heart flutter.
“Yeah well, I woke up because I smell your mother cooking something and I heard Adam.” I looked over to where Adam was standing awkwardly at the door a crooked grin on his face. I smiled slightly. “Plus, I think it’s time I get out of your bed.” I added that last part in softly so that only Eli would hear me.
“Well, Adam’s here to play some video games with me, Mom is in the kitchen cooking…well I’m not sure what it is why don’t you investigate it?” He teased gently touching my cheek again as his hands slowly left my body and he turned to face his best friend.
“I think I just might…” I smiled gently. I walked towards the door looking at Adam oddly as he stood in the door just kind of staring at me. “Adam…is there a reason you’re staring at me?” Adam seemed to choke on his words as he looked at me a small blush forming on his cheeks.
“Uh...no, no I’m sorry.” He stepped aside kind of tripping over his own feet. I shook my head after a moment and moved out into the hallway following my nose and the warm scent of hot coco and cookies.
“CC what is that I smell?” I sang as I walked into the kitchen. She glanced up from the hot pan she’d just set down on the counter with a small laugh falling from her lips.
“Cookies and hot coco for you guys. It’s pretty cold today and I thought you might like something to eat that’s a little sweet.” She smiled gently as she looked at me cautiously glancing from me to my arms.
“Thanks’” I smiled gently as I snuck past her and grabbed one of the hot, fresh out of the oven, chocolate chip cookies. CC let out a laugh as I ran out of the kitchen trying to stuff the hot cookie into my mouth as I ran back to Eli’s bed room.
“Dude why the hell were you staring at her?” The voice was Eli’s but Adam didn’t have time to answer as I came dancing into the room the cookie a mess in my hands and now on my lips. I’m not going to lie that cookie burned my mouth but it was worth it.
“Hot! The cookie is hot!” I squeaked as I danced into the room looking towards the boys. They both turned to me; Adam wore a confused expression while Eli’s was amused. “It’s not funny! I burned my mouth!” I pouted throwing my arms across my chest and pouting towards Eli who was desperately trying to suppress a giggle.
“Aw! You are wearing cookie all over your face though.” Adam hadn’t noticed the look he was now receiving from Eli who seemed to be struggling even more with giggling now.
“I am aware! But I wanted the damn cookie!” I threw my arms up glaring at the two boys now. Adam let out a small laugh before mumbling something I couldn’t hear under his breath. Eli rolled his eyes before standing up and walking over to me.
“And what exactly would you like me to do about your mouth burning?” He continued to move towards me. Adam stood up as well playing along with Eli.
“Yes, dear Kylie what would you like us to do about your mouth hmm?” He teased. AS soon as he’d stood up Eli’s eyes had gone from playful and light hearted to something I couldn’t quite read. I looked to Adam whose eyes were still playful and light hearted but held a little bit of something else in them as well.
“I’m going to go get more cookies?” I touched Eli’s lips for a moment with my index finger and his eyes returned to playful. He let out a laugh as I took off back out the door and started down the hallway both boys chasing me into the kitchen.
“What are you doing!?” CC laughed as We all three toppled into the kitchen kind of collapsing onto each other. I looked at her innocently from the bottom of the three of us. Eli had landed on the upper part of my body gently enough that he didn’t crush me and Adam had landed on my lower half both boys blushing rather hardly at the position we were in.
“I wanted more cookies because the first one burnt my mouth!” I explained wiggling my legs from under Adam. That feeling of being trapped started to creep up into my chest. “Ok off now. Both of you!” I growled as soon as I’d made any noise Eli jumped off pulling Adam with him. “Ok now would someone like to help me off the floor?” Two hands were immediately thrown towards me.
“Well look at that.” His mom teased as she watched me grab both the hands held out to me and I was helped off the floor. “Alright all of you head back to your room I’ll be there in just a second with the cookies and coco ok?” She urged and I couldn’t help but jump up and grab a cookie sticking it in my mouth before she could stop me.
“You are a cookie monster Kylie.” Adam laughed as he slung his arm over my shoulders and started to lead me back to Eli’s room. I was confused by his behavior towards me I mean I’d spent time with Eli and Adam before, well not a whole lot of time because Adam was good friends with Jen and Well I still didn’t like her.
“Yeah, Eli’s told me that a few times…” I trailed off as we reached Eli’s room I peeled Adam’s arm off me looking to Eli with the most confused expression on my face. I didn’t get why Adam was all the sudden trying to be buddy, buddy with me. Then it clicked, the whole school must have heard about my mom’s murder and he probably pitied me and was acting like this because he felt bad. I let out a sigh.
“Alright Eli! Get over here I get to kick your ass in these games!” Adam flopped himself down in front of the TV in Eli’s room. Eli was still looking at me even though I had sat back down on his bed pulling out a note book. “Eli!” He called again. Eli snapped to attention and sat down slowly next to his best friend.
I sprawled myself across the bed as I listened to them play video games just like I expected to male best friends to do. I let my eyes close for a few moments just listening to the sounds of the boys playing even though they weren’t quiet per say it was nice just to listen to some one enjoying themselves. CC had brought in the cookies while my eyes were closed and I really didn’t feel like opening my eyes just to climb out of Eli’s nice warm bed and get cookies.
“Hey Ky here cookie for you, I know you’re not completely asleep yet.” Eli’s voice met my ears as I grunted and pushed his hand away.
“I’m tired Eli.” I mumbled. “Just save me some please?” I opened my eyes and looked at him slightly through sleepy eyes. He smiled gently and set his hand on my cheek for a moment rubbing it back and forth for a moment before nodding.
“Alright love get some sleep ok?” He smiled gently pressing a kiss to my cheek before climbing of the bed to play with Adam. “I’ll wake you up when Mom has dinner ready ok or in an hour or something, so you don’t end up awake all night ok?” He ran his fingers through my hair before standing up off the bed.
I smiled well at least I think I smiled. I nestled my face in to his comforter as the sounds of the boys started to feel more and more distant as I fell asleep on his bed. It was nice knowing that he was right there but it was going to be hard when I had to go home…I couldn’t stay here forever I wouldn’t want to cramp Eli’s dating life or even bother his parents but I couldn’t imagine going home. But for now I just needed to focus on sleeping.