Here's Everything I've Always Meant to Say

Sitting up I glanced around it was dark much too dark. I must have slept longer then I intended. Why hadn’t Eli woke me up? Then I realized something I wasn’t in Eli’s room any more I didn’t really know where I was. The room was to dark and the bed I had been I no longer felt like a bed. It was stiff and freezing. I could hear voices not too far away from me but I had no idea where they were coming from.

“Eli?” I called as my feet hit the cold floor…That was odd last time I remembered I’d been wearing socks and now I was bare foot. I shuffled across the floor feeling along the wall for some kind of door or window or even a light switch but I couldn’t find any. I started banging against what I assumed to be the Wall. “Eli!” I screamed now desperately searching for him.

“You’re little boyfriend isn’t here my dear.” I whipped around seeing my father’s face illuminated in the darkness. He was holding something in his hand but I couldn’t make out what it was and I could hear whimpering near him and I wasn’t sure what was going on all I knew is that I needed to find Eli and figure out how the hell I’d gotten here.

“Get away from me! I know you killed mom! I’m not going to let you get away with it!” I shouted at the illuminated face getting closer and closer to me by the second. I backed up until my back hit the wall confusion and fear ripping through me as his face got closer to me.

“I did kill her and if you’d been home you could have stopped it how does that feel? You could have stopped the murder.” I closed my eyes and kicked and hit at the illuminated face that seemed to be speaking to me though it didn’t seem to be doing me any kind of good to thrash around and scream at this head that maybe wasn’t even real.

“You could have stopped him baby girl, why didn’t you help me?” My mom’s voice was in the room where in it I couldn’t tell. I couldn’t feel anything anymore my whole body felt like it was floating on thin air. I wasn’t sure how to grasp anything to keep my feet on the ground.

“I did! I didn’t want to die! Eli…he wants me alive mom!” I shouted into the empty room. “I love him! You guys hurt me!” I screamed I could feel the tears’ beginning to pour down my cheeks nothing was making any sense to me.

“You choose this stupid boy over your own mother...pethetic.” My mother’s voice was haunting as I felt like it was a gun pointed to my head. The words it was so true, instead of going home like I should have I stayed with Eli where I knew I was safe not thinking about her. I could feel my body beginning to shake and suddenly I was back in Eli’s room.

“You ok?” I was panting as I tried to figure out what had just happened. Had I been hallucinating…dreaming? I wasn’t sure all I knew is I was glad that it was over. Though I would have been more relieved if it had been Eli sitting on the bed next to me instead of Adam.

“I’m fine Adam can you please go get Eli?” I asked slowly glancing up from my shaking hands. Adam didn’t move to get off the bed. He moved closer to me causing me to back away even further. “Adam please I need Eli…” My breathing was starting to pick up again.

“You don’t need him, I’m right here, whatever it is you can tell me…” My brows furrowed together as I noticed the dangerous look in his eyes. I began to shake my head repeatedly as I continued to back away from Adam.

“Adam please, not now I need Eli!” I shouted hoping that maybe someone else would hear and come and save me and stop whatever it was that was about to happen. Adam looked around the room before smiling at me.

“Eli’s not going to save you. Why would he do that? I sent him out to get something for you and his mom went with him. I have you all to myself.” His voice was a cross between demonic and my fathers and I screamed grabbing the nearest thing to me and throwing it towards Adam.

“ELI!”I screamed as I continued to throw whatever I could find in Eli’s room towards Adam who was still advancing at me, his eyes red and full of anger and lust. “Leave me alone Adam!” I screamed my voice was shaking my body was shaking. I felt like his hands were suddenly at my throat.

“You have nowhere to go, No one to save you now,” His face neared mine and I reached up slamming my fist into his nose. Suddenly blood began to pour out of his nose and then slowly began to leak down his face from his eyes and his mouth. I continued to scream as I watched Adam’s face slowly become distorted into my mothers

“No!” I screamed as I grabbed the still bleeding face in my own hands “No! Mom! Don’t go!” I screamed towards her shaking my whole body along with hers desperate to see her face even if I had caused the blood to gush from her slowly dying body.

“You could have helped me baby girl but you didn’t…Worthless daughter.” She coughed up blood as she gasped out one final breath before falling back into the black abyss that seemed to form by my feet.

“NO! I’M NOT WORTHLESS! NO MOM COME BACK! I’M SORRY!” I screamed tears streaming down my face as I attempted to throw myself down the abyss with her but my body wouldn’t allow me something was holding on to me.

“Kylie you can’t go! I need you, I love you! No one blames you! Kylie!” Eli’s voice was distant but his hands were firm on my arms

“NO! Eli! Let me go! Eli!” I screamed pulling at the restraints on my arms before I felt another hand on my arm.

“Eli, if she wants to go you can’t hold her back...”It was CC “She means a lot to us but we can’t keep her here if she doesn’t want to be here.” Her voice was the strangest sound I’d heard throughout this whole dream. It was up in my face and louder than any other voice. Though as soon as she spoke the abyss opened up under my feet.

“No! I don’t want to go! I just want to make things right!” I cried shaking my head as I reached for Eli’s arms now wanting him to hold onto me and not let me slip and fall to my death or everlasting fall whatever it might be.

“I have Jen to fall back on…goodbye Kylie...” He whispered as he let go of my hands and I began to scream as I felt the wind being knocked out of me.

“ELI! ELI! NO ELI!” I couldn’t feel anything as my body continued to fall and I felt like the whole world was beginning to crumble from under me.

“Kylie!” The voice was in my ear and loud enough to cause me to shoot up out of the bed. Sweat dripping down the back of my neck. My breathing erratic as I looked towards the voice that had woken me. It was Adam he was sitting there looking scared of me.

“Eli? I need Eli!” I panicked as I began to strip the hoodie off my arms trying to calm myself down and make sure that I was awake as I let the hoodie drop to the floor. Adam’s jaw dropped as he saw the cuts on my arms. I bit down on my lip as I ran my nails over some of the fresh cuts drawing blood.

“ELI!” Adam screamed as he ran out of the room. I started to calm down as I watched some fresh blood run from the healing cuts on my arms. I was awake, finally I was awake and I was in Eli’s room on his bed, then a part of me realized I’d probably just scared Adam for life.

“Adam! Calm down!” Eli groaned as the two of them appeared in the door way. Adam was frantically talking his whole body moving as he spoke pointing towards me on the bed and nearly screaming because he wasn’t sure what he’d just seen.

“But she cut her self dude! She was screaming and thrashing then she just woke up and scratched her arm till it bled!” He panicked. Eli’s eyes scanned the room before meeting mine. He smiled gently towards me ignoring the blood running down my arm.

“Okay Adam. Relax ok? Just go get me some bandages from the kitchen alright?” Eli unlike his friend was calm. Eli made his way over to the bed and sat next to me reaching out and taking my hands into his rubbing the back of my hands.

“It…the nightmare...came back...” I whimpered as I looked towards Eli I could feel the tears start to make their way down my cheeks. “Only this time…You let go of me…You let me fall…” I felt a small sob rip from my chest as I looked at him. He crawled closer wrapping his arms gently around me and pulling me into his lap rocking me in his arms.

“Oh Kylie, sweetheart, I would never let you go, No matter what.” He kissed the top of my head as we moved back and forth on the bed. I pressed my face against his chest trying to regain my sanity as my fingers laced into his shirt fabric.

“You had Jen…you didn’t need me.” I cried softly. I could feel his muscles tightened at the name Jen before they slowly relaxed and went back to rocking me in his arms.

“Never. I would never pick her over you. Never again.” He murmured gently kissing my temple as Adam finally re-entered the room with bandages.