I Love Him..and He Doesn't Even Notice Me

*Ivy's POV*

Ivy ruined everything.

Ivy. Me.

I ruined everything.

"No!" I screamed and jumped up. I clutched my chest trying to calm my breathing and slow my heart beat. I looked around and noticed that I was in my room. How did I even get here? I closed my eyes and took at deep breath.

I felt something moving on my arm. My eyes snapped open, my mouth dropped, and I let out a piercing scream. A hand went over my mouth and I started thrashing around. Legs went over mine so I was being straddled. My panic filled eyes met calm blue eyes. I relaxed, and the hand pulled away from my mouth and rested on my cheek.

"What are you doing here? What am I doing here? The last thing I remember is laying on the grass crying. I'm blank after that."

Evan cradled me to his chest, "Yeah, I know. I found you there sleeping. I brought you home, and your parents said I could stay in case you freak out. I guess they were right."

"Thank you." I lay down on my side, facing Evan. I moved closer to him and curled into his chest. Evan's arms wound around me, and I felt an instant comfort.

"Why did you run away, Ivy? We all feel the same way about this as you do. It's not like we don't understand." Evan whispered in my ear.

"But you guys don't understand. Judy, she was one of my best friends..At least she was supposed to be. I didn't even know she felt this way."

"None of us knew."

"I should have known though. I should have been there for her. She did this because of me. She didn't do this because of any of you, just me, so you guys don't know how I feel. Not the slightest. Judy is dead, and she doesn't have to be. If I had been a better friend, if I had noticed her feelings instead of thinking about myself, she would still be here." My teeth were clenched together.

"You can't think that way. Julie didn't even know, and her and Judy were like sisters. You can't blame yourself. I don't want to say this, but Judy did this to herself. She didn't tell anyone. Maybe if someone had known then this wouldn't of had to happen, but no one knew."

I shook my head. This was my fault, and I knew it. Judy even wrote it in her..suicide..note. I cringed just thinking about it. Evan tightened his hold on me. I felt tears roll down my cheeks, "Gawd, I'm crying again. When will it stop? I feel like I've cried so much that my tears could replace all the water that got contaminated by the BP oil spill, dammit!"

Evan laughed, "Well, you should stop soon. Get happy. We have to go to the school today for that camp thing, remember?"

"I forgot about that actually." I so did not want to go to that now, but of course it was mandatory. "Hopefully when we get there they will tell us that it's canceled considering.."

"Aww, why? You don't want to spend a week with me? Away from this place?" Evan did the whole puppy dog face that looked irresistible on him.

"No, of course I do. It's just..How can we do group bonding when someone in our group just killed herself, on school grounds too? It just seems..weird." I shivered.

"Well, I guess we will find out when we get to school." Evan got up and held his hand out to me. "Come on, let's get ready."

I sighed and grabbed his hand.

^^^

When Evan pulled into a parking space, I stayed planted in my seat. The sun was shinning bright, but I felt like I had my own personal rain cloud following me. I looked out my window and saw that almost all the juniors were sitting out in front of the school. They were smiling and laughing, like nothing happened yesterday. I scowled.

Evan got out of the car, walked to the passenger side, and opened my door. "You have to face everyone sometime, you can't just be a hermit the rest of your life."

"Watch me."

Evan laughed at me and then picked me up. He threw me over his shoulder and started walking towards the school. I pounded on his back and yelled at him to put me down. He finally obliged and put me down. Of course we were already in front of the school and everyone was staring at us.

I looked at the ground, but still felt their intense stares on me. I heard movements, and when I looked up next I was in the center of a circle made up by my friends. Christy, Justin, Evan, Julie, Big Mikey, Little Mikey and Ethan. Ethan and Evan fist pounded and I was glad to see that they were friends again.

We all stared at each other for what seemed like ever. Christy had tears in her eyes, Julie's face was tear stained, all the guys were either looking at the ground or looking around for nothing. Finally Christy stepped forward and hugged me as she cried into my shoulder. That got everyone going and we had a big group hug. We jumped apart when we heard one of those air horn thingies.

"Attention students! Today we will begin your first day of bonding at camp. Now, I know that happened yesterday was tragic, a student's life was lost, but it gives us more reason to bond. What happened yesterday did not have to happen." I looked at the ground knowing that everyone was probably looking at me. "Our first group bonding activity will take place here, in memory of Judy."

My head snapped up and three football players walked up to Mrs. Kensington with stone in their hands. They all walked to the flag poles in front of the school and set the stone down. I walked closer and gasped at what I saw written on the stone.

In loving memory of Judy Blossom. RIP. Class of '11 <3

"Judy was a great student, I want you all to acknowledge that. Now, I know that some of you had problems with her, but put that aside now. It's done and over with. If a few of you want to come up and say something, be all means go ahead."

No one moved. I looked at Julie and she was crying even more then before. She took a step forward but stopped. I walked towards her and put my hand on her shoulder. I nodded at her and we both made our way to the stone. We looked down at it and tears stung my eyes.

"You were my best friend," Julie started, "All three of us actually, ever since 1st grade. We shared glue." She laughed but then started crying.

I patted her shoulder and then continued for her, "Even then, we were there for each other even if it was just sharing glue. We grew up together, and I told you everything, and I thought that you told me everything to.."

"The point is, we wish you would have told us." Julie said as I nodded. "We would have understood. Like Ivy said, I told you everything, we were supposed to be best friends, but you kept so much from us..and now your gone. There are s-s-so many things that we can't take b-back." Julie was shaking from all her crying. I wrapped my arm around her.

"We just wish that you had told us. But wherever you are, Judy, I just wanna say that I'm sorry. If I could go back, I would do it all over again, just to have you here.." I knelt down by the stone. I put my hand to my mouth and then put my hand onto the stone. I cried silently as Julie didn't hold back and was bawling.

A hand grabbed my elbow and pulled me up. I turned my head to my left and saw Evan. I threw my hands around his neck and held him close. I cried and cried, but then I stopped. I was tired of crying. When I lifted my head I saw that almost everyone was crying, even some guys, and the people that weren't were comforting the ones that were. Mrs. Kensington was right, we were bonding because of this.

I walked back to my friends with Julie and Evan on either side of me. I clung to Evan like he was my life line. I rested my head on his shoulder as other people went up and talked about Judy. Christy talked about how Judy was one of her first friends when she moved here, Cole even talked, but what surprised me the most was Little Mike, he talked about how he liked Judy. How he wished she had thought of him the way he thought of her, how he was her secret admirer last Valentines Day, and how he would never forget her.

When he stepped away from the stone, Mrs. Kensington stepped back up. "Judy, will never be forgotten, by anyone at this school." She put her head down and gave us all a moment of silence. "Now, we are off to camp. Please get on the buses."

I sighed and turned around. I looked up, then did a double take. They weren't like the yellow buses we used to go to Six Flags, these were double decker buses that were for long trips. We all turned back to Mrs. Kensington.

"Surprise." She smiled at us.