Broken Wings

I groaned as I lifelessly flopped into the chair at the kitchen table. I could feel my heart thumping hard against my chest, working furiously through the sludge of the sleeping pills to pump the blood around my body. My lungs worked overtime to bring in large gasps of air and even as I sat at that table my vision blurred and my eyes fluttered shut. My chin fell onto my chest and my hearing went fuzzy as sleep tried to take me again.

A sharp but not painful slap on my face forced my eyes to open and I saw Gerard glaring at me.
“No sleeping!” he growled.
“Your fault for waking me up before I’m meant to,” I grumbled back at him.
“Hey, it’s only the morning, please don’t fight,” Frank pleaded, walking out of the kitchen with a stack of pancakes, bacon and a bottle of maple syrup.
I vaguely remembered them, and remembered just how amazing they tasted. A far cry from the tasteless, grey oatmeal they gave us in the institution.
“You made your pancakes?” I asked.
Frank beamed in delight.
“I did indeed. They’re your favourite so I figured it would be fitting for your first breakfast back home,” Frank said, shrugging.
He shovelled a bunch of pancakes and bacon onto a plate that in my sleepy stupor I hadn’t noticed was there. He then moved onto the guys plates, placing pancakes and bacon on them before plonking the bottle of maple syrup down in front of us. Gerard and Mikey immediately fought over the maple syrup, obviously eager to dig in; whereas I was looking down at my plate, dreading having to eat my breakfast. This entire house was unwelcoming and foreign to me making me feel more and more like a stranger in a strange land. I looked up at Frank and I saw him looking at me with a sickeningly large amount of hope in his eyes. I looked back down at my breakfast; grudgingly I cut a piece of pancake and bacon and popped it in my mouth.

I knew from previous experiences that it should taste like my tastebuds had died and gone to heaven. The pancakes were cooked to perfection; a light golden brown colour while the bacon was slightly crisped on the outside but not in the middle—just the way I used to like it. The sweetness of the pancake complimented the saltiness of the bacon to produce one of the most delightful tastes in the world… but I couldn’t taste any of it. The food I was eating was dry and flavourless. It was like I was eating paper. The pancakes weren’t light and fluffy, the bacon wasn’t salty… If flavour was colour then I’d be eating something grey.

I looked back up and I saw Gerard practically inhaling his breakfast while both Mikey and Frank were watching me. Frank had this glittering in his eyes as he watched me chew while Mikey had an analytical look on his face. I forced myself to smile and it felt weird, like my muscles were having to physically stretch themselves to smile. Frank beamed back and I gulped down the food in my mouth.
“Yum…?” I more like asked.
Frank’s house lit up like a Christmas tree while Mikey frowned at me disapprovingly. I ignored the both of them and focused on keeping my breakfast down.

Once breakfast was over(I only ate half of it) Mikey helped me up and lead me over to the couch in the living room. I hated being dependent on someone else but without Mikey my legs would have given way and I’d have collapsed to the floor. When I was comfortably sitting on the couch, curled against the head rest, Gerard knelt by my head, looking intently at me.
“I know you want to go back to sleep so answer my questions and I’ll let you sleep,” Gerard bargained with me.
I nodded in agreement and forced my eyes to focus on him.
“Why are you taking these pills?” he asked.
“I need them. They stop the nightmares and keep me from being like them,” I answered.
“Who’s ‘them’?” he inquired curiously.
I bit my lip as I remembered the nights kept awake by the noises outside my walls. They’d transferred me into The Doctor’s section and I was surrounded by the mental patients that could never leave.
“They never leave… they can’t. They were all around me. They scream at night, throw themselves into their walls, talk to themselves. They have to be isolated because otherwise they’ll bite you or treat you like they do themselves. They’re insane, they’re freaks! Even the guards never bother with them… I don’t want to be like them... I can’t be like them….” I finished off in a whisper.
I saw Gerard exchange a look with someone but I had started fiddling with a loose string on the couch.
“Okay… well, what kind of nightmares would you get?” Gerard asked.
I closed my eyes and shook my head. I would not relive those nightmares again… or what I did during them.
“Bad ones,” I whispered.
Another look was exchanged.
“Alright… well… how long have you been on these tablets?” he asked.
“I’m not sure really… maybe a year, year and a half? I was starting to be like them so The Doctor saved me and gave me these tablets. It’s about the only thing I don’t loathe him over. I hate taking the tablets, but that’s because of the side effects. But I can’t be like them, I just can’t…” I repeated, more to myself than anyone else.
I felt a hand rest on mine and give me a light squeeze.
“You won’t be like that, and I promise we’ll get rid of your nightmares and you won’t be like the crazy ones and you’ll be able to sleep the whole night through,” Gerard said firmly.
“So Mikey thinks…” I murmured.
“We will! Even if it kills me!” Mikey said hotly.
Gerard looked at him sharply while Frank nodded his silent agreement.
“Whatever you say…” I sighed; I just wanted this conversation to be over.
“Max, do you even know what drugs you’re taking?” Gerard asked me.
I shrugged, to be honest I hadn’t really cared when The Doctor explained them to me, I’d just been delighted by the fact I’d slept through the night peacefully.
“You’re on Temazepam, Flurazepam and Zopiclone. Do you know what they are and what they do?” Gerard asked.
I shook my head, and tried to listen clearly to what he said.
“Temazepam and Flurazepam are benzodiazepines. They dull the nervous system and relax all the muscles. Plus you can get addicted to them rather easily. Zopiclone is a tranquiliser, and it’s even worse than the benzodiazepines. You are going to go through one hell of a withdrawal,” Geard sighed.
I nodded sleepily as I tried to keep my eyes open and focus on what he was saying. Gerard noticed how much trouble I was having trying to stay awake as a large yawn shuddered through my body.
“Go to sleep, we’ll talk more later,” he sighed.
I nodded and rolled over onto my side, settling into the couch with my back to the boys. I closed my eyes and gratefully let the darkness of sleep come and drag me down.

Mikey’s P.O.V

Max’s breath evened out and deepened almost immediately and I raised an eyebrow at how fast those sleeping pills took her under. I’d never seen a prescription drug work so quickly.
“So, what do we do now Gee?” Frank asked.
“Fuck, Frank… I’m not even fucking sure. I think… no. There’s no doubt. She’s been on these fucking drugs too long to not be addicted. That’s probably why her pills are so fucking big; she’s developed a tolerance for them so she needs way more than the average person needs. Guys, they’ll eventually end up killing her… I just have a gut feeling. We need to get her off them, immediately. She’s gonna go through one hell of a withdrawal, so you’re gonna have to be prepared for that Frank. She’ll need you to be supportive and understanding,” Gerard explained.
I looked at Frank and his face looked white. He looked like someone had just sucker punched him, killed his grandmother and kidnapped his dog.
“Fuck! I’m meant to meet Shazzy at ten! It’s frigging nine-forty now!” Frank growled in annoyance.
I could see the stress in his eyes and I put a reassuring hand on his shoulder.
“Go meet Shazzy, we’ll take care of things here,” I urged.
“No, I should stay. Max is my sister after all,” Frank sighed.
“Frank, you’re our brother. That means your family is ours. We’ll take care of Max. Now go see Shazzy! It’s been ages, thanks to her relatives living in Scotland,” Gerard insisted.
“You sure it’ll be okay?” Frank asked, but I could see a small park in his eyes from the thought of seeing his long-time girlfriend.
“Just go you pansy!” I laughed, shoving him lightly.
Frank threw me a light punch before grabbing his wallet and phone.
“You have my number right? Call me if anything goes wrong,” he procrastinated.
I rolled my eyes.
“Just go! You’re gonna be late otherwise!” Gerard exclaimed.
Frank gave us a grateful smile and dashed out of the house.
“So where to from here?” I asked Gerard.
“We take her pills and clear out all the medication in this house. But we’ll have to tell Linda and Frank when they come back in,” Gerard said firmly.
“How about you clear out the Iero’s and I’ll take Max’s?” I suggested.
“Sounds good to me. See you soon then,” Gerard agreed, walking into the kitchen.

I walked into Max’s room and immediately pocketed the three large pill bottles. I then decided to take a proper look at her room, as before I was slightly worried she was dead. The walls were painted black, but she’d obviously lightened it up by flicking and throwing various coloured paints on the walls. There was the aforementioned pile of scrunched up posters in the middle, but this time I noticed a few picture frames amongst the posters. I sat by the pile and pulled the frames out; looking at them.

The first contained a much younger looking Max with her arms around a Puerto-Rican looking guy with big, bushy, afro-like hair that I was pretty sure I’d seen around school somewhere. In the photo she had short, choppy, raven hair that was highlighted with a multitude of bright colours. I immediately understood what Frank meant when he said that Max wasn’t his sister. The girl in this frame looked so happy, it was like the sun had personally sung her a song and danced with her in a field of rainbows, butterflies and unicorns. Her hair was shiny and full of life and her skin was a warm beige colour.

The second frame held a picture of the same girl lying upside down, on her back, under a tree. Her legs were resting up on a split in the tree and she was blowing smoke rings. I frowned slightly and I saw the lit joint in her hand. So, she was a druggie then? Just like the rest of this shitty town. It made me slightly disappointed in her because she was only about thirteen in this picture.

I looked at the next picture and almost dropped it.
She was wearing a short, pleated skirt with fishnet stockings on and she had on these… extremely sexy leather boots, and a corset that had its first strings unlaced at the front. And she was very heavily involved with a woman. I couldn’t see the woman’s face, because, well, Max’s head angle as she made out with her blocked the woman’s face. I could tell though by her form that the woman was over eighteen. In a way it kind of made me feel sick. Not the fact that she was gay, but the fact that she was kissing someone so much older than her.

I dropped the frames and quickly moved out of her room. I walked into the bathroom and pulled out the pills, my mind reeling with all sorts of questions and theories. I guess it would kind of make sense as to why she was sent away if her father found out about the relationship and was a homophobe. As I was thinking about it I turned the faucets and opened each bottle of pills and upturned them. I watched carefully as every last pill dropped into the sink, before throwing the bottles in the bin by the sink.