We've Got It All Figured Out... For Now

Todd and I slowly walked down to the ICU to check on Emma and to get Josh up to Kirstie. I hated those three letters… and Emma’s in there. This sweet little girl. What if… my little boy was in there? That’s the only thing I could think of. Todd noticed my change in mood and snaked one of his arms around me tightly, adding a kiss to the top of my head.

“Everything’s going to be ok,” he said softly.

I nodded my head, letting him know that I heard him. I was still unable to find words as we approached the sliding doors. Todd took the step to make them open. I was just following him.

The energy of a hospital just drains me. I’ve never liked them. It took Tanner forever to get me to go when I had Mason. I just didn’t want to be here… but I need to be.

Todd went on to ask were the Grant baby was. The nurses told him and we slowly made our way to her. Josh was bent down by her with tears in his eyes. This nearly broke me. Josh never gets emotional over anything. I went over and gently placed my hand on his back, letting him know I was here. He turned to me just as a tear made its way down his cheek.

“It’s ok, Josh,” I told him, trying to control my voice so it wouldn’t crack.

“Ky… Kirstie’s pregnant. What if she lost the baby? I… I killed my baby,” he mumbled with his face pressed against my shoulder.

Whoa… what? When did this happen? Oh dear God, could today be any worse. To think, only a few hours ago, Todd and I were laughing and smiling and then Mason and I were watching Todd ride his bike. Everything was happy! But now… it’s… sad.

“She wants up there, bro,” Todd spoke up once Josh contained himself.

“I can’t leave Emma,” he sniffled, wiping his eyes.

“We’ll stay here with her,” Todd went on, rubbing Mason’s back who had fallen asleep… It’s a good thing too. I don’t want him scared for life.

Josh hurried out of the ICU, leaving Todd and I in this way too bright, empty room. Even though it was spacious, I still had the feeling of not being able to breathe. My anxiety was on high right now, making me pant slightly.

“It’s ok. Everyone’s fine,” Todd spoke up gently while reaching over to rub my back.

“No, it’s not. Emma’s in ICU and Kirstie might have lost her baby,” I shot at him, feeling my tears sting from rolling down my warm cheeks.

“Kylee,” Todd cooed, bringing his arm around me and pulling me against his chest. “I know this is upsetting and you feel for Josh and Kirstie, but… what does getting upset yourself do? It makes you upset. It can’t change what happened. We have to bring strong for them, ok? They need us right now,” he went on, rubbing my upper arm.

“It just sucks,” I told him, sniffling back my tears.

“I know. But everything will work out,” he went on, kissing the top of my head.

“I just keep thinking that… this could be Mason,” I told him, wiping the corner of my eye.

“Ky,” he softly spoke again, holding me closer to him.

As he was holding onto me, Keegan came walking in slowly. His eyes were sad, but tears weren’t threatening to fall. He walked over to Todd and I and gave me a comforting hug. Once we parted, he took Mason from Todd and went over to sit down, cradling his little nephew, leaving both of Todd’s arms for me.

I stayed right here for the rest of our stay at the hospital. I knew the only person that could make Kirstie feel better was Josh and that’s who she had right now. Keegan stayed with Emma while I went to tell Kirstie we were heading out. She was sleeping in Josh’s arms though. I went on and told him. He nodded his head, not wanting to wake up Kirstie.

After that was done, I went back into Todd’s arm. He held Mason against his chest while he led me out to his truck. When we got to his house, he went and put Mason down in his guest room while I went and snuggled up in his bed. Shortly after, he came back and wrapped his arms around me again. I didn’t want to move; didn’t have any urges too.

In Todd’s arms, everything just felt better. It allowed me to block out all the bad things that were going around me. But I still wish they weren’t there. I wanted everything to be happy again… that may take some time though.