We've Got It All Figured Out... For Now

Four o’clock! Time to leave! I was rushing to get out of here as fast I could. I had places to go and people to see. I had just turned my lights off and was about to shut my door when Kirstie appeared. She scared the crap out of me!

“Do you and the kids want to come over for dinner tonight? I know since Todd’s gone you’re probably all mopey at home,” she went on to tease.

“Um… I can’t. Sorry,” I told her and then continued my journey to my car.

“Why not?” she asked, following me.

“I made plans with the boys,” I told her, keeping up my stride.

“You’ve been acting weird lately. Are you really that bummed out that Todd’s gone?” she asked, stepping in front of me so that I was forced to look into her eyes.

“No, it’s not that. I’m fine,” I told her, attempting to get around her.

“It’s something. I’ve asked you to hang out every day this week, and you haven’t. What is up with you?” she asked again.

“Mason’s been wanting to spend more time with Tanner, so…” I started, but she cut me off.

“Wait… don’t tell me,” she groaned.

“He’s pulling the ‘Mason deserves to have both of his parents around’ card on me,” I told her.

“Well, I’m all for that too, but… does Todd know?” she asked, making me drop my eyes from hers. “Ky,” she went on in a disapproving tone.

“But I know Todd would be upset with it. I can’t tell him. We’re only in the same room for Mason. There’s no feelings anymore,” I tried to defend.

“You’re having dinner with the man, Kylee,” she mumbled.

“But the kids are there! It’s not a big deal,” I battled back.

“Whatever you say,” she countered before we both lowered ourselves into our cars.

I sighed before I started mine and drove to my house to get ready to head to Tanner’s. He was watching both Mason and Jayden while I worked today. He said to help me out more he’d have dinner ready, so I could just stay. I saw nothing wrong with this. Tanner and I have a decent friendship. Friendship! It’s not like I’m looking at him longingly like I used too.

Once I got home, I ran into the house to fix my makeup and make sure my hair looked ok. Why do I really care? It’s just Tanner. After I was finished, I hopped back into my car and headed to Tanner’s. I walked through the front door once I arrived to be met with the cutest sight.

Tanner was on the floor with Jayden in his out stretched arms, making car noises at him as Jayden ‘flew’ through the air. It made me smile as I stepped into the room. Once I got closer, I saw Mason setting a little ways away from Tanner, laughing at his brother.

“What are you guys doing?” I asked, unable to force the smile off of my face.

“Being attacked by captain drool,” Tanner chuckled, slowly bringing Jayden down.

“That’s been his title lately. My baby’s teething,” I cooed at my little boy as I walked over and he held his little pudgy arms out for me.

I gladly took him from Tanner before he pushed himself to his feet and told me what little angels the boys were. He went on to say that dinner was ready. I was impressed. Todd hasn’t even done this before. It was kind of… cute. I’m not going to lie.

After dinner, Jayden fell sleep. Mason seemed like he wasn’t too far behind. What did that man do with my children today? They’re sleepy babies. Tanner went on to lay Mason down in a chair where he could stretch out, covering him up also. I smiled as he came back over and sat next to me, leaving a gap between us. Good. As a few seconds passed, a yawn came out of Tanner, making him stretch his arms and then rest one of them on the back of the couch… awfully close my shoulders. Really, Tanner?

“I think I should be heading home,” I told him, not wanting this to get awkward.

“I wanted to talk to you though,” he went on softly.

“About what?” I asked, looking back at him with a confused expression on my face.

“About… how happy Mason’s been this week,” he replied.

“He just doesn’t get to see you that much,” I countered, really not wanting to have this debate.

“Yeah… because…” he trialed off without finishing.

“Because why?” I asked, getting annoyed fast.

“Because… we’re not together,” he finished, slowly bringing his piecing blue eyes up to mine.

I looked back at him without blinking. He just… said that. I couldn’t believe it. But… it did make sense no matter how much I didn’t want to accept it. He messed up. He had me and we could be married now and had another baby. But… he chose not to get married and then not fix it.

“I need to go,” I told him before anything else could be said.

“Kylee, wait. Please,” he pleaded before I attempted to wake Mason up.

I ignored him and lifted my Masey into my arms, balancing my two little ones as I walked out to my car. Of course Tanner followed. I got them in and then tried to get into the driver’s seat, but Tanner stopped me. Why does he have to make this difficult?

“I still… love you,” he spoke up.

“Ok?” I shot back while crossing my arms.

“I messed up and I’m sorry. I just… I need you back in my life,” he went on.

“Tanner, I’m married! I can’t just leave my husband because you finally realize how much of a mistake you made… almost four years ago,” I shot at him.

“But I love you… and I know this time we’ve been spending together lately has made you realize that… you still love me too,” he replied.

I dropped my eyes from him, hating how much they made my mind’s gears grind. Once I started bringing my eyes back up to his, his familiar, soft, plump lips pressed against mine… and I didn’t fight it. When we finally parted, both of us were breathless and holding onto each other tightly.

“I love you, Kylee,” he spoke softly while tucking a few strains of hair behind my ear.

“I love you too, Ta…” I started to say, but caught myself… way too late.

Once I realized what had just passed through my lips and what my lips had been pressed against, I quickly climbed into my car and hurried out of the driveway. I just kissed Tanner… my ex while my husband is on tour.

When I got home, I put the boys to bed and then collapsed onto mine. The events that had previously occurred rattled my brain so much. I just told Tanner that I… love him. Did I mean it? I mean… I have love for him, but… am I still in love with him? I didn’t even want to think about it. I wanted Todd her. That would make everything better… or at least I hoped it would. But he doesn’t come home for at least two more weeks… what am I going to do?