We've Got It All Figured Out... For Now

Todd was due home tomorrow. I couldn’t wait… but then again I could. I knew when I saw him again, the thought of Tanner and I sharing a kiss and exchanging three little words would eat at me until I told him… or I let it go before it ate me alive!

Today, I took the day off to spend with my babies. I thought we were going to have an awesome day. But… my oldest told me that he wanted to see his daddy… of course he meant Tanner. Instead of going to him, I told him that I wasn’t able to drop Mason off. I should have been thinking though… Tanner’s coming to my house… that I share with Todd. How wrong?

Once he got here, he walked in and shared a hug with Mason. It was cute. I’m not going to lie. But… I felt really awkward. It felt like we had so much to talk about, but he was ignoring it… and I wasn’t about to bring it up.

“Tannr!” Jayden squealed from my arms. Great… he’s saying Tanner’s name.

“Hey, bud,” Tanner grinned at him, poking his tummy to send him into a fit of giggles. “You can come with us if you want to, Ky,” he went on once he stopped making my son laugh.

“I can’t,” I replied quickly.

“Mommy, I want you to come with us,” Mason pouted.

“Mommy can’t leave, sweetie,” I told him, sending him a sorry look. I hate lying to my babies.

“But…” he went on to pout. “Lets stay with her!” he thought of quickly, directing his words to Tanner.

“Do you want too?” Tanner asked, smiling at the mini him.

“Yeah!” Mason replied… just like Tanner does. “Lets watch Cars!” he went on, wiggling out of Tanner’s arms to get the movie started. He got his intelligence from Tanner. He’s almost three and can work a DVD player.

I let out a sigh before I took Jayden and sat on the couch. Tanner followed and sat next to me. Another sigh came out of me once Mason planted himself on the floor in front of the couch. As time went on, Jayden squirmed out of my arms to crawl on the floor. I was actually hoping he got into something so I didn’t have to sit next to Tanner. But he ended up sitting next to Mason. DARN IT!

“I feel like… we should talk,” Tanner softly spoke.

“I have nothing to say to you,” I told him coldly.

“I meant what I said,” he replied softly, seeming closer to me than he had been before. “And I think… you did too,” he went on.

“No,” I countered rapidly.

“I want you to look at me and tell me you don’t love me,” he had to reply with… and I couldn’t do it.

I couldn’t force my eyes on his blue ones and tell him that I… didn’t love him. Just thinking that made me feel horrible on the inside. Why do I feel like I’m hurting Todd so much right now?

“I’m not trying to break up your marriage. I just want you happy… I just feel like you would be happier… with me,” he kept going.

He jumbled my thoughts, bringing out another sigh as I ran my hand through my hair. As the seconds passed, he scooted over and gently hooked an arm around me. That familiar warmth and secure feeling came over me… and I kind of… gave into it.

With his free hand, he brought it up and softly cupped my cheek. I knew what was about to happen… and I didn’t do anything to fight it. He pressed his smooth lips against mine, allowing us to share a gentle kiss. Once we parted, my insides were going crazy… and I smiled.

“I love you,” he whispered; his lips brushing against mine as he spoke.

I was about to return his words reply, but the front door swung open. Tanner and I quickly scooted away from each other as I looked up to see… my husband. He didn’t seem too happy either. Shoot!

“Tell me I’m not seeing this right now,” he spoke up before the kids saw him.

Mason and Jayden went over to him quickly. He went on to pick Jayden up, leaving Mason still on the ground, sending him a hurt look. I didn’t know what to say. I could deny anything that he assumed all I wanted, but… I’m sure that whatever was running through his mind, was… correct.

Tanner and him went on to engage in a dispute that ended by Tanner storming out the door, bringing his attention to me. I suddenly wanted to leave with Tanner.

“You should probably just leave too,” he muttered through gritted teeth.

“Todd, I’m…” I started, but he cut me off.

“Just leave,” he said a little louder than before.

I looked back at him, pain filling my eyes. The look in his didn’t soften though. He was ticked… and I couldn’t blame him. I stood up to him and tried to take Jayden, but he held onto him tightly.

“You’re not taking my son,” he shot at me with this disgusted tone in his voice.

His words stunned me. I didn’t know what to say. I felt so hurt right now… but I’m sure he’s hurt a lot more. While holding back my tears, I took Mason’s hand and hurried out to my car.

“Lovely early welcome home surprise,” he muttered before I shut the door behind me.

“I want daddy,” Mason whimpered before I got him into his seat in my car.

“I want daddy too, sweetheart,” I told him, still holding in my tears. “Want to go see him?” I went on, hating that his big alligator tears were falling from his bright eyes.

He replied by nodding his head and rubbing his eyes. I sent him a small smile before I kissed his forehead and then got into my car. I hope Tanner went home. His little boy and I need him right now.

Thankfully, when I pulled into his drive, he was just getting out of his own car. He stared back at me with a slight disbelief in his eyes. But once I got out and cradled Mason in my arms, Tanner rushed over, seeing the look in his son’s eyes.

“Everything’s going to be ok… I’m here for you guys,” he spoke up while wrapping both of his arms around us tightly… and I believed every word that he said.