We've Got It All Figured Out... For Now

Since Todd and I’s little blow out two days ago, I’ve been staying at Tanner’s. Don’t worry… nothing’s happened. We’ve talked a lot, but it’s still going nowhere… I don’t want to hurt anyone in this situation.

Right now, I was sitting at the kitchen table while everyone was still sleeping as I was waiting to leave for work. My ring was in my hands, sparkling dully. As I held it in my fingers, I let out a heavy sigh… and then Tanner slid in the chair across from me.

“You doing ok?” he asked softly.

“He hasn’t called,” I sighed.

“I’m sorry,” he replied sincerely.

“I don’t know what I want anymore, Tanner,” I pushed out, placing my forehead in my hands.

“I know you don’t want to hurt anyone feelings and that you’re looking out for your kids, but… you need to be happy,” he spoke up.

“I don’t know if these two rings make me happy anymore,” I mumbled, gently placing the two hunks of metal in the center of the table.

Tanner gave me a little look before he got up and shuffled up the stairs quickly. He came back down a few seconds later and resumed his previous spot. He then went on to bring his hand next to my rings before he pulled them away. When I looked down, I saw my… old engagement ring that he gave me there.

“Tanner,” I sighed.

“I wanted you to come back. I wanted to work things out… not only for us, but for Mason. I know you’re married and you’re in love with him, but… I’m still waiting for you,” he trailed off towards the end.

I stared back at him, wishing he hadn’t said those words. Why is this so hard? I should be crawling back to my husband right now… not sitting across from Tanner, debating if I want him back or not.

“I have to go to work,” I pushed out before getting to my feet and hurrying out to my car.

I would have went up to Mason’s room and kissed him, but he was still sleeping and I had no idea what would go down between Tanner and I. Gosh, I’m such a horrible person.

Once I made it to the office, I walked right into mine without saying anything to anyone. I wasn’t in the mood. I didn’t want to be bothered. I just wanted to get to work and forget all about what’s going on in my personal life.

My morning had picked up. My mind wasn’t completely focused on my marriage. Around lunchtime I was able to smile for the first time. I actually sat in the lunchroom, catching up with a few people that I hadn’t talked to in a while. But when I got back to my office, Kirstie was sitting there. She sent me a weak smile as I plopped down in my chair.

“I haven’t talked to you in a few days. I just wanted to make sure you were ok,” she spoke up softly.

“I miss Jayden,” I sighed, running my hand through my hair.

“Are you and Todd…” she trailed off, unable to finish her sentence.

“I don’t know. We haven’t talked at all,” I replied.

“You took your ring off though,” she countered quietly.

I looked down at my hand quickly and nearly let out a groan. I forgot to shove it back on. I was too stunned that Tanner still had the ring he gave me almost three year ago.

“I’m really confused, Kirstie,” I sighed. “And please just don’t say you need to be with who you love and you’re happy with. That doesn’t help,” I muttered, resting my head on my desk. I’m so tired of hearing those words.

“But I can’t tell you who you should be with,” she giggled nervously.

“I feel like…” I stopped, shaking that thought aside.

“No, Ky, talk to me. That’s what I’m here for,” Kirstie went on.

“I feel like… I was so… needing of a man’s affection that I kind of… latched onto Todd. And he treated Mason so well and he made him smile. That’s all I really wanted. I didn’t care too much about me. I just wanted my son happy. If he was happy, then I was happy,” I shrugged.

“So… you didn’t really love him?” she questioned with her features wrinkled up.

“I obviously have love for him…” I told her truthfully.

“But… you love Tanner,” she added with a quizzical look on her face.

“I don’t know,” I sighed out my frustration. “It makes it so much harder that I have a baby by each of them… gosh that sounds horrible,” I groaned.

“You’ll figure it out,” she sent me a smile before she got up and gave me a snug hug.

“I hope so,” I sighed once she pulled away.

“Josh and I are here for ya,” she said in her normal happy tone that brought a small smile across my face.

I muttered out a thanks as she walked out, leaving me with multiple thoughts of Todd and Tanner. By the end of the day, I wanted to have my mind sat on if I wanted to go back to my husband or… not. I hadn’t though. Should it be a sign that I’m going to Tanner’s though?