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My Diary (if You Really Care to Know)
So MCR Broke Up...
I have this incredibly uncomfortable feeling in my chest, and when my mother informed me of the tragic news this morning, my heart seemed to plummet to the pit of my stomach, where it has resided all day since. I know it will stay there for a while. I kind of want to wake up in the morning to find that this is all some sick, twisted dream, but deep inside I know that it's true; MCR has broken up, and there is nothing that can be done about it.
I have been part of the MCRmy for five years. Ever since someone in my fifth grade class mentioned them, and I went on my computer later in the day to discover "Helena" and a whole slew of other songs such as "Welcome to the Black Parade", "Teenagers", and "I'm not Okay(I Promise)". Ever since then, I have been completely in love with them. They were the second band in my life (the first being Green Day) that really struck a deep chord within me. As I grew more and more attached to them, and to music in general, it seemed to help fill a deep void in me. I guess part of this feeling is acceptance. It is hard to accept that something that meant so much, is now over. But it is now, as I watch all the old youtube videos, scan through my titter feed, and read numerous heart felt tumblr posts that I realize something; this is not the end, it is far from it.
I realize this because, as I am peering at all of these MCR related things, I begin to see that many other people have the same story about My Chem as I do: My Chemical Romance saved their lives.
Now, around the time that the band came into my life, was when I hit puberty, and started to go through all those stupid fucking hormonal changes. I also began to sink deeper and deeper into the depths of a mental illness which would sometimes make it damn near impossible for me to perform basic hygienic rituals every day such as taking a shower, brushing my teeth, and things like that, yet alone even get out of bed. It was also around this time that my mother left home to work in Connecticut because her boss was an asshole. Basically the only person in my house who might have had any knowledge about what I was going through, was gone. I felt so completely alone. I cried every night, and nobody ever understood why. No one knew how much it hurt; no one could understand what it was like to constantly feel like a victim of your own thoughts. I would go though very long periods of apathy, and then break down and cut myself because I could think of no other way to lash out or punish myself for being so inadequate. I truly hated myself.
It was during one particularly self hatred filled night that I really thought I could do it. I was around 13 years old at that point. I thought nobody would care anyway, I'd be doing them a favor by downing the bottle of sleep aids with the vodka. I could do it. I would have. But something compelled me to plug in my iPod. I don't know why I chose to listen to MCR that night, or why I went to "The Black Parade" album, but I did, and when it finished, I no longer wanted to die.
Somehow, when I listened to their songs, they really hit me. They resonated deep within my soul; they pulled me in, and they gave me hope for the world. When I listened to those lyrics I felt defiance, and resolution. I felt the will to live stir within me once again, and as I listened to the very last song, the hidden track "Blood" I was no longer sad. I was determined. Since that one particularly dark night in my life, I have bonded even more closely to MCR, and have come to respect and know them as some of the greatest musicians I have ever listened to, and that is my point.
So many people tell stories similar to this, and that makes me realize that MCR has not ended, or died. Yes, Gerard, Mikey, Frank, and Ray will no longer be together, but what they created will last a billion life times. It will because it will live on, in the minds and hearts of new fans to come, and old ones. It will go on through our children, and maybe even their children. It will last forever.
In their own words, "You only live forever in the lights you make," and I have to say, with over a million lights made, MCR is sure to last an eternity.
Peace out, soldiers <3
I have been part of the MCRmy for five years. Ever since someone in my fifth grade class mentioned them, and I went on my computer later in the day to discover "Helena" and a whole slew of other songs such as "Welcome to the Black Parade", "Teenagers", and "I'm not Okay(I Promise)". Ever since then, I have been completely in love with them. They were the second band in my life (the first being Green Day) that really struck a deep chord within me. As I grew more and more attached to them, and to music in general, it seemed to help fill a deep void in me. I guess part of this feeling is acceptance. It is hard to accept that something that meant so much, is now over. But it is now, as I watch all the old youtube videos, scan through my titter feed, and read numerous heart felt tumblr posts that I realize something; this is not the end, it is far from it.
I realize this because, as I am peering at all of these MCR related things, I begin to see that many other people have the same story about My Chem as I do: My Chemical Romance saved their lives.
Now, around the time that the band came into my life, was when I hit puberty, and started to go through all those stupid fucking hormonal changes. I also began to sink deeper and deeper into the depths of a mental illness which would sometimes make it damn near impossible for me to perform basic hygienic rituals every day such as taking a shower, brushing my teeth, and things like that, yet alone even get out of bed. It was also around this time that my mother left home to work in Connecticut because her boss was an asshole. Basically the only person in my house who might have had any knowledge about what I was going through, was gone. I felt so completely alone. I cried every night, and nobody ever understood why. No one knew how much it hurt; no one could understand what it was like to constantly feel like a victim of your own thoughts. I would go though very long periods of apathy, and then break down and cut myself because I could think of no other way to lash out or punish myself for being so inadequate. I truly hated myself.
It was during one particularly self hatred filled night that I really thought I could do it. I was around 13 years old at that point. I thought nobody would care anyway, I'd be doing them a favor by downing the bottle of sleep aids with the vodka. I could do it. I would have. But something compelled me to plug in my iPod. I don't know why I chose to listen to MCR that night, or why I went to "The Black Parade" album, but I did, and when it finished, I no longer wanted to die.
Somehow, when I listened to their songs, they really hit me. They resonated deep within my soul; they pulled me in, and they gave me hope for the world. When I listened to those lyrics I felt defiance, and resolution. I felt the will to live stir within me once again, and as I listened to the very last song, the hidden track "Blood" I was no longer sad. I was determined. Since that one particularly dark night in my life, I have bonded even more closely to MCR, and have come to respect and know them as some of the greatest musicians I have ever listened to, and that is my point.
So many people tell stories similar to this, and that makes me realize that MCR has not ended, or died. Yes, Gerard, Mikey, Frank, and Ray will no longer be together, but what they created will last a billion life times. It will because it will live on, in the minds and hearts of new fans to come, and old ones. It will go on through our children, and maybe even their children. It will last forever.
In their own words, "You only live forever in the lights you make," and I have to say, with over a million lights made, MCR is sure to last an eternity.
Peace out, soldiers <3
♠ ♠ ♠
I had to get this off my chest