Injection

I look at the silver sharp object with amazement, finding its way through my smooth silky skin. Blood gushes out like a sprinkler and falls onto my bed sheets. I should do this more often. I squeeze the freshly new cut, hoping to make the pain even greater. This pain isn’t the annoying one, but the one that stings at first, then goes away. Why didn’t I do this before?

I glance over my shoulder and stare at myself in the mirror. I am ashamed. After two years of therapy, I still see myself as a needle in a needle stack. I don’t have the bazookas and the bud-dunk-a-dunk of my sister; the pretty vibrant smile of my mother. The chocolate brown curls of my aunt. Nor the hazel brown eyes of my father. I’m a disgrace to my family.
I’m now standing in front of the mirror. I lift up a comb and start attacking my burgundy hair. Instead, my hair decides to declare war and fight back. Not what I planned. I throw the comb across the room. That was stupid.

I flop myself on the bed, careless, and hurt my bleeding wrist. Uh-Oh! It’s bleeding an ocean. Before I knew it, I ended up in a hospital bed. I’m probably in so much trouble.

Scared to death and breathless, I told my mom about my ‘accident.’

“Are you out of your mind? Giving your-self a hair cut! Are you trying to call me a poor, single, non-money maker woman who doesn’t have enough money to raise her children and herself?! Young lady! I expected more from you…”

I blocked my mother’s blabbing and imagined how my mother’s reaction would be if she found out the real story. I’d be back in the hospital with my body into pieces and she would be in prison. That’s how bad she’d beat me. The thought of that spooked me back into my mom’s lecture.

“And if you think I’m going to be that person that can’t afford her own family, you’re wrong!” She stomped her ‘affordable’ shoes right out the door. What a bitch.
Finally, it’s quiet.

'My feet wobble in the warm air while my eyes are trying to adjust to the darkness. My hands were trying to grab on to something. But nothing is in the room. It is silent, too silent. A cold chill hugs my body making my bones shiver. Then, a light beams through my soul making me gloomy and lonely. Not a pleasant feeling. Something catches my eye. Was it my imagination? What was that? I strained to see above the fog, but my eyesight is still blurred. It’s just my mind playing tricks on me……isn’t it?
A figure moves toward me; I’m too scared to move out of its way in time. The figure stumbles in front of me, nearly through me, like it’s trying to drag me, unwillingly, into its world….'

My heart was pounding roughly inside my sweaty chest when I woke up. The guilt of lying to my mother was eating me alive.

I stare at the blank ceiling; hoping justice will come and take me away. Take me away to a place so far from this world, this dimension.

“You’re awake?” Ryan crawls onto my bed with worried eyes. His mouth curved downward and his cheeks were a shaded pink. “Does your wrist hurt?” He poked my cast and rested his hand right on top of mine. “Mom still seems a bit mad, she putting her anger on us again.” He put a pillow underneath my hurt wrist.

At least one person doesn’t hate me.

“Ryan. Mom’s looking for you,” Ivy peeked her head inside my disheveled room. “Ryan, you brushed your teeth?” Ryan looked up at her and nodded. “Good, I don’t want a brother who has rotten puny teeth whose breath smell of dog poops,” He giggled then left the room.
“Your awake,” Her smile nearly blinded me.

“What time is it,” were the only words I managed to say.

“12 o’ something; why you have somewhere to go?” She walked inside and sat on a pile of clothes that were lying on the floor.

Doesn’t she know I never have anything planned? I stare at her with humiliation and embarrassment.

She got the point. With a gaze, she led herself to my cold box. Oh shit. I’m doomed. “What’s that?” She asked with curiosity. Her eyebrows mingled together forming a face I couldn’t lie to.

She was my sister, I can’t lie to her. I can’t. But I did, “Mind your business!” I snapped. Those words ran loose out of my mouth. She made a sour face then left. I didn’t mean to.

I ruined the chances of fitting in this family.

'Everybody’s eyes are glued to me; it’s hard returning their mean stares. As I walk down the interminable hall, I feel even more unwanted.

“There you are,” a familiar voice approaches me. I turn around. It’s Song; my arch enemy. “Bells, this is my boyfriend, Jace,” I pretend that I’m interested in how she and Jace met. They start making out and touching each other; Jace’s touching Song’s right boob, Song touching Jace’s ass.

I feel like I may need to puke. Words are banging loudly in my stomach. I need to say something. I can’t she’s gonna kill me!

“Song, I’m not stupid. If you think that I’m going to be jealous of you having Jace here as your boyfriend, you can kiss my left butt cheek. I don’t care,” I turn around fast, but not quick enough. What was I thinking?

“Excuse me?” She says like she’s the queen of England.

“You’re excused,” I mumble underneath my breath. My boots make a squeaky noise making it seem like I fart when I lay my foot down.

By now, everyone’s mouth are hanging wide open, all of them saying, “Ohh…she’s gonna get it from Song,” and others, “She should’ve of done that,” Why is this school afraid of Song? I mean she’s only a bitch who barks when she’s mad.

I walk inside the girl’s bathroom; the pungent smell of cigarettes greets me. I look at myself in the mirror. My burgundy hair is curled; it doesn’t look bad.

Song walks in. She pretends she’s checking her eye makeup. What a Barbie. She runs her fingers through her blond hair. “Why?” She asks now facing me. I sit on the sink.

“Why what?”

“Why did you embarrass me?” Her; I embarrassed her? So she comes to the bathroom because I embarrassed her? What a self centered drama queen she is.

“I embarrassed you? Well forgive me your majesty,” I tease walking away from her.

“Where do you think you’re going?” She says and pulls me by the arm.

“To the classroom; where else,” I snatch my arm from her and continue walking.

“So you think you can do whatever you want? No missy I’m in charge,”

“Says who; your boyfriend?”

“Who do you think you are?”

“I know for a fact that I’m Bella Rocietta . Who are you?” Anger is crawling up my throat.
Everybody in the hallway are saying ‘oh and ah;’ wait? We’re in the hallway? Song drops my arm. Steam is coming out of her ears. As soon as she turns the corner, everybody is cheering for me. I’m finally normal.'

“Rocie, Rocie wake up. Time to get ready,” Ryan is shaking my arm like a beast tearing into its prey.

“It was all just a dream,” I say sitting up on my bed.

“What was a dream?” Ryan asks looking at me like if I was telling a story.

Out of the corner of my eye, I see Song making out with a boy; wonder what his name is.
I close my locker and head towards the lunch room. It’s loud in there. Everyone is staring at me. I try not to stumble on people’s foot. They want me to trip. They want to see me hurt; to hurt me more than I already am.

They’re whispering something. It’s about me. About how horrible my hair is. Or how retarded my clothes look. People never have anything nice to say about me. I’m already used to it.

I sit close to the door; with a table all to myself. I sense someone behind me. It pulls my arm unwillingly and gets a hold on my cheeks.

“Aw; the ugly duckling is sitting all by herself,” Song pinches my cheeks so hard she left them blood shot red. Everyone’s laughing.

The guy who was kissing her early was trailing behind her like a lost puppy. His face shows no emotion. He isn’t smiling; not even a crack. Does he see from my point of view? Or does he think the joke is whack; hoping for a better one?

I try to stop staring at his dreamy eyes; his lips so perfect and thin. His nose; so perfecto. You would take a bullet for a guy like this.

But every girl knows better than to steal a guy that’s Songs. The only guys she stays clear of is her leftovers, pimple face geeks, gothic guys, lonely potheads and guys who are smarter than her.

“Oh, she’s hitting on Jace!” An illiterate child said.

First day of school and I’m already starting trouble. Now I’m waiting for the part where Jace starts saying how ugly I am. Wait did she say Jace? Jace. I’ve heard that name before. Jace, Jace, Jace; from my dream.

“Jace doesn’t want a gothic gutter trick like you,” She continues. People start laughing and throwing mean jokes at me.

Instead of defending myself, I keep my mouth shut; because I would’ve started more trouble arguing back.

For some reason my mouth is itching to say something. I drink big sips of water before I realize I only drank a centimeter. Jace’s eyes are locked on me; only me. Is he waiting for me to say something?

I stand up; words seemed to runaway when I did.
“Say something,” Jace lips word to me. Now he’s grinning; doesn’t he hate me?
I sit back down; I can’t do this.

Someone pulled my hand and dragged me outside of the lunchroom. “Listen you worthless piece of trash, Jace only stares at me; his girlfriend. Only kisses me, his girlfriend. Will ONLY stare and kiss me; his girlfriend!” She smacks me hard across my face.
I hold in my tears. She’s not worth it, I keep saying in my head. I walk in the cafeteria. People are looking at the trail Song left behind on my face, even Jace. His eyes widen in disbelief.

A tear escapes, then another one. Before I knew I ran out to the hallway. I shove myself in the corner Song and Jace were making out earlier. ‘She’s not worth it,’ I rock myself back and forth.

I hear footsteps coming toward me. It’s probably Song hoping to get the best of me. I’m too mad to see who it is. Whoever it was, it put its coat on top of me. It must a boy.

“I’m sorry,” He whispered into my ear. It was Jace. Automatically he opens his arms and lets me lay on him. With his free hand, he whips away my tears.

For the first time in my life, I feel safe. Like nothing can harm me, and crush me into pieces. I try saying something. But I can’t. We just gaze at each other, and let our eyes do all the talking.