Listen to the Thunder

“Alrighty! Pizza time!”

I giggled as Alex sat down next to me, a slice of pizza in each hand, our dorm mates sitting opposite us. Today is a strangely beautiful day, the 1st of February. I’d already texted Pat happy birthday, having sent his birthday present down with Alex’s last week, and Alex and I are going to video chat with Pat and Zack later. I can’t believe we’re already turning 20. How insane is that?

“Jack, aren’t you having any?”

I looked up at my dorm mate Matt and nodded, taking a slice of pizza and taking a bite. I haven’t been very hungry lately, and I know Alex and our two friends Matt and Danny have noticed. Matt is my dorm mate, Matt Flyzik, and he takes music technology along with his best friend Danny Kurily, who is coincidently Alex’s dorm mate. This works out quite well for us now, because whenever Alex and I want some alone time, Matt goes down the hall to Danny (and vice versa) so they don’t have to see anything they don’t want to see.

Not that either Matt or Danny are homophobes. They’re actually some of the coolest guys I’ve ever met, especially when it comes to guys getting it on with guys. There are just some things you don’t want to see when you’re living with that person.

“Uh, I hate that Santino prick. Did I tell you he purposely set fire to my bag the other day? Who does that?!” Danny suddenly grumbled, narrowing his eyes over my shoulder.

I turned my head and immediately wished I hadn’t. I should’ve known that the guy Danny was talking about was the same guy that…

“Yeah, you told us about Santino,” Alex said shortly, sending a warning glare to Danny.

It took Danny a few seconds to realise what he’d said, and he grimaced straight away.

“Shit, sorry Jack! I completely forgot he’s with Kyle now,”

“They’re t-together?” I choked.

Matt and Alex groaned, Matt hitting Danny round the back of the head.

“Nice work, dipshit,” Matt muttered.

“Sorry,” Danny mumbled.

I sighed but looked back around. Sure enough, sitting across the courtyard was Kyle, hand-in-hand with the red-headed asshole that ruined our relationship. Why is Kyle with him? How can he do this to me? I bet you’re wondering what’s going on, huh? Well, Danny’s talking about Kyle’s dorm mate, Nick Santino. He’s actually not a bad guy – when he’s not taking drugs. And seeing as he’s always got some form of blunt or pill in his mouth, that’s very rare. Kyle doesn’t cope very well under pressure, and thanks to Nick’s friends Eric Halvorsen and Justin Richards along with Nick, Kyle started taking drugs when he was hanging out with them. And it all went downhill from there. I put up with it all throughout October, but I tried to confront him at the start of November, but that was my biggest mistake. That was when I lost him.

“…and the Ravens should’ve totally won that game, right Jack?”

I snapped back into focus at the sound of Alex’s voice, smiling apologetically when he scowled as he realised I wasn’t listening.

“Sorry,” I mumbled.

“Whatever, asshole,” Alex laughed, rolling his eyes.

I couldn’t help but slip out of their conversation again as it started up, my eyes focussing on Kyle and his new friends as my mind slipped back to just over two months ago, one of the worst nights of my life, one of many in November.

“JACK! JACK, OPEN UP!”

I choked a sob, and Matt looked at me sadly.

“I can get rid of him if you want,” Matt said softly.

“N-No, that won’t work. You’ve already tried that, remember?” I pointed out.

“Then what? Something’s got to be done – you’re a mess! You’ve been a mess for the past two weeks! He’s been coming here every day and you’ve just ignored him – clearly that doesn’t work,” Matt groaned.

“F-Fine. I’ll talk to him. But c-can you leave?”

Matt sighed but nodded, leaving the small living room for his bedroom. I ran my hands through my hair before standing up, slowly walking to the dorm room door. I hate what Kyle is doing to me. Never have I felt so broken down, so exhausted, so…terrified of someone. Kyle’s changed. And not in a good way. As soon as I opened the door, Kyle’s hands reached out towards me, but I batted them away, folding my arms over my chest.

“Go away,” I said as firmly as I could.

“You don’t mean that Jacky!” Kyle pouted, looking at me with his adorable bloodshot eyes.

“Yes, I do. You’ve humiliated me for the last time, Kyle, and I’m fed up. I’m done with you,” I said angrily.

“We can work through this, Jack! I didn’t mean to sleep with Nick!” Kyle insisted.

“That’s just the thing, Kyle - this is the third time you’ve slept with Nick in 1 month! I can’t forgive you again!” I exasperated.

Three times. Three fucking times. And I was at every party he flaunted himself on his dickface dorm mate Nick. Right in front of my eyes he cheated. I stupidly forgave him two times, but not this time. I won’t fall for his lies this time.

“Sure you can baby, you did the other times,” Kyle purred, stroking his hand down my face.

I flinched away from his hand, and looked over Kyle’s body, shaking my head as more tears came to my eyes. His bloodshot eyes, his dilated pupils, his dirty clothes, his lazy smirk…this isn’t the boy I fell in love with. No, this is the monster that college created. And I can’t be with someone who I don’t love.

“I’m done Kyle. For good. J-Just stay away from me, okay?” I whimpered.

And with that I slammed the door in his face.

“Jack? Earth to Barakittykat?”

I snapped out of my thoughts to see Matt and Danny laughing, with Alex looking concerned.

“Sorry, I totally zoned,” I replied with a weak smile.

“S’okay dude, I was just saying I going to grab some more pizza – do you want any?” Danny grinned, standing up.

“Uh, no thanks. I’m good,” I replied, shaking my head.

“I’ll go with you,” Matt said randomly.

I frowned as my dorm mate got up and silently followed Danny, but rolled my eyes as Alex turned to face me completely. Of course.

“I’m worried about you, Jack,” Alex said softly.

“Why? I’m fine,” I shrugged, hating lying to him.

“Don’t bullshit me, Barakat. I’ve been your best friend since middle school, and now that I’m your boyfriend I have even more reason to worry about you! You barely eat, Matt says you haven’t been sleeping, you’re always drifting into a daydream…what’s wrong?” Alex said anxiously.

I sighed and rubbed the back of my neck, not liking how he pretty much listed how my life has been going ever since Ky…ever since November.

“I’m sorry Lex. It’s just hard seeing…well, y’know,”

“Yeah, I know,” Alex mumbled.

But for Alex to feel unwanted? That’s not what I want in the slightest.

“Hey, come here,” I frowned, opening my arms.

Alex willingly crawled into my lap, leaning his head against my shoulder.

“Don’t you dare think that because I’m still hurt over Kyle, that it means I love you any less, okay? You are the one that’s always been by my side, not him,” I said firmly.

“Yeah, I guess so,” Alex nodded.

“I know so. I’ll try harder, Lex, I promise,” I promised.

“I’ll hold you to that. Love you Jack,” Alex smiled.

“Love you too Alex,” I smiled back, pecking the top of his head.

I just wish I didn’t love someone else too.