Listen to the Thunder

[Kyle]

“WHAT IS IT YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND?!”

“THAT WE’RE NOT IN EACH OTHERS LIVES OR THAT YOU’RE AN INTERFERING ASSHOLE?”

“NO ANSWER? OF COURSE, YOU’RE STILL AVOIDING THE TRUTH. GET A GRIP, JACK, WE’RE DONE. IN EVERYTHING,”

“I do mean it. And the sooner you realise that, the better. Stop talking to me. Stop butting into my life. Just…stop,”

My head swam with the words I said to Jack, all the way on the walk up to my dorm. Tears stung in my eyes and I clenched my fists, desperate not to break down in front of all the people around me. A few students stared as I hurried past them, but I ignored everything. I need to get to my room, lock myself in there, and pretend I’m not living my life right now. Jack telling Pat about my dirty secret felt like a gut-wrenching punch to the stomach.

Jack’s not even in my life and he knows everything that’s going on.

I did the only thing I knew I could. The only thing I know I’m good at – destroying Jack Barakat. I hate myself for yelling at him, but if he realises that I’m not worth it then he’ll stop getting hurt by me. I’m not worth a single second of his time. Alex is. Alex has always cared for him. Alex has treated him better than I ever have. Alex is good for him. The only thing I’m good for is breaking his heart. He doesn’t need me even if I need him.

This was for his own good.

Jack may not know it now, but he’s better off without me in his life. What good have I ever done him? Without me, he’ll be able to live a fuller, happier life. That’s all I wanted. That all I’ve ever wanted. For Jack to be happy. If Jack is happy, then at least I know I haven’t fucked up everything in my life. Maybe then I can start fixing myself.

But that fixing isn’t going to get done any time soon, is it?

It was hours before Nick opened our front door. I’d just sat on the sofa, stewing in self-pity and anger, my thoughts getting darker and darker, a permanent scowl on my face. I was not in the mood for his shit, not by a long-shot.

“What the fuck’s got your panties in a bunch?” Nick snickered, slamming our front door.

“Not now, Nick,” I grumbled, standing up and walking past him.

“Jeez, Kyle, get the stick out your ass,” Nick laughed.

Normally I would just let this go. But right now I’m past that. I whirled around and glared at him, and Nick’s smirk immediately dropped.

“I said not now. What part of your thick head can’t fucking understand that?” I snarled.

“Excuse me?” Nick scoffed, folding his arms over his chest.

I swallowed heavily, but didn’t change my glare. I should stop provoking him, or he’ll get really angry and flip out on me. But I can’t stop. Not now.

“Are you deaf as well as stupid? I said not now. Maybe if you stopped shoving powder and pills into your body you might stop damaging your brain,” I retorted.

I watched Nick’s irritation seep into fury. He hates anyone criticising his drug use, especially me.

“Don’t push me, Kyle. You know what’ll happen if you do,” Nick said coldly, unfolding his arms until his fists were clenched at his sides.

I sneered at him. What the fuck am I doing?! “You’ll what? Beat me to a pulp? Yeah, because a drug-enhanced douchebag overpowering a skinny weak guy really shows that you’re a man,”

And then Nick snapped. I expected the first punch to my jaw, but not for him to straddle me where I fell to the ground and repeatedly rain hits down on my face. I could barely remember to breathe, let alone register the pain shooting across my skull. With one rational thought, I managed to wriggle enough to kick him off of me, gasping for breath. But I barely had a few seconds before his foot came in contact with my ribs. He kept kicking and kicking and kicking, harder each time. I cried out in agony as I heard a sickening crack, and Nick froze at the noise, as if breaking out of a trance.

“Oh my God,” he whispered, looking down at me in horror.

I sucked in a pathetic break, pain shooting across my ribs again. Fuck, I think it’s broken. Fuck.

“Kyle, I’m sorry. Fuck, I’m so sorry,” Nick whimpered.

Bullshit. He’ll forget about what he’s done by tomorrow and he won’t be sorry about a thing. Bullshit.

“Get the fuck away from me,” I hissed, closing my eyes as I felt warm liquid travelling down my forehead.

“Kyle…”

“GET THE FUCK AWAY!” I screamed.

Nick swallowed heavily and ran out of our dorm, leaving the door wide open. With a grunt, I heaved myself upright until I was standing, ignoring my spinning head. I have to get out of here. I have to get away. I have to see Jack. With my body throbbing and my head spinning, I forced my body to walk, whimpering softly at every step. Fuck. Fuck.

My head span.

I was outside the building.

My vision blurred.

It’s dark outside, not many people about.

My head span.

I reached Jack’s dorm building.

My vision blurred.

I slumped against the elevator wall.

My head span.

People on his corridor stared at me, wide-eyed and horrified.

My vision blurred.

I banged as rapidly as I could on his front door, crying out as my ribs protested. The door opened. Jack!

“O-Oh my God, Kyle?! What the fuck happened to you?!” he shrieked.

I heard running feet from inside his dorm. I wonder who that is.

“Jack,” I murmured with as much of a smile as I could muster.

Jack’s lips moved but I couldn’t hear what he was saying. I felt my eyes closing and someone’s hands on my shoulders, squeezing gently. And then everything went black.