Listen to the Thunder

“Next time I won’t wave the late fees,”

I smiled innocently at the librarian, knowing I’d gotten away with handing in three books a week late.

“And I wouldn’t expect a beautiful woman like you to do it either,” I winked.

Gag. The librarian blushed and shooed me away, leaving me chuckling. Danny and Alex always forget to hand in books that they borrow, so Matt had suggested flirting with the old bat behind the desk. Unfortunately it works, so all 4 of us do it. Hah. Spring exams are in less than a week, so I’m trying to get ahead on a few things I’m still not sure on. I’ve only got half an hour to do this today though, because I’ve got to get to work. I’ve never mentioned my job, have I? Well, Alex and I both work at a local music store in town, and we have done since the beginning of first year. It’s just a little extra money to keep us afloat, y’know? Kyle couldn’t be bothered to get a job, so it brought Lex and I even closer. And now we get to work together on weekends. During the week we work two days each, but they’re very rarely the same days. I don’t really mind though. It’s not like I won’t see Alex later on.

I scanned the shelves in the library to look for more books, not looking anywhere but there. I shouldn’t blocked everything else out. I shouldn’t have kept my head down. Before I knew it, I’d crashed into someone and I was falling down on my ass with them falling on top of me. Shit like this is only meant to happen in movies! What the fuck?! But I froze when I realised who it was. Kyle.

“S-Sorry Jacky,” Kyle whispered.

“No, I’m sorry. I’m the one that walked into you,” I mumbled, looking up at him.

Kyle swallowed heavily when it dawned on him how closely our bodies were pressed together, his eyes going a little wider. H-Holy shit. Our crotches are directly pressed together a-and I think Kyle’s getting turned on. Shit, no, I know he’s getting turned on. And it’s turning me on too! No!

“K-Kyle, I…”

I trailed off as a whole wave of emotions washed over Kyle’s eyes. Hurt. Pain. Anger. Sadness. Love. Lust. Shit, lust?

“I miss you, Jack. I’m sorry for everything. Everything,” Kyle murmured.

“I m-miss you too, Kyle,” I whimpered, tears filling my eyes.

Kyle’s bottom lip trembled and all I wanted to do was kiss it till it fell still. Kyle seemed to read something in my expression, because he leant down the same time as I leant up. Just as our lips brushed, I snapped out of it and wrenched my head back. Alex! I will not cheat on Alex, especially not with Kyle. No fucking way. Kyle didn’t have time to say anything before I shoved him off my lap and jumped to my feet. Holy shit, what did I nearly do?!

I ran as fast as I could out the library, ignoring Kyle calling after me, and went straight to the bus stop. Normally I would walk to work, but today…no, not now. Shit, how could I nearly cheat on Alex?! After all he’s done for me? After all Kyle’s done to me?! Shit. I’m going to have to be honest with him. I’m going to tell him what I nearly did. Hopefully he won’t hate me. Hopefully.

*

I left work a little later than usual, taking my time on closing down. I needed to think of how I was going to tell Alex. I can’t pretend what nearly happened with Kyle in the library didn’t nearly happen. If Alex found out from someone other than me, I would be screwed. Royally screwed. So I’ll just confess and hope for the best. Yeah, that’s the best option.

But when I reached our corridor, I saw something I didn’t like. Alex was leaning in his doorway, arms folded over his chest and a lazy smirk on his face, talking to a girl called Lisa who lives on this floor too. No, he isn’t talking. He is flirting. What is he doing?! He’s not even trying to hide it! I watched angrily as he tilted his head back, laughing loudly at something she said. What an asshole! At least I feel guilty about nearly kissing Kyle! It doesn’t look like Alex even cares!

With that in mind, I walked quickly down the corridor, not even speaking to Alex as I stormed into his dorm. Alex frowned at me, but I ignored him, starting to pace his floor as he said goodbye to Lisa.

“What’s eating you?” Alex mused.

“Why were you flirting with her?” I asked angrily.

“Excuse me?” Alex frowned.

I stopped pacing.

“Don’t play dumb, Lex. I saw the way you were smirking and gazing at her! Why were you flirting?!” I repeated.

“Jack, I wasn’t flirting. Lisa and I were just catching up. I haven’t spoken to her in like, a week. I get on well with her, that’s all. You’re my boyfriend, not her,” Alex reassured.

“But I saw you flirting with her! I saw you with my own eyes!” I hissed.

“Lisa and I are just friends, Jack! You know this! Why would I want her when I’ve got you?” Alex exasperated.

“Oh there are plenty of reasons, Lex. I bet she’s not mentally screwed up by an ex-boyfriend, for a start. And she’s prettier than I am too. Everyone’s heard that she’s good in bed, so she probably beats me there as well. So yeah, plenty of reasons why you’d want her and not me,”

Alex looked at me. Like, properly looked at me. I swallowed heavily as he searched my eyes, his hands moving to my shoulders to guide me backwards onto Alex’s sofa. I bit my lip as I sat down and Alex straddled my waist, keeping me in place, but I couldn’t look away from him.

“What’s going on, Jack? Why are you being so insecure?” Alex murmured.

All I wanted to do was lie and pretend like nothing was wrong, like I wasn’t insecure, but the way he looked at me with so much concern stopped me from doing that. So instead, I sighed.

“I was in the library and I bumped into Kyle. Literally. I fell to the floor with him falling on top of me, and I froze. Kyle froze too. We talked a little bit and then I started to lean in to kiss him but then I realised what I was fucking doing, and pushed him off. I ran straight to work and I’ve been thinking over it all. The only reason I flipped out on you seeing you with Lisa was because I thought you were slipping like I nearly had too,” I explained softly.

I looked away from Alex’s face when I heard him inhale sharply. Shit.

“Y-You nearly kissed Kyle?” Alex whimpered.

“Well, yeah, but I didn’t! I stopped myself! Doesn’t that count for something?” I said.

“Not really Jack. The fact that you wanted to kiss him makes me feel like shit, if I’m being honest. I’ve put up with so much crap from you about Kyle, and to have it thrown back in my face like this…”

Alex trailed off, standing up from me. No! What’s he doing?!

“I didn’t cheat on you Lex. I would never,” I insisted.

“I know, Jack. I know you wouldn’t. But you came so close. That’s what hurts,” Alex said sadly.

“How can I make it up to you? I love you, Lex!” I said quickly.

“I love you too, but I think you should leave,”

“W-What?” I choked.

No, he can’t be serious. He wants me to leave?!

“Just for tonight, Jack. I need some space just for tonight,” Alex said backing a few steps away from me.

“B-But Lex!”

Alex held up his hand, stopping me from protesting any further. No! He can’t do this! I whimpered at his broken expression, tears filling my eyes. Why does everything I care about have to fall apart? Why?

“I appreciate you being honest and telling me about what happened, but I really need some space to think it over and clear my head,” Alex said softly, his voice not wavering.

I nodded miserably, knowing he wasn’t going to budge on this. I-If leaving for the night means he’ll be back to me tomorrow, I’ve got to do it, right?

“I love you so much, Alex,” I whispered, standing in the doorway.

Alex smiled weakly. “I love you too,”

I swallowed heavily to stop myself from actually crying, and walked quickly down the corridor, slamming my dorm door behind me as soon as I was inside. This was not how I expected today to go. Nearly kissing Kyle? Fighting with Alex? Alex kicking me out of his dorm? I fucked everything up, again. And I don’t know how to fix it this time.