Shit Happens, but in the End, I Still Have You

I woke up the next morning smiling. I hadn't woken up like this in a long time. I had the most amazing dream last night. Raine and I spent the night at Jasper's house and I finally told Raine the truth, then I spent the night with Jasper in his bed, if you know what I mean. I sighed peacefully remembering the all too real feeling. It was by far my most favorite dream ever.

"Too bad it wasn't real." I sighed quietly to myself as I rolled over. My face was looking at a very well muscled chest. My heart started to poud faster as I realized this was not James' chest. I looked up hesistantly and saw Jasper still sleeping peacefully. His hair was messy and made me want to laugh, but an even bigger feeling blocked me from laughing, and it wasn't the one I expected. I felt happy, not remorsful like I should have. I just cheated on my fiance for Christ's sake!

Jasper's face scrunched up before slowly turning into a smile. His arm moved from his side, to laying across my waist. His touch made my heart pound even more. His arm felt perfect just laying there. I wanted to fall back asleep in his arms, but I knew that I couldn't. I knew that I should feel guilty and I was yelling at myself for not. I just couldn't bring myself to feel bad for what I did. I knew that I had wanted it to happen just as much as Jasper did and I knew that I never really cared for James, but I should still feel something other than this happiness.

"Juls." I heard Jasper groaned. I looked back up at him and saw him opening his eyes. He stared down at me with those wonderfully forest green eyes and I wanted to jump him right there. But I couldn't, for two reasons. One because Raine was down the hall probably wide away by now, and two because I couldn't cheat on Jamese again, not matter how much I wanted to.

"Th-this was a mistake." I shook my head. I sat up in bed with the sheets around me.

"What are you talking about?" Jasper asked sitting up with me. He wrapped his arm around my waist and held me.

"Last night. It shouldn't have happened." I explained.

"But you wanted it to right?" He voice held concern.

"Of course I did Jasper. I wanted it to happen just as much as you did, but it doesn't stop it from being wrong. I have a fiance." I wanted to cry, but I couldn't find the tears in me to shed.

"Do you love him?" I looked up at him, surprised by his sudden question.

"We-we're getting married." I said.

"That's not what I asked. Do you. Love James?" He looked at me and held my gaze, refusing to break it and i couldn't bring myself to look away.

"I don't know." I said. It wasn't the truth. I knew I didn't love James, I loved Jasper.

"Do you still love me?" I finally tore my gaze away from his and looked at the bed. I couldn't answer that. If I lied he'd know i was lying. He could always tell when I was lying. But I couldn't tell him the truth, so I decided to not saying anything at all.

"I'll take that as a yes?" He asked after I didn't say anything. Once again, I kept my mouth shut. I couldn't deny it and but I didn't want him to know the truth.

"Then why are you marrying James?" I looked back up at him, finally finding those tears, only I didn't want them now.

"Because I can't lose you." I whispered so quietly that I barely heard myself.

"What do you mean? Who says you'll lose me?" He asked as the tears continued to pour down my cheeks.

"It's just the way it is. People get close to me, then I lose them."

"Like who?"

"Danny. My grandparents, my mom and dad, my Aunt Stacy and her daughter Courtney. Everybody that I love dies." I said remembering back to the day I before I found out I was pregnant with Raine. I got a call from Stacy's husband Jim, saying that Stacy and Courtney were in a car crash and died.

"Then why are you marrying James?" Jasper asked me bringing me out of my thoughts.

"Because I don't love him! I don't give a shit if he dies! But I wouldn't be able to stand it if you died! I love you Jasper, ok? I love you more than anything in this world, besides Raine! I didn't want to say no to you, I didn't want to keep Raine a secret from you, I didn't want to move here and gbet engaged to some lawyer! I wanted you! I wanted to have a family with you, but I couldn't! I had to distance myself from you so you could move on and live a happy life with somebody else and so I wouldn't be the cause of your death!" By now I was full out sobbing.

"Juls, I don't love anybody buy you." He said holding me in his arms.

"What about Nikki?" I asked reminding him of his girlfriend.

"I was only dating her to get my mind off you, but I couldn't. Ever since you left, I couldn't stop thinking about you. I love you Juls and I always will no matter what happens, no matter what you say to make me stay away, I will always love you and I will fight for you if I have to." He held my face in his hands so I had to look up at him.

"What do you mean?" I asked confused by his last statement.

"I mean, there is absolutely no way in hell I'm letting you marry that asshole. Expecially after the way he grabbed you yesterday."

"He's not abusive." I shook my head.

"No, but I have a feeling, the more time I let spend with him, the more aggressive he'll get. I already saved you from one abusive relationship and I'm willing to do it again." His face was the most serious I have ever seen it.

"I don't think you have to worry about that." I sighed.

"Why not?"

"Because even though I want to stay away from you, I can't. I need you Jasper and I don't think I can go through with this marriage." I sighed.