When You're Gone

I always needed time on my own. I never thought I’d need you there when I cry. And the days feel like years when I’m alone.

Everyday I’m reminded of what happened. Everyday it still hurts like hell. The day you walked out of my life for good. After finding out you were cheating on me and lying to me, I never thought my heart could break anymore. Until that night.

When you walk away, I count the steps that you take. Do you see how much I need you right now?

I parked in the parking lot outside of Pier number six. You grabbed the last few things you needed that were in my car. You asked me if I could’ve taken you to the airport. Of course, I made up a lie, because I wasn’t going to be generous enough to give you a ride to fly out of my life and into your real love’s live. You knew how numb I had been, and how numb I was at this moment. Just a kiss, not even a goodbye, not even a ‘have a nice life, keep in touch.’ You turned your back and walked towards the pier. Walking away from me for good. Every ounce of energy held me back from running to you. Back in my car, I floored my gas pedal so you could hear me speed away. You probably didn’t because you were walking up the pier. I was barely out of the parking lot before the breakdown. The dam had burst, the waterworks turned on high. Tears poured from my eyes, I was choking on the lump in my throat. I couldn’t breathe.

All I ever wanted was for you to know. Everything I’d do I’d give my heart and soul. I can hardly breathe, I need to feel you here with me.

The short drive back to my barracks numbed me enough to stop crying. Composure regained as I headed to my room. The lump in my throat, fighting to choke me. My roommate was gone, and the waterworks turned on again. Tears pouring and pouring like a broken water main. I feared that I would end up choking myself because I was crying so hard I couldn’t breathe. My heart felt like it was ripped out of my chest. It was shattered, shattered into a million pieces. Words can barely explain the amount of hurt coursing through my body. I hated you, I hated you for everything you had done to me. I hated myself for falling for it. I just wanted to curl up and die.

When you’re gone, the pieces of my heart are missing you.

It’s true, to this day, I still miss you. My heart is still very broken, healing slowly. Very slowly.

When you’re gone, the face I came to know is missing too.

You were the only person I wanted to see while we were together.

When you’re gone, the words I need to hear to always get me through the day, and make it okay, I miss you.

You hardly would say things to get me through my days, but the few things you did say, they were just the things I needed to hear. It still kills me inside.

I’ve never felt this way before. Everything that I do, reminds me of you.

Both times we broke up, I couldn’t do anything. I almost didn’t want to sleep in my own bed. Every place I looked in my barracks room, I saw you there. I couldn’t take it. Vodka and sleeping pills weren’t even helping me sleep. I wanted out of the room. I wanted out of there, for good.

We were made for each other. Out here forever. I know we were.

I always thought you were the one I’d marry. From the day we started dating, even when I knew you were cheating and lying. I thought it would go out the window, you’d surprise me, and we would be together forever. I loved you with everything my heart could hold. I still do love you, and I still do miss you terribly. You’ve moved on, but I haven’t yet. Every thought of that night you walked away for good hurts me to my very core. Hurts me deeper than anything could ever. I wish my heart would heal. I wish I could be over you, and I wish I could move on with my life and be happy. I fear it will never happen.

I do love you to death, I always will. Even if you’re back with her, and are completely over me. I still cry all the time. I miss you so much, and you destroyed me, destroyed my heart, and destroyed my ability to trust.