Blue Moon

“Eliza! Please, I'm worried about you.” Emily had been at my door pretty much since the crack of dawn, banging on my door, demanding to know what happened. I just layed in bed, not moving. My entire face hurt, my lip was scabbed over with dried blood and was throbbing like it had its own pulse. My abdomen was in it's own set of pain.

You see, I wanted to get up. I wanted to open my door and pretend like nothing was wrong but I couldn't. A fresh emotion scar had be cut and I didn't want to face anyone yet.

I heard someone knock loudly on the hotel door. Lord knows who that could be. No, of course I knew, it was probably Will. I didn't leave him on exactly great terms yesterday, he's probably driving himself crazy. I could only hear quiet talking and Emily's shriek of shock when I'm guessing Will is filling her in on what happened between him and I yesterday. Wonderful. Tell the pregnant women something horrible, her material instincts are going to kick in and she'll smother me to death in unwanted sympathy.

I sighed heavily as I heard footsteps near my door. I heard Emily tell Will to try and coax me out of my room since her attempts were unsuccessful. I quickly grew irritated. You'd think Will would get that I wanted to be left alone! He may not be the old Will, but he still had his common sense left with him.

I tossed the covers off of me, slowly getting up, I winced as my abdomen protested with a pain shooting through me like a bullet. I haven't looked at it yet but then again, I kind of didn't want to.

I crossed my room and pulled my robe on. I've ignored Will's knocking and walked over to the door and swung it open. Will and Emily's faces went straight serious when they looked at me.

Will stood in my way. “Move.” I told him without looking up at him. I seriously wasn't in the mood to talk.

“Eliza, you have to go to the doctor-” I roughly pushed past him, but I faltered when I remembered that I could have a cracked rib or a injury along those lines. My hand grabbed my side in pain. Emily rushed up to me, her hands a flurry around my face and my side.

“I'm fine. Please, just leave me alone.” I said quietly. She continued to feel around my side and I did something I've never done towards her before. I snapped at her. “Dammit, Emily! Move!” I almost shouted at her. A stern look was on my face as I stared at her shocked expression.

She silently moved aside as I hurried into the bathroom. I shut the door behind me, locking it for extra measure. I looked at myself in the mirror. No wonder they're losing their wits about me. I look crazy and injured.

A purple-blue tinted bruise consumed my cheek all the way up to my temple. I had a slight black eye with the company of a few broken blood vessels on my eyelid. My bottom lip was busted and split. It was an angry red, swollen and hot feeling. I lifted my nightgown up and over my head slowly before dropping it to the ground.

I gasped loudly at my abdomen. It was bruised from yellow to black. My right ribcage was slightly swollen and red. No wonder it hurt to move, to even breath at some points.

I fixed myself up the best I could manage. I braided my hair off to the side and washed the dry blood from my mouth. I had the sudden urge to clean myself. I grabbed the scrub that I used when I bathed and got it wet with soap and water.

I started to scrub my arms and legs. Everywhere I scrubbed and I just still felt dirty, knowing what almost happened to me. My skin burned, it was red and dry. Perfect.

I need to get a grip on myself. I got lucky, I fought back and got away. I just need to get through the day. I pulled my nightgown back on along with my robe and cleaned up the mess. It took me double the time it would normally though.

I prepared myself as I opened the door and saw Will and Emily disappeared. I was relieved, I didn’t want company right now. I stepped into my closet and picked out a simple dress to wear today.

I sat down at my vanity and powdered my face, trying to cover up the bruise. At least the bruise took up the side of my face with my scar. I wouldn't want both sides of my face scathed.

I put some stain on my lips to try and even out the redness that took up most of my mouth. I shook my head at my reflection, I still look battered.

I walked out and saw that Will remained in the hotel room, Emily was no where to be seen. “She went out to get some air.” Will answer my question that I wasn't aware that I asked.

I nodded my head and stepped into the kitchen. I saw a pot of tea on the stove and my hand reached for a cup. I filled the cup and my hand started to shake, some hot tea spilling over the edge. I saw Will's hand come into view, covering my own to stop the shaking.

He carefully took the cup from my hands and set it one the counter. “Eliza-”

“Do you want some breakfast? I'm sure we have something around here.” I searched in the cabinets but it was only an excuse to not look at Will.

I heard Will walk up next to me and shut the cabinet door. I didn't look at him as I turned and tried to find something else to search through for food. I couldn't though, so I just stood there.

Without a word, Will turned me around and pulled me in. His arms wrapped tightly around me, like he knew that no matter what, at this point I felt unsafe and paranoid.

I irrationally started to panic a little, struggling to get out of his grasp but he only held me tighter. “Eliza, it's alright.” I breathed heavily as I hugged back. I felt him rest his chin on the top of my head.

He held me for I don't know how long before he released me. I felt so small, so pathetic at the moment. I hated it.

“Are you going to talk-” Will started but stopped when I turned and started to walk away from him.

“I'm going to visit my house, to see the progress. I need to make sure everything is in order.” I turned my gaze to him for a second before I opened the door and exited the hotel room.

I leaned against the door for a second, gathering myself before I continued down to the lobby. I put a brave face on and greeted the doorman as I walked out. I climbed into my carriage and told the driver to go to my house.

I knew I was alone so I let my facade fall and I leaned over a little. It killed me to pretend like nothing was bothering me, my abdomen was on fire. Every little bump and turn made me wince in pain.

I climbed out and told him to be back in one hour. When he was out of sight, I sighed. I was alone. No workers today because I ordered to have them have the week off.

My house was remarkably the same as it was before the fire. I opened the door and stepped inside. Memories flooded my head even more than before, it looked almost exactly the same.

I would check out the upstairs later, I just wanted to be outside. It was a beautiful day, it always is after a good storm. I walked into the field, sitting down in the long grass. I relaxed and lied down on watched the sky above me.

I wasn't going to be one of those women who dwell on a traumatic event, I've been through them before. This time is no different, I just have to put it behind me. I needed to act normal. I knew very well that I didn't feel normal. I felt..scared.

Paranoid.

I've never been afraid or in shock like this before. I've never let anything get to me. How do I let go and just let the emotion engulf me enough to where I'm not bottling it up inside? I didn't know how. I don't know how to deal with this.

It isn't something you go around asking advice for, people would run away from it. I certainly didn't want to take about it, not now at least. It's on such a personal level, I don't even know if I could talk to Will or Emily about it.

It's almost not a question if I kept thinking about this. I would move on, I have to ignore the subconscious nagging that I'm not safe. At this moment, I'm perfectly safe. Right now I could just let go. I'm alone, no one would be around witness me giving in.

I took a breath and let the thoughts fill my head. The sensation was almost like drowning. I couldn't breath as I shut my eyes, trying to shake the perverted memories out of my head. As strong as I was trying to be, I wasn't strong enough to allow myself to think about it.

I didn't notice until I sniffled that I was crying. The tears just slid down my cheeks, I didn't bother to wipe them away. I felt like something was weighing down on me. I couldn't breathe, my hand trembled a little from the emotional shock I was unleashing one myself.

Lock it up.

That's exactly what I did. I bottled it up. I stopped my crying and I slowly got up off the ground. Every day, little by little, I would have to let myself go. It seemed like the logical solution, to just let it out in pieces instead of unearthing layers of unnoticed emotions.

I walked back into the house and toured it. Everything was picture perfect, expect the wallpaper and original paint was missing. I could easily fix that though. Pretty soon, I heard the carriage pull up. I took one last look at the house as I walked out and started back towards the hotel.

Once I was back at my room, I saw Collin and Will talking in the living room. I shut the door quietly behind me, hoping they wouldn't notice me. I'm never really subtle though.

“Eliza.” Collin stood up. I gave him a friendly smile but it faded as soon as I saw the way he was looking at me. Will told him. My suspicious were confirmed when Will scooted uncomfortably on the couch.

I shot him a look before I started towards him angrily. “You told him!” Will got up quickly and avoided my angry path towards him. Collin put a hand on my shoulder but I shoved it away. “Why! Why would you tell him! Dammit, Will! That is so personal! Hell, if I had it my way, I wouldn't of even told you!” I wanted nothing more than to hit Will as hard as I could but that would be a very poor choice on my part since my knuckles are slightly bruised from punching the pig man.

“Eliza, just let me explain.” Will told me calmly, his hands up in a surrendering position. I just shook my head at him,”No, I don't care. I trusted you enough not to just go around telling anyone. No offense to you Collin.” I turned to look at him but just nodded understandingly.

“Collin came over because Emily was at his house last night upset over something that happened to you. She wouldn't tell him but he was worried, Elizabeth. What was I suppose to do?” Will explained. It didn't even dent my frustration towards him at the moment.

“Oh gosh, Will, I don't know. Let's think about this,” I made sure every word was coated in sarcasm. “Oh! I got it! How about you ask me what I thought about you telling him! You had no right to decide that for me!”

He sighed,”I know, I realize that now. Emily and I were just so worried and you weren't talking to anyone-”

“Do you really think I was to talk about what-No, no. I'm not discussing it. At all” I waved my hands and sat down in a chair at the table behind me. There were a few minutes of silence until I heard Collin clear his throat awkwardly.

“Well, I think it's best if I go. I'm-” He hesitated but just spit it out,”I'm so sorry, Eliza. I really am, if there's anything I can do, don't hesitate to stop by.” He patted my hand.

“Thank you, Collin.” I waved my hand and cracked a very small smile at him. It wasn't his fault after all.

There was dead silence after the door shut behind him. Will stood in the middle of the room and I just looked down at the floor, a hand supporting my head's weight. I messaged my forehead. I've never truly been mad at Will before.

I didn't look at Will as he came over and pulled a chair up next to mine. I didn't move away when his hand lightly grazed my bruised cheek and the small scratches on my neck. “Eliza, you're going to have to talk about it sometime, you know.”

I looked up at him, I felt wore out suddenly. “Will, it only happened yesterday. I'm not even remotely close to talking about that fat, devil of a man, with his repugnant face, that-” I stopped noticing that I was getting worked up about it. I didn't want to break down in front of anyone.

“Just let go. It's alright to be weak sometimes. I am all the time in front of you, with my transformations and all.” Will tried to persuade but he wasn't convincing me.

“Where's Emily?” I asked changing the subject. He explained that she came home almost right after I had left asking where I was. She was asleep in her room right now.

I got up from my chair, wanting a nap. Will grabbed my hand and looked up at me, pleading almost for me just to talk. Instead I just deflated a little,”I think you better leave, Will.”

He was dejected, I could tell. Nonetheless, he rose from his chair and released my hand. “I'm not giving up on this, Eliza. You're always there for me, so I'm going to be there for you.” Will surprised me when he leaned forward and kissed my forehead. Partly because I couldn't tell if it was just to comfort me or if it meant something more and that any unexpected contact, my heart went into double time without my consent. I felt so pathetic because it was only Will but I just couldn't help but feel startled by it.

He didn't say anything else as he walked out of the hotel room. I let my hair down from it's braid as I walked towards my room. I didn't bother to change out of my dress as I lied down on my bed and let the nightmares consume me once again.