Blue Moon

A few weeks had past since my realization, bringing me to resent my decision. I've come to accept that I always would but I had made it and there was no going back from it. Sophia and Emily were healthy and up and about. I had watched her a time or two so Emily and Collin could have some time to themselves. She was precious, a spitting image of Emily but had Collin's nose and blonde hair both her parents had.

“When are you and Collin getting married?” I asked Emily one day while she nursed Sophia away from me in privacy.
“When ever he asks me,” she responded, bouncing Sophia up on her shoulder, patting her tiny back.

“He hasn't yet?” I asked, setting the book I had down in my lap.

“Well like Will, he has inferred that he wants to be married. He hasn't asked yet, I'm in no hurry though.” Emily got up and turned, swaddling Sophia in her cradled hold.

“I would have thought that with Sophia being born now, you two would have been getting married soon.” I shut my book, getting up to set it over onto one of the shelves in the Library.

“I wish he would just wise up and ask me already,” she sighed, looking down at her daughter. “I want to be a family already.”

I felt a pang in my chest, ignoring it completely. “You are,” I assured her.

“Not legally,” she waved, getting up and handing Sophia to me. “I need to you relive myself.”

I got a grip on Sophia, watching Emily scurry out of the room. I looked down at Sophia, a sad expression on my face. I pushed the feelings away, just appreciating that I had a goddaughter than no daughter at all. It was obvious that Will and I would be the godparents, clinging to any chance we would have for a child, even in the worst of circumstances.

“Where was, Emily, running off to?” I heard Will ask as entered the Library.

I turned, adjusting Sophia in my arms, “The restroom.”

He hummed a reply, a hint of a smile playing on his lips as he looked to me. I smiled, still getting that same feeling I always got when he smiled at me like this.

“What?” I quietly spoke, seeing that Sophia was slipping in and out of sleep in my arms.

“Nothing,” he shook his head, walking over me. “You would have been the best Mother.”

I stared down at Sophia's sleeping face, sighing deeply. “I know.”

Will came up behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist, resting his head on my shoulder. “Let's steal her,” he joked.

I let a small laugh erupt from me, “Stop it.”

He kissed the base of my jaw, unwinding his arms from my waist as Emily entered the room. She carefully took Sophia from my arms, tucking her small hands together under the blanket she was wrapped up in.

“Praise the Lord, she's finally sleeping,” she smiled, rocking back and forth.

I gave a small squeeze to her arm as I left the Library, Will in tow. I let out a breath as I walked into through the quiet house. Will walked ahead of me, turning to stop me. He held out his hand and I took it without thought, a confused smile playing on my mouth.

“Want to take a walk?” He offered, tugging me forward.

“It's almost dark out,” I warned, knowing that with our luck, we'd end up in some situation where our lives were threatened.

“Come on,” he pushed, guiding me towards the backdoor.

“Okay,” I whispered, giving in.

He smiled, turning back next to me. We walked out the door, the warmer night air, walking past the neglected hedges and garden that I remember walking through when it was properly taken care of. We were silent throughout the walk, turning in the direction of the stables. Will's hand was uncharacteristically slick as he tugged it out of my grasp and wiped it on his pants. I saw him swallow hard as he fell a few steps ahead of me in the dimly lit farmhouse.

“I know you've been dealt with a life you most definitely don't deserve,” his voice went in and out of a steady tone. “I can only fathom how you aren't manic at thist point.”

I quirked a brow at him, walking over to pet one of the horses neck, “What is this about?”

“Eliza,” he cleared his throat, “I love you and I have since I can remember, even if I didn't realize it at some points. We can't make a family and I'm running a business that I will have to stop neglecting at some point. The only thing I can offer you is marriage and hopefully a happy life with it..”

I laughed lightly, “Will, you already know that I'll marry you.”

I turned back to him, my smile fading as my feet stepped back in surprise. “I know, I just want to do this properly. A normal proposal for an abnormal lifestyle.”

I took in his knelt stance, his right knee pressed hard into the ground like he might fall over and faint. He held a small but equally impressive ring in his hand, taking mine carefully as if I might reject him. He slid the ring on my ring finger and utter the words of my hand quietly.

I held my hands out to him, tugging him back up to his feet. “Thank you,” I sighed, swallowing a hard lump of emotion in my throat. “I don't deserve you and of course I will marry you.”

“The fact that you think you don't deserve me proves that I don't deserve you,” he held my face tightly. “You're an amazing woman, Eliza, only a fool would miss that.”

I choked a smile, burying my face into his chest to hide my tears. I may not be able to have children and surely I would move past it one day and the always there remorse of my decision would haunt me, but I had Will. I've always had Will, even when I despised him and didn't appreciate how similar we were. We would always have each other and I couldn't ask for more, it'd be selfish to.