Four Letter Lie

To say I was nervous would be an understatement. My hands were trembling faintly as a paced in and out of various rooms in my apartment. It had now been a week since the A Day To Remember concert and tonight was the second of these events; Black Veil Brides. Everything had been sort of awkward since last Saturday night and the situation that occurred. Ronnie obviously decided that it would be best to avoid me all week and every time we were stuck in a room together I would be ignored like I was nothing but a mere fly on the wall. It made me feel worthless but that didn’t seem to faze him.

I stayed motionless. He held his soft, warm lips to mine for what seemed like a considerably long period of time. Ronnie pulled away abruptly and stared into my eyes searching deep. My mind was spinning and my heart was racing I couldn’t make sense of the world circling me.

“Eh, ah” Ronnie mumbled rubbing his neck breaking the uncomfortable silence that filled the air “Let’s go” he added pushing his chair back sharply and walking quickly out of the parlour.

With an incredible sigh I picked up our rubbish and placed it in the trash before following in Ronnie’s footsteps. I watched as he slammed the car door shut with absurd force and his features fall low and slump. I felt horrible but what the hell what I supposed to do? His Max’s best friend for crying out loud! I couldn’t really make out with the guy! This is fucked.

The car ride back to the apartment was ravished in complete silence. The radio was turned off, Ronnie didn’t make a sound and neither did I. All that filled my ears was the harsh rev of the engine as Ronnie pushed his foot down on the accelerator harshly; slicing in and out of the surrounding traffic.

The car came to a sudden halt, without a pause Ronnie grabbed his essentials and paced towards the front door. I slowly staggered behind him. I watched as he reached the front door and hesitated with his hand lightly placed on the door knob. I stepped up the single step behind him and waited behind him in curiosity.

“Uhm” Ronnie flicked his body towards me “Can we not tell Max about tonight?” he asked but it came out as more of a statement.

“Yeah, I guess…” I paused “But wh-”

“Just leave it” he cut me off in a cold manner before turning the knob and pacing inside. “Night” he said duly before going into his room with the door shut immediately after he entered.

Tonight turned out to be the complete opposite of what I expected. What was I meant to do now? Ronnie is Max’s best friend, basically his brother and he just kissed me. Sure, I didn’t respond unfortunately but there had to be something to give him the courage to do that. Why do things always have to get complicated!

This whole week Ronnie has used every ounce of his energy to avoid any contact with me. I was completely surprised that he didn’t cancel on me tonight. Maybe that’s his plan, take me out and then ‘accidently’ loose me in the mosh pit or something. This is screwed. I should be thinking about tonight with excitement and anticipation when in reality I’m pacing up and down the hallway, my thoughts running a million miles an hour and my breath hitched in my throat.

I kept my word to Ronnie, I didn’t tell Max. It did take much contemplation but in the end I decided that telling him would be basically pointless and cause unnecessary confrontation. But hey, it was only a kiss and anyway I didn’t respond in anyway so things should be okay; Right?

3 harsh rasps on my front door caught my devoted attention. I knew it would be Ronnie, although I was sort of hoping it wouldn’t be. I didn’t want it to be one of those awkward moments where we just stand there looking hopelessly at each other waiting for either of us to say something. Things wouldn’t be so complicated if Ronnie just learnt of keep his fricking lips to himself! As much as I’m trying to keep denying it; I don’t know if I totally loath the fact that he didn’t keep them to himself...

“Coming” I called out limply and strolled to the door in the most casual fashion I could muster.

“Hi” his head flicked up as I opened the door. His hair, pin straight flicked up so it hung limply around the edges of his face. A scarf dangled from around his neck contrasting with his black tight v neck shirt. He wore a pair of nightmare black jeans that clinged securely to his body and his black boots. I looked into his eyes as they duly stared back at me, they were rimmed lightly with black eyeliner and his luscious lips were a perfect shade of medium pink.

“Hey…” I added softly; darting my eyes around the room.

We stood there, like premeditated looking at each other helplessly. He sighed deeply and flicked his eyes down and then back up; locking with mine. Those deep brown eyes were profoundly desirable in colour. They featured not only one tone of deep, chocolate brown but multiple flecks of different shades scattered throughout. I could melt in them.

“Look… if tonight is going to be as awkward as this is - we might as well not go” Ronnie said in a stubborn tone with a simple shrug.

“Well it’s not like your helping!” I spat.

“Fuck Abby!” he threw his hands up in the air “Don’t worry about it!” he turned and walked away.

“Oi!” I yelled “What the hell?”

“What!? What do you want from me!?” he shouted back at me after turning around.

“I want to know why the fuck your acting this way! Your being a jerk!”

“Sorry for trying to show my fucking feelings without hurting you!”

“What feelings Ronnie? If you cared so much about not hurting me then why are you being a jackass and have ignored and avoided me all week. I tried to ignore and forget what happened last Saturday night but you’re not helping to fix things! If this is how it is going to be why don’t you take your tickets and shove them up your ass where something else is obviously stuck!” I yelled back viciously and walked back into my apartment, leaving the door wide open and collapsing on the lounge.

Moments later a slumped Ronnie walked into the apartment heading for my direction. He dropped himself down beside me and gave me a lump stare.

“What?” I asked ignorantly turning my head towards him.

“I’m sorry. I can’t really explain it, but let’s just leave it – for now at least”

“What are you sorry for?”

“I’m sorry for acting like a jackass because you surely didn’t deserve it. You have done nothing wrong”

“Is that all?” I asked slightly dumbfounded.

“If you’re asking if I’m sorry for kissing you, than the answer is no”

“What? Why not?”

“Why do you ask so many questions?!” he retaliated back quickly in a sharp voice.

I shook my head and rolled my eyes; exhaling loud and deeply in frustration.

“Sorry” he said softly “Look can we talk about this later, act normal and go see BVB please?”

“Yeah okay” I stood up “But we are going to talk about this”

“You know” he followed “You’re not really acting like the real Abby” he changed the subject carefully, but it didn’t go unnoticed.

“And what is the real Abby?” I asked confused yet slightly curious.

“The real Abby would be jumping on my back right about now” he smirked.

I shook my head with a slight laugh and jumped on his back. My legs snaked around his waist and my arms around his neck. He bounced lightly with each step making an extra bumpy ride down to the car.

During the drive to the venue when the coast was clear he would slam the break on and off causing the car to do a sort of bunny hop motion. I giggled and laughed profusely as did Ronnie. He started to shake the car from one side of the road to the other with a quick twist of the steering wheel. I screamed and laughed at his childish antics.

Alone at last, we can sit and fight.
And I’ve lost all faith in this blurring light,
But stay right here we can change our plight.
We’re storming through this despite what’s right.

One final fight, for this tonight.
Woah…
With knives and pens we made our plight…

The show kicked off with a blast, Ronnie once again kept me securely by his side. This time I had no guy creeping up on me, thank god. During the show I moved myself subconsciously closer to him to hear him sing. As much as I adored Andy’s voice penetrating my ears the soft mumbles of Ronnie’s words made my heart jump.

We are breathing,
While you’re sleeping, go,
And leave us alone.
The lines cheating,
Our hearts beating, go,
And now you’re on your own.

Here’s to your perfect weapon,
Cracked bones with blind aggression,
Like birds whose wings are broken,
You live without direction.

As we walked side by side Ronnie’s hand brushed past mine gently, I cautiously slipped my fingers between his. His hand was much larger than mine but my fingers fitted perfectly amongst his. I observed the small smile that crept onto his lips as our hands touched.

We stopped in front of the door and he rasped on the door multiple times. As we waited he leaned down and placed a sweet kiss on my forehead; I closed my eyes as his lips coupled with my skin.

“Ronnie!” Andy chirped in his deep voice.

“Hey!” Ronnie replied back in a similar, excited tone.

“It’s been way to long, I seen you in the front row and I thought I was seeing things! How have you been?”

“Yeah pretty good, and yourself?”

“Not too shabby at all” Andy nodded to himself “Oh shit, sorry. I’m Andy, and you are?” he introduced himself to me in an apologetic manner.

“I’m Abby” I smiled back.

“We have similar names, go us!” he laughed deeply “Come on in guys” he stepped aside and lead us into the decently sized room in which the rest of the band were situated.

Ronnie visibly knew each member of the band so they greeted him in the usual ‘man hug’ way. Andy than introduced me to the band; although I already knew their names. Each member independently greeted me and gave me a hug. The guys were so relaxed that even though they were technically basically complete strangers I felt comfortable with them. We joked around and decided to go run amuck. Since the fans and most of the stage crew had left we thought there would be a slim chance of getting caught if we decided to run a rampage throughout the venue.

“Come on twin!” Andy shouted as he grabbed my hand and ran out onto the stage with myself being dragged behind.

I watched as the rest of Black Veil Brides and Ronnie joined us out on the stage. Ashley and CC were playing around with the control board of the opposite side of the stage, flicking the lights on and off in motions. Somehow they managed to create a strobe light effect which flashed violently on the stage where we were situated. I laughed and watched as all of the BVB members except Andy dance around like idiots which made them look frantic as a result of the trippy lighting.

I leaned against one of the side walls with my arms fixated across my chest a chuckle still bellowing from my throat. Ronnie grinned over towards me with a cheeky smile I personally adored; I stuck my tongue out at him. Jake and Andy whispered secretively to each other and with a worrying grin Jake ran towards me, picking me up and throwing me over his shoulder and began to spin around.

With a mixture of the flashing strobe light and my world spinning, evidently I became very dizzy. Although through the dizziness I could hear Andy and Ronnie talking. I assumed that while Jake was spinning around with me fixed on his shoulders he subconsciously moved towards the two of them.

“So is she your girl?” Andy’s recognisable deep voice asked.

“No” Ronnie said in what sounded like a gloomy tone “She’s Max’s”.

“Well how come you’re the one taking her out?”

“It was a part of her birthday present, I bought her tickets to the shows of her favourite bands”

“That’s awfully nice. You’s seem pretty close though, like touchy close. If someone didn’t know you both, they’d think you were a couple. You like her hey?”

“I don’t know”

“Hey! What do you think you’re doing!? You can’t be out here!” An unrecognisable man’s voice yelled.

Jake quickly attempted to place me on my feet before he legged it along with everyone else. I stumbled and tripped from being so dizzy and I couldn’t see straight. I could make out the figure of a man which wasn’t someone I knew and something bright shining painfully into my eyes.

By surprise I was swept into someone’s arms and carried in bridal style as they jogged away. My eyes regained focus gradually and I realised that somehow we ended up outside being situated beside the BVB tour bus. I could feel arms still tightly wrapped around my body. I lifted my head and gazed up into the mystical chocolate brown eyes that looked down at me. I smiled curved on my lips as I ran my index finger slowly across his jawline.

Ronnie placed me gently on the ground but kept his hand securely wrapped around my waist for reassurance and support. Andy disappointedly said that they had to go as they had a long drive ahead of them to get to their next venue. We said our goodbyes before heading back to the car. Tonight for once, I was staying at my own apartment.

Soon enough we arrived at my destination being my apartment. I unbuckled myself and went to say goodbye and thankyou to Ronnie but before I could he was already out of the car. We walked in a comfortable silence towards my front door, I fiddled with my keys before unlocking the door.

“Well… thank you for another great night Ronnie” I smiled.

“It’s no problem” a smile crept into the corners of his lips.

I smiled and moved a little closer to him. I gently edged my head towards the right side of his face with the intention to kiss his cheek. Just as my lips touched the surface of his skin he turned his head and within an instant our lips were connected. His lips pressured softly against mine, their sweet taste memorising. I was lost in his embrace; my lips unconsciously moved faintly as his did.

An image of the desperate look in Max’s eyes the day that I came home to find him sleeping on my floor flashed through my mind. I came to a sharp realisation of what the hell I was actually doing. I shot my eyes open and ribbed my lips from his and without a word I dashed inside; slamming the door shut behind me.

I hit my head purposely on the door behind me and braced myself as I slid down; continually resting my head on the hard wood. I began swearing at myself continuously out loud, my mind was also screaming profanity. My knees were raised and my head was placed in the cups of my hands while my fingers tangled in the roots of my hair.

Shit.