Four Letter Lie

You know that feeling you get in your stomach when you know something is not right? You know it’s wrong but you just don’t want to believe it. Well, that’s how I feel right now. I think I’m going to be sick!

Slowly, I finished getting ready. The boys had gone over to the venue for sound check and I was meeting them there for the last of my birthday tickets. Ronnie and I still hadn’t really spoken at all, last night after Max and I arrived back at the apartment we were greeted by a death stare off Ronnie. I hadn’t bothered to make an effort with him because I knew it was going to get me nowhere.

TJ and Max scared me last night. I don’t know what to think about the fact they had red eyes and were sniffling. I didn’t want to start a fight between Max and I until I was sure because I know it’s not going to be pretty. The only thing I honestly belief in at the moment is my friendship with Ricky, without him I would surely be going insane.

I grabbed my keys and headed down to my car; the trip to the venue was even shorter then I had anticipated. I followed the instructions given to me and headed around to the backdoor of the venue; near where all the RV’s and buses were parked. A tall man, dressed in all black watched me as I approached the door he was guarding.

“Name?” he asked emotionlessly.

“Abby. Abby Williams”

He looked down through a list of names. He nodded singularly and opened the door for me, letting me walk in before securing it shut. I wondered around backstage, following my ears. Finding the actual side stage didn’t take all that long after I worked out where I was. Escape the Fate was midway through ‘Not good enough for the truth in cliché’ except instead of Ronnie actually putting in effort singing, he was talking the lyrics with a sarcastic smirk spread across his lips. I giggled to myself and continued to watch the rest of their sound check.

“Hey babe!” Max smiled, greeting me as he walked offstage.

I smiled softly and gave him a kiss. I greeted Monte, Robert and Omar casually before giving Ronnie a half-hearted smile as he gave me an awkward wave. I rolled my eyes and pulled an odd face mimicking him as he walked further backstage.

“Come on” Max said softly, taking my hand.

He led me behind the rest of the band to go backstage to their greenroom. I watched on as the guys fiddled with their small stashes of clothes, deciding what to wear. Robert was finished the quickest because he isn’t so fussy, all he needed was pants, a shirt, shoes and his trademark sunglasses and he was set.

“Abby…” Max pouted, turning to me “What shirt should I wear?” he asked, holding up a Motley Crue and a Marilyn Manson shirt.

I pondered, both shirts were good “What pants are you wearing?”

He smirked and winked at me. I laughed and shook my head. “Probably my zebra stripped ones” he shrugged.

“Uhm, well go with the Manson shirt because its brighter and yeah” I shrugged.

“Thanks!” he grinned and stripped down to his boxers, changing into his new outfit.

Ronnie stayed in the corner of the room, isolating himself. After he had changed, done his hair and makeup he sat smoking and on his phone. Getting quite bored I pulled out my phone and texted my reliable friend.

Ricky! What are you up to?

Nothing really, what about you? :)

With the band. They just finished up sound check and now were sitting in the greenroom

Fun, fun! How’s cranky shit?

I bursted out in laughter, earning odd looks from each member of the band. Max looked at me questionably, I mumbled “Ricky” as an answer to his non-verbal question.

HAHAHA! We haven’t talked :\ Rick, I’m worried about Max :(

I know babe, but hopefully your just overthinking things

I hope so too :(

Keep on smiling, I’ll always be here for you :D

As for you too. Sorry to cut this short but I have to go; pretty sure they’re going on soon. Love you!

Love you too, text me if you need anything.

I softly smiled and locked my phone; putting it away. Following the guys out to side stage the crowd roared tremendously. Max was tapping his foot and shaking his hand, it was kind of weird. It was like a movement of anxiety not excitement; I watched him curiously.

“Have fun” I smiled softly, kissing his cheek.

He grinned and ran out on stage along with the rest of the band. The crowd cheered even louder and an Escape the Fate chant began chorusing. I smiled, remembering when I was in this very same venue with Emma. Life had changed so dramatically since that night. I wonder what life would have been like if Max had never given me his rock, if they never came into the bar and if we never met. Things would certainly be different I know that.

I smiled uncontrollably as Max screamed the lyrics “We dance like zombies do in the middle of the rain” towards me.

During ‘Situations’ in the part of the song where it featured moaning Ronnie thrusted dramatically while making the erotic noises. Girls in the crowd screamed and I wouldn’t have been surprised if someone fainted.

Before I knew it, the concert was over. It was just as good as I remembered it to be, the only downfall being that I didn’t have Emma by my side to experience this with for a second time. A lot of people suddenly flooded the area and I was consumed by other bodies.

I frantically looked around for Max but ended up spotting Monte. I gripped his waist tightly and pulled him towards me. “Don’t leave me!” I pleaded with a grin.

“I’ll save you” he laughed, grabbing my hand and pulling me through the sea of people.

“Wow, that was so much more effort than it should have been” I laughed, leaning on a wall behind me.

“Come on, I need to shower – I stinky!” he laughed waving his hand in front of his nose and plugging it.

We headed back into the greenroom, Robert and Omar were sitting on the couch and someone was in the shower. I assumed that Max was in the shower and Ronnie was off banging some random chick.

“I swear if he takes as long as he usually does in the shower, shits going down” Robert threatened.

“Please enlighten me on what will happen?” I enquired a little bit sarcastically.

“Well…” he leaned forward and linked his hands acting all serious “I will first off break his hair straightener, then destroy his makeup, delete his contacts out of his phone and put old granny porn on there, tattoo ‘faggot’ on his eyelids, shit in a bucket and put it on the fan in his room so when he turns it on shit will fly everywhere and yeah I probably would be satisfied by then…” he nodded in accomplishment.

I cracked up laughing uncontrollably. The funniest thing about what Robert had said was not the fact that he was threatening to do these thing, he appeared 100% serious and I knew he probably would do all of the above.

Like on cue, the shower turned off and Robert grinned in satisfaction. My face dropped slightly as Ronnie emerged from the bathroom, a towel wrapped around his waist and his hair damp.

“Hey, uh… where’s Max?” I asked concerned.

“Obviously not in the shower with me?” Ronne said rudely.

I shook my head lightly and rolled my eyes dramatically. It was bittersweet hearing his voice again.

“He went off on the other side of the stage and disappeared” Ronnie spoke coldly.

“Thanks” I mumbled softly before walking out of the room.

I wondered back around to the stage looking for him. With no luck I crossed the empty stage and headed down the side of the stage Max reportedly exited off. I kept my footsteps quiet and peaked in and out of rooms. I walked down a dark, dead silent hallway I couldn’t see anything really.

Two deep chesty coughs caught my attention. Nervously I walked silently down following my ears. I led myself to the end of the hallway, a single wood door stood between me and the room which I presumed to contain Max. Sucking in a deep breath, I shakily twisted the door knob and edged it open ever so slightly.

My heart sunk.

Max leaned over an aged desk, multiple lines of a recognisable substance below him. I watched as he plugged his nose and sucked in a line. I whimpered softly as tears slightly welled in my eyes. The quiet sound caught his attention and his eyes widened like a dear in headlights.

“A-Abby” he stuttered out “just fuck off” he muttered, his eyes burning red.

I didn’t believe my eyes. I continued to stare at him like this was a horrible bad dream. Max ignored my existence and leaned back down, deeply sucking another line of white powder into his nose. A moment later he looked back up at me, his eyes grew wider.

“Y-your actually there aren’t you?” he questioned sheepishly.

“What the fuck are you talking about? Of course I’m actually standing here you halfwit!”

“Fuck” he yelled “I thought I was just hallucinating”

I painfully stared at him it disbelief, shaking my head.

“P-please let me e-explain” he advanced towards me.

“No”

His hands gripped my arms. I quickly ripped them from his grasp.

“I-i…” he muttered, trying to find words.

“How long?” I asked sternly.

“What?”

“How long have you been lying straight to my face?”

He shrugged “A week or two”

“And you’ve been using constantly for that time?”

“Yes”

“Goodbye Max” I turned away and began to walk.

“No Abby! Please!” he yelled grabbing me.

“Don’t fucking touch me!” I yelled ripping my arm from his hand once again.

“I’m sorry!” he pleaded.

“You say you’re sorry but you don’t change!”

“I will change!”

“No you won’t, you had your chance”

“Just give me another chance, I promise I’ll get clean!”

“Your promises don’t mean anything” I said powerfully and walked away.

I was back across the stage, near the greenroom when I heard him running behind me.

“Abby please, I’m sorry I love you!” he yelled.

“Don’t! Don’t you fucking dare say you love me!”

“I do Abby, I love you with everything I have inside of my fucked up body!”

“Well obviously love means nothing to you”

“It does, it means everything! You mean everything!” he shouted

“No Max, I don’t mean everything. Drugs do, drugs mean everything to you!”

“THEY DONT!”

“Yes they do, if they didn’t you wouldn’t throw our relationship away like that. You broke your promises twice now!”

“I didn’t throw it away, I’m fucking sorry!” he screamed.

“I can’t do this anymore Max” I shouted running my hands over my face “I-it’s over”

“No please, no, no don’t do this” his eyes watered, he tried to reach out to me but I moved away immediately.

“I’m not doing anything, you did this all by yourself”

I left him there, standing limply tears brimming in his eyes. I couldn’t even put into words how I felt all I knew was my heart was just ripped out of my chest. I started to cry uncontrollably, I slammed open the back door and ran across the street dumping my body in the gutter. Breaking up with Max was harder than seeing him inducing drugs. I whimpered pathetically, replaying the image of Max snorting up the cocaine in my mind.

I jumped as a hand touched my shoulder. I looked up through hazed eyes to see blurry figure standing above me. I noticed the decorated hand placed on my shoulder was Ronnie’s. He showed a sympathetic look on his face.

“What do you want?” I grumbled “Want to stand there and watch me cry? Make you happy to see me like this?” I shrieked.

“Abby…” he sighed, sitting down beside me “I’m sorry for being an asshole, you did nothing wrong”

“So now you apologize after everything that has happened tonight, feeling guilty or something Ronnie?”

“I know, bad timing like usual” he sighed “Look it was stupid of me to get all worked up like that. I am sorry” he said sincerely.

“Okay” I nodded, before pushing my head in my hands, uncontrollably crying your eyes out again.

“Shh…” he cooed, wrapping his arm around me “Do you want to tell me what happened? It will probably be good to get it off your chest”

“I-I walked in on him snorting. He l-looked at me and then d-did it right in front of me again. We had a b-big fight, and, and” I stuttered through weeps that caught my breath “T-than I broke up with him”

“I’m so sorry Abigail” he whispered, kissing my forehead.

“I don’t even know what’s real anymore” I cried between sobs.

“I’m real. I may be a bipolar son-of-a-gun but everything about our friendship is real. I know how much trust means to you, trust me when I say this – it means as much as it does to me as you. Without trust, a relationship has nothing!”

I nodded softly, crying pathetically into his chest. I watched as Ronnie took one of my hands in his; flipping it over and examining its features. Slowly and delicately he ran his cool fingertips across the skin and then touched his lips to the permanent scars that lingered on my wrist.

“It’s our scars that make us who we are…” he spoke sensitively before pressing his warm lips back upon the scars that laced my wrist.