Aim High, Never Rest

The following day seemed to drag by, and my excitement for the party that night was growing with every minute that passed. I’d never been to a Palm Woods party before, but I heard that they were pretty crazy, especially the ones that the guys threw.

In general, I’m not a huge party girl. In fact, I’m as tame as they come, but I do get a little tipsy from time to time. I don’t really see the point in getting blackout drunk; I’d rather not have someone to have to take care of me all night and make sure I don’t choke on my own vomit or whatever. That’s just not attractive.

I will admit that I love to dance, and that was one of my main motivations for going to this party, aside from the fact that I have next to no social life here. There’s just something about that high you get when you hear a really good song that makes this ball of energy build up inside of you, and you just have to dance and move and shake to the music in order to release it.

I end up releasing it a lot: in my room, in the shower, in my car when no one’s looking, just…everywhere. So I definitely planned on getting my dance on at this party.

And in all honesty, I needed to get out more, make some new friends here. Spending my Friday nights at home in my room while my mom hogged the only television watching Access Hollywood and E! News had lost its appeal pretty quickly. Plus, I needed more of a social network than just Logan. People were already beginning to become suspicious of us because we were spending so much time together.

I wasn’t aware of the fact until earlier that day in English. Jo Taylor, who was apparently dating one of Logan’s friends, always sat in the desk beside me, and though we occasionally exchanged small talk, that was as far as the relationship went.

From the corner of my eye, I could see her twirl a lock of dirty blonde hair around her index finger as she jotted down the last notes from the slide. As the teacher fumbled around for a paragraph from The Great Gatsby, Jo turned her chair towards me.

Noticing the movement, I offered her a faint smile. Her narrow brown eyes quickly looked me over before she spoke.

“So… Kandi,” she began, nervously tossing her hair over her shoulder. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but do you and Logan have something going on?”

“What do you mean?” I laughed, letting my pen rest against my notebook as I shifted in my chair, placing my feet on the metal basket beneath the desk in front of me.

“Are you guys dating?”

I felt the air gush out of my lungs in one long sigh as I laughed a little to myself because the idea of me dating Logan was so completely inconceivable. Just…no.

“Uh, no. What made you think that?”

Jo’s eyes darted back to her desk. “Um, nothing, just something I heard.”

“Oh, okay.” I barely got the words out of my mouth before the bell rang. I think that’s what they mean by the expression “saved by the bell.”

Just great, apparently people I barely know claim to know more about my social life than I do.

The next two classes were pretty much uneventfully spent taking notes from boring powerpoints and listening to my teachers give “wah wah waaaah” lectures straight from Charlie Brown.

And if English with Jo wasn’t awkward enough, chemistry was the icing on the awkward cake.

Logan’s my lab partner, so the entire time we were performing the experiment, I had to watch my gestures and movements to make sure I wasn’t standing too close to him or touching him in any way that could be considered even remotely romantic.

Logan must’ve noticed because I caught him sniffing himself and checking his breath a couple times when he thought I wasn’t looking.

After we’d finished with the lab and answered all of the questions on our handout, we both just sort of sat there talking while we waited for everyone else to finish up or for class to end, whichever happened to come first.

“So how have your classes been today?” I asked, my hands gripping the black counter behind me as I spun from side to side on my lab stool.

“They’ve been okay,” he replied as he gently gnawed on the back of his pen. “What about yours?”

“Eh, fine I guess.” I briefly stopped spinning and turned to face him. “So are you guys still having that party tonight?”

He nodded. “Yeah, we devised this awesome plan to keep Bitters occupied for the night.”

“That’s cool.”

I’ll admit that I zoned out as he discussed the details of this so-called brilliant plan; the details didn’t make any difference to me, just as long as there was still a party going on.

And I still got to dance.

My eyes wandered around the area, for the first time really noticing the other people in the class. A couple of Logan’s friends were there. James was at the table across from us, leaning back in his chair as he watched his lab partner, a scrawny guy with glasses and a head full of strawberry blonde curls, scribble data records in his notebook. The tall one with the thick eyebrows – Kendall – was at the back counter, cloudy lab goggles around his green eyes as he tried to take apart the beaker stand. His lab partner was a short brunette, her dark curls were pulled back out of her face as she wrote in her black and white composition book. As soon as her coffee-colored eyes glanced up to meet mine, I realized that I knew her from somewhere, I just couldn’t remember her name.

Then came the glare, and I immediately recalled where I knew her from. She was the girl from the lobby the night before.

If looks could kill, I would’ve probably spent the remaining moments of my life in chem lab.

I immediately turned back to Logan, who was still talking, and tried to look interested in what he was saying, but I still wasn’t really listening.

“So you’re still coming tonight, right?”

“Uh yeah, definitely,” I answered, smoothing out the creases in my shirt.

“Okay that’s great. We’re having it by the pool more room and all that, and James and Carlos have already stockpiled any sort of snack food you can imagine… Oh, and we got a really great band to play as well. You know Maxine and Collin, right?”

I nodded slowly, remembering the girl Hannah, Carlos, Kendall, and Collin were discussing in the lobby the afternoon before. Though I hadn’t really had an encounter with her yet, I’d seen her around the building. And though Kendall and Logan both had horror stories starring her, I thought they were exaggerated. No one is born a raving bitch; they usually have their reasons, and a part of me wanted to know Maxine’s reasons. Surely she couldn’t be all bad.

At least she’d never given me death stares like Kendall’s lab partner.

“Well, their band’s playing. I think this is going to be our biggest party yet,” Logan continued, a proud beam softening his features.

“Well I’m glad I’m on the guest list,” I laughed.

A shriek rang throughout the small area, and we immediately turned to find its source. Apparently one of the Jennifers had spilled iodine all over her white v-neck, leaving a nasty brown splotch. A bunch of girls flocked to her side, trying to calm her down as they cleaned up the mess.

As all of that was going on, the final bell rang, and Logan and I rushed out the door, saying our goodbyes before going our separate ways.

As soon as I reached my apartment and got settled in, slinging my backpack in the corner of my bedroom behind the door, I actually wished I was back in class. There was absolutely nothing to do in the apartment, but at least my mom was out and about, so I didn’t have to play twenty questions with her about my day.

I think if it was up to her, she’d keep me in that apartment forever, only allowing me to leave to go to school and auditions.

Speaking of auditions, as I collapsed onto my bed, my eyes drifted to the monologue resting on the nightstand beside me. I still had five hours until the party, so I figured I might as well do something productive with my time.

My eyes skimmed the lines quickly as I tried to channel my inner actress.

I’d chosen one of Kate Bosworth’s monologue from Win a Date with Tad Hamilton! just because, in this new setting, I felt like I could really relate to her character. Naïve small-town Southern girl winds up in Los Angeles and is completely overwhelmed is pretty much the story of my life.

Too bad I haven’t ended up dating a mega-famous actor yet like Bosworth’s character. The movies make it look so easy.

So I sat back in bed, carefully reading the lines aloud, shifting my voice inflection over certain words, throwing in gestures when I felt they were necessary. The more times I spoke the lines, the easier they became to memorize, and in under an hour, I didn’t even have to glance at my sheet.

When I heard the door to the apartment open and my mom rustling around, I immediately stopped. Even though it was a little childish of me, I didn’t want her to know that I actually enjoyed acting. A part of me wanted her to feel guilty, like she’d dragged me out here to live her dream instead of my own, which was partially true. I had been perfectly content with my life back home, and it was all a little overwhelming to be basically uprooted and planted in a brand new city full of people you have no connections to.

The hours passed, and it wasn’t long before I was standing in the elevator, waiting for it to open up into the lobby. As the anxious fluttering built up in my stomach, I adjusted the strap of my yellow sundress, anything to distract me from my nerves.

The familiar ding of the elevator yanked me from my thoughts, and I took a deep breath as the doors slid open.

Surprisingly, not that many people were hanging out in the lobby, but then again, it was a Friday night. Most people were probably out or in their apartments getting ready to go out.

I slowly opened the door to the pool area and was immediately met with a bombardment of lights and music. Not many people were there yet. Apparently I never got the memo that it was cooler and more mysterious to show up fashionably late.

Logan was right about the snacks. A couple buffet tables were set up at one side of the pool, and I noticed multiple bottles of soda, a couple punch bowls, and various bowls of chips and dip. And of course, corn dogs.

Carlos was hovering over the tray of his favorite food, and as soon as he saw me, a wide grin spread on his face. I waved at him before walking towards the other side of the pool.

It wasn’t long before Logan was at my side.

“Hey, glad you could make it,” he greeted as we walked together towards the gazebos.

“Yeah, me too. This all looks pretty amazing,” I said as I tried to soak in my surroundings. “You guys really know how to nail the setup.”

He laughed and nodded towards one of the tables, and I took a seat across from him.

“By the way, you look pretty spiffy,” I remarked as I noticed his black leather jacket and wrinkle-free white v-neck. I’d never seen him in anything else besides his typical sweater vests and gingham button-downs, but I could appreciate the change.

“Thanks,” he laughed, popping his collar in emphasis. “You look nice yourself.”

My eyes shifted downwards to my canary yellow flats. Honestly, I’d had a lot of trouble deciding what to wear. I didn’t know how people dressed for parties out here, and I didn’t want to look too sloppy or casual, but at the same time, I didn’t want to look like I was trying to hard.

“Thanks,” I replied, popping an imaginary collar. We both laughed.

A candle flickered on the table between us, filling the enclosed space under the gazebo with its warm glow.

The setting was a little too intimate for my tastes, and I immediately felt the urge to escape. Luckily, I knew the song that was playing.

“Um, would you like to dance?” I asked as I stood up, smoothing out the skirt of my dress.

“Sure,” he said, following me out onto the empty makeshift dancefloor.

James was running the DJ booth until the band was ready, a pair of headphones dangled around his neck as he held one half against his ear, using his free hand to work the booth. A group of four or so girls were gathered below the booth, gazing up at him in admiration. Every now and then he’d winked at one of them with his honey brown eyes or point towards one as the bass pumped.

As the chorus of “Hey Ya” echoed through the speakers, I threw my hands in the air, shaking my hips to the infectious beat. Logan danced along, raising the roof as he leaned back and forth.

I was actually a little surprised by his rhythm; Logan wasn’t exactly the type of guy you’d peg as a good dancer. I guess a crucial part of “bringing the boyband back” was choreographed dancing, so he must’ve picked up some moves from that. Either way, I was impressed.

As more people trickled into the party, the dancefloor became more occupied, pushing us closer together.

I happened to glance over just in time to notice the brunette from chemistry and the lobby charging towards me.

She yanked my bare shoulder, turning me towards her on the crowded dancefloor.

“Listen,” she began, her voice rising over the music and ringing in my ears. “I don’t know or care who you are, all I know is that, if you know what’s good for you, you’ll stay away from Logan.”

Taken aback by her rudeness, I replied, “Um, we’re just friends.” I glanced helplessly towards Logan to back me up, but he just threw up his hands as he proceeded to lose himself in the crowd, practically feeding me to the wolves.

“I don’t care. I see the way he looks at you, you don’t act that way with a ‘friend.’” Her fingers formed air quotes around the last word.

“Um, I don’t know who you are or why you hate me, but I’m not looking to get involved with Logan. You can have him.” I tossed my hair over my shoulder as I started to walk away.

“Oh, so now he’s not good enough for you?” I heard her shout behind me, accompanied by a few obscenities, but I brushed it off my shoulders.

I passed Jo on my way off the dancefloor. Her expression was a combination of hopelessness and embarrassment.

“Listen Kandi, I’m really sorry about Camille,”she apologized as she tried to keep up with my pace. “She and Logan used to have a thing, and he broke up with her, and she’s still a little torn up about it.”

I responded with an eye roll before I ducked in between a group of people talking by the pool, losing Jo in the process.

Wow, my respect for Logan just went down the drain. Anyone who dated a psycho bitch like that had to be out of his mind.

I found myself near the makeshift stage the boys had set up for Maxine’s band, gasping for breath as I tried to gather myself. I could faintly hear the soft tune of an acoustic guitar at my side, so I turned to see where the music was coming from. Guitar Dude was perched on top of the bench beside me, strumming his guitar.

“Hey, what’s up?” I asked, nodding towards him. I realized that I’d never seen him without a group of gorgeous boho girls at his side.

“The sky,” he replied slowly, his eyes wandering upwards towards the stars above us.

I looked up as well, instantly reminded of how small I was in the grand scheme of things.

“You don’t look so good,” he replied, breaking me from my trance.

“Yeah, I think I just got cussed out over a guy.”

“Sometimes you just have to get rid of all the negative people in your life,” he mused, accompanied by a soulful melody.

I looked over at him, and for the first time, I really noticed him. His trademark sunglasses were pushed back into his dark hair, revealing his eyes. They were a beautiful greenish gray, the same color as the ocean before a thunderstorm.

In that instance, it all seemed to click, and I found myself enlightened by his words.

My semi-friendship with Logan wasn’t worth all of the drama, and I was probably better off if I stayed away from him. There were plenty of other people at the Palm Woods that I could hang out with if I only put myself out there. I figured why not start with Guitar Dude.

Who knows, maybe he’d even tell me his real name?

“Are you doing anything after this?” I asked, beginning to rake a hand through my chestnut locks before I realized that I had curled them for the occasion.

He shook his head as the tune from his guitar became quicker and more upbeat.

“Wanna hang out?”

He nodded, still not saying a word, and I felt a little better as I stood up to leave.

As I turned away from Guitar Dude, I saw Maxine, Collin, Tyson, and Nathan beginning to set up. Maxine’s long black hair cascaded over her face, but I still knew it was her.

I don’t know what drove me to approach her, but I just felt the need to get away from all the testosterone and drama that came along with it, so I found myself cautiously walking towards the stage.