Aim High, Never Rest

It's almost time to get this rockin' show on the road. I'm mentally prepared to pull off a smug grin for the guys of Big Time Rush after their jaws drop at our amazing performance. This urge to be proud of myself while everyone looks at me enviously just consumes my whole mind and body. With that picking at my insides, it's hard not to feel the anticipation to perform and feel that rush. It's exactly what pride would feel like.

Aside from my mental daydream, something behind me distracted the attention of my band members as they look up from setting their respective equipments. I ignored the unknown commotion going on behind me to properly set up my guitar into the amp. 

"Hi Kandi" Collin or someone spoke first, grabbing my attention from my guitar. 

The particular name made me look back at the said person behind me. I wasn't surprised at the familiarity of the face. I've seen her plenty of times around Palm Woods. Plus, people constantly talk about her. When I mention people, I mean the guys of Big Time Rush and my mates. I've been spending awful lot of time with them today, unfortunately for me. 

Pushing my bangs to the side, I glared at her, waiting for her to talk and mention her purpose of being here. 

"Hey, Maxine, right?" uncertainty and hesitation washed all over her face. She's probably heard stories of me. I haven't done anything completely bitchy and intimidating yet. 

"Uh yeah" I nodded, expressionless. 

"Well, I'm Kandi. I know some of your band mates already" she stuck her bottom lip between her teeth, awaiting for my response to that. But something was different and it sets her apart from other people I've had confrontations with.

Her eyes showed no fright. Maybe she was unsure and a bit confused to what she should say to me. There might be uncertainty and hesitation but there was no sight of fear or intimidation. She wasn't scared at all. Even if she's heard stories about me, she didn't feel like I would intimidate her. As impossible as that sounds, it fascinates me. 

"Yeah I know that, I've heard a lot about you" I said, a little bit confused about how I should act. She looked a bit taken back by my words. It wasn't like she was completely shocked, it was just something she didn't expect hearing. That was as far as my interpretation goes. 

"So Kandi, how are you?" Collin cut in the conversation when Kandi opened her mouth, attempting to say something. I shot him a glare, secretly curious about how the girl was going to reply. 

He shot me an innocent look before turning to hear Kandi's casual response of "oh I've been good". Something in her eyes told me it was complete bullshit. Or it's just me. People are always too predictable. You can call me crazy but I'm pretty sure that most people say 'good' or 'fine' when someone ask them the common 'how are you?' question. It was just simple, lame small talk. Why would people even start a conversation with that question when they already know what the answer was going to be? They might just as well shut the hell up and not talk at all.

"Anyways" Kandi cleared her throat, trying to break the awkward tension between the three of us. I can feel myself physically relax at someone finally speaking. "You guys are going to perform tonight so I just want to wish you guys good luck. I'm looking forward to your set" 

Collin's face lit up as if he was surprised that someone wanted to see our set. I almost scoffed at his pathetic little self. Take the compliment with pride and gloat it to everyone. Why won't he listen to my advice?

"Of course, everyone's been anticipating us to perform. I can't say I'm not excited myself" I spoke for Collin with an accomplished smirk on my face. Knowing him, he's probably going to let out a response of 'why thank you'. That's not the attitude stars should carry in Hollywood. As they say, you won't get a place in Hollywood unless you set apart from everyone else and do what you have to do to get there. Being a little kiss up won't get you anywhere in life. 

Kandi didn't make a face at me for my arrogance and I'm glad. But she didn't give me a look of envy which pissed me off a little. Everyone was supposed to be jealous that I have what they don't have, which was talent. 

"And Maxine?" my gaze on her hardened. She didn't gulp like I expected. No one gulped more dramatically than Logan when we had our first encounter. "Since we are both new to Palm Woods and I don't really like much of the other girls here, I'm thinking maybe we should... You know... Hang out sometime?" 

I almost said no on instinct. But looking into Kandi's eyes, I know she was different. Instead of the obvious signs that usually tells me the person's confronting me by force or other selfish intensions, there's something tugging at my mind telling me that there was determination in this one. She was definitely doing this for herself. All she wanted was to hang out. 

Kandi looked to be pretty decent. She wasn't some snobby fake bitch who craves perfection and wants to rub it in your face like Kendall does. She wasn't some pathetic little wimp that wouldn't talk to me if she didn't want anything from me like Logan, for example. But would I even take the risk and waste my time associating myself with this chick?

"I'll think about it" I finally said after my long session of contemplation. She blinked several times, trying to process a yes or no answer from my response. Realizing that she has no more business left standing here, she excused herself and walked off to the beach chair Guitar Dude situated himself in.

"Dudes, are your equipments set up?" I announced, ignoring the confused looks I got from my band mates. They were somewhat surprised that I'd 'think about' hanging out with Kandi. They responded positively and I know that everything will be perfect for us for the rest of this night. No scratch that, our entire Hollywood experience will be perfect. 

I skimmed through the commotion happening at the party so far. There's a food table set up and Carlos was still there, stuffing his face with the corn-dogs Kendall bought from the grocery store this morning. This was exactly how we found him whilst entering the pool at the start of the party. No need to be obsessed with junk snacks, silly boy.

Some familiar faces I've seen around Palm Woods surrounded the dance floor while they moved their hips and arms in motion to the beat of the song James provided from the DJ booth. Logan was amongst the stampede of people on the dance floor. I almost dropped my jaw at the sight of Logan dancing to some mainstream hip-hop song. He comes off as the nerdy awkward type that would always sit down on the sidelines to watch people dance. 

I guess I was wrong. First impressions aren't always what I expect. But in my defense, they seem to be most of the time. 

When I turn my head to the entrance in search of Tyson, who ran off to talk to Camille or someone, my jaw literally dropped. Tyson wasn't who I found. 

Kendall and Hannah entered the room with some look of relief washed all over their faces. Screw Hannah, she's just the same old chick from the last time I saw her. It was Kendall that made me hate myself for ever glancing over at the entrance. Why does he have to be so perfect? This talentless idiot actually stole my sight away from everything else at the pool.

There is something different about him now from all the times I've seen his annoying little self. 

After a few seconds of just plain staring, I finally realized what grabbed my attention so effectively. Kendall's attire. 

He wore a black leather jacket over a lighter shirt; dark skinny jeans that hugged around his legs respectively, and a pair of nice looking sneakers that matched the color schemes of his outfit. His typical dirty blonde hair barely covered his dark, thick eyebrows and I couldn't help but think he looked pretty decent. I usually hate this kid but he obviously stole the rocker look off of some magazines or tutorials. He thinks he can party like a rock star but only I can do that without looking like a failure. 

Hannah said something to Kendall and took off to join Carlos at the food table. I thought she doesn't eat. From the looks of it, she might be suffering from some kind of anorexia disorder. No one can look this skinny and eat regularly like any human being. 

Averting my attention from the fools at the table, I noticed the rocker wannabe walking over to me with some kind of accomplished smirk on his face. It seems pretty obvious that he stole this kind of pride from me. Only I can walk around in a rocking outfit and pull off that smirk of arrogance. He's just an epic failure.

"Hey Maxine, looking good for this party!" Kendall's eyes scanned my attire, making me cock my eyebrows at him. Obviously I look decent for my first gig in Los Angeles. 

As much as I hate to admit it, Kendall and I kind of matched attire-wise. The scumbag stole my style. Luckily I can rock it better than he ever could in a million years. 

"Decided to steal from me huh?" I sneered, crossing my arms over the mid-torso of my strapless black dress.

Kendall sighed in annoyance, probably pissed that I busted him from his desperate attempts to fit in. 

"Why are you so paranoid? It's not like I'd ever want to steal from you. Look how you carry your pride. I wouldn't look up to you as a role-model. I wouldn't even let my ten year old sister look up to you for inspiration" he was clearly annoyed at me. His face was scrunched up slightly and his thick eyebrows lowered. 

I think I hear something snap inside of me from his comeback. Maybe it was my temper. 

"I don't live to make people like me or gain inspiration from me. I live to make something out of myself so people will have a reason to respect me. You don't know what fame really is and you really don't have a clue about realism" I spat at him, venom in my voice. He dares to judge me when he lacks the ability to make a talent out of himself. 

"You don't know me, yet you judge me. I try to be nice to you from the start and if you are going to keep acting like this, I'm done being Mr. Nice Guy"

"Is that how you got the record deal? Did you suck up to a record producer so that he would sign you?" I scoffed at him, knowing exactly what his answer would be.

"I'm here to have fun and you are bringing my mood down. I really don't want to deal with you right now" he shook the blonde locks out of his eyes and went over to some blonde chick with the same dark colored eyebrows as himself. 

I examined the pair for a few seconds before turning away furiously to Collin flirting with a brunette by the food table. Kendall is such a plastic doll. He thinks I'm the arrogant, selfish bitch who lacks content but he is most definitely wrong. I think he's the hypocrite, accusing me of being himself. But it's annoying to see Collin distracted when I need to talk to him about stupid Kendall. 

Sighing, I skimmed through the crowd to find someone to talk to or something to do. My band doesn't perform for another ten minutes. Or whenever James decide it's time to get the hell out of the booth. 

The brunette girl that was once talking to Collin walked over to the booth to talk to James, ignoring all the girls beside him. They exchange words with flirty smiles on their faces which made me shake my head at the teenage minds these days. Kandi is now at the table talking to Carlos and Hannah. But Logan started to walk over to the trio and Kandi said something to the other two before running towards me. Or so I thought. 

"Hey Nathan" she pushed a few strands of her hair out of her face as she ran past me. That's when I turned around to see my band mate walking towards Kandi. 

Why don't I have anything else better to do? Everyone seems to be having a blast so far. Obviously, being at a party isn't something I often do. The idiots there usually piss me off so I don't talk to them. Yeah, they make me antisocial because they're so stupid. It's just sad, really. 

My stomach churned, a feeling of loneliness washing over me. I'm the only one standing here alone. Everyone else is occupied with each other. It's like I'm the odd one out. I guess I am. But since when do I care? I've always been the one who sits aside and roll my eyes at the obnoxious people around me. Why am I feeling the dreadful aching inside of me? I'm not supposed to care that the idiots are having fun and I'm not. What has come over me? Tonight I feel like I'm not myself anymore. Something is wrong tonight and just tonight, this new unidentified feeling appeared. 

I almost cheered like an overexcited school girl when James announced that he's getting off the booth, which means that it is time for my band to get onstage and enlighten the brainwashed minds of the Hollywood kids. 

As I near the stage, I spot my band mates quickly making their way over to where everything was set up. 

Someone lightly shoved me onto the makeshift stage, angering me just slightly, despite all my excitement from finally getting to perform. I turned around to see who found the nerve in their body to push me. Kendall stood there with his arms crossed and his lips are shut tight in a slim line. 

"Hey guys!" another voice emerged as my guys gathered beside me. We turn to the source of the voice which made me frown. 

Logan dressed similarly to Kendall in a leather jacket. I have to admit that it looks pretty good on them but I hate how I'm the source of their style choice. 

My mates said their polite greetings to Logan and I rolled my eyes.

"I just want to wish you guys good luck and have fun out there okay? You'll get that record deal soon and you will finally make a career out of it. I believe in you guys, now go knock us out!" Logan said, breaking out of his usual barrier. When was he the one to give us pep talks? From the time I've spent with the guys, Kendall was the confidence booster of the group. Maybe I finally put him in his place so he decided not to talk. Either way, we're going to rock and Kendall will see that I actually have talent. 

I evened out my puffy black dress and pulled up my fishnets just to make sure it won't magically fall off during the performance. Before picking up my favorite Gibson guitar, I pulled my fingerless gloves up, feeling extremely bad ass. 

I strap the guitar around my body and walked proudly up center stage, in front of the microphone stand. The crowd cheered which encouraged me to look back at Kendall, who decided to watch us from the sidelines.

"I'm going to show you I have more talent than you will ever carry for the rest of your life" I spat at him, turning back to the crowd as soon as I said it.

Within seconds, Nathan started the guitar riff for our first song which brought me to my element. Music is where I feel like home. It's basically the only reason I have for carrying that arrogance around with me. Music is exactly what I live every single day for. It makes up for all the morons I have to deal with daily. 

Shaking off my distracting thoughts, I sang the first lines of the song.

The second you decide to speak up
I know I'll just be wasting my time
I might as well drink from a poison cup
Taking my life away is better than hearing you speak your mind
Why don't you just shut up?
And spare me from this wonderful life?

Our set ended and I've never felt as good as now during this entire day. But I'm more interested in rubbing this accomplishment in Kendall's face. 

I began looking for him as I got off the makeshift stage. 

"Kendall went to the lobby in case you wanna know" Logan interrupted my thoughts as if he read my mind.

Ignoring him, I stormed off to the lobby to find Kendall standing by Bitter's unoccupied counter checking his cell phone. 

"So Kendall, now do you know how real talent taste like?" I said with the biggest smirk I could carry as I found a position in front of him. 

He chuckled. "I have to admit, you guys do have talent but you lack something"

"What do you mean?" I crossed my arms, glaring at him. Who is he to judge anyways? He doesn't have talent at all. 

"You lack a bit of originality. It's like you guys are not doing what you want, instead you are trying to feed your audience what they want. Music is like a painting. You paint whatever you want on the paper not what other people want. You know what I mean right? No disrespect to your band. You guys sound amazing" Kendall's face expression changes at different mentions of paintings and music. 

"What do you know? You have other people plan out your career for you. Do you write your own songs? What do you know about originality? It's okay to critique my music but not when you have the same damn problem. People write music and provide you the materials to feed your fans. I actually create my own material. I don't let people hand them to me. I work with the guys to write something decent and you dare to tell me that my music lacks originality!" I could feel my face heat up from anger and the desire to prove Kendall wrong. 

I'm better than he will ever be and he's just jealous. 

Before he could spill out his useless comeback, Hannah and Carlos charged at us with worry washed over their face. 

"Cassie texted me, they are getting ready to head back here because Cassie just found out that Bitters was her romantic date and she's angry at me" Hannah huffed, out of breath.

"Aw, hockey pucks!" Kendall swore under his breath.

"Oh you mean the thing you chucked at my face with on my first day at Palm Woods?" I questioned him with a hard glare. 

He gulped slightly, giving me a nervous smile. I ignored him, storming inside the pool. 

Things certainly didn't go how I expected. I was supposed to show Kendall what real music is. I was supposed to prove him wrong. And yet, he thinks that his stupid boy band is the one making real music. How ignorant can this kid get?

I sat down at an empty table with a plate of mashed potatoes and just kept my overflowing thoughts to myself. It's annoying being here but it would be rude to leave without consenting my band mates. But to get their attention would be a challenge. 

Nathan and Kandi are currently at the dance floor dancing their asses off. Collin and this other girl sat down at a table with food on their plates. Tyson was trying to get Camille's attention while she glared at Logan for some reason. Logan gave Kandi confused looks and the second their eyes meet, Kandi averted her gaze from him and back to dancing with Nathan. 

"Hey, Maxine right?" I turned my attention away from the commotion. The flirty brunette girl from before stood in front of me, blocking my view of the dance floor. 

"Yes?" I was a little bit annoyed. She shot me an apologetic look before speaking again.

"I'm Carley and I thought your band was amazing. Your singing voice is a gift and I really hope you guys make it far" she said with a sweet smile. I had to restrain myself from rolling my eyes at her. Tell me something I don't know.

"Thank you" I coughed out, trying to sound as polite as possible. But in reality, I really don't care about hearing people's compliments on me. I know I'm good and I want Kendall to know that people appreciate my music more than his.

After Carley excused herself, she found her way to Jo, the blonde chick Kendall was with for the majority of the party so far. They struck up some conversation and then the music slowed down. 

It changed the scenery immediately. Everyone started pairing up and slow dancing the night away. Collin left the table to ask Jo Taylor to dance with him. I heard that she have a boyfriend, although I wasn't clear on who she was dating. But I guess Collin just wanted to dance with no bad intensions. Kandi and Logan exchanged some words before Kandi turned away from him and grabbed another guy as for permission to dance. 

Carley and James paired up with some chicks around them giving Carley envious looks. Carlos and Hannah just entered the dance floor, arms hooked. 

My mates all paired up and completely forgot about their lead singer sitting alone at a table with a plate of food on the almost empty table. 

This is really sad for me. Even though I hate most of these people, I could at least be nicer to some people. Why am I such a buzz-kill? I'm the only one bringing down everyone else's mood, including my own. That's why I don't have a partner to dance with. But another part of me didn't care. It's the only part of sanity left in me. 

I shouldn't even be acting like this. Normally I would just be bad ass and storm out of the pool to my room. I would have taken a nice nap before the guys come back from this party. But something made me sit here, feeling bad for myself. 

I scooped a spoonful of mashed potatoes and inserted them in my mouth. At least I can busy myself with food. It actually makes me look a little less lame sitting all alone. 

"Max?" I sighed in relief, desperately looking up at the person who might pull me out of my boredom. All my hopes pummeled down the drain at the sight of Kendall in all his handsome glory. Stupid leather jacket had to make him look somewhat hot. 

I still hate him.

"What?" I demanded. 

"Let's dance" he offered his hand. I turned away from him.

"Come on, at least make the best out of this party. You're like a waste of space sitting here alone" he stuck his face in my eyesight which made me groan.

I slammed my hands against the table as I got up in fury.

"Since I'm such a waste of space here, I'm leaving. I don't even know why I let the guys convince me to come" I turned to leave.

"But... You already ate the food, you can't just eat the food we bought with our own money and leave. The least you can do is dance with me, although I still despise your guts" he gave me this winning smirk. The smirk that said he was right.

Sighing, I realized what he said was true. I did eat their food and leaving would be impolite. God, since when do I care about being impolite? But whatever, better make the best of this party.

"Okay" I took his hand, "just tonight though" he gave me a smile in exchange and led me to the dance floor to obtain the slow dance I've been secretly craving from anyone. I just never thought it'd be from Kendall.

Even though we are both immersed in an intense slow dance;

I still hate Kendall, a lot.