Aim High, Never Rest

As promised, Jo was waiting in the lobby when I came down around five minutes early. Even though this girl associated herself with insane people, at least she was punctual. I could give her that much.

A mixture of surprise and excitement surfaced to her features as soon as she saw me walking towards her, and for an instant, I believed that she might honestly be happy that we could become costars.

“Hey Kandi,” she greeted as she tossed the magazine she’d been reading to the side. “Ready to go?”

I nodded and waited as she moved closer to me, raking her fingers through her blonde curls as we began to walk together towards the front door of the Palm Woods.

“So what did you bring to read from?” she asked. We stopped right outside the door, Jo shuffling through her purse in search of sunglasses. The sun was at that awkward point in the sky where it was beginning to set just enough so that it was right at your eyelevel while driving.

“This part from a movie, but you’ve probably never heard of it. I don’t think it was a big box office hit,” I laughed slightly. “It’s called Win a Date with Tad Hamilton!.”

“Yeah, I’ve seen it,” she smiled slightly. “What can I say? I’m a sucker for a good chick-flick every once in awhile.”

Jo pressed the remote of her keyless entry, eliciting a short honk from a navy blue sedan only a short distance away.

“Sometimes you just need the cheese to snap back to reality,” I attempted a joke as we approached her car.

I was a little surprised that Jo Taylor, leading lady of New Town High, was still driving what appeared to be her mom’s car. I think the first thing I‘d get once I signed my contract and got that fat check would be a sweet ride.

Not that the Rav4 isn’t awesome, but it would be nice to at least have a newer model. Maybe get the windows tinted, new sound system, things like that.

The seats of the sedan were soft cream leather, and I could feel myself begin to sink into them as soon as I slid into the passenger’s seat. The aroma of neutral air freshener failed to mask the distinct scent of nachos and chili that I assumed was from an outing with the guys. There was something almost comforting to the whole scene, the fact that even Jo wasn’t perfect.

Sure, she had the amazing job and hunky boyfriend, but she was still stuck driving her mom’s car that reeked of carnie food.

“Are there any particular stations that you like?” she asked as she jammed the key into the ignition.

“Nah, I’m not really picky. I’ll listen to anything,” I replied as I stared out the window before glancing over to Jo.

“I’m the same way,” she laughed. “I could never tie myself down to one type of music. Not when there’s so many great songs out there.”

“I couldn’t agree more,” I sighed. Though we barely knew each other, our conversation seemed to flow easily without many awkward pauses or tension. It was that same easiness that made me automatically suspicious of her. This sort-of friendship was way too easy to be genuine.

I was convinced that eventually Jo Taylor would show her true colors. It was just a matter of time.

The car pulled out onto the busy street, and Jo’s eyes drifted from the rearview mirrors at her side and above her as she navigated the car into the neighboring lane.

She waited until the car reached a steady cruising speed before she spoke again. “So how did you do on that English paper?”

My thumbs tapped against my thigh. Here comes the epically boring small talk about class.

“I did alright. Not as well as I hoped, but it wasn’t a total hit and a miss. How about you?”

Her eyebrows rose a little and her lips formed a tense thin line. “Hit and a miss.”

“Oh well, it’s just one paper. No biggie. It’s not like The Great Gatsby will really be any use to you later in life.”

“Try explaining that to my mom,” she replied with a roll of her doe-like eyes.

I sighed once more as my thoughts wandered back to my relationship with my own mother. Though my mind could be clouded by lack of instant gratification and a frenzy of hormones, I knew that in the end, my mom only wanted what was best for me. It was just that her idea of what was best for me and my own happened to be polar opposites.

“I can definitely relate.”

Silence passed between us, the nasally edge of Rihanna’s voice floated through the speakers.

I always sort of found it ironic how in movies there’s so much time invested into having each scene perfectly scored when in real life, the notes drifting from the radio rarely coincide with whatever you’re feeling in that moment.

It would be really neat if it did, but it doesn’t.

“You’re not really into this, are you?” Jo’s voice seemed to echo through the small space, and I could feel that aching nag in the pit of my stomach. She hit the nail on the head.

With my front teeth lodged firmly in my lower lip, I shook my head.

I didn’t want to be a movie star. I just wanted to live a normal life.

“Well…” The word was slow but full of expectant dread. “Kandi, you’re not going to get anywhere n this town if you don’t have that drive, if you don’t put your entire heart and soul into it. I’m not trying to be a bitch” she paused, letting her words linger in the air. It was obvious that she didn’t swear often. “but if I can tell that you’re not into this, all of the casting agents are going to see the same thing. Why would they want to cast someone that isn’t devoted to their character? It would just be a waste of time.”

I tried to soak in what she was saying because she couldn’t have been more right, but my defenses wanted to block it all out instead. Brush everything off so that it doesn’t affect you, that had always been my philosophy. At this point in my life, I was beginning to realize that my mantra wasn’t working.

Neither of us uttered a word until we reached the studio, where Jo whispered a quick “good luck” as I walked back to meet with the agents.

As soon as Jo’s face disappeared from view, my nerves completely took over. I was growing more and more accustomed to that excited shiver of anxiety. Since I’d moved to California, it had been probably one of my most frequently experienced emotions.

I tried to force some form of confidence out as I stood at the front of the room against a gray backdrop, my eyes barely skimming the heads of the four agents that sat in front of me. I plastered that sweet southern belle smile on my face as I shook their hands and we all exchanged introductions.

If you asked me right now, I couldn’t tell you a single one of their names. Everything was blurred out by a fear of failure. I just couldn’t walk out of that room without anything to show for it. I was determined not to let Jo’s assumptions about me be true.

In that moment, I wanted that part more than anything else in the world. Not for the part itself, but for what it represented.

The lines tumbled from my lips, and I could feel myself literally trembling under their stares. It scared the shit out of me when they stopped me midway through my monologue and handed me another script to read from.

“Can you read Emily’s first few lines please?” the lady with the teased platinum blonde hair asked with a warm smile.

I nodded as my eyes ran over the words before I spoke. It wasn’t an incredibly difficult scene acting-wise. Apparently I was trying to convince Jo’s character that she should go with Jett’s to prom or something trivial like that. Not a big stretch.

I quickly finished my sparse lines and handed the script back to the agent. She and the other three talked softly amongst themselves for a few moments while I was left still standing awkwardly in the center of the room, one hand on my hip as I tried desperately not to eavesdrop.

Another one of the agents, a middle-aged lady with crazy auburn waves that was seated in the center of the group, looked up at me with welcoming honey-colored eyes.

“Well Miss Jenkins, we normally usually wait and do a callback, but we think you’re perfect for the part. Shooting for your character starts next week.”

It felt like every organ in my body was about to leap through my skin. I could feel a wide grin creep across my face as I took the stack of transcripts, and my body seemed both numb and tingling at the same time.

“Please stop by with your agent tomorrow to fill out some paperwork,” a balding man at the end of the table advised me as I stood at the door, ready to leave.

A million “thank you”s spilled from my lips as I stepped out of the room, and the first face I saw as I strolled through the hallway was Jo’s as she sat waiting for me in the reception area.

For a moment, I wished someone else was there to hear my good news.

“I got the part!” I squealed, and the words came out so high-pitched that I barely recognized my own voice.

Jo pulled me into a one-armed hug, and we both stood in the lobby sort of bouncing up and down and babbling a million different things at once while the posh receptionist tried not to stare at us like we were idiots. Suddenly there was just this strange connection between Jo and I, this makeshift camaraderie between two girls that shared the same dream, and I could tell that she was honestly happy for me.

A little part of me couldn’t wait to see where this whole New Town High gig would take me.

As soon as we returned to the Palm Woods, Jo disappeared with Kendall, leaving me to entertain myself in the lobby.

Glancing around the area, I saw a ton of familiar faces but none of them were any that I knew well enough to hang with.

I spotted Logan sitting at a table with Camille, his face long and bleak as he thumbed through a magazine. The washed-out look on his face made me almost feel sorry for him, but the feeling was gone as soon as I saw James strut into the lobby and take a seat on one of the couches.

As I approached him, his usually confident expression seem to wear thin as he stared absent-mindedly into the space in front of him.

“Hey James, what’s up?” I asked. “Mind if I sit here? Then again, I don’t want to be ripped apart by your fan club, so I’d better keep my distance.”

He smiled slightly at my joke, but I could tell it was forced.

“Seriously, what’s going on?”

Though James and I weren’t exactly what you’d call close, I did consider him to be one of my friends, and it was a little heart wrenching to see him so torn up over something. It just wasn’t who he was; it wasn’t James.

He ran a hand through his messy brunette locks in frustration. “Girl problems.”

“What? The James Diamond actually has girl problems? What is this world coming to?”

He laughed as he sank back into the couch cushion, his posture becoming more relaxed.

“Hard to believe, right?” he played along.

“Anyways, maybe I can help you out? I am a girl, I like to think I know my kind well.”

James chuckled, and I was glad to see his familiar expressions slowly return to his sun kissed skin.

“The thing is, I really like this girl, Carley?” I nodded, recalling the girl from the party. “And I could honestly see myself going out with this girl, like dating her for real and being in a relationship and all that cheesy stuff.” The words rushed out of his mouth in a jumble, each of them obviously foreign to him.

“Doesn’t seem like a bad situation. Just ask her out for dinner and a movie or something? I’m sure she’d say yes.”

James shook his head slowly, his honey-brown eyes focused on the beige carpet beneath our feet. “That’s the thing, she wants nothing to do with me now because a bunch of girls talked shit about her at the party for dancing with me or whatever.” He rolled his eyes dramatically for emphasis.

I sighed as I slipped out of my flip-flops, pulling my legs against my chest on the couch as I turned to face him. “That’s the thing. If you really want to be in a relationship with this girl, you’ve gotta cut out all of this chick drama.”

James perked up; he seemed to be mentally taking note of what I was saying, though I doubted how long they would stick.

“No girl is going to want to try to get to know you and get involved with you if you come with all of this unnecessary baggage.” I shot a gaze towards Logan and Camille at the table near us. His dark eyes met mine, and I immediately focused back on James.

“But it’s not my fault that I’m popular and girls get jealous,” James protested.

“Yeah, but you have to keep that sort of stuff in check, you need to move past that and show Carley how much you care about her. You have to…for lack of a better word…win her over. Prove to her that you’re serious about her and not just playing her like all these other ditzy girls that seem to flock to you.”

He nodded, a contemplative look on his face, a rare expression for James Diamond. “I guess you’re right. Can you help me come up with a plan to woo her?”

I laughed to myself. “I’ll try to help out, but you have to come up with this yourself. It means nothing if I do it for you. I mean, I’ve gotta give Carley props, most girls wouldn’t have the balls to turn you down.”

James beamed with pride, and I saw this as the perfect opportunity to pull myself from the situation.

“So text me or whatever when you come up with something and I’ll tell you what I think?”

“Alright, will do,” James smiled, and I could tell that he was tossing around ideas in his head. “And Kandi, thanks.”

“Don’t mention it,” I smiled as I walked towards the elevator.

I’d gotten a part in a television show and done my good deed for the day. I was feeling pretty damn good about myself.