Aim High, Never Rest

My eyes scanned around the lobby frantically. I was in search of someone. Someone important to me. The only problem is that the person is nowhere to be found. Why can't I find him? Were was he?

Oh my god.

I have something very important to tell him.

I've asked Kandi for him when she got back from her audition with Logan. She didn't know where he went. I asked Kendall but he was with Jo so he wouldn't know. Carley happened to walk past me on the second floor but then she didn't see him either. 

I was in no luck today.

But that's what every lovestruck person feel.

Am I really lovestruck?

The movie date with Carlos was amazing. It happened a week ago but I still can't get over it. He was so sweet and romantic the entire time. I did not know he had that in him. But I thought wrong.

That night, he paid for all my food and drinks, the movie tickets, and any extracurricular items I wanted in the theater. With extremely big containers of popcorns and drinks, he escorted me to the seats in theater eight. It was so sweet of him to carry all that stuff for me. I offered to hold some things but he just slapped my hands away and told me he could handle it.

The movie was romantic and it's so easy for me to smile. When I reach into the popcorn, my arms brush against his elbows by mistake. My cheeks would heat up and I remember thanking god for the lights being turned off. He would have easily noticed the blush. I didn't want him to know that I had a reaction like that.

But now I did.

This was my brave moment and I'm afraid that if I don't do it now, I will never find the courage to do it again.

But how did I learn to crush on Carlos so much? Over the course of one week, I'm struck by Carlos' jolliness. It was like some kind of lovestruck disease. 

I try to spend as much time as I could with him. When I'm not in the studio, getting numerous shots taken for particular ads, I try to make time for my family and Carlos. Even though Big Time Rush's manager, Gustavo, demands them over often, the guys still got a fair amount of time off. That gave Carlos and I plenty of time to spend together. 

The time spent together was amazing.

I just need to tell him how I feel now because I really like him and I've never felt like this before.

He's so reckless and energetic. His childishness turns me on and helps me let lose of my tenseness. Carlos didn't care what other people thought of him when he dives right into the dark abyss without taking a second to think about the consequences. People might look down upon him but his imperfections are his perfection. He is real. 

I like real.

My phone rang and I just groaned. This was the worst timing ever.

I'm in search of Carlos, not a phone conversation.

Shit.

"Hello?"

"Hannah!" Tanya, the art director of the Baracuda ad, chirped in with her cheerful voice.

"Hey!"

Tanya was a middle aged lady, looked to be in her mid thirties. I've worked with her for the past few days to do my shoot. Her envisions for this advertisement looked to be excellent and I hope it succeeds. I would gain some recognition and gain some money so my family won't starve.

My family means the world to me. Cassie still puts me down which was normal. I didn't expect anything less. She was prettier than me. I have to feel bad about that. And nothing new about that. But lately, she's been extremely jealous of my modeling career so far. Well, I couldn't expect anything less.

But I love my parents. They cared about Cassie a lot more than they do to me. Don't get me wrong, they still love me but no matter how much they deny it, I know that Cassie has always been the favorite. You can't help but choose favorites even when you constantly remind yourself not to.

As for the shoot, I'm having so much fun, learning more about modeling for an ad.

"I see so much potential in you and working with you has been amazing these past few days" she said, "and I would love to work with you another time" 

I smiled, feeling some sense of accomplishment. 

I've finally done something good for myself. I can finally be proud of one thing I've done in my life. This feeling is amazing and receiving compliments mean even more to me than the promising fame for the future. The praise people feed me keeps me going. It keeps my self esteem from dropping and helps me function.

No one complained about my fat-ass during the shoot so far and I'm glad no one said it out loud. They might think it but they didn't say it. So I try not to be paranoid and forget about those thoughts.

"Really? Thanks!"

"Yeah, I really want to work with you on the next project I'm working at" she gushed.

"I'd love to work with you again too! I admire your art direction"

"Well then, I shall contact your ten year old manager and make arrangements for the next project. But don't forget the shoot tomorrow morning!"

"Thanks Tanya! I appreciate what your doing for me. And I won't! I'll see you tomorrow" we said our farewell and hung up.

I turn around to see a ball coming at me in fast motion.
My instincts didn't even kick in before the ball slammed into my face, the force pushing me back.

Without even looking at the offender, I know it's one of the guys. They were the only one daring to do something so reckless like this.

"Hannah! I'm sorry! You okay?" my eyes fluttered open and Carlos' apologetic grin was the first thing I saw.

What a pleasant sight!

"Carlos! Just the man I wanted to see!" I exclaimed, confident as ever to make my confession to him.

He tapped on his helmet a few times and nodded, allowing me to start.

My mouth opened but no words came out.

So much for being confident.

"Say it" he pouted, poking at my shoulder.

"I..."

"You?"

"I like..."

"The Jennifer's" Carlos gushed, whipping his whole body around to see the three stuck up girls walk ahead of him.

Then he leaned back towards me.

"Now if you'll excuse me, I got a dream to chase!" he claimed excitedly, voice brightening up with pure enthusiasm.

"Okay, sure" I mumbled casually.

He ran off before the last syllable of my words came out.

Now I've lost all hope.