Aim High, Never Rest

After the closing of our classes, the guys and I entered Hawk's studio for another weekly meeting. This time, we are discussing the contents of the songs in our EP. 

My band and I worked in the studio for six days a week, nailing down five tracks completely. The producer was satisfied with our work and reported to Hawk about the EP's completion. I must say that all the songs kick ass and we are going to make it very far in the music industry.

I'm going to show stupid, modest Jo the unforgivable wrath of my powerful music. She's going to be sorry for ever generalizing my music with other talentless crap. Our band is going to be everywhere, plastered on the cover of every magazine. Jo will regret ever talking trash about the work that I put so much into. 

Aside from Jo, there's many other people I'd like to prove wrong.  

When I achieve worldwide fame, my own family will frown upon themselves, begging me for forgiveness. It was they who made my life in Manhattan so unbearable. My dreams always sound silly to them. Instead of motivating me to live up to my desires, they treated me like a joke. They brought me on an emotional roller coaster that I managed to hide so well from my childhood through my teenage years. 

The lack of encouragement from my own parents showed me that life has no positive energy. People don't care about you unless they benefit from it. I am in no position to pretend like I care about others when I clearly don't. So people can think negatively of me, but it's alright because I know I'm not fake. I am as real as a person can be and that's more than anyone can ever accomplish in their life. 

"Foolish girl, you know you will go nowhere in life if you take this ridiculous dream seriously. You are just as gullible as a low class whore. Of course, you would believe your own disillusioned shit"

My mother's word lingered clearly in my head. I don't know why I remembered her words so well but I'll just tell myself that it doesn't matter. It was the day I told her I'd pack up and move to LA with my bandmates. She didn't take it well, as I expected 

I shake my head, trying to get the thoughts out of my head. The memories are my weakness and thinking about it make me feel inferior, which is not what I want. I just hope that no one can read minds. If they did, they'd figure everything out easily. They will feel sorry for me which is pathetic. I am no pathetic fool, nor shall I be treated as one. 

"Max" fingers jabbed at my sides, interrupting my disdainful thoughts.

For once, I am thankful that Tyson decided to be annoying. Whatever keeps my mind out of the past is a true blessing. 

"What?" I demanded, folding my arms across my chest. 

"Hawk's on his way" Rebecca said in her thick British accent. 

She stood by the door while the four of us sat down on the leather chairs facing Hawk's desk. My legs are crossed and my whole weight is put onto the comfortable leather. Unlike the guys, I am totally relaxed and chilled. 

The others look rather anxious about this meeting. I know that Collin was extremely aggravated with Hawk when he wanted us to change from a 3 song EP to 5. But he didn't make any sign of protest in front of the man himself. Tyson seems skeptical about every command Hawk passed on to us. It's like he is hesitant to trust him. Nathan only hoped to gain positive feedback from Hawk and the rest of the management. 

But I just want the band to break out and become famous for the music. To hear people listening to our songs, singing along to them, seeking a better lifestyle from them, and just simply becoming part of the song.
 
We waited for about five minutes until Hawk arrived in his usually sophisticated looking black suit. The dark sunglasses still covered his eyes, and his usual well-mannered posture was not abandoned. 

He shot us each a grin before opening a file on his desk. The first page was a page-length picture of us. Nathan and Tyson took the time to peek at it in admiration before Hawk turned it to the next page which had our recording sessions. 

"Very well" he started. 

I can see the others tense up from the corner of my eyes. But I just remained cool. There was nothing to worry about because we are true talent. We will bring Hawk the big bucks and there's no way he would let us down. 

"I see that you guys have five songs recorded for your self titled debut EP" he flipped through the pages and grinned at them. I'm not sure about the contents on the following pages but Hawk looked to be proud of them. A jolt of self accomplishment struck me as I let a permanent smirk plaster on my pale face. 

Hawk must have noticed it too, because he looked up and gawked at me before looking back down to the files. 

The room was quiet and I was relieved. Noise usually is the biggest distraction to the most important moments of your lives. With none currently in the room, a sign of good luck is highly guaranteed for my musical career. 

I took the time to glance at the guys. They all looked nervous and anxious, causing a eye roll out of me. It doesn't help your career when you're too busy hoping for the best in your mind. The guys ought to know that.

"I have a proposition" Hawk broke the silence, voice stern and strong as ever. But I didn't have time to construct a self opinion on it before he spoke again.

"New signed acts from rival record companies has released EP's that consists of 3-5 songs. I have decided that I want to top all of them with you guys" the guys shot each other confused looks and I couldn't help but frown. I know exactly where this is going and I can't say that I like it much.

He noticed my expression and immediately hardened his gaze at me. 

"You will not show signs of objection to my propositions or I will immediately drop you" he snarled, slamming his fist against the desk.

Everyone else jumped but I remained still, staring him down. I want this more than anything in the world. If he dropped us, everything will be lost. But judging by the half panicked, half angry look on his face, he looked to be hesitant of his words. So I decided that he didn't really mean what he said.

"Now, I want you guys to record one more song for the EP by the end of this week. Easy, right?" 

The guys mumbled their positive responses and I just looked away from him. Being pressured into writing a song within a week usually turns into crap. I can't have a given time to finish a song or an assignment because it just blocks out all the creativity. It doesn't work that way for me. I take all the time I need until the song is done. That's usually how it is.

If he wanted us to re-record some of our old songs then the time given is fine. But to write a new song from scratch is a complete different story. 

Of course, I have more songs on the process of making but I don't feel like they belong in an EP. They should be in a full length album. 

"Maxine?" I looked up at Hawk, trying my hardest to not narrow my eyes. I needed to be completely civil towards him. He is the head honcho, after all. One disagreement will block out our chances of fame, and I do not want that happening. 

"You confirm it?"

"Confirm what?" I asked, slight irritation seeping through my words.

For some reason, he chuckled at me, making my blood boil.

This man is giving me a deadline to write a song. Now, he's laughing at my irritation. Can this guy piss me off any further today? 

Collin shot me a look of warning and I immediately plastered a fake smile. 

"Sure Hawk, we'll get the song completed by the end of this week" 



Sometimes people watching helps strike up inspiration. It may seem creepy or unusual but when I'm the one with the record deal, nobody should complain. 

If Hawk wanted the song by the end of this week, I needed inspiration to come to me as soon as possible. Ideas and lyrical structures cannot be rushed so I'm taking my time, hoping it won't take long. And unfortunately, people gathered up in the lobby of Palm Woods lacked content and major back story. 

When I people watch, I usually observe my surroundings, seeking for someone or something interesting to create some sort of story, some sort of topic I can thrive my words around. Last time, I had a slight idea in my head after watching a girl in a white silk sundress forcing a large matching hat onto her head. It was interesting enough and I tried to think of the inner tension one could have when things don't go their way. I thought about how the girl felt not having the hat on her head the way she wanted it. But before I could go further on the topic, Kandi asked for the cosmic bowling game. 

I don't blame Kandi because I proved to everyone that I can bowl very well. The girl in a sundress was quickly forgotten until now. So it really doesn't matter anymore. 

After agreeing to finish the song by Sunday morning at noon, the guys and I got back to Palm
Woods in Hawk's limo, like every other time. I decided to just chill in the lobby to get a muse, a central topic to my lyrical story. The guys wanted to play a round of table hockey with James and Kendall after hesitantly asking if I needed their help. 

"I'm going to study for the upcoming math test" Tyson had said, rejecting Kendall's offer to play table hockey. 

"Your loss!" Nathan smirked.

"So you two against us?" Kendall pointed at Collin and Nathan then at James and himself. 

"Sure mate!" Nathan replied.

"But I have to go on a date with Carley later" James said.

I remember narrowing my eyes at that. But I ignored them and looked back down at my notebook. 

"I--- I want to play but, well. Maxine, do you need me to help you?" Collin had turned to me, mentally hoping I wouldn't need his help. Of course I didn't. I'm capable of doing anything by myself. 

And they all ran off to 2J after that. 

My eyes skimmed around the lobby again, eyes lingering on each individual for a bit longer. When they feel my gaze, they turn to look but I've already moved on to someone else. It's a weird process and only someone observant like me can pick something like that up. 

"Hey" I rolled my eyes, preparing to look up. At this point, I'm feeling extremely annoyed that someone dared to interrupt me again. 

My eyes started bulging when I found myself in eye contact with Jordan, and I immediately regret rising with my attitude. 

He had a soft smile playing at his lips, light brown locks blocking his eyebrows. I motion toward the empty seat beside me on the sofa and he sat down. 

I observe him for a few moment, noting his band T-shirt, tight jeans, but most importantly the blue colored converse that matched my own. He looked down with a snicker as he noticed it too. 

"Great minds style alike" he said and I couldn't help but actually smile. 

Jordan is someone different. He has a strange effect on me that make me rethink about my view on humanity. I don't know how to explain it but when he's around, I kind of catch myself off guard to the change in attitude. All of my anger at the world seems to be gone, until someone else comes along to ruin my happy mood. 

"What are you thinking about?" he asked, brushing his brown bangs away from his eyes. 

I smiled absentmindedly, shrugging lightly. 

"Do you want to grab some food? Kendall told me there's a Subway down the block and I don't think you would object. I mean, who would say no to Subway?" Jordan rambled on, and I feel like he's a bit intimidated by me for some reason. Or maybe it's just paranoia.

I love terrorizing people and making sure I scare them off, but then I don't feel like myself with Jordan around. He shouldn't be terrorized by me because he's the only person I refuse to scare off. 

"So?" Jordan waved his hands in front of my face. 

"Huh?"

"Are you okay? You seem occupied and spacey today" he laughed a little at his choice of words.

"Oh sorry. My record company CEO wants me to write a song and record it by Sunday so I'm kind of exploring my head for inspiration" I explained, feeling my face heat up. 

He only smiled and nodded slightly.

"So did you just miss out everything I said?" 

"No, I heard you. Subway it is!" 

"Awesome" he got up from the sofa and waited for me to follow suit. 

Unfortunately, when we turn from the seats, James and Carley left the elevator and made their way for the door. I kept walking beside Jordan, trying to ignore the blood boiling in my body. Carley is going to be all over Jordan when she sees him. Then the bitch will try to rub it in my face. 

"Hey guys!" Jordan spoke to James and Carley first. 

"Hey man, what's up?" James asked.

"Going to grab some Subway with Maxine, you?"

"Going to surprise Carley here with an excellent date" he winked at the brunette before beaming. 

I feel my body composure relax slightly. Carley followed my advice and went back to James. Good idea. Smart girl.

I glanced up and accidentally made eye contact with Carley. My fingers tightened up into a fist and I found myself trying to seek an excuse to pound her face. But I shake my head at the over dramatic thought.

Carley was eying Jordan and I, some kind of realization hitting her. She looked at us one more time to make sure she wasn't imagining it before walking off with James.

"Have fun guys!" Jordan called out to them. 

They responded back but I was too busy staring at the now-open elevator door to catch what they said. 

Jo and Camille appeared from the elevator door, stopping in front of me as Jordan turned back. Jo's once joyful expression narrowed and she's now glaring at me with full disdain. Camille looked lost and confused.

When my blood didn't boil before, now is the time.

"What are you looking at? Jealous or something? Move along now" I gestured to the French doors leading to outside. 

"No, I just couldn't help but stop and control my temper before the sight of you ruins my mood" she retorted back.

What a self-righteous little---

"Jo, let's go" Camille tugged at her arms. 

Jo didn't stop though, she glanced up at Jordan. 

"Jo Taylor, isn't it?" he asked, looking down at her.

She nodded grimly.

"Can you try being a little nicer to her? I mean, you seem like a very nice person from what Kendall's told me about you" 

I stared at him, clearly shocked for what he just said. He defended me. The verbal words spoken by him wasn't a dream or in my imagination. He really spoke up for me, not against me. Everyone thinks I'm a bitch but he didn't. He sees Jo for who she truly is. 

Jordan might be the only person, if Kandi's reluctant face from the other day didn't count as believing me. 

"She is a bitch to everyone if you haven't noticed!" 

"I know she isn't the nicest of people but she won't lash out on you unless there's a reason" Jordan spoke up, volume raising a bit.

"Jo, let's go" Camille whined desperately. 

Jo finally gave up, letting Camille drag her out of the lobby. She shot me another glare before disappearing behind the glass French door.

A loud sigh escaped from my mouth as I followed Jordan out the same direction. We turned left and started walking down the block to Subways. 

Jordan kicked a few rocks off the pavement and hummed quietly to himself as if it was the most casual thing in the world. With the slight breeze blowing at my long black hair, I feel slightly annoyed. The dark strands are all up in my face, nearly blocking my vision. It's just kind of distracting.

"Maxine" I looked over to Jordan, hoping he won't think any different of me after that encounter with Jo. Judging by the smile on his face, he didn't. I was still the same person he met days ago through Kendall.

"You know, Kendall told me all about you" he started.

My face flushed with anger.

"Yeah, I'm a downright bitch, I insult everyone and I have no emotions. I get it" I snapped. 

I have no idea why I was getting so angry and defensive because I usually don't give a rat's ass what other people thought about me. I speak my mind, I act like myself, I shut ignorant people out, and I do it all with pride and complete confidence. It makes me a better person. But everyone else don't think so. 

Now Jordan gets to see who I am from so many negative point of views. And it pisses me off that everyone else act so stupid. 

"That's not what I mean" he said, stopping us from walking.

Great, what's he got to say now? Everyone already hates me, I'm pissed off at so many people, Hawk wants a song by the end of this week, Jordan sees the bitch side of me. What else could he possibly say to add on to my load of terrible misfortunes?

"Kendall said that you might be a complicated person to get along with but he told me that when the right person comes along, your walls will be broken down and someone can finally understand you for who you are, not what they see from the tough mask you put on" something was glinting in his eyes as he said that and I don't even know what to do or feel. 

Was I supposed to feel vulnerable? Or thankful? I don't know what to say or to think. It's so complicated. I never had to feel anything special around another living being and there was never an opportunity. Now is the time and I need someone to tell me what to do. 

My only real friends are the three guys and possibly Kandi if she doesn't hate me for bitching at Carley. 

How am I supposed to know what to do? Ask Kandi? Then she would see a sign of weakness from me. 

"Let's go eat" Jordan pulled me out of my trance and finally, I was thankful for having a reason to keep my mind off of the words Jordan just said.