Aim High, Never Rest

The following morning, I was having brunch with some of the cast members of Varsity Vampires 3 in an exaggeratedly quaint bistro in the middle of downtown Los Angeles. It was odd, this pull between the four of us, how we were growing so close-knit from spending hours on set together, that we were actually hanging out on our weekend off from filming.

It felt as if it would last forever: the long hours of shooting the same scene over and over again, the caffeine crashes afterwards, the struggle to get my school work done, balance my expanding career, and maintain my social life. In reality, we only had a couple more weeks of shooting for the movie, and after that, it would all be over. The feeling was more bittersweet than I’d expected. I wouldn’t be seeing these people on a regular basis anymore. Sure, we would go on the tiresome publicity rounds for the movie, appearing on talk shows, being interviewed by magazines, the works, sometimes together, sometimes in pairs, sometimes alone. Then, after the hype for the film had died down, maybe we’d end up working on other projects together, but that was as far as it would go.

Tony was practically buzzing with excitement in the seat across from me as he explained the process of getting booked for interviews and talk shows. Apparently he was a pro at this part of the business, and I could definitely see why. Charming would’ve been an understatement. Tony exuded this overwhelmingly positive energy that only certain stars radiated. He was the type of person you couldn’t not like. Everyone on set adored him, and since he had the ability to win almost anyone over, it didn’t strike me as strange that he excelled at talk show interviews.

Jennifer sat beside him, casually picking at her omelet as she half-heartedly listened to the conversation. Her role in the film wasn’t as large, so she wasn’t expecting to get booked on anything. Nonetheless, I had grown to consider her as my friend. When she wasn’t under the influence of the other two Jennifers, she was actually a pretty chill girl, the only female actress on set that I could actually tolerate.

The film industry was just so catty, and it drove me insane.

I couldn’t deny how cute they looked together, Jen and Tony. They shared the same consistent sunkissed glow, same honey-brown eyes, and his muscular frame was the perfect contrast to her smaller stature. It was a little obvious that he was attracted to her, with the way he was so desperate to impress her with his knowledge of the ins and outs of Hollywood, but she seemed a little detached from it all, and I couldn’t say that I blamed her.

I could only sip my coffee as I listened and observed.

Dak, though charming in his own way, didn’t have that same charisma and warm personality that Tony wore so well. He tended to keep more to himself, maintaining that aloof and mysterious vibe. Though his life was out on display on the cover of numerous tabloid magazines, Dak Zevon was not an open book. Though we’d been spending more time together, I still couldn’t read him as a person, and because I couldn’t quite get a grasp on him, I didn’t feel that chemistry that I wanted to feel so badly.

Any girl would’ve been stupid to turn Dak Zevon down, right?

I was so absorbed in the group dynamics that I almost didn’t notice when Tony had turned toward Jennifer, who had finally decided to appease him with conversation as they argued over which talk show host was the best to be interviewed by. I was only halfway paying attention to the details of the conversation, my gaze shifting from the two in front of me to the waiters rushing around the tables to the couple that had just walked through the door. It was Dak’s voice that caught my attention.

He was turned in his chair to face me, blue eyes boring into my own as he quickly glanced me over before he spoke.

“So Kandi, do you have any plans for tonight?” he asked in his typical, straight-forward manner.

If there was one thing I was beginning to learn about Dak, it was that he wasn’t one to beat around the bush. I didn’t know quite how to react to that kind of boldness.

“Um, not really. I kinda need to catch up on some school stuff and go through some scripts, but other than that, nothing’s set in stone. What about you?”

I couldn’t deny that I was still intimidated by him, not because he was this hot shot movie star, but because he was so incredibly confident in himself. There wasn’t a trace of insecurity in his eyes, his lips never fumbled for the right words to say, and his hands weren’t fidgeting in his lap as he proceeded to ask me out.

“That sounds like a pretty laid-back evening,” he commented. “I wish I could say the same for me. I have to attend this premiere for an action flick I worked on last summer.”

“Sounds brutal,” I teased.

“Exactly. I was actually wondering if you’d be my date. I’d look like a loser if I showed up to my own premiere alone.”

My mind skimmed the possibilities, and to my own surprise, a part of me actually wanted to say yes. It would definitely grant me some exposure, being seen on the arm of one of Hollywood’s hottest hunks, but I wasn’t sure if that was quite the type of exposure that I wanted for myself. I wanted to be known for my talent, not for who I dated, and the last thing I wanted to do was use Dak as a way of climbing up the ladder.

On the other hand, it could be a fun experience. I’d never been to a movie premiere before, and it would be nice to get some practice under my belt before I had to walk the red carpet at my own premiere. Another plus, this would be Dak’s element, and it could be eye-opening, maybe I could get to know him better as an individual.

But my more rational side eventually won out. As much as I would’ve loved to allow myself to get whisked away, wrapped up in some celluloid fantasy, I had too much to get done, things that I couldn’t put off any longer.

“I’d love to be your date, but like I said, I have a ton of shit to do. I’m sorry,” I apologized as whole-heartedly as I could. I didn’t want Dak to think of me as this cold-hearted bitch that was constantly shutting him down, and I didn’t want him to peg me as the type that played games.

I wasn’t trying to play hard to get, my life was just too hectic to get involved in a relationship.

“That’s okay, I understand. Maybe next time?”

I nodded politely as I reached for my cup of coffee, and Jennifer’s motions in my peripheral caught my attention.

“Hate to cut this lunch short, guys, but I’ve got a meeting with my stylist at one, and you know how LA traffic is,” she joked with a smile as she reached to pull her oversized sunglasses down over her eyes. “I’ll see you guys tomorrow.”

“Yeah, same here,” I said as I stood up, stepping away from the table. Things had gotten way too serious way too fast, and I just couldn’t get out of the restaurant quick enough. “Hope you all have a nice day off, ‘cause I’m sure we’ll be working our asses off tomorrow.”

“You can say that again,” Tony added with a sigh.

With that, the four of us went our separate ways, dissipating into the streets of the city.

“I want something else to get me through this semi-charmed kind of life, baby, baby,” my phone belted out loudly, somehow ringing through the sounds of Sunday morning traffic around me.

I pulled it out of my clutch, pressing the answer button and holding it to my ear without bothering to check who it was.

“Hello?”

“Hey, what are you up to?” Logan’s voice was bright but still a bit timid over the airwaves.

“Nothing much, just had brunch with the cast peeps, ‘bout to head back to the Palm Woods, you?”

“Bored,” he laughed. “The four of us are just hanging around 2J, looking for something to do.”

“Obviously Gustavo’s not working you hard enough,” I joked as I glanced once to my left, once to my right before crossing the street to the parking garage.

“Yeah, okay, whatever you say,” he retorted.

“Uh, you could come over and help me with all the chem stuff I’ve missed, if you’re that bored. Just saying,” I suggested as my eyes scanned the rows of parked vehicles for my own. “I’ve also got a stack of scripts on my desk that I could use some help sorting through.”

As I spotted my SUV and made my way over, digging around for my keys in my clutch, I could hear bits of the guys’ muffled conversation on the other line.

“Bring us two pepperoni pizzas, and we’ll help out,” Logan laughed sheepishly.

“And Doritos!” I heard Carlos yell in the background.

“And Powerade, the blue kind!” James eagerly added to the list. “Not the yellow kind. The yellow dye shrinks your dick.”

“That’s just an urban legend,” Logan countered. “There’s no scientific evidence behind that at all.”

I couldn’t help but laugh to myself as I unlocked my car door, easing into the driver’s seat as I slung my clutch onto the passenger’s seat. “Okay, I’ve got it. You guys want two pizzas, a bag of Doritos, and blue Powerade.”

“Yeah, that’s pretty much it,” Logan said in a breath, tearing himself away from his pointless argument with James. “Thanks.”

“No problem. I’ll see you guys in a few. Y’all better stick to your word.”

“We will,” he promised. “See ya.”

“Bye.”

After a quick detour to the supermarket and the Papa John’s drive-thru, I was back in the Palm Woods parking lot, punching Logan’s number into my phone.

When he finally answered on the fifth ring, I didn’t waste time with a greeting.

“I think you guys need to come down and help me unload the car, since I bought you all the junk food and everything.”

He laughed at my uncharacteristic bluntness. “Sure, we’ll be down in a sec.”

As promised, as I was getting my things out of the car, I saw the four guys spilling through the glass doors, Carlos playfully shoving James as they made their way out to my car. It wasn’t long before I was surrounded by them and a chorus of “thank you”s as they each peered into my backseat.

“Okay, here’s the deal. I’ve gotta head up to my apartment to get the screenplays, so I’m gonna trust you guys not to just take the food and bail,” I said with a laugh as I handed out the food they’d requested.

As Kendall balanced the two pizza boxes in his arms, offering me a lopsided smile, I asked, “Your mom’s not going to hate for this, is she?”

“Nah, we’ll take the heat, since we kind of bribed you into it in the first place.”

“I appreciate it.”

The five of us crammed into the elevator, the greasy smell of pepperoni filling the small space, making me hungry even though I’d just eaten. The guys spilled out of the elevator once we’d reached the second floor, leaving me to my own devices as I waited for the next couple floors to tick off above the door. When the doors finally slid open, the hallway was empty, and I made my way to my apartment, quickly darting in to grab the stack of papers off my desk before I vanished again.

There was just something about being in that apartment that I couldn’t shake, no matter how hard I tried. It didn’t feel like home to me, so I tended to spend what time I hadn’t already sold to the film roaming the streets of LA. When I was actually in the building, I hung out more by the pool or in the lobby than I did in my own apartment. I don’t know, it just felt strange biding my time alone in my apartment, and even though I had always considered myself to be independent, I got lonely.

It wasn’t that I resented my mom for leaving me by myself all the time while she picked up extra shifts at the office, I know how expensive our rent here is and how the cost of living in LA is much higher than the cost of living in the town I’d grown up in, but I couldn’t help feeling alone. This was the one time in my life that I needed support, but I didn’t seem to be getting it at home. I couldn’t stand being alone with my own thoughts, so I tried to surround myself with people to distract me from how completely out of place I felt, but it was a double-edged sword. The more I immersed myself into the young Hollywood lifestyle, the more I felt like I was getting sucked in, like I was losing myself in the process.

Luckily, I still had a few people that kept me grounded.

The guys were hovering around the pizza, paper plates in hand, when I made it down to their apartment.

“Hey guys,” I announced as I walked into the living room, gesturing towards the mound of papers tucked under my arm. “Let’s get some work done.”

They all glanced up at me briefly before diving back into their pizza arguments, each boy trying to somehow strategically get the most pizza or the slice that had the most toppings. It was adorable in a sense, how they hadn’t let the business change them. They remained the same slightly obnoxious group of boys, and I secretly admired their ability to keep one another in their place.

Once everything was settled and we were all lounging around the spacious living room, I divided up my gigantic stack into five smaller stacks, passing the unread screenplays over to the guys as I leaned back into the couch cushion with my own pile of papers resting in my lap.

“So what sort of films are you looking to do?” Kendall asked, looking up at me after his jade colored eyes had scanned the first page.

That was a good question, and I had no idea how to answer him.

“Nothing with any supernatural creatures, that’s for sure,” I laughed. “I definitely don’t want to be type-casted. Hmm, maybe an indie film would be nice, I could use a break from all this summer blockbuster chaos. I’d also like to do a sitcom…just…if you guys see anything that would make for an interesting movie, set it aside.”

“Alright,” Kendall replied before his eyes darted back to the script in his grip.

My gaze skimmed over the page in my hand before I immediately tossed it aside. Werewolf love story? Unless it’s starring Taylor Lautner, no thanks.

As I began to read over the next packet of papers, I decided to make small talk. The apartment was just too quiet. “So, what’s going on with you guys? Anything new to report?”

“I think Carlos has something…” Logan prompted from his seat beside me as he turned the page.

I followed his gaze to Carlos, whose caramel cheeks turned magenta as he struggled to keep his eyes on his script and his grin from overtaking his face.

“Carlos?”

I couldn’t help it; I was curious.

“I asked Hannah to be my girlfriend, and she said yes!” he blurted out before glancing self-consciously at James and Kendall at each of his sides.

“Aw, that’s so sweet,” I gushed, beaming over at him. I had lost my train of thought regarding the screenplay in my hands anyway.

A smug look adorned his features. “I have a girlfriend,” he declared with pride as he threw pointed glances to Logan and James. I guess you could say he definitely felt on top of the world since for once, he wasn’t the guy in the group stuck without a girlfriend.

“Lord knows how,” James muttered to himself, looking over to grin at Carlos before his hazel eyes focused back on the script. “Okay Kandi, so this one’s a zombie flick. What are your feelings towards zombies?” He raised his eyebrows as his eyes met mine from across the space.

“Eh, I don’t know. I always thought it’d be sort of neat to die in a horror movie.”

“Putting this one in the keeper pile then.”

We spent the next couple of hours like that, just casual conversation and going through scripts. We made some progress, but it barely made a dent in the stack. Kendall had to leave for a date with Jo, and James mumbled something about heading down to the pool, which Logan was eager to spill was his code for going to get a manicure. They knew; they’d followed him one time to the nail salon in Ms. Knight’s mini-van.

“Oh my God Kandi, you have to do this one,” Carlos exclaimed enthusiastically as he leaned over so I could see the first page. “You’d get to be a kickass superhero.”

“That’s cool, I guess,” I replied, though the notion of doing an action film was never something I’d really considered. “ I don’t think I’m exactly cut out to fight crime, Carlos.”

“Jennifer Garner did that movie Elektra,” Logan piped up. “It was pretty good. She wore a leather cat suit.”

“I hate to break it to you, but I’m no Jennifer Garner,” I joked. “But I’ll look it over, just for you, Carlos.”

“Hey, it’s a movie I would definitely go see,” Carlos added before throwing it in the keep pile on the floor between us.

It was more exhausting than I expected it to be, going through all those screenplays. Most of them were cringe-worthy clichés, the overdone romantic comedies and the cheesy best friend chick flicks. It seemed like people were trying to pigeonhole me into roles that required next to no emotional range, like I wasn’t a decent enough actress to handle something heavier, and that’s really what I was looking for, something that would rip me out of my comfort zone. Addison was a great character, but I felt like she was too much like myself, so it wasn’t much of a stretch for me to wrap my head around her. I wanted a role that was the complete opposite of who I was, a role that was make-it or break-it.

I was tired of playing it safe, I wanted to push the envelope. I didn’t want to become the next Selena Gomez or Demi Lovato, I wanted people to take me seriously. Sure, those films can gain you money and a fanbase, but they’re not something that requires a ton of talent. If I’m going to give this acting thing a shot, I want to do it to the best of my ability. I want to walk the red carpet at award shows, I want to be nominated for something. I don’t want to be a joke.

“So do you still need some help with chem?” Logan asked as he tossed aside the last script in his lap. Carlos’s attention span was wearing thin, so we weren’t going to get much of anything done if we stayed here staring at screenplays.

“Yeah, sure. I’m completely lost, so I could use all the help I can get,” I admitted.

“That’s fine.” He flashed me a faint smile before rising up off the couch. “We should probably head down to the lobby. It’s pretty dead down there since it’s Sunday.”

“Okay, fine by me.”

Logan disappeared for a moment, heading into his room to grab his notes and textbook before he came back into the living room, motioning towards the front door.

“I’ll catch you later, Carlos. Don’t screw things up with Hannah, okay?” I said as I followed Logan to the door.

He chuckled to himself, still amused by the newness of the relationship. “I won’t.”

We took the stairs down to the lobby and grabbed a table by the door to the pool area, which was probably a terrible idea. I could already see myself being distracted by the awesome weather and the gentle turquoise waves of the abandoned pool.

Logan opened his textbook, quickly flipping to the chapter we were on in class, his notes spread out between us on the table.

“Yeah, I’m sorry, but this hybridization stuff makes no sense to me at all,” I admitted.

“Don’t worry, it’s not so bad,” he reassured me. “The way the book explains it is a little confusing, but when Miss Cohn went over it in class Friday, it was actually pretty easy.”

Just as Logan was beginning to explain the difference between sp2 and sp3 hybridization to me, a voice called out, and we both spun around in our chairs to see what was going on.

“Oh Hortense!” a female voice called once more, and as soon as he pinpointed the location of the voice, Logan’s fair complexion turned bright red.

“Oh God,” he muttered, as he buried his face in his arms on the table.

“Aw, come on, don’t look so disappointed to see your big sis.”

A young woman was approaching us, and though she looked much older than us, she couldn’t have been more than thirty. She stopped at our table, her syrupy eyes ablaze as she paused to flash me a warm smile, running her perfectly-manicured hand up and down the space between Logan’s shoulder blades.

Logan raised his head up, but his eyes were still focused on the empty patio in front of us. “Chloe, what are you doing here?” he muttered, refusing to meet her enthusiastic gaze.

“Oh nothing, just thought I’d stop by to pay my favorite little brother a visit.” She continued to smile at me as she spoke, and though I had no idea who she was, her cheerfulness was infectious, and I couldn’t help but grin back.

“I’m your only brother.”

“I know,” she replied with a shrug. “Gustavo gave me a call wanting to discuss getting you guys a spread in Restless Style to promote your upcoming album, and me, being the awesome sister that I am, jumped at the opportunity.”

Logan could only utter a groan, rolling his brown eyes in response.

“You never told me you had a sister,” I laughed, glancing back and forth between the two.

They didn’t share many similarities. Though they had the same deep, soulful brown eyes, Chloe’s bronzed skin was much darker than Logan’s fairer complexion, and though they were both brunettes, Chloe’s tousled bob was more of a chestnut brown, more similar to my own hair color than Logan’s darker espresso locks. While Logan’s wardrobe consisted mostly of neutral button-downs, sweater vests, blazers, and khakis, Chloe’s fashion sense was much more vibrant.

Logan didn’t answer me, he just looked over at Chloe as she took the empty chair on his other side.

Her personality was enough to make up for Logan’s grumpiness.

“Hi, I’m Chloe Mitchell,” she introduced herself as she offered me her hand across the table. “You’re Kandi Jenkins, right? I’ve seen the trailers for Varsity Vampires.”

I nodded as I returned her handshake, but she immediately focused all of her attention back to Logan.

“So Gustavo and I were talking, and we’re thinking about going in a more mature, sophisticated direction for this photo shoot, since All Over Again is supposed to be a more mature album. Your music is evolving, so it only makes sense that you image should evolve as well, and I’m doing my best to help you out with that. You can’t churn out bubblegum pop hits forever.”

She paused, waiting for Logan to object, but he didn’t say a word, so she continued to go on about the project. “I was thinking maybe we could dress you guys up, take some shots in the studio and around the city, maybe hire some female models to pose with you guys, give you some sex appeal and all that.”

It wasn’t until then that she turned her train of thought towards me.

“Kandi, would you be interested in helping out with the photo shoot? It might be less awkward for Logan if he was posing with someone he knew.”

I couldn’t help but be flattered. After all, she was asking me to be a model, and that’s sort of every girl’s secret fantasy, to be considered pretty enough to model, but I had no experience as a model, and I didn’t want the guys’ publicity resting on my nonexistent modeling skills. The only photo shoots I’d ever been a part of were the media shots for Varsity Vampires 3, and it had been hard work, posing beneath the warm glow of the lamps while some photographer positioned you awkwardly and told you how to feel.

“I’m not really a model…” I admitted.

She scoffed, tossing her loose curls back in the motion. “It’s not that difficult. Anyone with half a brain can be a model.”

I looked at Logan for any sort of reassurance, but his expression remained completely blank.

“Um okay, I guess it’d be worth a shot,” I accepted her offer reluctantly. “I have a friend here who’s a model. She’s done a lot of print work for Cuda, so I’m sure she’d be interested in helping out the guys.”

“That would actually be fantastic,” Chloe replied, her eyes gazing up at the ceiling as she mulled over her thoughts. “Maybe we could get some more girls from the Palm Woods to be in the shoot, possibly write up an article about these ‘fresh faces of Hollywood.’” Her fingers formed air quotes around the possible headline before she continued to muse to herself. “Yeah, I like that idea. The next issue of Restless Style could be centered around young Hollywood.”

I had no clue what I had just gotten myself into.