Aim High, Never Rest

The next morning, the four of us were up bright and early again, cramped into the backseat of a much smaller chauffeured car while Chloe Mitchell listed out the day’s itinerary. It was obvious from the pull at our features and lackluster expressions that we were all too tired to pay her any attention, but that didn’t seem to stop her from outlining her own personal checklist aloud to us. I guess in a way, we were fortunate that it was just us girls today, and though there was still that underlying sense of awkwardness and unfamiliarity between us, at least there wasn’t the added tension of having the guys around.

It was supposed to be a fun, summer-themed shoot, with the four of us modeling the upcoming season’s trends in swimwear, but at six in the morning, it proved difficult for anyone to muster up that much enthusiasm.

Personally, my nerves were still a little frazzled from the day before. Even with the afternoon off, I was still preoccupied trying to sort through my conflicting feelings for Logan, the stress from my meeting with Dana, and the strange interaction with Hannah. Everything seemed to be piling up all at once, and I felt like I was losing myself underneath it all.

The sitcom script was even more laughable than I ever could have imagined, a small tidbit that I found out for myself the night before as I skimmed over it in bed. I couldn’t believe that this show was actually in production, that they wanted me to do it, and that a young actor that I really respected had actually already signed on for it. Though I wanted to trust Dana, I knew that doing this project would not help my career in the slightest, it would only get me type-casted. It was back to the drawing board as far as future projects were concerned, and the stack of scripts that still remained on the corner of my desk seemed as daunting as ever.

Chloe’s irritated voice pulled me from my own thoughts. Though her cheerful smile was still plastered on her face, I could tell she was growing impatient with our lack of motivation.

“Okay girls, we’re here!” she announced before bouncing out of the car, ushering us towards a tent the team had designated as a makeshift dressing room for the four of us.

Chloe Mitchell was nothing if not driven, and she’d done some serious work pulling strings to get the pier closed off for our shoot this morning. As the sun began to rise, lingering fog dissipated over the vacant pier, the vintage boardwalk games and ferris wheel possessed an eerie quality that gave me the creeps, but I didn’t have enough time to soak it all in as one of the stylists started working on me.

Luckily, since this was just a simple beach shoot, the hair, makeup, and wardrobe was less elaborate and more natural. The makeup artist had kept my makeup to a minimum, choosing just to conceal any blemishes and make my eyes more noticeable with a couple coats of mascara. Stealing a glance in the mirror, I let out an internal sigh of relief. Though it had been fun playing dress up the day before with the breath-taking ball gowns and dramatic hair and makeup, I felt more comfortable with my look for this shoot. With my hair in its typical tousled waves and minimal makeup, I didn’t feel like a model, I just felt like Kandi, and that helped to calm my nerves a little.

The outfits that Chloe had chosen for me were also more like clothes I would pick for myself, and I appreciated that touch, how she had put some effort into trying to capture our distinct personalities and styles while still showcasing the latest trends. For the first portion of the shoot, we were each given a different take on a summer staple: the white sundress. I had to admit that I had fallen in love with the cute yet effortless white eyelet sundress that floated over my frame, but what really drew my attention to the dress were the airy off-the-shoulder sleeves that showed off the fawn freckles that graced the tops of my shoulders.

I had never been overly concerned with fashion designers or keeping up with trends, but I had to admit that I did have a serious love affair with clothing. Every extra bit of money that I earned had a round about way of ending up in my closet in the form of a cute dress or a breezy tank top. While I wasn’t the most knowledgeable when it came to fashion, I could appreciate the little details in each of the other girls’ dresses.

Strapless with an empire waist, Hannah’s dress was sweet and simple, perfectly complementing her lean frame. Tiny flower details seemed to weave their way up from the scalloped hem of the dress to the waistline, a dainty detail that made the dress more than just the typical sundress. Her hair and makeup was similar to mine, the only exception a white chiffon scarf tied as a headband that kept her windswept locks from falling in her eyes. To balance out the simplicity of the dress, a chunky turquoise statement necklace rested along her collarbone.

When Carley stepped out, my eyes were automatically drawn to the assortment of brightly colored beaded bracelets stacked up her wrists, and though Chloe had gone a little overboard with her accessories, it really added to the boho chic vibe of her dress. The bodice of the dress was more fitted, but the tiered ruffles that made up the skirt were airy, the perfect balance to the structured top half of the dress. The stylists had kept her hair loose as well, but her bangs were French-braided back along her hairline.

I had to admit that I was a little curious as to how Chloe planned on meshing Maxine’s edgy rocker girl look with a beachy sundress, but I was also pleasantly surprised with the finished product. Instead of weighing her down with metallic accessories or awkward combat boots, Maxine was sporting more of a vintage Hollywood pin-up girl ensemble. The light ruffles along the neckline and hem reminded me of the iconic Marilyn Monroe white dress only more casual, and the wide red belt that whittled at her waist gave the perfect splash of color.

Once we had gotten a bit of caffeine in our bloodstreams from the Starbucks Chloe had provided us with, we were all a little easier to work with. I was surprised the both Chloe and the photographer really allowed us to sort of do our own thing, gently guiding and directing our expressions instead of stepping in to stiffly pose us as they had with the previous shoot. For the first few shots, the four of us walked along the shoreline together, the gritty sand wedging between our bare toes as the wind whipped through our recklessly styled locks. Chloe sparked our laughter with girlish small talk and witty observations, even a little mindless gossip about a certain boy band we were all familiar with. I could whole-heartedly say that it was the most fun I’d had while working in Hollywood, if only because it didn’t feel like work. Though we weren’t best friends or anything, the four of us did have a unique ability of playing off one another and feeding off of each other’s expressions. It felt natural, like four friends out for a day at the beach, the waves lapping at their ankles as they giggled over some private joke that only the four of them knew.

For the first time, I felt like the four of us were really bonding.

The next portion of the photoshoot consisted of us racing dune buggies along the beach, clad in only our bikinis. Being so exposed did make me feel a little uncomfortable, but we were all having such a blast racing each other that the initial insecurity I felt seemed to vanish. It was Carley and me in one cart against Hannah and Maxine in the other, and a part of me envied how completely comfortable the other girls appeared despite our mutual lack of clothing.

Even though I wasn’t sure how I felt about the world seeing me in just my bikini, if I had to have my picture taken in my swimsuit, the charcoal, aqua, and coral color-blocked set I was wearing definitely made up for the fact that I was constantly afraid of spilling out of the tiny triangle bikini top. Carley’s swimsuit was also pretty eyecatching, the purple sequins catching the first few rays of morning sunlight and scattering them across her skin, giving her a flawless summer glow. Despite the fact that we were all having a blast, there were a few moments during the shoot where the photographer had to calm us down, our competitive streaks getting the better of us as the carts scurried off across the beach.

We didn’t make our way back to the pier until mid-morning, the sun beating down on us after our last wardrobe change as Chloe instructed us on how to reenact various amusement park scenes. In our array of tank tops and denim cut off shorts, we battled it out in every single one of the old-school carnival games. It probably wasn’t what Chloe had in mind when she envisioned and planned out the shoot, but it was a great way of relieving all of the stress that had built up in my muscles ever since I had moved out here and had been thrust into fame. I could only hope that somehow me squinting in concentration while firing off a dart gun or Maxine fiercely pitching a softball in an effort to knock down a stack of metal bottles made cute photos.

To make it up to Chloe, after we’d all worn ourselves out, we allowed her to pose us for the next few shots. The four of us pretended to be bored while waiting in line for a ride, ate snow cones that stained our lips bright red, and canoodled with oversized stuffed animals. All in all, though less stress relieving, it was still a good time.

The last portion of the photoshoot didn’t require a wardrobe change. I guess Chloe picked up on the fact that we were all a little exhausted and the initial thrill of trying on new clothes had worn off. Before we each took turns riding solo and in pairs on the ferris wheel, the photographer and a couple other crew members had rigged a camera up to the ride, and though it was hard to ignore the constant snap as our pictures were taken, I tried to appear natural as I gazed out over the ocean, watching the waves as they curled white and foamy beneath us. From the ferris wheel, the view was absolutely breathtaking. All I could see was the Pacific Ocean stretched out all around me. The sound of traffic from the freeway seemed to disappear, blocked out by the crash of the waves against the shore. For a moment, I forgot I was supposed to be modeling, that these photos could possibly appear in a popular fashion magazine, because I felt so completely at peace with everything. I needed to find a way to capture that feeling and bring it back to the Palm Woods with me because Lord knows I would need that serenity in the days to come.

After we’d changed back into our own clothes and piled back into the car, Chloe announced that she was treating us to lunch at a hip L.A. hotspot, for which we all voiced our gratefulness.

“Don’t mention it,” she said as she brushed our chorus of “thank you”s away. “You girls had better get used to all of the attention anyway. Trust me, once this issue of Restless Style hits the shelves, all the tabloids will be bending over backwards to snag some candids of you guys.”

As soon as she said those words, I suddenly realized that I couldn’t have been more terrified of being in the public eye. Sure, doing things like these photoshoots for the magazine and the little interviews I did here and there for teen magazines were exciting and gave me the positive exposure my career needed, but I wasn’t anywhere near ready for the backlash of success. My only brush with the paparazzi had been on my date with Dak, and I couldn’t even begin to imagine living my life being paranoid and waiting for the next time they were going to ambush me.

Concern flickered in Carley’s eyes as she offered me a faint smile, and I returned the gesture, desperate to shake the worried expression that no doubt marked my face.

The restaurant Chloe took us to was nice and exclusive, but it wasn’t overly done. Vines crept up the multiple terraces that lined the building’s aged fresco exterior, giving the restaurant an almost enchanted feeling, like Sleeping Beauty’s cottage dropped right in the middle of downtown L.A. As we grabbed a table on the patio, I did spot a couple famous faces, and it was hard for me to believe that I was on the same playing field as them now. I still very much felt like the small town girl from South Carolina. None of this had set in yet, and while on one hand, I was glad that I hadn’t let this city change me, on the other hand, I still had those moments where I felt completely out of place, like this wasn’t my life at all.

I slid into the wrought-iron chair between Hannah and Maxine, briefly glancing around the table before picking up my menu. Most of the entrees were written in French and Italian, the prices scrolled out beside each menu item even more mindboggling, but I settled on something that I was familiar with: pasta with pesto. Our photos from the shoot must have been pretty good because Chloe was feeling especially generous, ordering each of us a glass of merlot to sip with our lunch. The wine was much too tart for my taste, but I kept my mouth shut, sipping and smiling along with everyone else.

“So ladies, do you have any big plans for your day off tomorrow?” Chloe asked as she held her glass of water to her lips, brown eyes darting across each of our faces as she awaited a response.

No one else offered to speak up, so I shot off my boring plans. “Well, I haven’t been to class in about a week, so I should probably make an appearance,” I explained with a soft chuckle. “I also need to find another project to get involved in since shooting for Varsity Vampires is wrapping up soon.”

Chloe smiled to herself before her gaze met mine from across the table. “Gosh girl, you really don’t give yourself a break, do you?”

All I could offer her was a nonchalant shrug of my shoulders. She couldn’t have been more spot on, I did need a break, but with my career picking up and falling behind in all of my classes, I already had enough of a balancing act on my plate. As much as I wanted to be able to just hang out or lounge around the apartment doing absolutely nothing, I really didn’t have the time.

The waiter came over to our table to take our orders, and although the array of options on the menu were light in general, a variety of salads, soups, and pasta dishes, I couldn’t help but notice that Hannah had chosen probably the lightest thing on the menu: a simple vegetable broth. While the rest of us were eager to dive into the basket of buttery rolls the waiter kept bringing us, Hannah strayed away, her wine glass pushed to the side as she took slow sips of her water. With this in addition to the stand-offish way she had acted towards me the day before, I couldn’t help but think that something wasn’t quite right with her.

This wasn’t the time or the place to bring up my suspicions, especially not in front of Maxine or Carley, but I couldn’t shake that nagging feeling in my gut that she had a lot on her. I felt so bad for her because she was doing so well for herself at the time, I couldn’t even imagine what could be bringing her down. She was getting a lot of jobs, dating a wonderful guy, and had a relatively solid group of friends in the three of us. On the outside looking in, Hannah seemed to have everything going for her, but she was obviously unable to see that.

Even though I barely knew her, it really tore at me to see her like that. I’ve always been really in tune with the people around me, so whenever someone I know is having a bad day, it tends to bring me down as well. Believe it or not, sometimes being a “people person” isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

The remainder of the lunch was fairly uneventful. We made small talk about work and school while we waited for our lunch to arrive, and Chloe filled us in about her editing position at the magazine and all the things that job entailed. While it was definitely inspiring, I had to admit that hearing how totally in control of her life that Chloe seemed to be was a bit intimidating. I could only hope that I’d be in a similar position at her age. She seemed too young to be an editor at such a popular fashion magazine, so her career success had to be a result of nothing other than hard work.

We went our separate ways after Chloe dropped us off at the Palm Woods trademark French doors, with Carley heading out to the pool, Maxine taking the elevator up to her apartment, and Hannah grabbing a couch in the lobby. I decided to follow Maxine’s suit and take the stairs to my own apartment, longing for a few seconds to myself to just relax before I had to move on to the next thing.

It was already six PM, but my mom must have been stuck in traffic or something because the apartment was empty when I made it up. I popped a frozen lasagna in the microwave and grabbed a water from the fridge before plopping down on the sofa, kicking my flip flops across the room before propping my bare feet on the coffee table.

After I switched the television on, the glint of the glossy cover on the coffee table caught the light from the screen, and it was then that I noticed the fresh issue of Pop Tiger. There was a yellow sticky note in the center, and I recognized my mother’s hurried handwriting.

Kandi, your editor had this delivered after you left for the photoshoot. Congrats on your first cover! Love, Mama.

I ripped the Post-It note off, letting it fall to the carpet as my eyes scanned the front cover of the magazine, searching for my own face in the sea of large taglines and teen popstars. To be fair, it wasn’t really my cover, it was more Varsity Vampires promo, with my face squeezed in between Dak and Tony’s, playing up the love triangle aspect of the film. Though having my face on the cover of a popular teen magazine was a great accomplishment, especially considering that I had only been in the city for a few months, but it was a little disappointing that it wasn’t based on my talent, only the outrageous amount of hype surrounding the franchise and Dak Zevon.

I guess everyone had to start somewhere, and beggars can’t exactly be choosers.

Leaning back into the plush couch cushions, I casually flipped through the creaseless pages until I came across the article written about the film. It wasn’t anything I hadn’t already read, just a collection of behind-the-scenes photos and blurbs stolen from other interviews we’d already done, but still, it was something. The cherry on top was the huge promotional poster for the film nestled in the center of the magazine, the same photo that had been plastered on billboards across the city, with the three of us standing in the center of a basketball court. I was dead center, my hands on my hips while Dak and Tony stood on either side, each in their respective sport uniforms. It was a pretty cool poster, and the idea that people would be hanging a picture of my face on their ways was beyond mindblowing, but there was only one person I could think of sharing my excitement with.

And that person now owed me a large pizza.

Logan Mitchell was the only guy hanging around apartment 3J that afternoon. The other guys were off doing their own thing while he had chosen to stay back and get some reading done. Needless to say, after spending the last few hours straining his eyes over his physiology book, he was pretty happy to see me, his dimples digging into the base of his cheeks as soon as he opened the door.

“Hey, what’s up?” he asked as he stood aside, letting me step into the apartment.

“Nothing much, just got done doing the shoot with your sister,” I said as I took a seat on the sectional. “What about you?”

“Trying to get some reading done,” he admitted with a sigh and a slump of his shoulders. “I can’t believe you’re home already. I figured she’d have you guys out all day.”

“You and me both,” I laughed. “Anyways, I came to collect on our bet.” I wriggled my eyebrows as I opened the magazine in my lap to the center. “How about you order the pizza, and we can watch a movie at my place?”

Logan diverted his gaze, slowly wringing his fingers in his lap as he spoke. “I’d love to, but I told Camille I’d take her out for dinner and a movie tonight. We can do a rain check though?” His voice was hopeful, and even though I was irritated that he was blowing me off, I still wasn’t able to tell him no.

“Sure.” I forced a smile as I pulled the poster out, my fingers tugging carefully along the stapled binding. “Here,” I said with a laugh, placing the folded magazine page in his lap. “I’m still going to make you hang this on your wall, and it better be up the next time I stop by.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll stick to my word,” he promised with a grin before his grin faded away, his dark eyes focused on the new page in my lap. “Wait, what is this?” Enthusiasm seeped through his tone as a finger jabbed at the familiar face in the centerfold poster behind mine. “Looks like we both got a poster this month, so maybe you should be buying me a pizza?” he teased.

“Uh, how about no,” I fired back, but I couldn’t hide the smile that countered my sharp tone. “You bail on me, you’re footing the bill on the food. That’s just the way it goes.”

He couldn’t help but laugh as he shook his head to himself. “Okay, okay, I’ll drop by your apartment tomorrow after class with some pizza and drinks. Happy now?”

“Of course,” I said, flashing him a grin as I headed for the door. “Anyways, have fun on your date.”

His expression dropped, but he didn’t try to stop me from leaving. “It’s not…It’s not a date, K.”

“Whatever you say,” I continued, playing it off as though I didn’t care who he hung out with, but in reality, it made me feel like shit. “See you tomorrow.”

As I made my way down the hall, I felt my phone vibrate in my back pocket, and I fished it out immediately. Weighed down by boredom and the sharp sting of rejection, I found myself longing for any sort of companionship to take my mind off everything.

What better companion than the one and only Dak Zevon?

“Are you free tonight?” the text read, and I wasted no time in punching in my reply.

“Yeah sure. I actually rented this movie earlier that I’ve been dying to see. You’re more than welcome to stop by. I’ve got popcorn and Red Bull.”

I was actually more than a little flattered that his response came just as quickly as mine.

“Awesome, I’ll be there in a few. I’m doing some remodeling at my house, so I’ll be staying in the Palm Woods for the next week or so.”

“Cool. I’ll see you soon.”

A part of me needed to prove to both myself and Logan that I didn’t need him, that I was perfectly capable of finding something to do while he was out with Camille. And honestly, it didn’t hurt that I was spending the evening with a breathtakingly handsome actor.