Saving Innocence

The truth was hard. It was cold and scary and it burned in the pit of my stomach. I watched his arms twitch as he clenched his fists. I watched his eyes crease in a frown his brows arching downward in anger. I watched him go from smiling and happy to horrified and enraged. His thoughts of what songs they’d play at the next gig and where we’d go a week from now on our three thousandth date changed to how to fix what I’d just said. His mood had changed faster than a bullet and it scared me. But he needed to know. He deserved to know.

“I’ll kill ‘im!”

“No, you can’t. No one can know about this, Stephen,” I warned him quickly. “You can’t tell anyone.”

“Reese, I can’t do that,” he countered. He was trying to keep his tone down. He was trying to make me feel okay about all of this, but it was long since done. He couldn’t help me anymore than I could. “Let me tell someone,” he begged.

“You can’t. You can’t say a word, to anyone, especially him.”

“Babe, I can’t let this just roll off my shoulder. I know you’ve healed and I know that you’ve put it in the past but…that makes me sick what he did,” he explained. “Come here,” he said. I got off the chair I was sitting on and joined him on the couch sitting between his legs as he wrapped his arms around me. “I’ll try to forget but I make no promises that I won’t punch him given the chance.”

“I guess I’ll have to understand that,” I compromised. “He said he’s just passing through. Something for a job he has. Once he’s gone everything will be like it used to,” I said. I wanted it all to be like it used to. I wanted it to be like the year my mom and I moved here. I wanted to go back to the first summer Stephen and I were friends. I wanted that innocence back. I wasn’t sure if I could get it.

“Yea, it’ll all be like it used to.”

He didn’t convince me that he was alright with all of this. But I didn’t want to push him. I didn’t want to make him feel worse.

&&

“Mom,” I said as I passed the counter top and flopped into a chair. “I think I lit a forest fire,” I huffed softly.

“Reese, we don’t live near a forest. How on earth could you have lit a fire?”

“Not literally, mom. You, um, you know that Blake’s in town right?” She looked up a forced nod let me know she was listening and she knew. “Well, he came around while Stephen was here and when I told him to get the hell out Stephen asked what it was all about. I didn’t know what to say so I told him and now he’s so mad and…mommy I don’t know what to do!”

“Shh, baby,” she said walking towards me. Her arms enveloped me in a hug and her lips pressed against my temple. “Stephen is not mad at you, trust me on that,” she told me softly. “He’s probably mad at Blake or the situation. He is not mad at you. You’ve done nothing wrong. Now,” she said with a huff. “You don’t worry about this. Stephen is a smart boy. He’s not going to go looking for trouble.”

“I’m just worried,” I confessed. I didn’t want to admit I was worried that he would do something stupid and go looking for Blake. I didn’t want to admit he wanted to avenge me for something he couldn’t have prevented if he tried.

“It’ll all be okay in a few days. He’ll be gone and you can go back to your life sweetheart.”

I wanted to believe her. I wanted to know that I was going to be able to go back to my life as a sometimes not too happy teenager that liked sneaking out late with her boyfriend. I wanted to be that girl that went to more concerts than she should because her friends bought her tickets and she “just couldn’t say no” to them. I wanted to be normal again, but I seriously doubted I’d get that this time. I wasn’t five anymore. I couldn’t bounce back as well.

“Thanks, mom,” I told her. She smiled giving me another hug before she went back to making dinner. It left me enough time to call Stephen and see if he’d come over. We needed to talk and he needed to listen more than the first few seconds.

I started towards the stairs pulling out my phone and dialing his number. It rang and rang and rang once more. “Ugh, Stephen, pick up!” I groaned. Why did he do this to me? I took it upon myself to try John and when he didn’t answer I called Josh. After everyone I tried didn’t answer I got desperate and searched for the paper I’d hidden away in hopes of never needing it. I wasn’t sure if dialing the number was a good idea but two rings later I didn’t have time to debate. “What are you doing?”

“Reese, darlin’ what are you talkin’ about?”

“You know what I’m talking about, Blake. What the fuck are you doing?”

“Currently, I’m eating a sandwich. But, if I do say so myself I might get a salad afterwards depending on if I’m still hungry.”

“Blake!” I was frustrated and he wasn’t making it any better. “What are you…” I didn’t have to finish my thought. The sound of voices, familiar at that, drew me to realize that the reason they weren’t picking up was because they didn’t want me to know what they were thinking.

“Listen sweetheart,” I cringed as he spoke a term of endearment towards me. “I’ll have to call you back when I head this way again. Daddy’s gotta make some money, but I’ll be back, baby.”

He hung up before I could say anything edgewise. “Mom,” I called as I started back downstairs. “I’m going out. Meeting up with Stephen, he um wants to talk,” I said not waiting to hear what she had to say. I dialed him again. The phone rang continuously until I couldn't take it anymore. I had to save him, before he tried to save me.

&&

It took a few stops but I finally found them at Chipolte. In all honesty it should’ve been the first place I stopped at, but for some reason I couldn’t bring myself to admit he’d get involved like he promised he wouldn’t. So five stops after leaving home I pulled up next to his car. It didn’t take long to spot them all crowded together.

“Stephen!”

“Fuck,” he sighed. It was soft like he didn’t want me to hear it but I heard it nonetheless. “Reese, please go inside.”

“Stephen you promised, let’s just go.”

I wanted him to agree. I wanted him to nod his head, put his arm around my shoulders and walk away with me. I wanted him to not give Blake the time of day. He didn’t deserve it anyway. I guess we didn’t always get what we wanted though. He didn’t wrap me in his arms and we didn’t start walking away. He stood his ground. His only movement was to stand close to me.

“John, take Reese inside.”

“No! Stephen, please just come with me. He’s not worth it, he’s leaving. Just forget him, I have,” I reasoned.

“I don’t want to forget him and then have him walk back into my…our lives. I don’t want you to ever have to cross his path again. I just…Reese do this for me please,” he begged.

“Stephen, do this for me,” I countered. “I love you but I can’t watch you do this. And I certainly can’t let you,” I informed him. “Please, do the smart thing for me.”

“Yea, Stephen, do the smart thing.”

“Stay out of this,” I spat towards Blake. “Stephen, listen to me. He’s nothing, he’ll be nothing and he’ll remain nothing. What he did, who he is, that’s the past and I’ve put it away. Don’t drag this out. Don’t pull this out. Leave it in the closet. Let it be my skeleton and let it rot there. I’m begging you, Stephen.” And truthfully I was, begging that is. I wanted him to see how this was killing me. I wanted him to see that. He sighed and I watched him turn to face me, really face me. His hands moved to rest against my shoulders as he looked into my eyes with a hurt look resting against his face.

“I love you. I don’t want to do something that’s going to hurt you, but I can’t let him do this to you. He knows where you live he can come back. I want him to know that if he ever messes with you he’s got me to answer to. Reese, I just…I don’t want you to live with that skeleton forever coming back. That will kill me.”

“Stephen, every day that you’re here and that you’re around pushes this skeleton away. I love you for wanting to avenge me, but I would love you ten times that if you would just walk away. Do this for me.”

He groaned at the thought and I shuddered thinking that he was going to push it some more. I just wanted him to trust that I was fine. I needed him to do that. “I would move the world for you,” he said. He smiled and nodded as he leaned in to press his lips against mine. “Let’s go,” he said softly. He slid his arm around my shoulder turning towards the cars.

“Thanks Stephen.”

“Reese, baby, things were just getting good.” His arm tensed around my shoulders. “Come on baby girl, don’t leave mad.” I heard him laugh softly about that. “Stephen, look out for that one. She’s a little on the easy side. She started early and there’s just no tell—”

“You fucking son of a bitch!” Stephen shouted as he landed a punch against his jaw. “She was eight, you’re her father!”

And then all hell broke loose.

&&

“I’m sorry.”

I looked over at him from the window I leaned against. His head leaned against the pillow as he waited for some sort of response. I watched his chest rise and fall. I watched the IV slowly drip down the piping. I sighed and shook my head, “I don’t want to hear it, Stephen.”

“I’m gonna say it anyway. I’m sorry.”

“Stephen, you broke his arm. You’re sitting in a hospital bed right now. John is in surgery and Josh is getting his face stitched up. Stephen I asked you, begged you to just let it go and you couldn’t.”

“You don’t understand. When I heard him say that about you I couldn’t walk away. Reese, I won’t ever be able to walk away when someone makes a comment on your sexual endeavors. Mainly because if anyone is telling me how good you are in bed I’m going to go insane with jealousy. The fact that he took advantage of you when you were too young to tell him off and then talked about it in a somewhat casual manner pissed me off. I’m sorry but I can’t be the kind of guy to ignore when someone tries to hurt you verbally, emotionally, physically or any other kind of hurt. I just…I can’t.”

I nodded as best as I could. I wanted to understand where he was coming from. So, I did the next best thing. “I don’t understand where you’re coming from.”

“Reese, please—”

“Let me finish,” I said quickly. “I don’t understand where you’re coming from. But, I’ll try. I love you Stephen.”

He moved to sit up, wincing slightly as he readjusted. “Come here,” he said. I pushed off the window and walked towards him. His arms pulled me on the bed. “I would never do anything to upset you. I love you. And I’d do anything for you.”

“Promise me something. Promise me that you’ll get better soon.”

“What are you talking about? I’m practically out of this hospital and back to jamming on guitar.”

I laughed only because he made it so easy to love him. “I love you, Stephen.”

He leaned in to kiss my temple. “I love you, Reese.”