Here's My Heart

six months later

“How do you feel about the name George?”

Zack shrugs, his eyes not leaving his computer screen. His fingers tap on the table in no particular pattern and he hears Rian sigh loudly from the living room, meaning that he’s going to get up and come into the kitchen and annoy Zack. They’ve been together for nearly five years now. Zack knows him better than himself.

“This is important. It needs a name.”

“God, I don’t know,” Zack says exasperatedly, looking up from his laptop and finding Rian exactly where he expected him to be – two feet away. “Just name it Cosmo or something and quit bugging me.”

Rian pouts. “You should care more about our cat. It’s the first thing we will ever attempt to raise together and you don’t even care.”

“I don’t like cats,” Zack reminds him. “You know that. If you were smart and actually wanted me to acknowledge it, you would have picked a dog. Or even better, a hedgehog. I always wanted one of those and you were fully aware of that when you went to the pet store.”

“But…Come on, just look at him!”

The next instant there’s a white ball of fur being shoved into his face and Zack leans as far back in his chair as he can in an attempt to avoid it because seriously he fucking hates cats. “Get that thing away from me. It’s probably dirty.”

Pulling the small kitten back to his chest, Rian frowns. “You’re such a dick. Why do I love you?”

“Hopefully you can answer that for yourself because I don’t have time to go on about how awesome I am.” He looks back to his laptop, the word ‘child’ in the article he’s reading jumping out at him and suddenly he remembers something. “Shit. Are the kids still in Jasey’s room? I haven’t heard a word from them in like, a half hour.”

Still frowning and still keeping the white kitten close to him, Rian shakes his head. “I have no idea. But the fact that we haven’t heard from them is concerning.”

“Should I go check on them…?”

“You’re the babysitter. I’m going to go play with my cat.”

“Yeah whatever. I’ll check on them in a few minutes.”

He goes back to reading his article for class, skimming through the paragraphs and not actually really reading them. It’s his last semester. He’s doing well in all of his classes. Slacking off isn’t too bad of him. He’ll just have to go over it again tomorrow before the quiz and he’ll be fine.

As he starts the very last paragraph, he feels someone tap on his shoulder and he assumes that it’s Rian so he looks up with an irritated look to show the older boy that he definitely does not want to see the cat again. However, instead he sees Jasey. The five year old is kneeling on the chair beside him, eyes wide as she tries to catch her breath and push her bangs back. Delaney is kneeling right beside her, her black hair up in a high pony tail. She doesn’t look nearly as concerned as Jasey does.

“Why are you out of breath? Were you running?” Zack is quick to ask, putting his hand on her arm. “Do you need your inhaler?”

“No,” She states, shaking her head. “Kenny’s bleeding and if you don’t get him a band-aid right now he’s going to die!”

Alarmed, Zack peers around the side of the chair, finding the four year old standing there biting his lip, one hand covering a spot on his arm. “What happened, buddy?” Zack stands up, walking around the chair and crouching down to Kennedy’s level. “Move your hand so I can see.”

“J-Jasey didn’t do anything,” he’s quick to say, and that only makes Zack think Jasey did something even more but he won’t say anything because it’s not worth it. He’s just their babysitter not their parent. When Kennedy moves his hand, Zack is relieved to see that it’s only a little scratch and it’s barely bleeding and Jasey is just as overdramatic as Alex is.

“I’ll put a band-aid on it for you, okay?”

After he’s done tending to the small cut and listening to Jasey’s demands that he use one of the Toy Story band-aids, the three of them stand there in the middle of the kitchen, admiring it. Jasey starts naming off all the characters and Delaney stands there quietly on the tips of her toes, trying to get the best possible view. Zack’s eyes linger on her, taking in her features and wondering how the hell none of them take after him. Or Rian. She has thin black hair and bright blue eyes and a face that more resembles Ryan than her biological parents. Ryan has insisted over and over that children are more likely to take after their grandparents in the looks department and Zack knows that he’s right because his mom had black hair and his father had blue eyes but. Still.

But then again, maybe it’s best that she doesn’t look anything like them. Zack doesn’t regret his decision to give her up – not at all. She didn’t belong with them. She belonged to Ryan and Brendon from the second she was born and that’s just the way it was. But, biologically she’s Zack’s daughter and sometimes it sucks to see that she’s not going to take after him or Rian at all – so far, at least.

Sighing, Zack throws away the wrapper from the band-aid and puts the box back into the ‘first aid cabinet’ that Alex has labeled because he’s a freak like that. He hears Jasey and Kennedy and Delaney leave the room, Jasey saying something about playing Candy Land but he’s not entirely sure if he heard correctly.

“You’d make a good doctor,” Rian says, sating in the kitchen doorway as he watches Zack put the things away. Beside him on the floor is the nameless kitten and Zack glares at it.

“I don’t think putting band-aids on small cuts would make me qualified to be a doctor, RI.”

Rian shrugs, moving closer and wrapping his arms around Zack’s waist and pressing their foreheads together. “Maybe not. You know what it would make you, though?”

“No.”

“A good dad.”

Zack smiles shyly, “Doubt it.”

“I’m serious. You would. Once we’re done with school and settled into new jobs and a place of our own… Maybe we could start a family and we won’t have to be the designated babysitters anymore.”

“Well, we’re both going to be done with school in May and you already have a job. Why haven’t we started looking for a place? We could go this weekend…”

“I didn’t suggest it because I wasn’t sure if you wanted to. But we can definitely go looking this weekend. Just tell Alex we won’t be around to babysit.”

“Okay. I’m keeping you to your word. We’re getting up early Saturday morning and I don’t want to hear you complaining.”

“What if I only complain half as much as I usually do?”

Zack pauses, pretending to think about it for a second before shaking his head. “No. No complaining at all or I’m not sleeping with you for a week. And I don’t just mean sex – I mean you’re not even allowed in our bed.”

“Oh, come on!”

“Nope. I’m serious.”

“And what if I don’t complain? What do I get then?”

“Sex whenever you want? I don’t know,” Zack shrugs and pulls away from his boyfriend, heading back over to the table to finish up his article. “You can pick. I have to finish this before the guys get home from their triple date and everything gets loud again.”

Rian smiles, leaning over the chair so he can wrap his arms around Zack’s shoulders. “I love you,” he mumbles.

“Love you-” Zack stops mid-sentence, feeling something rubbing against his leg. “Rian. I swear if you don’t get that cat away from me, I will open the front door in the middle of the night and let it go. I swear. Don’t make me prove it to you.”

“You’re heartless! I don’t want kids with you anymore, God.” He bends down and picks the cat up from the floor, cuddling it close to him. “You’d probably make them sleep outside.”

“Kids are different. I’ll just make you sleep outside with your cat and me and our children will sleep in the house.”

- - -

At eight months pregnant, Alex isn’t exactly always in the best moods. He’s easily irritable and often too emotional to be considered normal and sometimes he just kind of wants to lock himself in his room and lay in bed all day. But he really can’t do that, because he has a husband and a daughter who constantly call for his attention for every little thing and it’s almost as if they can’t do anything without his approval or consent or something so. Yeah. He has to leave his room.

However, on this particular Saturday morning, getting out of bed is proving to be a rather good thing to do today. Because the second he steps into the hallway, there’s the distinct smell of pancakes and bacon and suddenly everything is wonderful and today is going to be the best day ever. It just is.

“Jack?” he calls out as he walks – well, actually he’s kind of waddling by now but that’s beside the point – down the stairs and pushes open the swinging door to the kitchen. Instead of seeing Jack at the counter, like he expected, he finds someone he hasn’t seen in quite a while and definitely did not expect to see any time soon. “Butcher! What are you doing here? Who let you in?”

Butcher turns around, showing off his signature smile and his kind eyes and Alex will admit that he’s really missed the guy since he and Sisky moved to Brooklyn. Sure, he saw them at Christmas but even that was nearly five months ago.

“Well,” He starts, flipping over a pancake in the frying pan. “Seeing as Caleb is due pretty much any day now and you’re due in three weeks, Sisky and I figured we should come back down here and chill. Like the old days. You know.”

Alex grins, sliding into a seat at the table. “Well, it’s awesome to have you guys here for a while. Where’s Sisky…and Jack? And my daughter? Normally they’re both running around here like crazy.”

“Oh Sisky’s taking advantage of your guest bedroom. I guess you didn’t notice on your way down the steps but yeah. He’s in there probably sleeping. And Jack was the one who let me in but then he left with Jasey to get bagels or something because apparently you really like bagels. I dunno.”

“Oh. Well I’m in the mood for pancakes.”

He takes the plate with three pancakes on it that Butcher offers him and drowns them in syrup, wanting to eat them before Jack gets back. He doesn’t quite approve of Alex’s sugar intake lately and the syrup will definitely not sit well with him and Alex will have to hear about it for days. He’d rather not, thanks.

“So how’s the art gallery?” He questions through a mouthful of pancakes.

Butcher laughs as he turns the stove off and puts the last pancake onto a large plate and setting it in the middle of the table beside the plate of bacon. “It’s not bad. Business has been picking up lately so we were able to splurge on a plane ticket down here.” He sits down and runs a hand over his head and that’s when Alex notices the shiny gold ring on his finger. He knew that he and Sisky had had a really small ceremony – like, literally just his parents and Sisky’s – but it was still a little weird to finally see the ring.

“Well that’s awesome.”

Butcher smiles again and leans forward on his forearms. “So. We know Caleb’s having a boy, seeing as he’s been sending me emails every three days updating me on his pregnancy. But do we know what you’re having?”

“Oh. Well originally, we weren’t gonna find out but then the doctor kinda slipped up and told us by mistake a few weeks ago,” Alex says. “It’s a boy, too.”

“Sweet! Two new nephews. It’s about time Kennedy had some boys to hang out with. Jasey and Delaney probably drive him crazy.”

“Actually, they get along pretty well. It’s kind of funny – Jasey bosses them both around. Kennedy just does what she says and Delaney mostly just acts as the voice of reason.”

“You realize I’m betting on Jasey and Kenny getting married when they’re older, yeah? I’m pretty sure everyone is.”

“Don’t be stupid. They’re way too different.”

“That’s what they say, man- opposites attract.”

- - -

“Daddy I wanna see the baby.”

“You are seeing him, sweetie. He’s right there-”

“Can we go in there?” Jasey presses her fingers against the glass window, pouting when Jack shakes his head.

“No. But maybe they’ll bring him into Caleb’s room and you can see him then. But for now we can only see him from out here.”

Jack tightens his grip on Jasey’s waist as she continues to frown, upset that she’s not getting her way. He watches through the glass window, Alex standing beside him, admiring the baby boy closest to them. One of the nurses in the room sort of smiles at them as she tapes on a name card to the small crib. It’s been a full two hours since he was born and it took that long for Caleb and Kyle to come up with a name.

“Aw, baby Landon,” Alex coos, leaning into Jack’s side. “He’s adorable. What do you think Jasey?”

The five year old shrugs. “Where’s Kennedy?”

With a laugh, Jack turns them away from the window. The only thing she’s concerned about would be Kennedy. They’re best friends and whenever they’re apart, they’re always asking for the other. Their relationship is kind of funny to Jack. Jasey’s small for her age and Kennedy, although he’s a little more than a year younger, is the same size. Jasey’s bossy and Kennedy is so laid back yet somehow it just works.

“Should we go see where he is?” Alex asks, rubbing her back as they walk down the hall. “Do you think he’s excited about his new baby brother?”

Ignoring him completely, Jasey asks, “When do I get my baby sister?”

“Jasey, we told you. The baby’s not a girl. It’s a boy.”

“Can I dress him up like a girl? Amanda in my class does that to her baby brother and her mommy says it’s ok!”

“Uh,” Jack laughs as they stop in front of the room Caleb was assigned to. “We’ll think about. Right?” He smiles at Alex who just rolls his eyes and presses his back against the door to open it. Jack winks at Jasey and she giggles, hiding her face in his shoulder. Jack likes the moments when she’s actually sweet and not a little devil.

- - -

Later on that night, after both Rian and Zack came home from their apartment hunting and brought dinner back with them, Alex is watching TV in his room. Jack hates when he’s on his feet too much because he claims that it puts unnecessary stress on their baby and although Alex knows he’s right, it sucks that he’s really not allowed to do anything on his own. But, Jack really does have a reason to be overly cautious this time around. They almost lost Jasey because of stress last time. They don’t want to go through that again.

Even with the TV on, Alex can hear Jack, Butcher, Sisky and Rian and Zack playing Monopoly in the living room. He hopes their obnoxiousness doesn’t wake Jasey, who’s sleeping comfortably next to him. Lately, she’s become a little bit more dependent on Alex and always needs to be close to him somehow. He guesses it’s stemming from the fact that there’s going to be another baby in the house and she probably feels a little neglected but he tries as much as he possibly can to prevent her from feeling that way.

It’s gonna be a bit weird for everyone once the baby is born and they bring him home. It’s only been him and Jack and Jasey for the past five years. Plus Rian and Zack but they don’t really count much. Alex just hopes that he’ll be able to handle it all – the stress, the financial situations, his relationship with both Jasey and Jack as well as the new baby (who, will likely be named Connor, if Jack has his way). He’s nervous, if he’s honest. Not in a bad way, though. He’s not sure how exactly to explain it but. Yeah. Nervous. But really, he won’t be alone. Kyle and Caleb will be going through the same thing and they can help each other out.

Oh. And he has Jack, too. Jack can get him through anything.